So I have nonverbal learning disorder, I'm not like a weird stiff aspie but I don't have the instinctive understanding of body language normal people have so the subtle nuance it takes to seduce a woman is pretty much impossible for me. Tone, expression, body language, and other non verbal communication I just don't pick up on or understand except for ones like that have been explained to me or are super obvious like shouting means angry and crying means sad it's more subtle than that.
I've embarrassed myself badly a few times with people I've been interested in because of how badly I misread them and so now I've given up on anyone liking me romantically for around 3 years now. The bummer is I seem like a normal guy when it comes to small talk and being friendly I have friends go to parties and seem normal but I stuff 99% of people don't need to be taught is a complete blank to me.
I'm like in a shitty blurry area between aspergers and typical developing person. At least I have friends. That probably won't last though, my best childhood friend is gonna have his first kid in June and I wonder how long he will want his weirdo virgin loser friend around his family.
So life is pretty much shit. Movies, music and video games are still kind of fun but I'll probably kill myself after a while.
Does anyone else on here have NVLD or am I a completely isolated fuck up?
Great balls of fire
Guess who just crawled out the mud the mire
That could make you trust a motherfucking liar
A real shuck n'jiver
Vaughn never been a duck n'diver
He spit on the mic, yuck,
saliva
We can share our isolation here, sometimes they make me forget how alone I really am.
>>28711507
Been listening to DOOM all day. Super depressed. Sorry for incoming wall of text.
So I was bullied and isolated all the way through school and to this day don't really leave the house. My job I have became a great place for me with a familial atmosphere and I am friends with everyone, it really have me a great space to socialize and refine myself with people I am comfortable with.
But I just figured out a really close friend I work with told a gabber at work that I've never been on a date which I'm still not sure how to react yet. What she knows everyone knows. I'll be switching jobs. It's obvious he doesn't care about me at all, if he did he wouldn't have told her, he probably wants to hurt me. He was drinking talking about feeling guilty for having let something slip and betrayed my trust but at the time I was like what could he have said I didn't press it I didn't think he told the one thing that would have basically stripped me of all my armor and destroyed any respect anyone at my job might have had for me. I remember something the gabber said to me recently about having the courage to be in a relationship and how she wants me to get past what's holding me back then trailed off. I just pieced it together.
Feel betrayed. I want to explode and tell him to never speak to me again and then quit my job. Fuck them all. God dammit.
The woman he told doesn't care about anyone she just likes to gab. Like she pretends to be this progressive hippy type but has no respect for people's privacy.
I'm not sure how to confront this. Whatever the word is for being reduced to like a child in the eyes of everyone around me whatever the word for that is is how I feel. I'll never trust anyone enough again to tell them I know that much. Fuck I hate everyone right now. I am alone and life is shit, that's just the way it is. I should have just stayed living with my mom and eating myself to death.
>>28711633
Yeah thats right I got problems and personal issues
Stories that'll make your eyes tear and wet tissues
It's true I'm Madd like the rapper
I'm so upset I gotta put it up in my rap before I snapper
After the things I have seen from Atlanta to Queens
To the mean streets of Brooklyn when I was a teen
Back and forth from the Islands, screamed when I left
But adapted
and still my dreams haven't left
I have been alone all of my life. Noone will ever know me.
You can get through this by yourself, even if you turn cynical and curse the world.
Be kind to everyone but don't expect them to be kind to you.
Going to sleep, I'll read if you respond in the morning
I will always be hereTake it from the dude who wears a mask like a tarded helmet
I do, I usually just say I have mild assburgers if it comes up. I also like Doom.
I have very few real friends but plenty of study / school buddies and a group of online ones
>high functioning autism
>hyper aware of body language
>history of being bullied/neglected + the intensity I feel make it painful
>shut down
>people probably think I'm a dick
>virgin
>>28711633
Aww, poor baby is super depressed.
lot of people coming out of the doom closet like some fad. bet yall dont even have the vid of his bro with the machete
Yeah I have NVLD here, I can type out what I did to make myself socially functional and acquire a girlfriend when I get back to my computer if you want.
>>28712377
Sure I'll hear what worked for you yeah
>>28712428
Alright, so I had a very nice little test area to get out all my autism in one place. I went to this 'gifted' high school with a good mix of relative normies and full out autists. Before going there, I was in a very chad filled school, was bullied constantly, wore shirts with memes on them (was 13 back in 2007 or so, so everyone just thought they were weird jokes), was basically a failure socially. I didn't let that break my spirit though, and I would always put myself out there until I basically numbed myself to the criticism.
This put me in a good place to enter High School. Whenever the normies would call me out on something, I could fall back to my autistic friends and assess the situation without feeling lonely. I was around 280 pounds at 6 foot 3 when I entered High School, and midway through that I lost 80 lbs of that. This allowed me access to more normies who would give me a chance at interaction, and I eventually found a close-knit group of normal friends.
I was still, at this stage, the punching bag, so I used this chance to systematically try out different modes of action and receive feedback without getting too hung up on it. Once I found something to make them laugh, or think, then I tested the limits of that mode of action. Becoming closer to these people, I was lightly ribbed when I did anything too weird, but more and more I found myself praised and accepted.
I had created a new social persona based on rigorous testing.
I found guides online on how to dress, and with my lighter frame actually did not turn out to be ugly. I asked my normal friends for advice, and they gave it to me.
Just as an aside, the reason they didn't just stonewall me was because of the small pool of people at the school to choose from, as well as its autistic reputation.
Anyway, by Senior year I had a good little group of close friends. Asking out my long time oneitis was the hardest part.
Cont.
>>28712558
I would hang around her in the study hall after class was over, ride the bus home with her even though it went nowhere near where I lived, was essentially stalking her. I gained some self awareness and cut this sort of interaction down. I decided to rely on my detached analytical side to bare the brunt of rejection and failure without allowing myself to get hurt, and this case was no different. I took an hour to put myself into that mindset before I went to go ask her out, and focused on imperative phrasing instead of asking questions like I usually did. This seemed to be the ticket (of course it helped that she was a shy nerdy girl) and we ended up going to prom and losing our virginities together.
In college, it was out of the pan and into the fire. Here, a new dynamic came into play: actually allowing myself to sperg out, in a controlled way. I would never be able to compete with natural normal on a social level, but I could intimidate them with small bursts of intelligent thought. Not the rants I had gone on as a young teen, but one or two highly constructed and restricted sentences that showed my intelligence. This gained me respect.
Each subsequent change was small compared to these larger building blocks, and over time I incorporated this constructed social identity into my core characteristics. I took constant, small, acceptable risks in order to move myself forward slowly until I was able to act more naturally.
Cont.
>>28712646
The end goal of all of this is naturalization. Doing something so often that it becomes a part of you. I had plenty of people call me things in college: boring, weird, funny, charming. I took all of this info into consideration and integrated it.
Anyway, if you have any more questions I would be happy to answer.
>>28712558
>>28712646
>>28712689
I think I am a normie, I don't know what constitutes to be a normie, but regardless that was an intriguing read.
>>28712790
Eh, it depends. I was a 'smart' chad for a brief moment before I gained some weight back. I just broke social interaction down into scenes in a movie: the 'asking her out for a date' scene, the 'meeting someone for the first time' scene, etc. and wrote a CYOA script with a bunch of branching scenarios. It worked really well, and improved my confidence a bunch.
