Let's have a real discussion between self improvement and self destruction.
Like many of you, I'm sure, I am at a point where I know I can either destroy myself or make myself into something great.
Like most of you I am smart, with a little work could be /fit/ and have the ability to manipulate good boy points at will. I'm also at the point where it all seems really meaningless (edgelard). I know I could have a good life by putting work in (Workmaymay) but using the knife on my desk I could just cut my wrists right now or walk down the hall way and blow my brains out and it would all just end.
Religion doesn't really come into it but the idea of Hell admittedly does but more prevalent is the "what if". To me at least.
What's stopping you? What's pushing you closer?
Also since this is such a subjective topic I think we can all agree that there is really no answer to "Why am I here?"
>>28435234
Haven't killed self because there are still things I need to see through. Once they are done I can complete.
>>28435260
Sure there is, two people fucked. Do I have purpose is more accurate.
>>28435266
Do you think you'll ever let yourself get to a point where there is nothing left to do?
>>28435289
Thank you for the correction.
>>28435234
Improve yourself self-destructively. Become a pro fighter and take huge risks because you don't care if you end up in a coma. Become a scientist/experimenter and work on your projects 20 hours a day because you don't care about your health. Become an author and drink yourself to death as you write. Become a musician and do lots of drugs.
Burn your candle at both ends. The best people operate this way.
>>28435391
You are a fucking idiot.
Please go away.
>>28435391
I like this point but it is very romanticised.
Good thread, I'm at the same point in life too, OP. I'm still young and have some career ambitions but what keeps me back is the symptoms of depression I still struggle with but I am facing head on. I'm exhausted and have atleast some level of motivation but no where near the amount of drive and will power as I did before. I just want to be well enough to go back to school and keep motivated. I'm out of my last relationship and becoming more independent.
>>28435420
nice >420
It doesn't have to be a complete one-or-the-other scenario. You can improve some parts of yourself while letting other things slide, in fact that's about the best way to go about it just to keep your focus.
For example I tried to improve every single thing about myself for a while, but decided to just focus on my career and my love life while letting my eating/drinking/smoking problems sort of maintain themselves until I get on my feet with the important life stuff.
Alternatively I could just switch to managing my health problems while leaving the other shit on stasis, it's a WAY more manageable way to deal with my shit, rather than stretching yourself mentally and emotionally thin trying to become absolutely perfect all at once.
>>28435472
It's hard just feeling like a husk. Going through life feeling empty of everything but despair?
>>28435234
>what's stopping me
In the end I'm just a super old world kinda dude in terms of our primal desire to have kids. I want a wife who loves me, we have kids, and I protect them and make them laugh.
>>28435260
>Why am I here?
Is that really important? You are here, and nobody else gets to experience the universe as you. Make the most of it, even though (or because) you can perceive the ultimate futility of it all.
>>28435234
I swing between suicidal depression and a strong sense of purpose. I've studied mysticism for a big portion of my life. I KNOW how and what to do to become a high calibur human being, a benediction, an agent for good. But with that knowledge comes the burden of knowing how far others have gone, how far you have to go, and the inherent weaknesses of yourself vs the inherent strengths of others. Envy is a big problem for me.
Why? Why them and not me? It makes me want to destroy myself. Makes me bitter and unable to function normally. Knowing that some people have it better than you... wiser, stronger, smarter. These things fucking ruin me. So that's where the "death drive" comes in.
The other side of it is knowing that, as Leonardo Da Vinci once said, "God gives all things to man at the cost of labor." And that I'm not like other people, and that I wasn't born in horrible conditions. I owe to myself and the greater human collective to live a good life, because not many people can.
This interplay goes on in all of us, always. Who among us can conquer themselves, and thus conquer the world? That is the highest aim.
>>28435655
How do you overcome those moments where you are crushed by a "why?" Or are you still working on that?
>>28435607
It is hard... I have seen psychiatrists, even a forensic psychiatrist because I was getting into crime and violence but that's behind me now, I think. I also avoided the whole antidepressant thing thinking that it isn't a solution and I can fix it but in the end, I did try it out of it being my last resort. None have worked, but I take Vyvanse to keep me awake and it allows me to go biking atleast.
>>28435714
I struggle with that. Envy undermines your own bounty. An envious person is unconscious of their own selves in that way. Unconsciousness breeds neglect, and if self-hatred involved, the desire to kill oneself. Where am I going with this? The way I see it:
I try to focus. I try to remember. I try to play to my strengths and talents that Nature has endowed onto me. And most importantly, I try to keep MY OWN Will for individual achievement as the only real thing in my life. We all have dreams. And those dreams are an integral part of us. A fulfilled person is someone who closes the gap between his dreams and his reality. But to do that, you need to make yourself capable.
Life can be very rewarding sometimes, if things are done sincerely and earnestly.
No I too far gone to be great
600mg test /wk or 400mg test + 400mg tren/wk
half a milligram of adex every other day
any sarm like ostarine or s2
sit on your ass and eat pizza and gain muscles faster than people going to the gym 5 days a week
it's that easy
>>28435300
That is the intent, finish to do list and last thing on list is to die.
>>28436179
Whenever I read philosophy or try and get into logic I am reminded of how incredibly insignificant and impotent I am compared to anyone with any achievement. I like a stoic take in that I try not to bother myself with the things I cannot change. The only thing I really own is my effort, and that's the deciding factor for me vs them. If i wasn't born smarter than them, I can at least outwork them. That's where the playing field feels more even. However I haven't implemented it into my life yet. I still don't know why I should get out of bed in the morning if at all. I want to know, but philosophy isn't necessarily about answers but instead better questions. I just don't know
Disclaimer: bitching ahead, don't read unless you want to hear me bitch
>>28435539
This. Things don't have to be binary. I understand your sentiment though OP.
This nothing lifestyle of working some and 4chan will eventually lead to my suicide. I can either end it now or try for success. I could live for friends but I only have two and will likely lose them. It also seems hedonistic, I'm contingent on them, and if I really loved anyone I don't think I'd have dropped out of school or would be thinking about getting a one way ticket and shooting myself in some forlorn wilderness.
How does one reconcile pain? How do you prepare yourself for it? Simple want? I don't like being too existential about pain or sports but that's where my mind goes. How does one transcend the cycle of want-goal-want-goal
Is Absurdism the end of this?
Also OP your post made me think of the two endings in dark souls for some reason
>>28436362
None of us know man. Life is a mystery, through and through. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. But I do know that in order to reach the truth, I have to live.
Not knowing doesn't change that fact. Human beings can only think so far. Some things have to be experienced.
Implement what you just wrote into your life and see where it takes you! Philosophy isn't about thinking, it's about doing! Show that you want to know by living it, and not merely thinking it.
>>28436216
How do you deal with baldness without taking dht blockers that make you impotent?
>>28436549
by not having shit genetics and not taking roids for more than 10 weeks.
and you won't be permanently impotent with a proper PCT. you're not fucking girls anyway so who cares if your dick is broken during the cycle.
>>28435234
I don't really think self improvement means "things which take me closer to a white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a golden retriever"
I actually enjoy the world as a concept and I like the beaches, forests, sunsets and especially the animals. I want to see more of those.
I am working towards being the eccentric but harmless guy who lives on the outskirts of town tinkering away in the barrel room to make the perfect cab sauv.
So lifting and things which you all seem to call self improvement are irrelevant to me.
>>28436640
>by not having shit genetics
Well, can't do much about that. Guess I'm staying natty.
I know proper pct prevents impotence, I meant dht blockers like finasteride which can make you perma impotent if you're unlucky.
>>28436811
>I meant dht blockers like finasteride which can make you perma impotent if you're unlucky.
then don't be unlucky.
>>28436836
>don't be unlucky.
>>28436547
True. Can't do anything if you're dead. Could also kick out a few more years so that way if I don't link the fire I'll at least have made it a more informed decision
