>be me
>38 years old, still unemployed
>4am
>horny after watching 10 episodes of Pokemon: Johto Journey
>clomp my way across the landing to mummy's room
>clamber onto her bed
>MUMMY WUMMY ITS TIME FOR MY TUMMY TO GIVE YOU THE TENDIES THAT COME FROM MY ENDIES
>she wakes groggy and confused
>"Oh no, no Anon, please. We said-"
>she bursts into tears
>"We said I would only do it once. You got your 50,000 GBP to promise to never do it again."
>stupid bitch is crying hysterically now
>"I need to get up for work in an hour. Burger King told me if I'm late again I'll be f-f-fired."
>grab her hair and yank her head up
>NO MUMMY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO RECYCLE THE CHICKEN TENDIES BECAUSE TENDIES FROM MY ENDIES ARE YUMMY FOR MUMMYS TUMMY
>tries to wriggle away, gasping hysterically, but I grab her slender wrists with my Charizard strength
>MUMMY YOU ARE SO PRETTY I tell her as the tears stream down her red, puffy face
>MUMMYEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT THE SECOND HAND TENDIES
>she nods slowly, lower lip quivering
>squat myself over mummy's accepting face and pull down my black shorts with the flames up the sides
>mummy opens her mouth, trembling with horror and racked with sobs as she tries to keep still, I can feel her hot breath on my hairy, shit-encrusted anus
>(tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy) I whisper into the night air
>within seconds I feel something
>a gushing of release and relief from my guts expels explosive and gaseous from my itchy bumhole, spraying and splopping chunks and jets and gooey ropes of every colour all over mummy's face and into her pink, waiting mouth
>hear her gagging and crying even harder underneath me
>relief is so intense I fall face-first onto her bed, booty naked in the air
>EAT MY TENDIES MUMMY, THEYRE SO GOOD AND YUMMY I say into the bedding, muffled
>hear her trying to swallow
>just keeps gagging and crying
>I fall asleep there and when I wake up at 3pm she's gone
fucking normie bitch
UM
(bllooox)
Did you get fired from your job?
>>28505812
so was it cum or shit?
>gooey ropes and chunks
or was it both
Brilliantblox
>>28505812
50,000 GBP?
Holy fuck this woman needs to be shot. She cannot create that many GBP for a single thing, she will destory the GBP economy
>>28505812
>38 yrs old
so your mummy is like 60 and works at burger king?
>>28506004
Multiple jobs
>>28505812
Please post more tendies story
>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone
great success
>>28507885
Lets be honest that story involves that autist being murdered by his step father/mothers BF in his late teens.
>be 35 year-old NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I beat my chest like a Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out
>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me big plate of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!
>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME GRILLED FISH
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"ANON SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello anon how were your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"ANON NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"ANON ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO
>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums gonna take away the rest of my GBP for this
>mfw
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies
>>28505812
>it's funny because poop
I thought this kind of shit humor died back in 2008 or something.
>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus undies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, kissing my Rinoa Heartilly body pillow good morning, but my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "Anon are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"Anon, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "Anon, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!
>>28509084
It is not funny because poop. That is a level of humor that takes time getting into
Actually, I dont know about the humor, I read them as if they were horror stories
>lay in bed all day playing X-box
>tummy starts to grumble
>realize I haven't eaten in two hours
>too fat and lazy to get out of bed
>raise my 150 lbs grease coated arm as a half devoured tendie escapes the endless rolls of flesh on my side
>bang on wall 3 times to summon mommy
>mommy walks in, looking annoyed and tired
>"its 11pm anon what do you want?"
>open mouth to let out all of the revolting gases that have amassed in my guts after months of digesting tendies.
>mommy turns away from me and holds her mouth, vomiting in her hand.
>MAKE ME TENDIES NOW REEEEEEEEEE!
>mommy bursts into tears and runs downstairs, remembering what I did to her the last time she didn't make tendies for her good boy
>a few minutes later mommy comes upstairs with a fresh batch of tendies
>feels good man
>mom slowly approached the bed and apprehensively reaches out plate
>"h-here are y-your tendies anon, y-youre a good boy"
>swipe the plate away from her
>open mouth again to reveal all my yellow, decaying teeth, harboring all forms of bacteria and fungi.
>mommy vomits all over me!
>vomit is absorbed by the tides of fat that seem to endlessly fold all over my sickening excuse of a body
>causes a displacement of matter inside the rolls, making age-old tendies float to the top of the vomit-sea inside each roll of fat
>wipe off mold that has grown on the old tendies and throw them on the plate
>mfw I have more tendies
>mfw mommy called me a good boy
>mfw doesn't even charge GBP anymore
Feels
Fucking
Good
Man
>27 year old NEET
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new chaddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat the up in the microwave if you get hungry for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let losse my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Gods Not Dead 2
>mummy and new chaddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "...tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new chaddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicken tenders again."
And the best part is the the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points
>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some PS4
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.
>finally give in to mummy's demands and take a trip to the store
>in Walmart, browsing tendies
>comparing two brands while singing the tendies song under my breath
>"tendies tendies ten-dies, 'til the hunger end-ies"
>start tapping my foot
>"ten-dies ten-dies ten-dies, don't share them with your friend-ies"
>start dancing in the aisle
>sing at the top of my voice
>"OH TENDIES TENDIES TEN-DIES, GOTTA LOVE THEM TEN-DIES"
>security approaches me and asks me to leave because I'm scaring people
>I keep singing and dancing, pretending they're not there
>rip open a bag of tendies and start scattering them in the air like confetti as I bop down the aisle
>one hits a small child in the eye, it starts mewling
>the mother comes over and starts yelling at me
>can't hear you, bitch
>and then she fucking slaps me
>she SLAPS. ME.
>YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ANON GOODBOY UNLESS YOU ARE FEEDING HIM, CHANGING HIM OR TUCKING HIM IN
>give her a hard shove
>she falls on her bum
>grab a handful of frozen tendies and force feed them to her while singing at the top of my voice
>security guard tries to tase me
>the prongs bounce off my armoured trenchcoat
>slowly turn to face him with what I think is a triumphant grin
>he's holding a little canister
>starts spraying it in my face
>hah, good luck getting that pepper spray past these shades fucko
>start laughing and breathe some of it in accidentally
>OH FUCK THIS SHIT BURNS LIKE THE SPICIEST MEMES
>lash out, hit him in the head and he falls over
>scratching at my throat, can barely breathe
>nose is gushing snot
>swallow some and start puking
>slip on my puke and fall on the floor
>start punching myself in the head and kicking the floor while screaming
>manage to shout "FUCKING NORMIES WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME" in between bouts of retching
>police arrive and cuff me
>fall asleep in the police car and wake up chained to bed with a note reading "Anon, I'm deducting 1000 GBP for your frankly disgusting behaviour"
>mfw I still have 9863 GBP left over
>>28509277
>I dont know about the humor
It's basically just The Aristocrats! joke but if the family was a middle aged violent mentally disabled man.
>>28509761
Why does your mommy call you anon?
>>28509510
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
kek that gave me a good laugh
>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my Good Boy Points scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"Anon, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, Anon, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry Anon's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, Anon, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE! I HAVE PAID THE GBP NO REFUNDS!
>"Please, Anon, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii-U Gamepad over my peepee. Get a semi.
>Start violently shitting in my diapies. The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Laugh and roll around in dirty diapey. it gets everywhere
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR HUNGRY TUMTUM
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, bruising her
>She goes and makes my tendies
>Dine like a king
What a beautiful day this is today. I wonder how I should start my day off...I think I'll go make myself a healthy breakfast and watch the finest animes. Oh hey there wage slave, didn't see you there! What's up...oh, about to leave on your one hour commute to your priso...I mean workplace? Well, that's fun too...I guess.
Another day, another dollar.
>wake up at noon
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but my rotting teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw
>>28510169
dude, where did you get a power rangers coloring book?
>>28510260
Mummy gets all my coloring books from Barnes & Noble. She never lets me go with her out of fear of being seen with me by someone she knows, so I have to take whatever she buys me. Luckily she got me a Ninja Turtles book last week. I like Ninja Turtles.
>>28506004
She could be 51, bot.
> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out to GameStop with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "Anon! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "ANON! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my poo-crusted bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory
>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on tv
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burgler
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic kid'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>i jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face (i weigh 300 lbs)
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles
>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>thiswillnotstand.jpg
>fetch the machete from dad's old toolshed that's gone unused ever since he left
>corner mummy
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now
fucking normies
>Mummy's new boyfriend comes over
>they're play wrestling in her room
>fucking normies
>i'll show them!
>start slamming on the door with my body
>"WE WANT TENDIES WE WANT TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDY'S"
>"anon please don't start this"
>I can hear the desperation in her voice, I have already won
>"TENDIES TENDIES NOTHING LESS, GIVE ME OR ILL MAKE A MESS"
>her boyfriend starts yelling at me to go away
>"anon, please, I'll give you 100 GBP if you go play in your room quietly"
>we are past the point of no return, it's time to teach this bitch a lesson
>"POOPY POOPY ON THE FLOOR, NEXT IT COMES UNDER THE DOOR"
>pull down my diaper (I taught myself how to do that trick) and take a #2 the floor
>begin cramming it under the door with my foot
>Mummy's friend starts going ballistic, opens the door and pins me to the wall like he's going to punch me
>start fake crying while screaming "TENDIESTENDIESTENDIES"
>mummy pulls him off me and tells him to leave
>he says he's never coming back
>go take my bubblebath
>finish and towel off
>tendies are sitting on my desk
Heard mummy crying later that night. I swear normies are so fucking easy to break. I have enough GBP saved up to go to LEGOland, I think I'll make a poopy in the middle of the park just to watch her squirm. She knows I own her.
>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "anon please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in 3 hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a 500 GBP coupon in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip
>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, give her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!
The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!
>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.
If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
>>28510809
Nigga did yo ass just walk in da woman's bedroom askin of dem GBP? Sheet, yous a real robots home dawg.
>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college
>>28510795
fucking masterpiece right there whoever made that pasta
>be me
>be 26
>be NEET
>wake up at 7pm
>mummy has made dinner
>it's vegetables
>i hate vegetables
>refuse to eat it
>"well, you're going to go without dinner tonight, anon"
>she thinks she's won
>go back to my room
>hold myself over for a few hours on mountain dew
>wait till mummy is asleep
>start screaming "I WANT FOOD I WANT FOOD" as loud as I can
>mummy wakes up and stumbles to my door
>"anon what are you doing?!? It's midnight!"
>walk up real close to my door and stop screaming
>"anon, are you ok?"
>mummy opens the door
>me standing right there
>scream "I WANT FOOD!" two inches from her face
>she falls backwards into the hall
>keep screaming "I WANT FOOD" as I head to the kitchen
>start taking food items from the fridge and throw them all over floor
>throw gallon of milk onto the ground and it explodes
>mummy is pleading with me to stop
>"ONLY IF YOU GET ME TACOS AND TENDIES!"
>"GET ME TACOS AND TENDIES NOW. I WANT THEM NOW!"
>mummy crying
>"Why do you do this, anon?!? WHY?!"
>mfw I see her getting her car keys
>mfw she comes home at 1am with tendies and tacos from Jack in the Box
>mfw she'll never get rid of her little boy!
>>28511620
Why does your mother call you anon?
>Settling down in my man-palace after a hard night of teaching scammers a lesson in Runescape.
>It's been a bit hot lately, so my shit-jugs are starting to ferment. I can see gas-bubbles forming, and the bottles are expanding. Mommy's been getting lazy. I resolve to have a stern word with her.
>Feeling a bit peckish. I'm still only on my second dinner, after all.
>Check my GBP chart and see that I have 25 good boy points saved up! That's only 5 short of a whole box of tendies!
>"MOMMY! MOM! YOUR BEST-BOY NEEDS YOU!"
>I hear a glass smash, and a sob from outside my door. Obviously, in her rush to tend to me, the wench has dropped whatever beverage she was preparing for me. I scream louder.
>"MOMMY!! GET IN HERE NOW!". I start throwing piss bottles at the wall. One goes my window, and into the neighbour's house. I don't care. Mommy will fix it.
>All this exertion wears me out, no strength left. Lose control of my sphincter temporarily and blast shit all down the back of my limited edition Final Fantasy jammies.
>Mommy comes in and looks around the room, her face is all scrunched up, clearly distressed at how much she has displeased me.
>"I want tendies! Now!" I point in the direction of the kitchen, and expect to see her much dutifully away to prepare my nourishing reward.
>Mommy sighs and looks at the chart "Anon, you know the rules. You still need 5 more GBP for a box of chicken tenders."
>"They're called TENDIES you stupid BITCH!" I scream as I lunge towards her. I go to fetch my little league bat so I can bash her head in, but the fates cause me to miss by a TINY bit.
>"Sigh, clean up all these bottles, Anon, and I'll give you the last 5 points."
>Before I deliver the fatal blow, she walks out, and closes the door.
>In a weakened state, unable to continue the fight. I decide to clean up the jugs.
>Go to collect them all, too many for one trip. I refuse to take multiple trips, it's undignified, so I pile them all on my blanket and wrap them up.
(continued)
>>28511931
>Shit and piss jugs leaking everywhere. No bottletops on any of the MTN Dew bottles (I keep all bottlecaps in my Fallout Limited Edition Vault while their value increases!)
>Put the poopy-pile in the secret area under my bed! :^)
>"MOMMY MOMMY. TENDIE TIME! A WHOLE PACK OF TENDIES WILL SOON BE MINE!"
>Another glass shatters outside the door. How stupid IS this woman? I hear another, louder sob.
>Mommy comes in, a bullet rolls in past her foot. Maybe she was buying me that new pistol I wanted! (I'm prestige in CoD)
>She looks around, checking for poopy-bottles and pissy-wissy jugs. She doesn't know our little secret! :^)
>Tendies already on a plate! She's semi-redeemed herself!
>Ready for my reward!
>"Sorry, Anon. I still see one bottle." Mom points, and holds the plate out of reach. I see one piss-bottle I've missed! Blast!
>"N-No mom! That's MTN Dew", noting the clearish yellow liquid.
>"Oh really? Then drink some." She says.
>Horrified at the idea, but really need those GBP! Still too exhausted from talking, and the shit is starting to pool around my feet.
>I walk over and pick up the bottle. Looking down in disgust, but trying to hide it, I take a swig.
>Immediately feel the overpowering urge to throw up. Try to keep it down, but can't. Still too tired from the battle with mom earlier.
>Start throwing up all over my room. Lurch forward and trip over my Pinkie Pie plushie.
>Vomit hits my mom in the eyes and she starts screaming and vomiting too. The tendies go flying in the air, and mom smashes into everything.
>Fall back onto the bed and the shit jugs burst out from underneath. Shit and piss everywhere.
>Mom slips over in the shit, unable to stand up. Eventually she crawls out. Crying. Probably in disgust at how lazy she is.
>Tendies land on the floor in a pool of liquid shit and piss.
>Not wasting 30GBP after all that.
>Sit down for my meal.
>as I work down the shit&piss covered tendies I hear one last, sad sob and then a loud BANG
>MFW.
>>28510795
>>28509106
These are connected, they both have legoland in them
>>28511952
what happened? Is your mom alright?
>Be NEET
>Parents are wagecucks, tell them how pathetic they are at dinner every night
>One day wake up, 6:30
>Nobody woke me up for dinner at 6:00
>Run down the steps, screeching at my parents for trying to let me starve
>No answer
>Hmm.jpeg
>Go into parents room
>See them both dead, holding hands, a gun in each of their off hands and a bullet wound through both of their heads
>Note between them
>"Dear Robot, we are sorry, but we cannot stand this type of existence anymore. We both love you very much, but our lives simply aren't worth living if they're going to be like this. We left you chicken tenders and bagel bitez in the freezer, and instructions on how to reheat them. We're so sorry honey bunches. Please, please forgive us, and be okay. Love, mom and pop."
>mfw my parents became an hero because they couldn't stand being wagecuck's anymore
>Start to panic, know that Jewman will make me leave the house if they find out my parents are dead
>Hide their bodies under the mattress, use the tendies that they left me (ignore shitty bagel bitez)
>they left me enough power and internet to last a while, play Smite and Runescape for a few weeks
>Eventually run out of tendies
>Go to the Bitez
>Almost out of those when I hear a knock at the door
>It's Mr. Shekelsteens wagecuck HR Person
>Parents are both high up in their company, when they wouldn't answer their phone for such a long time, Mr. Shekelsteen sent this asshole to check on them
>Tell him they went on vacation in Wagekuktopia
>He doesn't believe me, starts to get panicked because he smells "carrion"
>Runs up to my parents bed and finds them
>I get charged for murder even though I didn't do it
>Court case lasts 17 months, spend most of my time in lock up because I can't afford bail, not after they stopped giving me my NEETbux
>I am found not guilty, but they also find that I am "Mentally unfit"
>They give me triple the NEETbux they used to
>I get to keep my parents house and get paid like a king for my whole life
>feel like having tendies but mummy has to go to work
>nottodaybitch.jpg
>put tobacco in her breakfast while she's not looking
>comes home before lunch and tells me she feels sick
>makes me the tendies I crave before passing out on couch
>family doctor has to make a house call
>mummy has nicotine poisoning
>mummy stays home all week and makes me tendies whenever I please
>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counter-strike GO cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever
le epic poo poo memes! Nice thread OP!
>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>juice explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and mountain dew
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now
>>28509838
I actually am about to commute to work an hour
fuck you anon
>>28512391
>tfw exams tomorrow
> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.
>be me
>27
>live at home with mom
>she has a party and invites our friends and families
>big pot luck but all I want is chicken tendies
>go to freezer pull out tendies
>throw some in the microwave
>come out of the kitchen with my chicken tendies and hot mustard
>everyone looks at me as I go back to my fap fortress
>mom comes in and tells me, "Anon, will you please be social for our family and friends? Please do it for me!"
>Go back to the living room
>"so anon I hear you like those chinese cartoons like the dragon ballsy and naroootoe?"
>starting to get pissed
>giggle and just say yeah
>then some faggot pulls out a Macbook Air to show off his faggot families vacation
>rage ensues
>run to my room screaming "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>grab piss bottle
>throw it at macfag
>hits him everyone goes silent
>Then I scream "Filthy fucking casual!"
>Apple is for fags
>mom grabs me
>Back hand her
>faggot white knight steps in and tells me to calm down
>start to scream and helicopter
>shit my self in the process
>everyone pulls out their iPhones to take a video
>more rage
>run back into room and grab my wooden katana
>here them talking and asking what they should do
>run out and chop at the macbook asshole
>the guy tries to tackle me but my ninjitsu skills are second to none
>he trips and bust his head open on the coffee table
>everyone runs out
>someone calls the cops
>go hid in my room
>clutch my Rei body-pillow and pray to my framed picture of Gabe Newell above my bed
>set up trap using my jizz bottles
>cops knock on door and tell me to open up
>They bust in
>first cop gets a bucket of jizz I proped over my door
>second one trips over my fleshlight
>cops throw me to the ground and hand cuff me
>mom's crying
>go to jail
>missing warm tendies and comfy animes
>feelsbadman
>at new daddy's country cabin for the weekend while the house is fumigated
>him and mummy go out for the day, leave me in my race car bed that mummy carried all the way here on the bus because she can't afford gas any more
>noon rolls around, get hungry
>get out of bed, unlock the baby gate they set up (she doesn't know I know how, dumb bitch) and go into the kitchen/hall area in search of din dins
>NO FUCKING TENDIES
>just spam and jerky and soup in the cupboards and frozen deer in the freezer
>pile all the spam cans up and go pee pee on them to show what I think of this
>fucking normies don't have the first clue about nutrition, this is a fucking outrage
>go into new daddy's bedroom, maybe he keeps an emergency stash of tendies hidden like I do
>look under his bed
>nothing there but a load of magazines with pictures of ladies wearing no clothes and some men too
>there fucking MUST be tendies nearby because the magazines are covered in ranch
>notice a shoebox a little further back
>grab it and bring it out, it's heavy. These must be his tendies, quite a few of them too
>open it
>it's a gun
>looks like a Glock 17, I can tell from extensive experience in Counter-Strike
>take it out and pretend I'm in Wanted, making the bullet curve around the doorway and hitting Chad on the other side
>"HAHA FUCK YOU CHAD YOU SHIT I BET YOU REGRET THOSE WEDGIES NOW-"
>suddenly there's a loud crash in the hall and a man's voice shouting
>fill my diaper and start shaking
>the gun goes off, I go deaf and drop it
>crawl under the bed and squeeze my eyes shut
>work up the courage to check things out after a few minutes
>peak around kitchen corner
>new daddy is lying in the pile of piss-soaked spam cans, ouchie-juice leaking from his abdomen
>mummy is crying over him and on the phone to the police
this is going to cost some hefty GBP
I am fucking bored of you OP enough of this fucking same thread every fucking day
>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me ten Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need 10 Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Burger King for dessert
>Mummy brings home a new daddy
>"Anon, meet your new daddy. His name is Tom. :)"
>"Pleased to meet you, Anon!"
>Fucking normie mom, brings home a new daddy every week.
>Ignore him and get back to watching my favorite movie (Scoobie Doo Wrestlemania Mystery)
>Decide to bring out my wrasslin toys to re-enact the movie.
>Feeling a bit rumbly in my tummy
>Stumble over to the kitchen to redeem my GBP for some Tendy-Wendies and Cherry Coke Zero
>As I take a sip of my soda from my sippy cup, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the new Daddy has picked up my Triple H figure
>Stomp over to him
>"THEY CALL ME THE BABY BOY!"
>"NO MAN ON EARTH WILL TOUCH MY TOY!"
>BRRRRRRRRRRRR-APPLEDOUGH
>Launch myself at the fucking normie and knock him over effortlessly (I'm 6'2" 370 pounds)
>Hold him down and aim my nose at his mouth
>Begin to blow snot out of my nose at full force.
>"YOU TO LIVE WITH MUMMY AND ME? NOW YOU WILL EAT BOOGERS FOR TEA!"
>Tom begins throwing up from cobined grodyness of my boogies and body odour (havent showered in 3 weeks)
>Mummy comes in and sees the scene
>Pulls me off of her boyfriend and takes away 10 GBP (Totally worth it)
>Tom leaves early
>He hasn't called back since.
>be peaceful NEET
>living in ancestral basement and using every part of the tendy
>cleanface normie called Mommy comes down
>used to be nice, traded goodboy points and Mountain Dew in exchange for emptying urine jugs in the great plains of the backyard
>now says it's her basement, time for me to get job like the normie man, cut greasy hair and wear clothes from American Eagle and Urban Outfitters
>tell her this not my basement or hers, all belongs to the Great Waifu, no want dress like the normie man, the wa-uh ayge-ku'k in our language
>Mommy say she's had enough, going to call someone
>two days later normie man in suit come, say he from the courthouse, gives me what he says is "eviction notice," that house belong to Mommy
>realize Mommy has broken our treaty
>grab my Katana and whoop out a mighty war RRRRRREEEEEEE and chase normie man
>manage to slice off some hair before he runs out of basement
>affix hair to wall with tape and perform mighty scalp dance for my tribe of Chinese cartoon plastic figurines
>Mommy says she calling the cleanfaces in blue clothes to come arrest me
>taking me to the NEET reservation called in their language 'Men-tell-hospit El.'
>mfw
>>28512889
Shut your mouth normie faggot
>be me
>playing cs:go
>mummy and new chocolate daddy are wrestling downstairs
>suddenly get a hunger for tendies
>walk over to my GBP board through the shit jugs and piss bottles
>i have 40 GBP, enough for an extra-large chicken tendie meal
>i run downstairs to tell mummy
>"Mummy, mummy, I have 40 GBP! I want tendies"
>she says "Sorry anon, I'm busy, maybe you can cook the tendies that are in the freezer"
>youjustcrossedthelinebitch.png
>i run back to my room crying and screaming
>i grab my special 5000 GBP damascus katana
>i run back downstairs
>i scream "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU FUCKING NORMALFAGS, SMELL MY SPECIAL DIAPEY SURPRISE!"
>chocolate daddy is confused
>i take off my diaper and throw it directly towards his head
>he screams and falls to the ground
>i then unsheath my katana and chop off his pee pee
>he screams even louder
>mummy leaves to take him to the hospital
>she says he could be blind and that they need to put his pee pee back on or something
>i wait 5 hours
>mummy comes back with an extra large chicken tendie meal and a mountain dew
>mfw
6pm time for din dins
i hope its tendies or else it's bin bins
Mummy comes out food in hand
Fifty for me this looks grand
tendies here yummy yummy
always warm cooked by mummy
i take a bite they're fucking bland
I've experienced hell first hand
REEEEE i scream
GAAAAAAHHHH i beam
FUCK YOU mummy this is your end
To hurt mother is what i intend
Unsheath my katana
Play some nirvana
I align my fedora
go to her room and destroy her menorah
thats what she gets that fucking jew
Going to tell /pol/ thats what i'll do
But to hurt mother must come first
For ruining tendies she'll get my worst
Down the stairs i slowly tread
When im done with mother, she'll be dead
She's on the phone that fucking whore
probably telling other daddy to come to my door
I hide my sword so she doesn't know
But she can see somethings up with my euphoric glow
i start to run and my sword is out
She's going to receive a heavy clout
I trip on the cord
down goes my sword
I lie on the floor
GAAHHHHHH
GROOOAAAHHH
fucking normies
>>28505812
God-tier greentexts OP I love you
'Twas the night before chadmas,
All the normies were clubbing,
"MUMSY WUMSY" I cried,
"MY TUMMY NEEDS RUBBING",
Mommy obliged and gave it her all,
Then shit from my bum flowed clean through the hall.
With shit up her arm and all down her blouse,
I smiled with charm and ran all through the house.
I left a trail of poo poo, screaming 'bout chicken tenders,
"I WANT TENDIES TO CHEW, IN THEIR GOLDEN FRIED SPLENDOR!"
Mommy told me to stop, she forbade me to shout,
I nearly lost hope till my katana came out.
With a gleam in my eye, I spoke my foul words,
Threatened Mommy with death by sheath or by turd.
She complied with my wishes and I finally scored;
A plate full of tendies that she knew I adored.
"OK OK!" She screamed "I'll get you tenders!",
Her spirit is broken, like it has been in a blender,
"goo goo ga ga" I said with a grin,
No chicken tendies should be considered a sin
Now I know there are many who detest and abhor me,
But a robot cares not for the chad or the normie.
Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime
Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss
Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies
I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"
"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter
I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey
I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweets.
>be me
>be in mummy wummy's attic
>hear mummy and new daddy making the Forrest Gump sounds
>decide it's time to cash in GBP cache
>503 GBP
>this means soooooo many tendies
>Swing open mummy's door and see new daddy pumping cucumber in mummy
>"mummy i need tendie-wendies!"
>"fuck off lad" screechies new daddy as he spews mayonaise
>begin to cry
>run to attic
>spirit broken
>get on tumblr and read about self harm
>time to show mummy how much i love the tendies
>take katana and begin James Franco-ing my limbs ie 127 hrs
>ketchup & bbq all over
>bread myself in own pee-pee and baby powder
>roll to mummy's door
>mfw she's at the door crying
>mfw im human tendie
>wake up early at 4pm after an exhausting minecraft session
>hungies beyond belief
>waddle through the pee pee bottles on the floor of my room and see my GBP chart
>I earned 40 GBP last night by not pouring my pee pee bottles on new daddy so I can buy some tendies
>roll my 300 lbs body out of my room and go wake up mummy
>mummy and new daddy are wrestling on the bed
>"TUMMY WANTS TENDIES MUMMY"
>"not now anon"
>" NEW DADDIES PEEPEE CAN WAIT I NEED TENDIES NOW"
>"please, anon. I had a rough day at work"
>canyoubelievethis.shit
>"ILL CALL THE POLICE FOR CHILD ABUSE MUMMY"
>new daddy tells me to fuck off
>decide to go to wendys to get my tendies because that stupid cunt won't feed her perfect little angel
>gather my GBP reciepts mummy gave me
>walk to wendys
>ask how many GBP each tendie costs
>cashier has no idea what im talking about
>she doesnt even know of my waifu food, call her normie scum
>get asked to leave
>extract niggermode.rar
>punch the cashier and go doo doo on the counter
>security comes in and tackles me
>a massive wave of tendies and dew fueled doody comes rushing out my ass
>run outside, take off my pants because shit covered pants = less GBP
>arrive home covered in shit with no pants or tendies
>mom takes away all my gbp and gives me 4 week timeout
>one month with no Playstation, tendies or anime
>mfw
All I want are chicken tenders
Fresh from the hands of the tendie vendors
Chunks of chicken I will toss
Into spicy mustard sauce
Mommy, I am hungry - famished
Those nuggies on my plate have vanished
I suggest you get me more
Now, not later, fucking whore!
I scream and shout and wet my diapies
My bum needs soothing wipey wipeys.
Do you want me to get a rash?
Only you would be so brash
This is why my daddy's gone
I'm ashamed to call you mom.
Mommy cries, and fills my plate
Tries to douse my flaming hate
Tendies are the only thing
That seem to ease the gripping pain
The pain within my hungry tummy
Feed your baby, feed me mummy!
Those sweet tendies in my tum
Mask my stinging rashy bum
Mommy sits and has a drink
The only time that she can think
Is when her baby has his treat
Of chocolate milk and chicken meat
Mommy knows what she must do
While her baby has no clue
From her purse, she grabs a gun
Takes a breath, this won't be fun
Pulls the trigger, flash of light
Now it's over, all is right
Silence graces mommy's ears
Smiles through the streaming tears
No more tendies, poop or pee
The pain is over, mommy's free
