Help me.
I've been in therapy since I was a toddler for PTSD and OCD and I'm still going to a psychologist and psychiatrist today. I've made improvement, but have been diagnosed as medicine resistant and therapy isn't helping me anymore. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that plague my every moment and I have sanitation compulsions to deal with the intrusive thoughts. I have nightmares every night from the PTSD and can never get a good night's sleep. I've been to the psychiatric hospital 5 times in the last 4 years.
I think I want to die, but I also have visions of the future, of getting married and having kids. Am I fundamentally broken and should kill myself or should I continue on this uphill battle and keep suffering?
>>28840503
I'm not sure anon. I don't know you. Do you honestly think your life is salvageable? Weigh your reason against your emotion. A life of suffering is not worth living, no matter how badly your hope speaks to you. Do not suffer for the sake of false hope.
>>28840615
> A life of suffering is not worth living
Then my decision is made for me, isn't it? I don't know how much longer I'll have to fight, and I don't know how much energy I have left.
Why do you have PTSD desu?
>>28841308
I had a crazy parent who did some really depraved stuff when I was a toddler
>>28840503
I can completely and 100% relate to your experiences OP and I have to tell you, it's very difficult to decide whether a life like this is worth living or not.
On one hand, no one can ever know the full extent of your suffering, you will never be able to explain away the decades spent in therapy that everyone else was using to develop their social lives, careers, financial situations, etc. and there is no guarantee that you will even get better with therapy and medication. On the other hand, if you do get better even in the smallest capacity your life may be worth living.
Have you tried exposure therapy with an experienced psychologist? What medications have you been on? What were your hospitalizations like? What gets you out of bed in the morning?
Most importantly, and I need you to be completely, 100%, brutally honest here: Do you WANT to get better?
>>28841855
bumping his thread in the vain hope that OP comes back
>>28840503
I *wish* I had been put in therapy when I was a toddler. At least I maybe wouldn't be a robot then.
>>28841855
To answer your question, I've been in all types of therapy, including exposure and hypnosis, with all sorts of people. My current psychologist at the moment is actually also a neurologist and I trust her.
I've been diagnosed medication resistant because I've been through every class of medication with no luck. I'm actually on 3 very heavy medications right now and are still having regular panic attack. My psychiatrist calls me a "medicine sponge"
My hospitalizations were very good with one being very bad, I thoroughly enjoy being on a schedule there and frequently socializing with other people.
Nothing gets me up in the morning. I don't even get up in the morning. I go to pee and come back to bed, and if I have an appointment I shower.
Do I want to get better? I want the intrusive thoughts to stop, I want to get off the medication and not have a psychotic episode, I want to have a normal relationship with my family and my future family, I want to hold down a job. Is that getting better?
>>28844414
That's getting better, m8. I really hope that you can find something that works for you. I am in a very similar boat as you- have tried every medication under the sun, every kind of shrink, almost every kind of therapy. Exposure therapy is helping with my intrusive thoughts, though. I'm not sure why it didn't work for you but I'm sure there must be something very important that stopped it from helping you. I wish I had more helpful words to say, but all I can really do is wish you the best of luck. I really hope you keep trying to help yourself.
