My self esteem is shit, so I can't fathom anyone wanting to be with me. I'm 27 goddamn years old and the thought of someone being interested in me is almost physically painful. I have never been able to shake this feeling, and even when I was the lowest weight in years (back up now), it never went away.
I want to say it's not about tfwnogf or being a 27yo khv, but a lot of the pain leads back to that thought of someone being interested in me
Everyone I know has had sex. I mean, shit. My fucking friend was like 5'7", fat as shit, played WoW near constantly, and even he had a couple of girlfriends in HS, and more after. Meanwhile, I couldn't get the time of day. The best I got was a fiend saying I was on the list of people she'd be ok having sex with.
Here I am 9 years after HS, and have been turned down constantly. It's not a matter of standards, especially since tumblr turned most of the fatties into thinking their top shelf princesses. Hell, even the slightly autistic girl I used to play DnD with is getting married in 2 weeks.
I don't even know anymore.
Sorry for the blog post. Idk why I even made this.
Dude. The fact that the WoW player has gotten tail should have been an awakening. All it takes to have crazy ape sex is to be confident and tell that friend that'd be ok with fucking that you really want to fuck. Confidence.
It takes you places.
Also sex is overrated. Stay a wizard and become a 4chan/ r9k weeb like the rest of us.
>>28481901
>fat
>bald
>small dick
Can confirm senpai. Just get over yourself. Be a fun person to be around. Confidence isn't a meme.
Project happiness, fun, a good character - something people want. Have some kind of value, dont be a value leech by being a depressed cunt
Then you can get girls that way.
>>28481901
your only 3 years away from wizardry, dont give up now you glorious faggot!
>>28482043
Op, don't be a faggot. Get your wizardry status.
>>28481985
>>28482023
Those friends are at least 6 years gone now.
>just need confidence
In what? The only thing I am confident in is the fact that I wok get rejected every time because I'm batting 1000 right now.
>fake it till you make it
Tried that. I spent the better part of a year trying to make myself better, both mentally and physically, faking confidence, and lying about being happy.
What country are you? If US, what race are you?
>>28482112
OP is a faggot.
>OP walks into a bar
>Sits at the bar, not a booth like usual
>Girl sits next to him
>Smiles at him, obviously flirty and attracted to our wizard friend
>KHV does not see this
>She wants to fuck
>He has no idea
Let's say for some reason they get together again
>She still just wants dick
>O.P. thinks that the girl needs a four week committed relationship to have sex with
>Both end up never speaking again
OP, just realize that there are people who want your sloppy dick inside them. And accept it.
>>28481901
>My self esteem is shit
What don't you like about yourself OP?
I have great self-esteem and I'm 5'6" and my below average sized dick can't stay hard during sex. I also live at home and have been in college for almost 10 years and still haven't finished my 4 year degree.
Anybody that needs help with their self esteem let me know. I can try and help.
>>28482164
US, white
>>28482220
You joke, but that's happened a few times. Hell, my fat friend even tried to hook me up with this girl, and I just assumed she wasn't interested because why would she be? We even chatted onAIMa bunch, but I never thought she was interested because that's who I am.
>there are people who want your dick
>Accept it
I wish I could believe that. The times I've said fuck it and gone for it turned south real fucking quick, so I have no reason to think people are interested.
>>28482328
Everything
I'm sure I've heard it all before.
>>28482328
Alright, I'll lay it on you. I've always dreamed of academic greatness but my below average work ethic and general laziness prevents me from getting anything higher than a B or C.
What do? Am I a failure? I've always been told that I can do anything, and now I'm being told my chances of getting into a good college are slim to none.
>>28482428
>The times I've said fuck it have gone south real quick
Maybe you're doing something wrong there? How do you "go for it?" In any case, at least you know that people find you attractive enough to let you into their more intimate side.
Also, who is the girl in the OP? She's super cute. Talk to her.
>>28481901
Normies talk for hours and hours, drink and laugh and have a good time, socialize, chat up chicks and get laid.
Meanwhile we barely socialize for a few awkward minutes, if at all.
We are locked out and the only solution is the beta uprising.
>>28482428
Can you think of something positive you can say about yourself? I live at home and have not job but at least I'm not addicted to drugs or committing crimes in the streets.
>>28482433
I realized a while ago that I'm not some smart special genius destined for greatness. Still to this day I think that has harmed more than it has helped. Do you think people telling you how great you are led you to believe you can just coast along and everything will turn out fine? I remember the legit dumb people in school who did all their schoolwork and got great grades. You have to realize who you really are. That is often not the person people tell you you are. I don't know if you are a failure or not. I think you should determine that yourself and don't let the standards others set for you dictate what you should have accomplished or not.
>>28481901
Who is this pigeomancer?
>>28481901
stop chasing tail, start browsing wiz and fucking grow up
if you don't stop being a miserable failed-normie and embrace the piece of shit that you are, you're gonna kill yourself before 40
>>28482543
Wow. Nicely said. Thanks anon. I feel a lot better about school now.
Really, thank you. ;p
>>28482488
>>28482555
No idea who she is beyond her being cute.
Usually I'd just ask them to grab a drink/coffee or something after talking for a bit.
>>28482559
I actually have no intention on living past 30 anymore, so don't worry about that.
>>28482543
>at least I'm not a drug addict xDd
That's a pretty shitty view on life.
>>28482616
My problem is my self-esteem is too high. I am content with my current state and make no effort for self improvement. I'm working on accepting new challenges that provide rewards. I don't want to work but money feels good. If I put effort into work I can get money. Also it's easy to stay home all day but I sometimes regret it. If I go out even though I don't want to I feel better about the decision.
I'm glad I cold help anon. Anytime. You see your just helped someone feel better by saying thank you.
>>28482734
No intention on living past 30? PSSSSHHHHHHH dood, don't make me laugh.
>>28482805
That pic has always been pretty triggering because it was written by a person who has no idea what being depressed is like. However, I'll play along. Why would I want to do any of that?
>>28482734
It's all relative. There could be someone who has low self-esteem because they some addiction. They probably wish they could stay one day without leaving their house and without using drugs.
Not being a junkie is not an accomplishment but it makes me grateful for how my life is limited by my willingness to make an effort not by having a neurogenetical addiction.
>>28482749
One day at a time. I know it's a common saying but it helps. Tomorrow doesn't exist. Finish the day's work. Feel good about it.. Relax. Sleep. Repeat. I'm not going to say it gets better. Because that's up to you. Good luck, anon. I hope you find a healthy medium.
>>28482845
Suicidal ideation is only a symptom of depression. Doing any of that would seem more appealing than suicide.
>>28482734
You're not going to kill yourself at 30 you dork. Your survival instincts won't let you unless something truly horrible happens and being a loser at 30 won't cut it. You're just going put it off for when you're 40 and continue posting on r9k.
Best advice in this thread is to embrace loserdom and focus on other shit. Women aren't worth it.
>>28482888
Thanks trips. I do sometimes lose track of the moment by thinking too much about the future. I'll work on focusing on the now.
>>28481901
another one bites the dust. actions have consequences. you're no special snowflake and you're not sorry, fuck off.
>>28482859
If I were a junkie then at least I'd have something to blame.
>>28482920
Only to someone who isn't depressed. Regular people can't fathom the idea of suicide, so they replace that idea with the idea of knowing they're about to die. Then, they can say "well, if I knew I wax about to die, then I'd just do whatever the fuck I want!" Whereas someone with depression can't even find the energy to get out of bed or get a shower let alone go on a yolo death adventure.
>>28482929
You're right. I said by the time I'm 30, not at 30. It could be tonight, or it could be 2 years from now. I already have the gun, though. Hard to fuck up with a .40 hollow point. God bless burgerland for making it easy, though there was a lot more to buying a handgun than a rifle.
>>28483165
OP...
What the fuck. I spent like, an hour and a quarter trying to help you get over your sexual frustrations and you reward me with low key threats of suicide? Nobody wants you to die. I'm getting close, but nobody you know wants that for you. Hire a hooker and down some zoloft. I don't want you to kill yourself. It's late, and I won't be able to sleep knowing OP is a faggot who I could have helped more.
>>28481901
This is totally off-topic, but I can never see this picture and not think of Yesterday wo Utatte.
You associate sex too closely with appearance. Unless you are the very sexiest or the very ugliest, your appearance isn't nearly as important as your ability to chat a girl up and buy her shit.
>>28483233
If I'm being honest, I don't even care about the sex, and I have heard enough horror stories from people in real life that I don't even think I want a girlfriend. However, the thought still hurts. A Hooker won't solve anyone's problems.
Why would you honestly care if I died tonight? Statistically, at least 4 people have killed themselves since I started this thread.
>>28483260
>and buy her shit
I can't even afford insurance let alone someone else leeching from me.
>>28483165
You would rather have a problem you can't control or fix than one that is completely under your control? If you blame yourself for something that had a negative outcome than you should feel positive about not doing something that has a negative outcome. Do you see what I mean? If you say you don't have a job because you are lazy and that is bad then you can't say you don't do drugs and that is bad too. If you think your low self-esteem is based on sound logic then you have a distinct lack of self-awareness.
Depressed people are in constant suffering and see no way out. Going out in a blaze of glory is a way out. Honestly I rather someone go columbine than die in a bed to be found 2 weeks later. Both things are done by suicidal people but at least those who go columbine lived in glory that day. They even made the community stronger and improved the wellbeing of kids like them in the future. I bet colombine has a no bully policy and a become friends with the weird kid week.
>>28483450
Are you aware of how you turn every positive into a negative?
As an thought experiment try turning a negative into a positive.
>>28483233
>Nobody wants you to die
I do
life is suffering and anyone who wants out should be allowed outincluding myself
>>28483455
is this bait or are you literally retarded?
>go shoot up a school
fuck off
>>28483450
im 24 and understand what your saying, but I have realized the only reason im kissless virgin is that I give myself reasons that women will despise me. I work full time at walmart and barely make rent, but when I look at co-workers they manage it.
The idea is that you ignore every negative aspect of your life, and focus on the positives. Never show weakness to a girl, not until you have already fucked them at least from what I understand.
The moment a girl senses you're weak they will leave because women are shitty friends, and are just users.
Get a hobby. I personally bought a guitar recently and normies love to hear me play it even though I only know 3 songs.
When people ask about my job now I say I work in sales for a company and they generally dont ask much more.
Just Lie your way to confidence. The more you fake confidence the better you get at it. I suggest practicing lying on omegle to roasties as practice.
>>28483510
I think suicide is not only a human right but the most basic of human rights. Shooting up a school is just an example but if I said you should join the army or fight some "bad" people you wouldn't be alarmed when it's the same exact thing. Bombing a terrorist from a drone is just as bad as shooting up a school. You get alarmed when 15 people die in a high school but when 20 people in a hospital are bombed to kingdom come you don't bat an eye.
It's all about perspective.
Do my thought experiment fag >>28483493
>>28481901
mate I don't want to be that guy, but you legitimately sound like the kind of person who would really really really really benefit from becoming /fit/.
>>28483455
Yes because then I don't have to feel guilty about not doing anything about it.
Why would I ruin more lives by taking anyone with me?
>>28483493
Yes, I am, actually. I've been through the whole process of identifying certain thoughts and trying to change them. I just don't care enough anymore, and I'm tired of pretending.
>>28483573
I spent a year lying about my confidence and trying to hedge out the bad thoughts. In the end, it was too painful lying to myself all the time because I knew I was lying.
>>28483723
Didn't help last time.
>>28481901
Keep it up. You're almost a wizard. There's not much more left.
>>28482023
>>28482023
I am not op but I could never even fake that shit. Its just to hard. Hell at this point I am not even certain that happiness and fun even exist. I am 33 and I have been alone for so long I can't even imagine what some of these normie emotions are like. At my best I am just content and nothing more.
>>28484046
You would just end up substituting one guilt for another. Most likely you would feel even more guilty.
Do you think all lives are equally valuable?
Do you realize that turning everything into a negative is not logical?
>>28484112
You have never had a day that was better than other days? Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Not in a retarded inspirational way but in a legitimately possible way.
There are there possible outcomes for tomorrow. Tomorrow could be worse, the same, or better. If there is a chance that tomorrow will be better no matter how small then it's worthwhile to wait it out especially if the only thing preventing tomorrow from being better is you.
>>28483165
what state do you live in? When I bought my .45 ( hand gun} all I had to do was fill out some paper work, wait 15 minutes for the back ground check to finish and I was done. The entire process took about 30 minutes. I live in Colorado BTW
>>28481901
>Suicide Silence
I would penalty kick her in the throat
>>28484198
Like I said the best I get is content and nothing more. I think I had some happy moments as a child but its been so long I doubt my own memories.
>>28481901
>My self esteem is shit
stopped reading right there, shut the fuck up
you don't know true pain
>>28484114
>You would just end up substituting one guilt for another. Most likely you would feel even more guilty.
At least there would be drugs to hide the guilt for awhile.
>Do you think all lives are equally valuable?
No. Life is completely random and unfair. If all lives were equal, then you'd be able to look at every single person and assign a points value to everything about those people. Some people would have high points in some places and low points in others with the majority having a fairly level distribution by definition of average. That would imply that people in the top 1% are missing something equally valuable that a dying African skeleton child has, which is absurd.
>Do you realize that turning everything into a negative is not logical?
Why isn't it?
>>28484209
PA. It was still easy, just more than getting my rifle. When I bought the rifle, it was like one page and a background check, but the pistol required some more paperwork.
>>28484316(you)
>>28484351
>At least there would be drugs to hide the guilt for awhile.
The way you talk about people not understanding depression is the same thing people would say about not understanding people with addiction.
>No. Life is completely random and unfair.
So there are lives that are less valuable than yours. Why take your life while people with less valuable lives get to live?
>Why isn't it?
Turning everything into a negative would be logical if everything was a negative. The sun might be too bright to look at but if you put on sunglasses you can look at the sun. It's all about how you see things. Someone might think dropping out of school might be a negative. Someone else might see it as a positive.
>>28484478
>The way you talk about people not understanding depression is the same thing people would say about not understanding people with addiction.
I understand it, and I know how horrible addiction is. I've seen it first hand.
>So there are lives that are less valuable than yours. Why take your life while people with less valuable lives get to live?
By that logic, why shouldn't I kill myself when people with more valuable lives get to live?
>Turning everything into a negative would be logical if everything was a negative. The sun might be too bright to look at but if you put on sunglasses you can look at the sun. It's all about how you see things. Someone might think dropping out of school might be a negative. Someone else might see it as a positive.
Again, that would mean turning everything into a positive is only logical if everything was a positive. However, that whole situation makes zero sense because tout can't turn a negative into a negative if it's already a negative.
>>28484763
If everyones life has more value than yours. If there is one person out there whose life is less valuable than yours then you should go out and kill those people before you kill yourself. I can give you a list.
>used to be fit
>complain about no close relationship ever
>get told to just lift
/r9k/ is full of children
>>28484847
It's like you're not even trying anymore.
Plus, I've already said I'm not taking anyone with me.
