It's been a while since we had this.
I'll try to keep it up regularly.
What's bothering you, robots? Share your inner demons with us.
>>28522008
Nobody has ever found me attractive and I have an overwhelming desire to cut myself up
I feel as if I'll finally disfigure myself enough then I'll want to kill myself
I'm not psychotic though. I don't feel mentally ill
>>28522008
i don't know how this happened to me but.
when i go in public i hear voices of people calling me names and i think everyone hates me and im real paranoid and i won't listen to anyone if they even talk to me i am looking at their face and thinking to myself don't make eye contact. cause something is wrong with me something is sick and evil in head and i dont know how or why it happened. i think of the worst things all day even in conversations i can't even look at anyone i feel like a low piece of shit anything negative just clings to me no matter how hard to try to be positive or tell myself i am good or great it never works. and the worst part is . i keep watching shemale porn and i don't even want to do it. i keep telling myself i have to stop watching this but it keeps happening ive been watching porn for 20 years i used to love girls so much and always thought i would get a girl once i found out how shitty everyone is and girls are when i grew up i just dont know what to do anymore.
>>28522075
anon, thoughts of self-harm automatically place you in the "mentally ill" category
>>28522087
read a grammar book, pic relate
>>28522087
Damn dude, that really sucks. Do you have anyone IRL like friends or a therapist that you can talk to? Ive found that helps a lot vs just venting to strangers on the internet.
>mum forces me to see her
>she sees the "scratches" on my face
>the burns on my hands
>have to tell her I went to the psych ward
>she even makes a joke about "woohoo! female interaction!" because of my female psychologist
Life is a joke
>>28522008
i dont know OP, school sucks and so does work. people are fucking gay and its such a shame i wasted my time inside my house rather than outside
I work as a Mental Health Counselor and have suspected that a few of the people I've worked with have come to this place. I got my Masters in December 2014 and have been working with my state license since graduating.
Being a male gives me somewhat of an edge here and there since there aren't nearly as many of us. I really like what I do for a living but holy shit all of my co-workers are used-up Staceys.
>>28522743
yes friend. i have been to like 5 therepists . i have been locked down in the physch ward. the whole problem is no pussy ever. its driving me mad. when i am with a girl its like all my problems go away. but it never fucking happens.
>Forgot how to do any code I've been learning since high school, from http to visualstudio
>Have to force myself to learn unity to make a relatively complex game
>Also have to worry about evening classes, relearning all that code and trying to retain it to make my cs degree make sense, getting an ojt and dealing with my parent and uncle coming over with a hyperactive child, on top of the typical worrying about my future and my lack of initiative
I'm ashamed to say I'm scared, but... I'm scared.
What happens if you tell a therapist you're going to kill yourself?
I was bulimic and still suffering the effects of it. I kept it secret and stopped on my own.
I am now depressed, anxious and sure that everything i try i will fail. Been seriously considering suicide as an option in the future.
>>28523102
They have to inform someone if you're sincere.
They'll probably send you to the ward voluntarily or involuntarily
>>28522743
it doesnt make sense why white girls hate me but asians are nice to me and some love me.
>>28523132
Inform who? Police?
>>28523160
they lock you up in the ward they will probably call the police to escort you there.
>>28523102
they tell you normalfag platitudes and you're involuntarily commited to a psych ward until you show everyone that you're "better" and that "it was just a phase haha"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYuQLCnCXDQ
>>28523185
Why does society insist that suicide is an option where this is the reaction? It would just make me more suicidal and a better liar all in all
I got a letter from the special school district about my records, turns out I had (have?) aspergers/autism. But I don't feel like I do at all. And the diagnosis was 18 years ago.
paranoid thoughts anyone ?
i went through some rejection phase in the workplace.
now whenever i chat with my colleagues i always have this paranoid thoughts about people implying that thing no matter they know about it or not. somehow i always find what they say to correlate it to my rejection i always think like she implied something because the things happened between me and her.
>>28523212
i hate the phych ward i was in jail and the phych ward and i liked jail better. jail was way more fun. in the phych ward they force feed you pills there is no freedom its sucks. and you always get watched.
I think it's possible I am either Aspie or Schizoid, because I am blatantly unable to interact with, empathize with or even understand other people. The world confuses me. I have other odd symptoms as well. I hate doorknobs, obsess over numbers, have no desire to interact, collect dice and stickers, all sorts of odd autist things. I'm not concerned, but it'd be interesting to know.
>>28523053
I'm geussing that your therapists havent worked for you. I've been through a few too, the one i have right now is kind of a bitch but she's helped me a lot.
I know what you mean when you say girls make your problems go away. The two times i've been with a girl, I felt like the man, and that all my problems were behind me, but then a few days after I feel the same as I always did. My therapist says that getting girls isn't my problem, but a reflection of a deeper problem of not feeling like an actual person whos is worthwhile of love.
I don't know if this applies to you anon, but I hope It helps
>>28523299
That sucks man i'm sorry you had to go through all that. Do they really expect treating a human like that to cure them of depression and suicidal thoughts? It would cause the opposite for me. This is why i never told anyone my thoughts once i commit suicide that is it.
I gave up on pretty much everything some years ago. Spent some time as a literal husk of a human being, but eventually decided to at least try and, well, get my shit together. To give up giving up. Not doing so well with that. Most difficult to summon willpower while being dead inside. Though that is not entirely accurate. Still have emotions/feelings, but their impact on me has kind of dwindled severely. Nothing seems to 'light my fire' these days, at best sometimes i can feel a spark, that just dissipates in a day or two. I'm stuck, trying to solve a seemingly unsolvable equation.
Have antidepressants helped anyone else?
Im on celexa 40mg, not suicidal anymore but life is still kinda shit
I can't even go to the grocery store without feeling like someone is out to get me
plus suicidal thoughts are becoming an everyday thing now it keeps getting worse
>>28522008
its ok op everyone is sick in someway people just can't see it or are open about it everyone needs something or someone in some way and feels insecure and unhappy but true knowledge and wisdom and happiness and power comes from within and knowing that you are apart of everything and everything apart of you and within you
Just saw my psychiatrist yesterday. He put me on Lithium. At this point I'm taking six pills every day for depression/anxiety. I'm sick of it. He said I should seriously consider electroconvulsive therapy. Any of you tried it? Shit seems real 1940's sanitarium-y.
How do I get help without going to the ward?
I want to tell my social worker that I want to cut myself but I just want help or him to leave me alone, not to get sent back. I just shouldn't tell him anything should I? There is no help they have for me
>tfw got an appointment set up for cognitive testing by my psychiatrist
Well boys looks like I'm finally going to quantify what's wrong with me.
i wake up everyday unsure of what i want out of life
it feels like im on a monochrome train going nowhere and the window view is a canvas of grey
>>28523700
I met a pretty girl I'm a ward who had it done. She said it helped her bipolar, but she was a mess all around so IDK... Messed up her short term memory for a while.
At this point I've decided that social interaction just isn't worth the anxiety it gives me. I've gone into complete isolation except for the interactions I'm forced to have at work. I've decided to ease into cocoon mode though and am actually trying to improve myself, although I'm not really doing a lot or doing it consistently but it's getting a little better.
>>28523700
I tried it. I think it gave me some short term improvement but it didn't cure me by any means.
I also have horrible memory and I honestly can't remember if it's always been like that or if the ECT might have had something to do with it, but it can definitely wipe some memories.
>>28523952
Honestly it's seeming like a good option. I can't stand filling up those weekly pill containers. The pills don't even help. I wouldn't mind the memory loss either. I don't wanna live like this anymore. It's fucking terrible.
>>28524079
Shit it didn't cure it huh? If you could go back in time would you do it again? I guess I kinda need someone to talk me into it.
>>28523324
You're really lucky. That sounds like it would be nice.
I want to go to the shop and buy some food but I don't feel like seeing someone I know and having a panic attack
>>28523102
In America, nothing. You can't be committed against your will without a court hearing which no psychiatrist is going to pay for.
>>28524027
Iktf. Tried my whole life to improve but it just kept happening. Gave up completely around .. hmm, about 2 years ago I think.
Feel bad for family, they're normals who say "things will get better one day". I just honestly don't think they will. I've failed in every way as a human, there comes a point when they're is just nothing left. Nothing left to fight for.
Some days I try to "do something" but I just feel so empty and afraid, and I end up sitting down like I always do.
>>28524159
It is, honestly. It's easy to find everyone else petty in comparison though.
>>28524137
I was so fucked up from the depression at that point that I was practically catatonic. My mind wasn't working well enough for me to remember much about it unfortunately.
I did it because I was honestly suicidal and had nothing to lose. If I went back in time I would do it again. If you're at that point then you should do it.
I don't think I would do it again because it can cause IQ loss and I know I'm definitely not as smart as I used to be, but I have no way of knowing how much, if any, of that was from the ECT. I've spent long periods in compete isolation doing little but browsing 4chan and watching anime and sometimes smoking unhealthy amounts of weed so that could certainly be the cause.
I was in the mental hospital with a guy who absolutely swore by it though. He said it saved his life and wouldn't shut up about it. He did say he lost a few years worth of memories though.
>>28524283
The problem with telling someone that things will get better is that sometimes it's not the things that are the problem, it's the person.
I don't have the self control to change. I know myself because I've repeatedly failed to do what I needed to do. Therapy won't help because I don't need to figure out what to do. I know what to do, I'm just unable to force myself to do it and therefore I'm completely stuck.
I am 23 years old, grew up a homeschooled shut in NEET.
Life is like an objective based game where "the wins" people go for seem inconsequential, and the whole mess is just a slog to the grave. I almost wish I was gay, just to have a friend to spend every day with. Kids my age are gearing up for family life and careers, and I'm still stuck in the highschool "bropack" phase, sans friends.
Life is really long :(
>>28524341
The IQ loss is worrying but I think I'm gonna go for it. If it eases the depression just a little bit that would be great. I just want to have a normal life. Thanks for all your input anon. I really appreciate it.
>>28524408
>parents homeschool you
>forget to teach you social skills
JUST
>>28523424
It actually does help though, the rate of people with severe mental illness that go through a ward killing themselves is far reduced than those that just have normal therapy.
It's not just "Take pills until you fuck off", there's a lot of different therapies, you can see a psychiatrist every day if you need, once a week at the absolute least, the nurses are incredibly helpful (generally, there's always a few that suck), there's psychologists on ward usually, the food isn't terrible (in Aus at least), there's relatively easy access to sleeping pills, a doctor will give you a in ward script if you can't sleep, whereas doctors are wary outside wards, and most of all, it's just an incredibly stable environment to be in.
You'll only get involuntarily admitted if you're an immediate risk to yourself and others. So, for a therapist to commit you, you'd have to say you were going to kill yourself before the next session they had you.
Anyone know how to find cognitive behavioral therapy? Apparently next to none of them accept insurance, and my regular therapist said I should try to track down trainees. Problem is there's no directory for CBT trainees. Should I just cold call big shots and ask if they're training anyone personally?
>>28522008
I can eat anything I ever want and never gain weight. I feel like a god
I'm afraid of everything
and everything I'm not afraid of seems completely meaningless and bleak
so either I'm super apathetic and bummed out or I'm terrified and anxious
I think that's the easiest way to describe it
idk what to do really all the therapists I've seen have either been kinda awful or really nice but ineffectual or just gave me prescriptions
>>28522008
I recently got diagnosed with depression, ADHD, and anxiety.
I tried to kill myself but only ended up in the hospital. The guy who called was my chad neighbor, nice guy.
I'm afraid all my problems are self-inflicted. That this would change if I would.
But if you asked a man to be more sociable or tactful, would he?
>>28522008
I'm afraid of just about everything because of GAD, I'm also a pharmcuck at this point. I can't stop comparing myself to the other people in my life that are moving on and getting an apartment, job, and wife while I can't even look someone in the eyes. Why the Fuck do I have to do deal with this? What happened to me? How did I end up here? Fuck.
>>28524603
Talk to your GP, generally they know about that stuff. Honestly though, CBT is really easy to find, most therapy you do is CBT, I've never met a psych that couldn't do it. Are you seeing proper psychologists?
>>28523132
This is why I'm so scared.
I went in there before, I can't go in there again.
Please.
>>28522008
Mygirlfriendis fairly convinced I'm a high-functioning Aspie. I don't agree, but I can see where she's coming from - I struggle tremendously in social situations, I avoid foods based on their texture, I can't stand it when people touch my head, I get extremely agitated when my routine is disrupted, etc.
My question is: at the age of 23, would there even be a point to seeking out an autism diagnosis? I don't really see any benefits other than being able to say "well I'm an aspie lol".
>>28524738
Why the fuck are you begging us? We're not sending you, we're just telling you what your therapist would do if you said something like "I am going to go home and kill myself"/
>>28524581
He's right. I was only in their for a week and a bit, so I'm probably not experienced enough to say this.
But he's right
>>28522008
Anxiety as fuck, I feel like a burden all the time. Might be giving me testicle pain, shit comes and goes in my right nut near the top. Been tot he dr twice in 6 weeks and can't find an explanation.
>>28524780
You're right, anon. Sorry
>>28524790
But he's not. I've been in wards heaps of times, my longest was a couple months, and it's the case in all the wards I've been in bar high security ones.
>>28524847
All good anon, I was too harsh. But yeah, don't tell them you're going to kill yourself or someone else in the immediate future and you'll be fine.
>go out
>KNOW I'm going to fail
>have a panic attack in the city
>it lasts for 30 minutes
>walking out of train
>slam head into railing
>bleeding
>knew this all would happen
>parents still push me to go out
>>28526055
I feel dizzy
I'm vomiting
I gave myself a concussion
FUCK
Is there any reason not to just fucking mutilate myself?
>>28524581
I can't say i buy it one bit. Most if not all of those people faked results to get out of there.
I am a 20 year old community college student who works part time at a golf course. On my days off I just sleep. I'm so fucking sad all the time I just sleep and eat junk good and browse 4Chan all day long....that's it....I dint want to get into anymore details than that but it just fucking sucks
>>28526572
Anon, do you really think hospitals would spend hundreds of thousands of dollars running these wards if they didn't help at all? When a patient kills themselves after getting released, there's a fucking heap of court proceedings that everyone in the ward and hospital board have to deal with, and it's not common that it happens.
>Most if not all of those people faked results to get out of there.
This is a baseless and frankly ridiculous claim. Psychiatrists in wards are trained to pick up on you lying, and the reasons nurses can always see you in most wards is so that they can make observations and tell if you're going to be stable and capable when out. If you're well enough to put up a facade of wellness 24/7 in a mental ward, then you're well enough to function when you're out of the ward. If you want to kill yourself after that it's your choice, but that's not a common thing.
Generally suicides that happen amongst people that have been in inpatient settings is that they don't keep taking their meds. They go "Wow, I feel better, I don't need these anymore", then slip back into an episode and kill themselves. Keep taking the meds and you'll generally be okay.
>>28526952
you're me in the future. I just failed out of a regular college and I'm probably going to do community college so I don't have to get a full time job.
I blame mental illness for failing out desu
Never been diagnosed with anything
but doesn't anyone else experience shame and guilt like super heavily? If I remember something I did I regret I experienced these tics where I murmur "shit/fuck/kill me" or clench my fists because the pain is so bad. I've had a really sensitive guilt trigger since I was a kid but the tics only started happening in the last two years.
also I can't smoke weed anymore cuz it makes this flare up like crazy.
Have any of you tried depression/anxiety medicine? I've been depressed pretty much since i was 14 (with few off days here and there) and because of that I've isolated myself from everyone, and the few friends that I have left know me as this weird twisted depressed piece of shit. Im afraid that if I take medicine or "heal" myself ill turn into an normie and start crawing company and attention and since i have like 4 friends and my most of my family hates me ill be extremely lonley and experience a whole new world of depression
>>28528358
I've been on every class bar MAOI's, what do you want to know? First thing I'll have to say is don't go "does it work for you?", because every medication is different, and every person reacts differently to medications.
>>28528384
I dont know what i should ask , I guess ill start with that my depression isint besed on any trauma it just kinda appeared when I was yong although my mom later had boyfriends that we're abusive towards me witch didn't help. Can you suggest any medicine based on that? ( sorry for rambling)
>>28528148
yes familia I know of what you speak, it gets super bad when I'm super stoned trying to fall asleep. Like:
>be 20
>dad is getting remarried
>I'm the best man
>have to give a toast
>ohshitnigger.jpg
>the fated hour arrives
"I just wanted to say that I knew Lisa was a really great person from the day I met her and I'm so glad they're getting married"
>letdown.jpg
what a moronic fucking speech, I didn't even try, what in the literal fuck was I thinking
>>28528530
You'd start with SSRI's, for sure, that's what they always start people off on, as they have extremely mild side effects if you get any, worst you'll get is a bit of nausea or some headaches if you stop cold turkey.
You should do therapy with them though, they work best in conjunction with it, and are way less effective without it.
Anti-depressants are pretty mild medications in general until you get to stuff like tricyclics, which can be more dangerous, but odds are you won't ever need to take those.
All I can say without you asking specific questions is to trust your doctor. If he thinks a medication is best for you, trust him, but still ask questions and be informed. Let him know about any side effects too, and never just stop cold turkey, taper off.
I have no ambitions, goals, or dreams in life.
I also have no self control, and very little willpower.
how do i get in the loon ward
last time i tried the nurse dumped me at the homeless shelter
>>28528744
Thanks ill screenshot this and save it for if i ever get the balls to talk to an authority about this
>>28528643
hey man I know it's different when you're there but that honestly sounds like a really sincere, pleasant speech. I'm sure no one thinks about it but you.
>>28528643
>toast
Anon, that could have been a fuck of a lot worse. I've completely locked up in the middle of speeches. Don't worry about stuff like that. I truly doubt anyone remembers your speech being short.
>>28528148
me too
i often to whisper "i want to kill someone" under breath unconsiously in my language when i feel guilty about something
i tried to stop this habit but it's still happens. sometimes i say it when with friends and i hope they didn't listen it.
>>28529489
Hmm see for me it's totally inward, things like "I want to kill myself" or "kill me"
one time I felt super anxious after hitting a bowl ONCE as my gf had recently broke up with me and I remember saying "kill me kill me kill me" towards my open door after pacing around my room and I'm almost positive my roommates heard it so they must think i'm pretty nuts
I've been isolated for so long due to my social phobia that my dissociation has kicked into overdrive.
I can barely concentrate, my memory's terrible and I can barely form sentences anymore. The lacking knowledge of social skills I once had has disappeared in such a huge way.
>>28529025
Threaten/attempt suicide?
Not sure why you'd want to end up there.
>>28524283
How old are you and what do you do?
>watching porn
>realize you're an animal watching other animals of your species having sex
>you're an animal jacking off to animals
>because you can't or won't let yourself be an "animal"
>and yet, you still are an animal, hence jacking off
>recognizing you're an animal is freeing
>yet also completely constraining
>since, as an animal, nothing matters
>as a human, things matter too much
>two choices, love or apathy, meaning or irrelevance
>too broken to pick either
>go back and forth
>feel like you're losing your mind
>realize you're totally sane
>that just makes it worse
fucking hell
Sex offender for life at age of twelve because my three year old brother put his hand on my penis and I immediately told him to stop and my mom had a history of rape and molestation so she lost her shit in panic mode and called the police.
She didn't press charges, county did, was given a public defender that told a twelve year old special ed kid (adhd) that he should plead guilty because the judge would take it easier on you and nobody told him its a bad idea.
Long story short, due to the age difference and law changes something that was supposed to hr completely removed from my record when I turned eighteen is now there permanently.
Imagine having to live a life being labeled as a monster for your entire life for something stupid you did at the age of twelve, then add that literally no one will employ you, and depression and anxiety so bad that you are really starting to doubt your own sanity while on the verge of homelessness coupled with a paranoia so strong you believe that police are actively out to get you so that you will be murdered in prison.
Imagine having your life stolen from you, at twelve, and then being asked to keep living when all you want to do is die so this shit can end
Imagine being best man at your 'victims' wedding and still being labeled a literal monster.
>>28522174
>anon, thoughts of self-harm automatically place you in the "mentally ill" category
Fuck
>>28530479
They don't, same with thoughts of suicide. I've had doctors tell me that anyone who tells you they've never seriously considered suicide or struck out at themselves in anger or other strong emotions is lying to you. Even drinking excessively is self harming behaviour, doesn't make you mentally ill though.
>>28530285
I'd look up who the prosecutor was at your case and murder them. I'm not kidding. I would find them and murder-suicide. At least beat them with a baseball bat, if you only hurt them it'll just be a few years in jail even if you somehow get caught
I think about suicide every day. Now taking active steps to get it done. I can't stop feeling bad about my oneitis even though it's been so long. I'm bipolar 1 and the amount of stupid shut I've done while manic overwhelms me with embarrassment. The only thing that keeps me from hanging myself is that I know it would kill my parents. But fuck that, shouldn't we be able to opt out of life when we want to?
I envy those of you still yearning for a lost love or trying to lose your virginity.
It sucks when you learn that love doesn't fill that hole in your soul and sex isn't that big of a deal.
Tfw head hurts
Feeling agitated and nervous all day. Fapped for ages telling myself not to cum then I held my breath I'm lonely. I feel like I should be doing something. It's Friday night. Even though I'm mentally tired I am still agitated I need to do something. I need a gf right now.
I'm not sure if I actually have feelings or if I'm just pretending to fit in. I have a decent life and people like me; I just don't know if any of it is real.
>>28522008
You know, pretty standard stuff, the ever-present knowledge that you're going to die alone, the shame and misery that comes with being a NEET, the upcoming second anniversary of my NEETdom, finding out the one person I ever gave a damn about was only dating me out of pity, and has since cut all contact with me, the fact that I'm outright hideous, and that most people have no problem telling me so. You know, the usual
>>28530856
Sounds like you just have a bad life and feel shit about it anon, not mental illness. This is a good thing though, it's much easier to change what's around you than it is to change the ways you think, or possibly even who you are.
Doctor says I should care more about myself and other people. He also says I may be emotionally detached. He thinks I should care about my problems. It's also weird talking to a female psychologist how you want to kill women for absolutely no reason, while not harboring relevant negative feeling toward females as a whole. That aside, my medicine is keeping me awake at night, stupid doctor.
>>28531754
>That aside, my medicine is keeping me awake at night, stupid doctor.
What medication?
>>28531763
Olanzapine. I swear I'm not schizophrnic, the doctor just thinks I'm borderline psychotic
>>28531786
Just so you know, they also give anti-psychotics to autists so that they can't go apeshit at people, or to people that seem prone to some anger issues or violence. Doesn't mean you're psychotic.
Don't see how they're keeping you up though, they do the opposite generally, short of a couple rare side effects.
>>28531803
Well, he said that although I'm not dangerous some of my frequent thoughts are delusional and very violent but as I can rationalize them I'm not psychotic per se. I also have no idea why I'm awake but it might just be that I'm so hungry I can't sleep.
>>28528358
>Im afraid that if I take medicine or "heal" myself ill turn into an normie and start crawing company and attention
You're not only depressed, you're also an idiot. Taking ''Depression medicine'' will not turn you into a normie, you'll still be you, but it will not do that, it will make things far worse for you. You have to escape depression on your own. Once you do so, you won't instantly start craving attention and company, you'll still be yourself. Also, you don't have to be depressed because you don't have a whole lot of friends and you won't experience a whole ''new world'' of depression just because you're lonely. You just have to not let depression get to you again. Man up.
>>28522931
My parents keep fucking joking that I'll get a mail order bride from Thailand or the Philippines and this shit fucking infuriates me.
I fucking hate those annoying chinks.
>>28531786
Don't fucking take it BRO. I was on this medication for bipolar mania, it zombifies me, made be gain 30 lbs in 3 months, and made me unable to feel basic human things. I couldn't focus on anything or enjoy a single fucking hobby. It made me suicidal. I quit taking the meds and deal with my bipolar as best I can unmedicated. If you don't already try having a cig every morning. It truly helped me in a very significant way.
>>28522931
>>she even makes a joke about "woohoo! female interaction!"
Your mother is awesome. You are the joke.
>>28531754
>It's also weird talking to a female psychologist how you want to kill women for absolutely no reason, while not harboring any negative feelings toward females as a whole
holy fuck anon are you me
>>28533551
Depends, my psychologist seems to think I'm a psycho and/or want to fuck my mother. What about you?
Anyone had any experience with Lexapro?
was prescribed it today and wanna know what im in for
>>28533296
I find it pretty unlikely you're just handling bipolar type one on your own, they're retards if they gave you olanzapine for type 2, but type 1 is absolutely not manageable unmedicated.
>>28531832
Yeah, I can't imagine you're dangerous based on that, but odds are the medication is just to tone you down a bit, it's not likely to be for psychosis if you're just having bizarre thoughts.
>>28533853
Don't bother asking for other peoples experiences, everyone reacts massively differently to medications. It works for some people, doesn't for others, and it gives some headaches or nausea. Only you taking it will let you know how you're going to react.
>>28533931
You're wrong there m8, bipolar 1, been managing it unmedicated for a year and some change, no major incidents.
When I go without sleep for a day or two I begin to have auditory and then vision related hallucinations.
When I'm not sleep deprived I see and hear things that I think most people filter out. Either that or my hearing is just much better than most people's (which I don't think is likely). This most likely makes me prone to these kinds of things.
Along with this I never feel very rested even with a full nights sleep (which I think is common). I either don't dream at all and it's as if I'd only slept for a moment. Or I have very vivid, and extremely long dreams, almost never ending. They never seem to end (which again I feel is common but maybe not I do not know).
I don't enjoy other people's company. I don't devalue or over value them. I just don't enjoy them. Not for very long anyway.
I like the idea of them, which could be mistaken for me creating an unachievable version of themselves but that isn't the case. I simply don't like people for very long. The way they act and think eventually deviates too far from my own thinking and acting to really make any connection that they'd find suitable or pleasurable.
>>28534596
Seeing and hearing things when sleep deprived is completely normal, as long as it's not full fledged hallucinations, and rather just flickering shadows or the like.
>>28534731
No it's more than that.
Ground shaking. Thinking I'm hearing and seeing huge gusts of wind. Large sun-like things heading directly at me
>>28522008
i'm really afraid of people and i cannot preserve social relationships.
>>28534731
Is it normal if I get kind of tired (like after being awake for 17-18 hours), faces start changing shape on screen and I hear shouting?
I used to hear voices as a kid but now I don't unless I'm tired. But I'm not sleep deprived or anything.
>>28534994
Faces looking weird is normal, yeah, but shouting might not be. Could be a sign of early onset psychosis, or could just be that your mind is more imaginative than most peoples is, and is prone to hallucinations when sleep deprived.
>>28534785
Same goes for you. Sure, these aren't normal, but it's not mental illness if it only happens when you're sleep deprived or particularly tired. If it happens when you're not tired at all or on any substances, you could be developing psychosis or have a tumor or some shit, and should see a doctor and get it checked out, it's a serious symptom.
>>28534596
A day or two? I find your weakness disturbing. During manic episodes I keep my shit together until around day 4-5
>>28529931
Is it isolation that does this? I've been worried that I might have MS for a while due to the fact that I've lost most of my control over my ability to speak. It always ends up being always cluttered mess of stutters, wrong words, and mispronounciations.
who here /tbi/ ?
my girlfriend was killed 6 months ago.
I don't know what sleep is. I cry every day but tha'ts cause i'm a girl and that's what we do MGTOW told me this. I also hate myself for being female.
I'm not sure if I belong here. Sometimes posting, though apparently anonymous, is hard for me.
I want to end my life but I'd rather be my boyfriend's brain damaged money sex and weed pig engineer thing since that's more productive than being dead.
>>28523299
Were you able to surf internet? Would they let me paint my miniatures?
>>28533239
>parents joke about every negative aspects of my life
>they get mad whenever I tell them to stop or when I go back to being in my room
I fucking hate this.
>Be 20
>Be diagnosed disorganised schizophrenic
>Medication makes me so tired and lazy
>Be 24
>Stop taking my medication
>Be 26
>House is entirely boarded up with wood
>Got myself some cameras on every window and part of the garden
>Elaborate intercomm system between the front door and my second inner front door
>Spend most of my time hanging out with friends
>One friend is someone from Scandinavia, who somehow puts up with me
>Other friend is my sock puppet
>Community health team keeps phoning and pleading for me to come see them
>I talk back. It's just incoherent and inaudible mumbling. They can barely understand.
You can't trick me, silly psychologists. I'm not going back to the psych wards.
>>28528148
I have that same tic and it seems to intensify when I smoke as well! That's a surprise, usually I don't find something that is as accurate as that on these threads.
I still smoke, but only on my days off and I usually play a game or make breakfast or anything really to keep my mind occupied because I have nothing else to look forward to.
I'm trying to improve myself and remind myself, when I think of something that does that tic, I try to think of something embarrassing the person has done, either to me or just in general. Not to make myself feel better by snickering at them or what have you, but I usually can't remember anything embarrassing that person has done. It more reminds me that I can't remember anything THEY did, so they probably can't remember the thing you're thinking of.
It works for me and I feel like I'm getting better. Maybe try that anon? Just a suggestion.
OCD
No more information about it but it sucks to have this fucking shit. Life would be so much better without it.
There's so much shit wrong with me that I'm unmotivated to type it all out.
I think if I dig a little deeper I'll reach a dark enlightenment.
>>28535513
You medicated now? You're really coherent for a disorganised schizophrenic, especially one that's had it for four years at least, it's actually impressive. Most I've seen are just confused and unable to put a proper sentence together, though aren't that delusional really, that's more the paranoid ones.
My parents split an an early age and my dad screamed at me and abused me every time we were alone to get rid of his frustration at himself for devolving into a fat piece of shit. Afterwards he'd feel bad and go buy me some toy at Safeway so I wouldn't tell my mom. My stepdad also beat the shit out of me for doing shit like telling him that he should be more careful when he spilled some milk. That fucked me up pretty bad until it got to the point where I started making little "hate packages" which are just pieces of paper where I wrote out things like "fuck *stepdad* I want to stab him and kill him" etc... and then staple it shut and throw it somewhere I hoped nobody would ever find it. In middle school I was socially needy and sought attention everywhere I could get it.
For some stupid reason all the girls at my school thought it was alpha and started trying to talk to me whilst all the guys hated my fucking guts. Cont
>>28535987
A conversation online I had with a girl went like this
- Hey anon
- STFU IM GAMING
- Do you wanna hear what I did today?
- Are you doing this just to annoy me?
Vidyas filled the emotional hole in my personality that was from the abuse by parents. Eventually that didn't cut it so I started doing self harm (Not too much though, I was scared someone would find out) and that let me vent for all of middle school which kept me in check and from committing sudoku. Started doing drugs when it came to high school and eventually tried to kill myself but failed. Told my mom this when she caught me smoking and couldn't get out of bed for a whole week due to depression.
Depression sucks the living soul out of you. Everything seems distant and pointless because you know nothing will ever come close to enabling the living husk of a human you are. Even talking with someone like your mother drains your energy. It feels as if something is sitting on your back every single second, telling you that you can't do this or that even though you know that if you tried really hard, you could. Currently in junior year of high school and not doing too bad in terms of mental health, weed helped a lot but I know that if I relapse into depression again I'm not going to fail at sudoku again.
There's nothing to look forward to in life.
>>28522008
>tfw begging the good Lord to kill you in your sleep
>>28522008
>diagnosed with EVERYTHING
>feel like shit
>work hard
>no longer suffer from mental illness
music and drugs and god, thats the cure
everybody is totally insane, you gotta realize this, you have to be comfortable with yourself, I still hate myself, but i no longer have paranoid delusions and hallucinations, or schizophrenia, it can all be cured, just gotta work hard at it, research it, read about different philosophers, read about mental states, believe the wrong things, dive in, float on
Schizoaffective anon here. I had a psychotic episode yesterday that lasted 9 hours, which is a new record for me.
>>28535775
How much do you know abt disorganized schizos?
I have been very worried, seeing flags that I might be having it.
Doctor agrees with me.
>>28522087
Dude you need to see a psychiatrist and get on some medication , you just described schizo spectrum , if the symptoms are less than a month its acute psychotic episode , 1-6 months schizofreniform , 6 months schizophrenia, either way u need atypical antipsychotics to make the voces go away
>>28537092
Disorganised schizo's often don't have any positive symptoms, it's characterised by it's negative ones more, namely lack of emotion, inability to talk coherently, anhedonia, cognitive dysfunction (ability to understand basic shit), and a completely inappropriate reaction to circumstances (laughing when sad or angry, that stuff) as well as behavioural difficulties that stop them from being able to function as normal people.
They can have some minor fragmentary delusions, but it's really not usually like what the other anon posted, that's much more paranoid schizophrenia.
What are your flags you're worried about?
>>28537349
(I apologize about my English)
I have a very hard time with other people, and understanding them, or telling them how I mean. I have almost no feelings, also, thought I am quick to anger.
>>28524779
>girlfriend
>r9k
>>28537395
It's fine anon, it's pretty good actually.
Those could be a sign of a few things, some of it is similar to prodromal psychosis, but seeing you have a language barrier already (I'm assuming) it could be other stuff. Just be honest with your doctor, and don't stress about what could be, because you can make yourself worse by doing that.
>>28523450
Holy shit you really are me. I'm so sorry.
>>28524540
l KNOW THIS FEEL ANON YOU AREN'T ALONE
>>28536891
What happened? I'm schizoaffective too but haven't had an episode in months.
I haven't eaten in 4 days haha life is great
I finally couldn't take it more and decided to seek help.
I have an appointment with the doctor soon.
If they can't help me then I doubt I'll be able to ever function normally.
i'm crazy but i don't know how
i'm pretty much always screaming in my mind
