Chad here.
Goodbye /r9k/.
I am 97% sure I just swallowed a Brown Recluse spider. I will likely be dead from either necrosis or asphyxiation in my windpipe, very soon.
It was nice knowing you. I'll answer any life questions you guys may have for me.
>>28778581
Boxers or briefs?
Will you join my minecraft server and play with me until it happens? p-please. I'm lonely.
Chug alcohol now. Like you've never chugged before.
>>28778613
briefs every day
What a way to go lad!
What would you do if you dropped out of Uni December 2015, BUT you have another chance to go back in September 2016
Tips? Advice? I want to make Uni the best experience possible
>I've got a gf though so
I'm pretty sure they have to bite you, not the other way around, for you to die. Anyway, healthy adults should be able to handle a bite, its only kids and old people that have problems.
>>28778581
Knowing a Chad might die has made my day a little but better
>>28778616
I've played 4craft before, but i'd have toset everything up again.
>>28778618
I'm already drinking rum. It's making me more calm, but not by much. I just finished crying
>>28778621
Go back. You'll have to quickly learn to disregard faggots who tell you you NEED to graduate by 22. Those are retards who dont know shit about life
Go to the hospital. Tell them what you think happened. Right now.
>>28778642
Brown recluse spiders fuck peoples shit up no matter what age you idiot. If OP swallowed that spider and its venom got into him in any way, he is fucked, and not just just fucked, I mean quadruple fucked.
He will likely die horribly
go to the hospital you stupid faggot
stiff them on the fucking bill after you make sure you won't die
>>28778663
>>28778680
It's already too late but I suppose I can call them. It's been an hour since I swallowed it
Do you have any regrets?
>>28778693
How did you swallow it?
>>28778581
Brown recluse tasted pretty much like french fries but with much less grease and salt.
That being said, they are not poisonous just because they have venom so you're probably safe if you just ingested it and it didn't bite you. Its venom won't work in your stomach, the acid will take care of that shit.
-What are your Chad credentials, I need to know how much to wish death upon you
-How the fuck did you swallow a spider
>>28778693
YES DUMBFUCK DIAL POISON CONTROL AND GOOGLE THE NUMBER IN YOUR AREA
ALSO CALL 9-11 AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL, THE BUG IS MOST LIKELY DEAD AS FUCK BUT YOU MAY HAVE BEEN ATUNG AND CAN AND WILL SURVIVE IF YOU GO
Show penis with timestamp please
>>28778731
better question
why the fuck did he swallow it?
Yeah, how did this happen?
>>28778731
First he ate a fly, It jiggled and wiggled and tickled inside him.
So he swallowed a Spider to catch the fly.
>>28778777
I don't know why he swallowed that fly. Perhaps he'll die.
CALL 911 YOU DUMB FAGGOT
>>28778777
>Not swallowing a bird to catch the spider
>>28778707
I never got to make out with a polynesian woman. I never got to skydive. I never got to travel to more than two states. I never experienced being rich. I never got to have my own house. I never got to really get into parkour. Never got to own a pet capybara. Never got to beat up a slut from /r9k/ (fuck the girls on this board, seriously, they are evil)
>>28778731
Left a drink in the corner and reflexively took a sip. I felt spindly legs going down my throat when I took a sip. When I forced myself to blow chunks I saw a small spider mashed up in my vomit. Its markings and size are completely analogous to a brown recluse
nigger call 911
Don't die Chad, we need your genes :(
>>28778796
It's not even in you anymore, you're fine. Leave this board now.
Chad is deadoriginal comentario
>>28778731
>not drinking out of a sippy cup
deserved it tbqhfam
>>28778761
>roastie this blasted because one of the sacred 20% is on the verge of death
L O L, one more hot guy down, 80 more ugly guys born ;]
>>28779560
>Being this edgyOriginal Comment You Niggers
Chad is dead and the spider killed him.
