>tfw you learned how to wear your normie mask in the middle of high school and honed your skills to be well liked by your peers
>tfw about to graduate from college and your friends are starting to wonder why they have never met any of the girlfriends they've assumed you've had
>tfw the alcoholism you've developed while trying to hold the facade together is starting to make it shatter faster
>tfw you kinda just wish you could stop having to deal with pretending and could just stop being but don't want to make your family and longest friends sad about not being able to help
tfw trapped in a life that's not even my own
I'm going to go get more beer feel free to disregard this I just wanted to get this out
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder#The_.27secret_schizoid.27
Welcome to the club
>>28477345
I don't know if I'm happy or depressed that this describes me so well
I guess I should probably stop putting off seeing a therapist
>>28478375
>therapist
don't bother. biggest quacks there are.
you are effectively paying to hear
"just focus on the positives brah, just be yourself"
>>28478436
I'm out of options, I don't know how I can possible live like this once I'm in the real world.
Most recently I had managed to get myself to flirt with a friend of mine, and she actually returned the sentiment but it all fell apart because I was so afraid of explicitly expressing how I felt.
My one chance to finally feel some substantial, real tether to another human and it felt as difficult as making myself walk into fire
I really don't know what else I can possibly do aside from seek help or hope I can find a way to be a functional alcoholic before my mask cracks
>>28478436
Try a positive psychology book maybe. I hate cognitive behavioral therapy with a passion, it doesn't work because I refuse to get with the program.
