>Be me
>groundskeeper at local uni (fuck if I'm telling you guys where) because no one interns CS freshmen
>weed wacking by myself
>usually let my mind wander
>pass by groundhog hole
>hope he doesnt come out and nip me
>mind wanders to /k/ memes
>think of pic related and nipping
>Out of fucking nowhere, 2 girls come out of chem building and walk behind me
>theyre college white women so all traffic stops for them
>don't even look at me
>I turn and nab one in the achilles heel
>no blood but she's down for the count, crying and screaming
>other grill stunned
>before I can say sorry
>before I even realise what happened, I say
>"I am the ankle nipper! Stay back or I'll fucking nip ya!"
>sounds like I did it intentionally
>Other girl hits me and swears at me
>fumble over myself to say I'm sorry
>maybe it would be better to say I'm autistic as an excuse
>fucktheyregettingaway.webm
>run after them trying to explain myself
>Realise I'm a 19 year old chasing 2 women with a running weed wacker yelling about my autism so i stop
>duck out in chem building, cry and nap in bathroom
>type out greentext
>"Is it safe to come out yet?"
Long story short, I'm hiding from the inevitable. I could be fired and have possible assault charges filed on my ass.
So, /r9k/, what is the most autistic thing you've done today/ever?
>>28698542
Finish the job, anon! Finish it!
>Told a girl thank you while getting head during my first sexual experience.
>Told my boss nice to meet you when I had met her the day before.
>Pissed in coffee machine at work in order to get the office Stacy to drink it because she was 4 weeks behind on my pay then paniced because r9k found out where i worked and they kept calling
Pick one, thats off the top of my head.
You start coming out at night with the week wacker and chase people around screaming that you're the ankle nipper. An urban legend will form based on your autistic shenanigans.
>>28698542
What the actual fuck.
You're the type of person prisons are made for.
>>28698632
I don't want to, please don't make me go back out there anon
>>28698753
It also doesn't help that the flash sound was on when I took that in the bathroom
Someone else talk about their autistic experiences, I don't want to feel like the only outcast here
>>28698753
post pic of weed wacker
>>28698792
I left it outside. I'm not going back out
>>28698812
kek, you'll be in even more trouble if it gets stolen
>>"I am the ankle nipper! Stay back or I'll fucking nip ya!"
>>28698542
Hi Mitchell! :D
Literally wtf
Autists are a fucking joke...
>>28698542
If they press charges, just tell it like it is.
Say you didn't see them coming and that was all an accident. Say the "ankle nipper" thing was a pathetic attempt at humor because you have autism and didn't realize it would only make things worst. Say you are really sorry but scared them away before you had the chance to apologize.
Honestly, though, they aren't very likely to press charges. The marks she has on her ankle are probably so small, it would never constitute a valid proof you assaulted them. It just wouldn't be worth the efforts.
This one just happened, pretty sure the assailant was autistic
> be coming out of my class with a friend
> about to go grab some Starbucks before hitting up Panera
> friend is on her phone looking at her new tinder matches from while we were in class
> (she only had 23 matches, she's a lost cause but we're working on that)
> as she's looking down at her phone she lets out a scream and falls to the ground
> look over and see some hs dropout landscaper running toward her with a weed whacker
> we try to get away, but he's still chasing us with the weed whacker, mumbling something about our nips
> in mid chase he stops and runs away into a nearby building all while mumbling some unintelligible threats
We're both very shaken up right now, so we're on our way to chill at a frat so real men can protect us. Thank God daddy is a lawyer so if they catch this creep he's done for
>>28698542
Thanks for the kek, OP
Oh lawd op that sucks so much but thank you for the delicious laugh. I was on the verge of crying at work but this cheered me up thank you man.
>>28699653
>chasing us with the weed whacker, mumbling something about our nips
Op will soon be known as the nipple obsessed weed wacker psycho
Update
>Leave chem building eventually
>go to grounds office
>grills already complained, made it sound like I attacked them
>Manager beyond pissed, cussing and chewing me out
>I think he may believe it was an accident, but still
>useless assistant manager, "Bend-Over-Bob", just says "Yeah!" or repeats what manager says but louder
>I'm crying
>doesn't outright fire me, just says to go home
>I'll probably get fired monday
>no word if grills are gonna file charges
>Longest
>Bus
>Ride
>EVER
>say nothing to parents, go straight to room
>manager is mom's cousin's friend so she'll hear about this soon
>I'm dead
Probably no computer or phone for a while. Its been good, /r9k/
See you beautiful bastards whenever
>>28699653
You're not helping me at all
>>28699813
Just be clear that it was all a misunderstanding. If they ask what you were yelling say before you realized what happened you were singing some song you heard online
>>28699813
God, you're so beta and submissive
Just wait for them to calm down and call to clear up the situation.
Say accidents happen and insist they known you long enough and it should be obvious you never had any ill intents
>>28699911
I'll try, but a white man doesn't have shit on grills word. I'll give it a day to let it cool down.
Fuck me, I'm dead. My mom will take my computer and phone first thing
>>28699966
>white man doesn't have shit on grills word
Might be true in court where everybody is a complete stranger to the judge in charge of deciding your fate
Luckily, right now you get to be judged by someone who already knows you so you might be judged on more than just your words alone
How is your relationship with your boss?
Do you usually get along?
Do you show good work ethics?
Those might be your assets, use them wisely
This meets the University tribunal requirements for rape. Nothing will happen legally but you will be fired and your academic record will probably be sealed, basically meaning no proof of classes if you try to transfer to another unit. Rip in peace bro.
>>28700451
Kek, OP is done for
