>be me
>be 21 f + dating 29 m
>lately turning more and more depressed despite doing well in school/work
>bleak outlook, achievements dont feel like achievements to me or the joy from them is short lived.
>Food doesn't even taste as good to me anymore so I've been losing an unhealthy amount of weight.
>Anxiety overtakes me in social situations with my friends which normally would make me happy.
>overcome with the desire to go home when with friends
>home is mold and mice infested living with 62 year old vet father.
>Have a 3 year old bench warrant for failure to appear to court (6th degree larceny)
>court date is in less than a week
>considering killing myself if charged
>be really drunk and mention this to bf
>one day bf and I were driving around and he took me to a cemetery.
>crack a couple jokes at first but notice bf is incredibly focused.
>oh no.jpeg
>remember that when bf was 4, he walked in on dad who hung himself in his study.
>bf takes me to fathers grave
>has to actually search for it for a few minutes cause that's how long it's actually been since he last was there.
>"Where are ya, ya old bastard..."
>finally find flat gravestone with his dad's name on it.
>We sit there quiet for a few moments and i started crying uncontrollably.
>realize how selfish it was to rub suicide shit in his face.
>this was a week ago.
>Still feel like shit. still feel like relief would be so much better but dont want to hurt people around me. I have a handful of people who are really good and supportive but it just feels like any achievement is more satisfying if I do it for them because I just don't think I'm worth 2 shits enough to do things for myself.
>I want to have better value for myself but I also dont think I'm worth the effort.
>Life is shit and then you die.
Share your sob stories, robots.
>>28733571
>Life is shit and then you die.
Life is what you make of it, if your life is shit, make it not shit, killing yourself just sets your life to 'shit' mode indefinitely.
Clean your father's house he's letting you stay in.
Get a job and move out, if you're anxious, make money online, its 2016.
Get a new boyfriend, maybe your own age, or get a girlfriend.
If food doesn't taste good, learn to cook to your own tastes.
Your boyfriend's little show was dumb, you should focus on doing positive things instead of moping around over how you feel like shit about hurting him now. Waste of time and not what he was trying to get you to see.
If you don't think you're worth any effort, no one else will either. He'll get frustrated or bored of your crap soon enough, he can't change you, only you can.
My life is much more eventful and happy than yours, but also full of actual tragedy and problems. You seem to have little of either in reality, and that's a bigger problem. Go do something.
>>28733571
wait a minute
you are a girl?
>>28733761
>Get a new boyfriend, maybe your own age, or get a girlfriend.
Not OP, but replacing people like this is animal-like behavior.
If you have any shred of dignity and respect for the guy, OP, don't replace your BF just because he's a bit older than you. You can replace him, sure, if things aren't working out, but if they are, don't be shallow.
>>28733761
There's no cleaning mold that has infested the foundation of your house. I work 40 hours and go to school fulltime, I have little energy to do much else besides that.
The money I'm using is for living expenses and saving up for school.
I had a grand stashed away for moving out but I had to blow it on clearing my record on this case.
Cant apply to job till case is cleared. (IF it's even cleared)
As for food not tasting good, I'm talking about food that I've loved ever since I was a child tastes like nothing to me now. I used to go to this vietnamese pho restaurant since I was a kid, always looked forward to it. My aboslute favorite dish. Now when I go, the food just tastes dull. This is with every single one of my favorite dishes.
I don't think he was putting on a show as he just did it on a whim while we were driving around which is what we do, we drive around and talk. We just happened to be in the area of where his father was buried.
I realize only I can change myself and as I've said, I've achieved great things but its only ever in the mentality of doing it for myself. I lost 80lbs from being overweight yet it was always to impress other people.
I was an EMT for a while (short lived due to my anxiety) and that was to impress my parents.
The things that I do enjoy (video games and psychology) wont get me any money so I can't do that for a living.
And I'm not always mopey. A short greentext isn't going to explain the entire dynamic of our relationship. I am very good to him and most times we do have lots of fun and he loves my company.
The problem is just that I find life to be incredibly unsatisfying no matter what situation I'm in.
>>28733927
>>>28733761 (You)
>>Get a new boyfriend, maybe your own age, or get a girlfriend.
>Not OP, but replacing people like this is animal-like behavior.
>If you have any shred of dignity and respect for the guy, OP, don't replace your BF just because he's a bit older than you. You can replace him, sure, if things aren't working out, but if they are, don't be shallow.
learn to read between the lines anon
the first thing OP mentioned, even before their depression, is their bf and age gap. and the whole thread is a story about how
if the bf is genuine, then OP is basically wasting the bf's time. OP should let him go. only pulling him down with her/he/it into OPs bullshit.
>>28733927
Agreed. There's nothing wrong with our relationship and the age gap doesn't bother me. I've only ever felt comfortable being around friends who are in their late 20s/early 30s because they're jsut calmer.
Being aroudn people my age who are always hyped up and in party mode just makes me feel old and fatigued and I get even more depressed.
>>28733571
women don't have real problems. shut the fuck up and kill yourself already.
you have a fucking social life and a boyfriend. what the fuck are you complaining about you fucking stupid cunt. you dont deserve anythign you have.
>>28734019
woah OP is just crazy and full of excuses it seems
your pho is bland and one of your friends is a loser drug addict? welcome to life.
>>28733998
You seem to be taking this from a very tunnel visioned point of view. Why are you comparing your tragedies to my single experience? "Ugh. I have more edge points than you!"
My mother tried killing herself when I was 5 and I had to see her walk into my bedroom with a kitchen knife sticking otu of her stomach. She spent 3 years of my life trying to convince me to believe that m father was raping me so I could live with her.
I'm constantly torn between wanting to get out of this shithole to maybe see if a change of environment will make me feel better and feeling obligated to take care of my dad.
My best friend of 7 recently stopped talking to me because she's only been free to spend time with me if I had drugs and when I stopped providing that to her, she just stopped talking to me.
"Actual tragedy" Get over yourself, you pretentious fuck.
>>28734056
People can be married living in mansions and still feel like they've lived an unfulfilled life.
Just because an SO and friends are something that maybe you are lacking yourself doesn't mean that I might not envy perhaps a supportive family that you may have?
I was just stating that I am aware that I live a relatively good life yet things are still always seeming uncomfortable for absolutely no reason and as someone who is consciously aware of it, it's sickening to know that I'm bugged out for no apparent reason.
it's kind of disheartening that, rather than sharing your own stories, people would rather disect my post when searching for solace in the company of other people who may be miserable. I'm sure if you posted your own problems that have affected your life, I could also sum it up in a couple of meaningless words.
tfw no gf.
it must be nice feeling like having an SO will suddenly solve all of life's problems.
