you've got a bad case of the weepies, and you like asian girls
can't say i blame you, friend

>>28757386
I don't what the weepies Implies but man I'm trying not to be a pussy. I don't cry. I really try to work this out.

I do like Asian girls, but it's this one single asian girl that gets me every time.

>>28757439
haha, i didn't mean to imply you're being a pansy, i just think "weepies" is a funny way to refer to depression
maybe shes hitting that perfect spot in your head where like every single feature looks appealing to you
its probably something that doesn't -need- a reason, y'know?

>>28757351

>Pretty much the only reason I don't kill myself is because a family member told me he would be devastated and immediately kill himself in response, which would fuck over his entire family. Also, I don't feel like being hospitalized for the 5 billionth time if I fuck up.

>>28757565
I bet you didn't. I know you didn't. It's my fucked up state that even had me consider that.
I need a reason. I'm married, happily most of the time and I want to put a bullet in my head.

Is it because I can't have her? Is it because she's a false representation of my desires? I went through a shitposter phase three years back where I never left my room for anything but work or food, and I crushed on her hard back then.

I really just think I should shoot myself sometimes.

>>28757650
I don't like how they try to guilt you into feeling better.

>>28757659
i getcha on the mind stuff, every little comment can look like a personal attack, its awful. also i don't know if "married happily" and "want to put a bullet in my head", uh.. make sense in the same sentence

i don't know if i can figure out the reason since it seems like its all inside you. if you were crushin' on this girl when you were at what i assume is your lowest point, maybe its a habit to look back to her to bring yourself back up out of the sadness

>>28757794
Well, I'm not always like this. It's like an episode. I switch back to that old me from my lowest point. I still love my wife very much. One of the reasons I feel like killing myself is so that she doesn't have to deal with me. I feel like no matter if I stay a poor fucker or get successful some kind of mental sickness will follow me and her.

It hurts my head to not know, and it terrifies me, so far not enough for me to actually kill myself because suicide is much more horrifying at this point, but my emotions are getting worse.

>>28757884
those are some rough thoughts. if you and this girl went to the trouble of getting married, theres no doubt she cares enough about you that some mental issues wouldn't bother her.

i think i missed a connecting point somewhere, are your feelings for this asian girl causing you emotional trouble because you feel like its disloyal to your wife?

also, how did you end up married? are you older?

>>28758010
It's not some mental issues. These things happen all the time in different ways, it's just this one is so fucking troubling to me that It bothers me the most.

Im feeling of this porn star. I don't know why, I don't want to, but I do. Not real feelings, I guess she's just attractive in that odd way, and I don't want to think about it but I can't stop myself, and then I feel disloyal to my wife.

She's Chinese. We married young. I was 21. I'm almost 23

>>28758191
finding other people attractive is totally normal, and it seems like you've had some 'history' with liking this girl in the picture

sometimes people have bad thoughts, and thats fine. the only bad people are the ones who /act/ on those thoughts

>>28758385

I did I fell into some weird crush with her that I've since gotten out of except when I get this depression

>>28757351
I'm not reading this gay blog thread but I want to say I highly recommend her VDD film
Its excellent

>>28758423
its possible that you find this girl more attractive than your wife, but you can ignore those feelings when you're happy. does your wife know about this depressive stuff and suicidal stuff, or are you keeping this all a secret?

>>28758466
Thanks and fuck you too.
>>28758511
She knows all about it. My wife is beautiful.

>>28758466
You have a link fag?

>>28758562
i think i get it now.
your wife knows about the depression stuff, but she doesn't know that you have these old feelings for this porn star, right? you must feel guilty and embarrassed because telling her about it could cause problems.

have you ever had any ex-girlfriends? i think its normal for people to continue having feelings for ex's, even if their "relationship" is gone.

i'm comparing the pictured girl to an ex because you said you crushed on her at some point in your life.

>>28758678
Not any real ones. I was a loser until I met the wife.

I think she manifests a fantasy this porn star and that's what causes me trouble.

>>28758737
depressed people need something to hold on to keep them going. if your thing is fantasizing about some porn star, then thats your thing.

it doesn't sound like something that can be fixed, unless you were to fix your depression entirely.

do you think fantasizing about this girl is your fault?

>>28758805
I dont think it's my fault but I feel guilty about the urges.

I also don't think I can fix depression.

She doesn't keep me going at all though. I get into a state of suicidal thoughts and I also think of her and wanting to bang her. I have oddly also gotten this for another jav porn star but it doesn't feel as awful as Azuza does.

>>28758867
you're not being fair to yourself about this.
fantasies are nothing to feel guilty about. thoughts are thoughts, and we don't always have control over them. the thing we DO control is our actions. if you were going out and hiring prostitutes, you'd have a reason to feel guilty.

these porn stars don't make you like your wife any less, do they?

>>28758995

I don't know if you are still here anon but id like to thank you for caring about me. I really appreciate it.

You have a point that I shouldn't feel guilty, but I don't control that, I just do.

>>28759319
hey man no problem, its nice to see someone on this board that actually wants to talk.

and i mean, if you could control your thoughts, you wouldn't even be depressed to begin with, right? you shouldn't feel any more guilty about the fantasies than you do about having depression in the first place.

>>28759423
I feel guilty about various things. I feel guilty about most any girl I find attractive. I feel guilty for porn stars when I see them in rough sex. I feel guilty when I yell or get angry. My life is guilt. Thank you.

>>28759501
it might help to think about good reasons to feel guilty. yelling or being angry at someone can be an okay reason to be guilty, because you may have hurt their feelings, or hurt them in some other way.
but if you're fantasizing about a porn star, is anyone getting hurt?

>>28759595
What I mean is that even if am simply reacting to mistreatment I feel guilty about it. I am someone who feels guilt for anything and everything.

I am getting hurt. It hurts me.

>>28759626
you can't feel guilty for EVERYTHING, you're not controlling the world, a lot of stuff isn't actually your fault.

maybe i didn't word my last question right. i meant, is anyone ELSE being hurt by you fantasizing about other girls? it'd also help me if you could explain -why- fantasizing hurts you, specifically.

>>28759773
I don't want to feel guilty fof anything. I rarely do anythinf that I consider wrong, but guilt comes automatic to me. I don't like it that I feel when I see this porn star sucking two dicks at once, she fucking enjoys it! I just do! And I can't not watch, maybe that's it.

The fantasy doesn't feel right. It's like I'm fantasizing about something that isn't ok to think about.

>>28759826
there are two possible fixes for this problem. you' could either have to stop watching the porn, or you'd have to accept that wanting to watch porn stars is completely normal, and not something to feel guilty about.

could this be related to you and your wife not having sex enough?

>>28759938
I could be a sex addiction. We have sex once a week.

>>28759949
It only this one porn star. Nobody else makes me feel like this.

>>28759961
it sounds like you're stressed out because you like one porn star too much, but people are allowed to have favorites.

how intense are the feelings? do you feel guilty because you feel like you love the girl? do you feel like you're cheating on your wife every time you watch the girl's videos?

>>28760007
I might be addicted to porn.

I don't feel guilty about my wife. Shes more than fine with the porn. Sex hurts for her, (my dick is too big not bragging) and she feels like if I need to get off I should.

I just feel some bizarre sadness and dismay when I think of this girl. I often just jack off to someone else to kill the feeling, but she's fucking hot so occasionally I will give in and watch her, and I'll feel worse.

>>28760055
this girl might be bringing you back to that time you mentioned earlier about a "shitposter phase". sometimes things get associated with other things.

but more importantly, if your wife is completely fine with the porn, you don't have anything to feel guilty about. your wife isn't getting hurt, the girl in the porn isn't getting hurt, and you shouldn't be feeling hurt either. it may just be bad memories from the past being associated with this particular porn star.

>>28760141

I think this points to deeper problems which I can't fix, but I also think me and you have finally figured this out for me, and that feels better. thanks anon.

>>28760159
we've all got scars, whether they're physical or mental. this may just be one of yours. it might help if you try reminding yourself that nobody is being hurt by what you're doing.

also you're very welcome, i have fun talking to people.

You want to cheat on your wife as an escape/ ego boost but you feel guilty so instead you look at this picture and fantasize about ideal woman