who /suicidallydepressed/ here?
tell your stories.
Well
I have no story at all
That's the problem
It's been 6 years I stopped going out, I like no one and no one likes me
>>28578449
how/why did it get to that point?
>>28578473
I'm not sure, but I have always been a weird kid, back to elementary school, other kid's parents would tell their child not to approach/talk with me, which I understand since I was overly violent and would hit others over no real reason
I remember that I'd always ask to my mom if I could be homeschooled, I hated school, not because of the courses, but I hated the other kids. There was just a girl whom was my only friend.
Then, in middle school, I suddenly started to get bullied on a daily basis and wouldn't fight back
I dropped out of school a few months after I started high school, and homeschooled myself so I could still graduate, I couldn't connect with anyone and withdrew from social activity, even when family would come home i'd sleep during the day on purpose to avoid having to talk to anyone.
I still don't want to go out, I feel like I could have everything I ever wanted and i'd still be unhappy, life seems terrible, I don't want to work for ever, I'm a man and I feel like people expect me to be someone else than who I am, I wish a girl would just embrace me, but in the mean time I wouldn't have the courage to ask anyone out, I don't think sex is important, which I used to think was a great thing, but in fact, most of people's lives revolves around sex.
I think about killing myself every day, but in the mean time, i've been obsessed with death for years, i was so afraid of dying that i'd have trouble sleeping because I was afraid of dying during my sleep
It's not so much wanting to die as it is just being bored of life. Nothing really gets me excited anymore, and I'm only 18. People tell me that I have so much of my life left to live, but I don't really care enough to keep it up, like my mind translates things in terms of "everything is ducking stupid and you're going to die".
That's baseline. That's an average day. Bad days are me wanting to call my mom and apologize for ruining her chance at a degree by being born. Bad days are having an urge to swerve into the opposite lane or try to fight a cop. I smoke weed and drink until I black out almost daily so that I don't have to live in my own head, but that's just making me dumb and broke. I'm going to a free state-owned clinic in a few weeks to get counselling and medication for the first time, even though my parents were ordered to have me interred years ago. I'm just fucking lifeless. Pic unrelated
>>28578406
I am.
My whole life has been a train wreck and I end up failing at everything or it gets fucked up somehow.
I had given up and realized my life would never go any where. I was sitting there waiting to die or to come across an event that would finally give me the courage to kill myself.
Then I met someone who actually gave me some happiness in life. We continued to talk and eventually grew very close to each other. They were the only good thing in my life and actually gave me some hope. Now they've done a 180 with their life and are moving on to something that seems to push me out. This is the only thing I've ever cared about so once I lose them for good, it will finally push me to kill myself.
>>28578406
>choked myself to unconsciousness with a doorknob noose
>feel better for the day
>>28578624
Are you me?
How old are you now anon?
>>28578726
>I'm only 18
Oh shut up and go turn your life around while there's still a chance. Do you *really* want to end up like us? Once you get to 21 you're fucked. If you end up 23 like me and no friends you know you're fucked for life
I don't even know where to start with that, basically I'm impossible. I'm so depressed because of the situation my decisions have put myself into, yet the options for getting out of it dismay me greatly, not that it matters. The genius resolve I've come up with to deal with this is to do nothing and pretend things are going to turn out alright. I don't have the luxury of being able to afford existence without working, I mooch off family as it is. I wish I felt worse about it, I'm grateful I have a family that doesn't make a big deal of it. I feel a little bit bad about it, not enough to stop doing it though. Not yet, at least. Sometimes I think homelessness is the only way I'll learn.
>>28579410
I'm 20.
originalamente
>>28579410
I'm 20.
Originalamente blurbzkew
>>28579305
>not finishing the job
that makes me almost as mad as that smug anime girl bullshit
I want to ask anon, when you first became truly suicidal, not the typical, angsty, "I wish I was never born please kill me :(", but an honest to god death wish, what did you feel?
I was alone, crying in my car and felt a powerful surge of emotion going through my head, this had a certain affect to me I guess, because now I seemingly want to kill myself even more than usual. If I had an option out that night, I would have taken it. I just wonder what I felt that instance because it confused me greatly.
>>28579929
What's the difference between the angsty one and that?
I got my helium tank. I got my mask and tubing. Got my valve. Got my location out amongst the trees and grass. Now I just need to go and do it.
I had it planned for next month, but I'm having to move it forward due to the recent death of my granddad (moms side). Can't have two people dying on her in quick succession, it would make it all so much worse for them.
>>28579978
i'm not quite sure, I suppose before I was only halfway suicidal and wanted to be noticed for my mental state and be consoled
now I don't care about my own being and constantly hope to get hit by a drunk driver when i'm on the road
I remember reading about 25% of motor deaths are actually suicide, it's become apparent that every time I brake I tell myself not to, I probably read off as angsty, and probably am but I feel there's a big difference between who wants to die and someone who feels mentally trapped
>>28580091
just make sure you are sincerely ready when you go
So i went to the wedding as an autistic neet shut in and it went horribly, people laughed at me and shit, i just wanna die man
>inb4 just do it
I am. In a couple months i plan kn oding, til then i just want aslittle as shit as possible. I dont know why everyone thinks they are better than me and only my shit stinks. I just wanna fucking make it man fuck my life
>>28579929
It's almost impossible to explain, think I might have ended it if I had a gun. How do you even go on to describe it? I was coming off of amphetamine, what's usually neurosis had transformed into fully blown psychosis. A lucid, crystal clear kind of psychosis. No real rationale behind it, I was strung out, borderline psychotic and I'd had enough. In that moment I would have paid any price to make the feeling stop and that's it. I don't know how else to explain how I felt, I was overcome with it.
>>28580229
>oding
what are you taking? I read that's a pretty painful to anhero. And once you get to the hospital from failed suicide you have all those second thoughts about it. Try just hanging yourself. Or use exit bag.
>I just wanna fucking make it man
Whatever the circumstances you're experiencing may or may not be conquerable, only you have to be sure you exhausted all options in your power and can say "I tried everything", before offing yourself.
I have a perianal hematoma since yesterday. It hurts a lot while I'm sitting, but I can't very well stand on my computer, can I? I just hope it goes away or gets better before I have to go back to school. I don't want to expose my anus to my female doctor either. Please go away. Please, I beg you. I'd rather kill myself than talk to this about anyone. It hurts while I'm standing or walking too, but it's not completely intolerable then.
>>28580285
>crystal clear kind of psychosis
Sounds like you have more internal stress than me. And what's further is you seem like you might have a legitimate mental disorder. After thinking to myself I realize what you had felt was more unnerving to the psyche, doubled with drug use.
This somehow reassures me i'm not as fucked as I thought. Not to insult you, only comparing my detrimental thoughts with others.
Do you feel more enticed to kill yourself or others? What about positive emotions, are you feeling empathy, better or worse, for people who look like they may be in your situation?
>>28580335
should get it looked at before it does become unbearable, doctors see all kinds of shit, don't worry about what someone is paid to do is going to see
>>28580501
I googled it, it's a benign condition that goes away on its own within a couple days to weeks at worst.
I have high anxiety tho. If it's not better on Tuesday I'll drown myself in pain killers, ask whether I can give a doctors note for sports later and then I'll have to see her. It says you should avoid physical exertion.
Fuck,I hate my life.
I've been depressed since I hit puberty.
My family has been in severe debt since I was a kid.
Things have been tight for a long time.
Dropped out of high school because I couldn't focus on anything.
Had one friend in high school and he dropped me on and off for the last seven years.
I don't know if that's better than not having friends at all at this point.
I've worked shitty jobs since I dropped out, obviously.
Taco Bell, telephone surveys, now I'm a lunch lady.
This job should be nice, but my boss stands over me all fucking day waiting for me to give her a reason.
Everyone else in the kitchen is older than her so she can't yell at them, and I guess she's excited that there's someone she can treat like this.
Every fucking day she finds something to scream at me in front of the kids and my coworkers over.
This past Friday it was because I put too many hamburgers on the heating tray at once.
Thursday it was because there weren't enough hamburgers on the warming tray at once.
She calls me a worthless idiot in front of the kids and the kids laugh at me.
I'm an adult getting laughed at by middle schoolers.
There's nothing I can do about it because she's right, and if I quit this job, I'll never get one with any benefits because I'm a piece of shit dropout.
My friend dropped me again.
He didn't even say anything this time.
Usually he at least says something to the effect of, "I can't deal with you, you have too many problems."
Now I have nothing and no one again.
I don't know, I'm not made for the world.
Literally everyone I know would benefit from me being dead.
My friend wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, my mom would save a ton of money and she could have another kid that would turn out better than me.
My mom told me years ago that she would kill herself if I died.
I resent her for saying that.
I just want to die, but I can't take her with me.
I just want to die, it's all I've wanted since I was a kid.
As soon as she dies, I'm going to kill myself.
>>28578406
I feel trapped, OP
That's why I'm suicidal
I wouldn't say I'm "depressed", I'm not sure what the word is supposed to even mean anymore
But I am very tired, sort of angry and frustrated.
