Embarrassing stories

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Let's tell each other embarrassing stories. I'll start:
>be 24 years old
>at work walking down the hallway thinking about something
>19 year old qt coworker smiles and says hi
>frown, look at her and ignore her because I'm so in my head
>go into the bathroom
>see myself in the mirror
>realize have to most evil scowl on my face
>realize I must've looked like I wanted to kill her even though I was just daydreaming
>tfw from that day on she practically jogs away whenever she sees me

When will I stop being such a stupid fuck? Also this one, but I was like 13 so it's not as bad:

>girl classmate playfully kicks me in the ass
>kick back full force and hit her in the cunt
>she collapses and starts crying
>tell her not to overreact because she doesn't have balls there and doesn't know what true pain is
>her friends look at me like I'm insane while they try to comfort her
>all the girls and some of the guys ignored me for the rest of my high school days
>my only friends were people who didn't know that story

Oh well.