Dear robots, I have one question for you.
What do you do after drugs, alcohol, everything sexual and romantical, exercising, socializing, sleeping, discovering/studying and hobbies won't do the trick for you anymore?
I've had psychotic depression for as long as I can remember (never been on meds though) and whatever I seem to do, it always comes back. I've forced myself to eat, exercise, socialize, take cold showers, go to bed early etc but it always crumbles down. I'm sick of this. I even quit smoking after 4 years and went vegetarian, but it hasn't soothed my well being.
I am literally out of options except on drugs, which I've only tried weed and possibly something stronger mixed in it. But whenever I get high, this feeling of watching paint dry and desperation comes back and I can't ignore it. Should I try other drugs and if so, which? I have a few splintery connections so I guess I could try them. Or should I just an hero?
You should try ECT.
Also better drugs weed is barely a drug.
You shouldn't, anon. Things will get better.
>>28743887
Stop saying this shit, things don't get better.
Like I said, I've had this for as long as I can remember, which is me being 4 years old and lying down on the frozen sea while it was snowstorming so I could stay there and die. And I know that it doesn't take one day to get better, this is why I'm looking for alternatives here.
>psychotic depression
Do you mean Bipolar? If you're bipolar, drugs are just going to make it worse.
And you're right, it doesn't seem like the depression ever goes away, it just creeps right back up on you. I was having thoughts of hanging myself last night after no depression for 6 months. Doesn't seem like it ever gets betters or goes away
>>28743965
No, I mean psychotic depression.
Depression in which I experience psychotic behaviour (swinging back and forth, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts, memory loss, loss of time, shaking)
I know that most anti-depressants and anti-psychotics make it worse, this is why I'm skeptical to try them.
>>28743860
That's such a drastically terrible idea.
The most fucked up guy I know had ECT, he can barely string a sentence together now.
>>28743730
OP, I cured my depression with magic mushrooms, it's worth looking into.
>>28744031
Tell me more about your depression. How would you describe it? How long did you have it, did you ever have any conflicts with any substance?
How was the trip?
What does a typical day look like for you?
>>28743965
Not necessarily. Marijuana helps a lot.
>>28743730
>muh "tried everthing" meme
yeah and i'm 5000 years old XD
what you do is learn to be stoic. you don't need to be happy 24/7, just figure out what you can live with and get a real hobby that doesn't involve shitposting. nobody cares about you.
>>28744031
This is bait. I do ECT it's not like one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Works far better than any medications and I've been on most of them. Mushrooms will give you psychosis.
>>28744054
A few months ago, before I started pushing myself towards improvement:
>wake up around 3pm
>shower
>don't eat breakfast otherwise i'll want to throw up
>drink coffee
>go to class at 5pm
>drink more coffee so i'd stay awake
>get home from class at 9pm
>smoke and browse 4chan or play vidya
>maybe force myself to eat around 11-12pm
>maybe throw up or sit in shower and consider suicide
>maybe punch a wall/sit in the cold or find another way of self-harming
>smoke some more and go to bed
>fall asleep around 4-5am
Currently, now that I've improved in my daily activities:
>wake up around 10-11am
>take a cold shower, eat breakfast
>chill and maybe read a book
>go out either with pals or the store or just wandering
>come home and eat some more
>scroll through 4chan and other media
>go to bed around 1am
>>28744084
I did read a book on stoicism a couple of months ago and like I said, I've been practicing survivalism as best as I can in these city conditions. I don't even strive to be happy anymore, just neutral. But even that is hard to achieve. I have hobbies. Instruments, photographing, drawing, writing, a lot of artistic ones. Exercise in the form of roaming the forests for 5-10km and sometimes running, swimming. Doesn't do shit.
>>28744213
Having read your routine, maybe you don't have an actual purpose in life? That might be the biggest hurdle that keeps depression in place.
>>28744213
why are you doing any of those things if they don't do shit for you? its one thing to do it once or take a program for the hell of it, but it sounds like you still do a bunch of random ass nonsense. people like you generally thrive when they have only one thing to check off every day beyond the routine stuff. beyond the possibility that you're exaggerating your ass off for attention, get ONE hobby and take it seriously, and make a few real friends who have problems and are getting better, while generally talking to and listening to people who are positive.
controlling your emotions is piss easy if you're competent enough to complain here man. don't look for the answers outside.
>>28744312
I do have purpose on life, I strive to be a botanist and move far north one day to own a cabin, thus I am focusing on school. If I didn't have a future career plan, I wouldn't give a shit about my current education.
>>28744317
I have real life friends who suffer in the same way I do and they while they have improved their routine, they have ensconced into isolation through their favourite artists and writers. Living in another persons world doesn't do the trick for me though. I don't have interest in ONE hobby because ONE singular hobby that I take seriously doesn't work either. I took guitar classes about 4-5 years back, nothing.
If you're a long time weed smoker, stop it- I get the same when I get stoned too much.
Do a better job of socialising and you'll be distracted enough to feel normal
Also, take a kilo of MDMA and rely on your new found social prowess to guide you to happiness
>>28744008
You don't know more than doctors. Start seeing a psychiatrist, you obviously need help and antipsychotics are probably what you need based on your posts. If you're truly out of options then this is the last house on the block.
>>28744524
>>28744558
Hmm, I guess I could try to socialize myself more. I just need to find more friends, ha-ha. Luckily I am taking summer courses so I could snatch someone from my class with me to roll in grass and take MDMA.
If you're unhappy and you start doing drugs, you might get some temporary relief from your depression, but as a result you'll become dependent on drugs for enjoyment, and you'll end up ruining your life. Just be patient. You're probably just in a funk, and once it passes you'll be glad you stayed away from drugs.
>>28744578
Oh I have been seeing a psychiatrist for a year now, I missed my doctor prescription meeting last friday, but our intention was to talk about antipsychotics, yes. I'm paranoid about them fucking my psyche and body up though, I've heard so many bad experiences with them.
>>28744585
Good plan, also avoid that prescription shit, it'll just numb you out til you forget who you were before (ex gf's words, a he spent a few years on them for bpd and hallucinations, her symptoms have never gone, but she's learnt to manage them)
All is well anon, keep on truckin
>>28744610
Your psyche is already fucked m8. Worst antipsychotics could do is make you feel foggy for a while and then you can just stop taking them.
I feel like I'm fucked right now in life. I've been making an attempt to mix psychedelics with certain stimuli to modify my personality. It shouldn't be impossible but awareness of the process makes it tough.
Besides, I think these tests are fucking stupid. Notice that there are never hurt feelings in the results. You can be a brain dead hillbilly and your results will tell you you're personality is actually a complex ESFJ personality type that carries a hefty weight in its emotional and intellectual values.
