>So lonely I've started pretending that someone is in the room with me when I'm playing games/watching TV, and they ask questions which I then spend time answering
>Smallest thing makes me angry
>Drinking more and more
What about you robots?
>>28848006
At least you have company.
I speak with myself.
>Need to listen to the tv or else I'm not able to sleep
>Everyday I think of: killing myself, beating "people" on the street, breaking the glasses of big rich stores
>getting more and more delusional
>drinking more and more
>>28848094
What sucks as well is the more you drink, the more you need over time to get the same numb feeling.
>>28848094
>>Everyday I think of: killing myself, beating "people" on the street, breaking the glasses of big rich stores
iktf very well
I don't know why it happens
I just want to violently beat most people I see on the street
But also I want to be beat myself
Why
>stare at the floor
>think about how I'm a three dimensional object sitting in a certain space at a given time
>makes me feel sad
>makes me feel happy at the same time
>brain says I should be excited
>heart says I should be mad
>can't settle for a single emotion
>keep drinking in hopes to find some meaning to things
>not working
>>28848006
>So lonely I've started pretending that someone is in the room with me when I'm playing games/watching TV, and they ask questions which I then spend time answering
I know this feel. There's a point where I think people are actually there and whenever my brain realized it's not real, I just sat by myself in silence
>>28848006
i know this feel
>mathematical and critical thinking ability have eroded away due to me not doing anything mentally stimulating in my years of NEETdom
>can spend hours in bed doing nothing thanks to maladaptive daydreaming
>occasionally talk to myself and vocalize my thoughts. voice usually sounds frail
>for some reason just hearing the sound of a girls voice is nice
just got out of a mental hospital for suicidal depression/cutting. Was feeling okay during all the therapy and coddling, but now I'm out and the quetiapine just makes me lethargic and hungry. Shit can cause diabetes weight gain and gynechomastia. Just flushed all that shit down the toilet, and now I'm cutting and 420 blazing again.Also spending time there has me behind on rent, and left me with crazy bills. Life is meaningless, so I'll just feed my Id until I off myself.
>>28848158
Mostly males your age, if you're like me. Not chads, but regular normies OR richfags. Blue collar and poorfucks are on our side, unattractive females are to be mocked and attractive ones to be admired. I'm already in the eyeballing phase, sometimes dropping ashes from the cigarette in their cars. I already hit myself occasionally.
>>28848307
It's like that scene in Nightcrawler when Jake Gyllenhall is looking at an invisible person before laughing at the TV.
Weird
>>28848336
>mathematical and critical thinking ability have eroded away due to me not doing anything mentally stimulating in my years of NEETdom
This is very worrying for me. I try to read a lot but I'm not sure how good that is to keep your brain active. I even think about looking up online school tests to do to keep the brain busy, but I'm worried I'll do shit and have my suspicions confirmed
>>28848006
describes me pretty well too OP
>>28848006
I giggle randomly in public out of despair and talk to myself, I want vengeance on society, I hope it all collapses under its corruption and decadence and moral apathy
I pretty much have to constantly keep myself distracted with something or else my depression and anxiety come crashing back in. I'm also big on "substitution" as a relax method. Basically it's just a glorified way of saying use your imagination to envision something better. Problem is all I do is this in order to survive and it makes you really feel detached from reality after awhile. I feel like I'm literally living minute by minute. I can't even think ahead very far because everything seems so fucked up. I just try to live in small increments in order to keep going but it's really hard.
>>28849565
This is exactly me. Highly impulsive, and can't keep myself present cause depression hurts too much.
>drink when I wake up until I fall asleep
>sleep 15 hours a day
>skip class
>constantly fantasize about a world I made up
Help
>>28848120
>What sucks as well is the more you drink, the more you need over time to get the same numb feeling.
this is total shit advice but ill go 2 weeks smoking weed, then 2 weeks drinking, then 2 weeks taking painkillers, etc, to avoid building up too much of a tolerance to any one thing.
>>28848006
I just want it all to go away at this point. I need to destroy myself as soon as possible but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.
>>28850346
I'm just going to straight up /blog/
>attempted suicide twice
>they won't let me die
>go on meds
>used to be hot because I wouldn't eat
>meds give me a crazy appetite and acne
>gain 50 pounds
>friends start to leave me
>realize they only liked me because I was a hot roastie slut
>now fat with no sex drive so they don't want me around
>become alcoholic
>in prestigious University but it all feels meaningless and I'm constantly skipping class and failing assignments
>started throwing up a few months ago to try to lose weight so I could have friends again
>teeth are deteriorating because of smoking, alcohol, tea/coffee, and stomach acid
>constantly imagine I am the empress of a fantasy world
>when not fantasizing I marathon movies or anime
>just spent $170 on a shit haircut and was too beta to complain
What do I even do at this point? I would kill myself but I'm going to Japan soon so I think I'll kill myself after I live out my weeb dreams
>move into parents attic because drug addict
>never leave
>shit-post all day
>start drinking heavely
>sleep all day
>shit-post all night
>constantly think my past failures, can't get away
>I'm stuck in my head
>suicide is the only way out
live the dream anons
>>28850461
attention whore. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
lol jk i think I'm in love. Here's a dinosaur for ya, babe
>>28850461
fucking women, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
This thread is proof gov't mandated gf's would save cities money in damages and violent crime
Society need to address this problem they're oblivious to
>>28850574
Whys she get a dinosaur and i don't? I'm a guy but I'd appreciate the fuck out of a leopluradon
>>28848006
>talk out loud as if there's an audience watching me
>giving advice thinking I'm a knowledge person to literally no one
>get extremely depressed when my friends can't hang out, don't respond, or have other plans without me
>just woke up not long ago
tried applying for work recently hoping that will put me straight, but haven't gotten a call back, like usual.
>>28850655
ROAR!
here is one for you, anon
So what makes you robos upset? Not having a gf, not having a job, or not having company?
>>28850678
Ty bby :^)(^: :^)(^:even this I wanted a different one than she got
>>28850702
I am mostly just stuck on my past mistakes, I have had opportunity's most people will never have. Yet I threw them all away.
Can't turn my brain off, can't get away from myself and my thoughts.
How could someone as pitiable as me exist?
The worst part is I'm not pitied by others. I imagine that I come off as a fairly normal person, considering I'm treated just fine by others. I don't deserve their good treatment, do I? Perhaps they're patronizing me. I can find some solace when I imagine that's the case.
>>28850461
>girl
>attempted suicide
>not only once but twice
Everytime
>>28850718
oraginal commento
>>28850731
This is cliche, but everyone makes mistakes and everyone has regrets. There is no one who has died with no regrets. What you need to do is just try and move past them. This is all cliche shit because its true. Just bury that shit in the past, and do your best to not think about it. It'll be tough to do, but its all you can do unless you can try and fix whatever you fucked up.
Also, you might not but a lot of robots seem to drink and I doubt that helps. Isn't alcohol a depressant?
>>28850808
Don't know if this is legit or not but my counselor once condoned my drinking because I was so depressed alcohol acted as an upper for me
>>28848006
I've started all of these things too familia. Gotta take whatever comfort we can get.
>skipping depression medication because being sad makes the day go faster
>skipping meals because im lazy
>eating garbage and gradually becoming a fatass
>wake up literally minutes before i have to run to work, call out of shifts "sick" because of this sometimes
>spend time mentally thinking of new ideas for video game shit, never do anything with it
>hate spending time with most people i know and fantasize about telling them off
>getting pissed at the weirdest things
>getting pissed at lol so kwerky xD types that i know irl who have successful social lives and are surrounded by people they love and i just want to beat the shit out of the one guy with the epik beard xD and his piece of shit bitchy girlfriend
>drinking constantly and can't stop drinking.
>can't sleep at a normal time because body just won't fucking let me. brain always find a reason to justify staying up
yeah guess it's slipping a little
nearly had a violent outburst over a captcha glitching up. time to go back to therapy
>>28850848
Well isn't there the stereotype of "I'm sad cause I drink, I drink cause I'm sad" kind of thing. Like you become an alcoholic cause your mom died, but now you're an alcoholic cause you're an alcoholic?
Either way, it seems a lot of /r9k/ drinks and is also depressed.
>>28850888
oh also i've got a sub 3.0 gpa, graduating a semeseter late, retaking a class, and seeing all of these successful people around me makes me want to kill myself. if i see another fucking graduation picture with someone bragging about their 4.0 or whatever i'm going to just do it already because i can never recover from a failure as long as jackasses like this run the world and never stop masturbating to the fact that they were good at college.
>Want to drink to make the pain go away
>Already aging badly from stress and don't want to make it worse
>>28850926
How many years have you been going and what are you graduating with? I know people with almost 120 credits who haven't worked on their major yet. Heck, I'm graduating I think sub 3.0 and it'll be like 5 years in college when I do.
>>28848006
Why dont you just get a gf?
>drinking is the only thing that stops the flashbacks
>therapy didn't work, self-esteem leads me to believe they don't give a fuck
>lied about homicidal urges that led to a breakdown in college and don't have to take anti-depressants
>tfw finding more reasons to drink
>>28850984
4 so far. will be 4 and a half by the time that i'm done. graduating with a bs in IT stuff with a focus on business and a minor in english so i could still satisfy my inner libarts fag. i know there are people way worse off than me (i know some dumbass who spent 8 years on an art degree from my college - which while a good college, isn't known for its arts), but fuck man do i never see them.
>>28850926
>Bragging about grades in college
>When employers only care about work experience and connections
I know tons of normies that never worked a job all throughout college and get rejected because of it.
They laughed when I worked fast food for 3 years. Now I'm laughing.
>>28851017
forgot to mention that my gpa will probably be a 2.7 if all goes really, really well. worst case is probably 2.6. above a 2.5 at least, but still disqualifies me from a lot of jobs off the bat.
i've got a chance if i put my major gpa down since it's a 3.6 or so, but fuck does it feel bad to look around and see most of my peers exceeding me.
>>28851017
Then you're fine. A lot of people graduate with around 5 years due to transferring fucking over your credits, so you'll be fine.
>>28851048
Just see if you can intern or something, try to make a few connections if you can before you graduate, at least try to get buddy buddy with a teacher or two.
>>28851047
>>28851070
thanks guys. feel like an idiot needing to be reminded of this stuff but it feels good to see others getting out of the same situation or offering advice at least.
>>28850808
thanks for advice, it was good, I'll work on thin king about it less and less
>>28851086
I failed a class for the first time in college and called my dad crying like a faggot telling him how much of a failure I am and that I was going to sell most of my shit and join the army.
>>28851119
If you do think about it, just remember that everyone regrets something. A lot,
>>28851086
Dude, I know a guy that went to engineering school and couldn't even get basic shit at mcdonald's because he was too "overqualified".
There was also a war vet who went to the mcdonald's I worked at after serving two tours, decided to do something a little less strenuous and ended up leaving in 3 days due to being treated like garbage.
It's rough, man.
>>28851070
Internships are great if you can land them.
They're pretty fucking awful though.
>>28850808
>tfw you burry your shit so deep in the past it's causing unrelated stress and anxiety
It helps, but some days are just brutal.
Fuck therapy.
>>28851086
Literally maybe two people out of like the 10 math tutors I work with are on time. If that. On time for Bachelors, let alone anything more, at a college where up to 2/3rds of graduates are on time.
>>28851132
>I failed a class for the first time in college and called my dad crying like a faggot telling him how much of a failure I am and that I was going to sell most of my shit and join the army.
You are a bitch nigger. Pic related.
>>28848336
I know a diabetic guy who went blind in his twenties. After dropping out of Audio Engineering (lol I can't see shit) he did nothing for around twelve years. Went back to get his MS in Math/Statistics.
CC's are great because the environment is waaaaaaaaaaaay less normie than uni. For some of my classes almost a third of the students were over 30. I've literally tutored people nearly three times my age.
>>28851211
Well it was the first time I ever failed a class you nig. When you've been going to school for your whole life and you basically fuck up your life's work (kek) its kind of depressing.
>>28851263
>>28851211
Also I never said I didn't regret doing it either.
>had a group project due today that would have taken me hardly 30 mins to finish everything
>decide to stay up late finishing it up
>end up shitposting the entire night instead
>feel like shit
>had time to finish it in first period, so I emailed the PowerPoint to my phone
>check inbox
>i didn't get the email somehow
>the email was also the only way I could get the project turned in on time, otherwise it's a 70
>tell group members about it
>they get pretty pissed at me
>they want me to drive off campus to my house to resend the email
>try to leave, but there is a guard rail or gate at every exit
>next the group members tell me to call my parents to get an excuse out of school
>no response from either
>I get ultra triggered and can't even show up to 2nd or 3rd period
>3rd period was when the project was due
>Tfw you're 19 and you still don't have your shit together
>Tfw you let your whole group down
Now it's 11:34 and I can't motivate myself to finish the rest of the project for a 70 at best
What is wrong with me?
>go to guitar lesson
>fantasize about being interviewed for being part of a famous rock n roll band
>play vidya
>fantasize about streaming on twitch with friends i don't have cracking jokes and being really funny
>start up a website to make some money on the side
>fantasize about being interviewed for breaking the world record for how much a website can generate in revenues
It's not just stuff centered on me sometimes I just start daydreaming I'm out with friends and we're all having a good time. It gets so intense that sometimes I feel genuinely bad that those friends don't actually exist when I snap out of it.
my mind is slipping.
i just ironically fapped to this. help me god
>>>/b/686383489
I'm talking to myself a lot, and I'm day dreaming way too much.
I can spend days just staring at my ceiling imagining myself doing things. I sometimes skip eating so I don't have to stop.
>smallest thing makes me angry
i've been developing anger issues too recently. i get mad pretty easily, and when i get mad, i have an urge to punch something. i used to punch my head and my laptop screen but i stopped because i worried about my brain and my screen started to look pretty damaged
i've moved on to punching my chest, my keyboard, my desk, and the walls of my room now
there's this weird liquid that tastes vaguely like blood in my throat right now
I've been generally lost inside my head for the better part of my life probably since I have a stutter and communication with anyone is awful. Not like the sssssssally kind of stutter, the kind where the word flow is inturupted and I get blocks. I was blessed with good looks and I somewhat generally like who I am but any attempt to socially assert myself is agonizing so I mostly avoid it. I've deleted all social media and spend most of my time alone playing video games or exploring weird music. Very very few people have spent enough time with me to really know who I am and that fucks me up knowing I can never even be myself
So most of my life is spent alone or fantasizing about the things I could do if I could talk. I get looks and approached from Stacey's all the time but I mostly shrug it off and keep alone since I don't want to embarrass myself. I ride the physical confidence that I've achieved and think of all the things I could have done/said to her as I lay alone at home crying and jacking off
Can't get a job either. My life is fucking garbage
>realizing my childhood abuse still affects me
>realizing that most introverts aren't as introverted as I am
>new job where I have to be friendly with others, slowly pushing me over the edge
I don't know what to do.
>>28851501
Know those feels anon
>>28848006
I drink kind of a lot, haven't had a good night's sleep in a week, don't really go outside, have gained a lot of weight over the last 6 months, have very few friends anymore.
>>28848094
Im sorry comrade
Life is cruel
But death is the worst thing
People pretend its not an utter horror
> inb4 when death is you are not
>>28848223
Become a conceptual or installation artist
You sound like alexander calder
I'm pretty glad I can't afford alcohol to be honest
>>28850392
That's actually a wise idea.
If substance abuse is your forte.
Poly-drug use can be manageable, so long as you're disciplined enough.
