>Grandpa was a hitman
>made his money through clients in Germany
>after coming out alive after a close call with a rigged car bomb he moved to the US
>called it quits, retired by 35, made babies
>still lives a very comfy life to this day
>Be OP
>Lie on the Internet to a bunch of virgins on a Mongolian Textile Depiction board
>>28505910
You must give him up. Your grandpa was a scared normie, go to germany and contact tough guys, bring photo of grandpa.
He think he can relax? Think again
>>28505910
>Grandpa was a soldier
>fought in WWII
>returned to US in 1949
>Gets married in a protestant wedding
>later find out he fought in Israel's war of independence
>Oy Vey! Happy_Merchant.jpg. He wasn't protestant.
>>28505910
whatever you say nerd. heres the real dark family secret your grandpa was gay and he now lives a comfy life with his gay lover
>I had downsyndrome and nobody told me
>>28505924
Not lying. Here's the vintage luger he passed down
>Be Cuban.
>Great grandfather fought in the Cuban Revolution alongside people like Che and Castro.
>He eventually went out to sea and was never seen again.
Either way that nigga is dead. Meanwhile I'm here not doing something great like participating in some revolution. Instead all I do is shitpost, just fucking kill me already.
>>28506012
>circumcized dick
>>28505910
Huh, I didn't know other people had this experience. I had an Uncle who I literally didn't know existed until I was 15. No pictures, no mentioning him, no nothing. Still never happened. Its been 5 years and I still don't know what went down to estrange him so much.
>>28506029
>that's all you've got on me
Well I feel better knowing my dick and balls are resting on several million dollars. Enjoy making steam beg threads
>>28506054
>Still never happened
Not sure why that's in there
>>28506012
that's not a luger
you were duped, anon
Papa kept Mamas bull locked up in he basement.
Sometime I would sneak down and feed him kiwi's ( the bird not the fruit fucktard)
My great-grandpa and his children (my grandpa) made moonshine, were bootleggers, and ran brothels in Minnesota. One of the family friends went to jail for a long time as a favor to the family when my grandpa and him were caught transporting alcohol.
>You realize that there's only two posters on r9k ever
>>28506054
He's your father you dip.
>>28506169
I should have said that it's my great uncle, so thats not a possibility.
family are masons, never bothered to include me, literally know nothing more about it than any of you do, potentially less. i also have a twin, don't know the name or gender, never met him or her, everyone lied about it but one family member slipped not realizing i was the other twin, another family member confirmed it but said the twin is dead.. but about 99% sure that person is lying.
also found out my grandfather did some crazy shit with guerillas (not nigs or monkies) in korea after ww2. never knew until after he died though. that's all i know though.
>mom was molested as a child
>dad is on antidepressants and has ocd
>grandad could be rich by inheriting a large amount of money but one relative fucked him over
>aunt was married and had an abortion with the guy my mom had an affair with.
>lots of wife beaters, alcoholic drug users and even 2 murderers in the family
No shit I'm fucked up
>>28506027
You know the Cuban revolution was fought in the US in a publicity stunt, right? Che was not a soldier, he was a mass murderer.
>>28505910
>the reason my mom never talks about her dad is because he was a drunk abusive shit
>my dad probably beat my mom at some point
>thats why my grandma was always hanging around and looked at my dad like that
>my parents dont love each other at all but are together for financial reasons
>grandfather shot and killed by my grandmother in front of my 10 year old father (fucked him up big time as you can imagine)
>father involved with well known criminals (in my country) back in the day
>small time dealing while working as a nightclub bouncer
>sitting on grow houses for months
he gave it all up once the leaders of the crime family went down.
met my mum and now works a straight 9-5
he talked to me about this a few Christmases ago when he was wasted.
Funny meme uncle raped all the girls whenever he got the chance and the adults ignored it
Turns out he fathered our second cousin
>>28506027
>be Cuban
>great-grandfather got thrown in prison by Castro for not supporting the glorious happy people's revolution
>died there
>>28506150
>You realize half of them are you
