>Wake up at 3pm
>Have shat myself multiple times in my sleep
>Look at the clock
>Mummy finishes work at 2pm
>Oh boy Tendies day
>Go into Lounge room
>Mummy has friends over for coffee
>they notice me standing there wearing nothing and shit encrusting my lower torso
>"MUMMY TENDIES MUMMY TENDIES"
>"Anon you should go have a shower"
>"NO MUMMY TENDIES"
>One of mummy's friends look at me
>"A 28 year old man shouldn't live the way you do"
>I look this bitch in the eye, this fucking cunt who dared speak out of line
>Pick up the coffee table and swing it into her face breaking her jaw
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Grab mummy's head
>Shove it into my anus
>"LICKY LOO MUMMY, LICKY LOO"
>Mummy starts crying
>"P-please anon I'll raise your GBP by 500 if you stop"
>"No mummy, you're a bad mummy for not supplying my tendies mummy you have to learn"
>"O-okay anon I'm going to have to go buy your tendies"
>Mummy and her friends leave
Fucking normies, I sure showed those bitches
>>28532710
Super fucking weak
This is lamest one I've ever seen
Anon's mommy BTFO
>>28532723
Every passing day we drift further away from god's light.
i require more of these
preferably ones that fit into the "waddle between piss bottles" template
>>28532723
>>28532747
Wow you guys must really be fun at a parties.
Someone post the one where the guy pretends to put his life back on track to deceive his mom and then suddenly wakes her up with breakfast, but then it turns out he had shat on the coffee because she didnt buy him fallout 4 two months ago.
>>28532763
>r9k
>parties
>>28532723
NORMIE. YOU FUCKING NORMAL SCUM NORMAL FAG. GET. OUT. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>wake up at 3pm after an exhausting RuneScape Classic session
>as I waddle to my pile of pissbotles, I notice that my pet, a Mojave Rattlesnake has escaped from its terrarium
>tactical NEET mode engaged
>smear poo poo on myself in a camo pattern
>grab my katana
>go out of the room to find the snake
>hear weird noise from the living room
>new daddy No 3 is sitting on the sofa and his peepee is in mommy's mouth
>immediately recognize the situation: the snake must have bitten new daddy and now mommy tries to suck out the venom from the wood
>if I help new daddy too, I will get many GBP!
>suddenly remember that you have to cut out the bitten part to stop the venoms spreading
>*unsheath katana*
>try to make a jumping slash with the katana as they do it in chinese cartoons
>fall over and hit my head on the floor
>new daddy takes away my katana
>damn normies I just wanted to help
>>28532763
You can return to Reddit at any time.
>>28532710
Thisreally put normies in their place.
Out of the billions of humans, I wonder if this situation has ever existed lol.
Christian chandler? Maybe
I'd imagine it would be someone with extremely severe autism or downs.
>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is playing wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"
>>28533535
>look upon my work and despair
Nice reference anon
>>28532763
Back to 8bag
>>28533432
The only place your ass is gonna be is on my lap smuggy!
