cooking
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Anyone know how to cook?
im too autistic to sit in restaurants especially since im alone so i cannot get cooked meals
i live alone in a small apartment for the past week i ate eggs, an apple, the dollar menu off mcdonalds i cant live like this anymore
i tried googling how to cook but all it has are shitty tumblr bloggists stroking their own dicks with ''cheap'' and ''easy'' to cook meals having 17+ ingredients and a dozen steps
>>28420908
Eat raw. It's healthier for you
>>28420908
>meals having 17+ ingredients and a dozen steps
This is as simple as it gets.
Here is asian spaghetti:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/42968/pad-thai/
Ignore the ingredients for making the sauce and go to your local Kroger, Giant Eagle, Jewel, etc and buy the pre-made Pad Thai sauce.
>>28420923
eat what exactly
>>28420908
well obviously you can cook since you made eggs?
>>28420956
this is what i mean there is too many ingredients my fridge is completly empty i only have salt my parents brought back when they visited
>>28420967
well eggs are easy to cook you put them on a pan im talking about meat
>>28421012
Well buying the fucking ingredients would be a start.
>>28421012
>this is what i mean there is too many ingredients my fridge is completly empty i only have salt my parents brought back when they visited
I fucking told you to ignore the ingredients for the sauce you mongoloid.
Can't handle 9 ingredients and flipping a bunch of shit around in a frying pan/wok?
If you have nothing in your fridge then get on foodstamps, collect your $200/month and buy ingredients.
>>28420908
This is the majority of what I can cook:
-Bechamel sauce
-Cheese sauce (with the Bechamel)
-Spaghetti sauce
-Other tomato sauces (amatriciana, puttanesca, etc.)
-Almond cake
-Coconut cookies
-"Pouding chomeur" (Quebec dessert)
>>28420908
Pick something simple you like and learn to cook it. Get good at it.
Now pick something else and learn. Before you know it you be able to cook a good number of things you like.
Hard mode: quit ordering takeout/fast food cold turkey.
Also cooking is way cheaper. When I made the switch I halved my monthly feed this anon bill.
>>28421012
You don't need anything extravagant
Chicken & hamburger meat are easy af to cook. Things like spaghetti just boil noodles add sauce & beef, or you can get a rice cooker to go with chicken etc...
Vegetables are even easier with a steamer.
You're just trying to prepare a meal, not try out for MasterChef..
alright OP. i know you can fry an egg.
now step one, buy some sliced ham.
when you bring it home put it in the fridge.
when you're going to eat, take out the sliced ham.
take a bowl
crack the egg into the bowl
use your fingertips (make sure hands are clean and dry though) to pinch some salt and put it into the egg bowl
now take a pair of scissors
and cut the ham into many little squares
stir that into the egg bowl
now fry this egg bowl like how you cooked the other eggs
there i taught you ham omelette you're welcome
>>28421083
dude ur implying anyone would go out of their way to buy peanuts and bean sprouts i already told you theres no sites that offer easy cooking
>>28421084
in what way do you expect people to know what that is
>>28421139
im trying but its hard because there is no sites that offer simple cooking like all i want is easier shit but the top page of google is nothing but buzzfeed garbage
>>28420908
Go to grocery store, get salad stuff (romaine lettuce, tomato, broccoli, cauliflower, avocado, red onion)
Get basic red meat, basic fish, basic white meat (small steak, maybe a good cheap fish fillet, and chicken breasts or thighs whatever you prefer)
GET SEASONING I dont care if it's a bunk-ass mix, a good cajun or mexican salt-and-spices mix will make all the difference
NEVER cook with small grain salt, always use kosher, even on salads and ESPECIALLY on meat.
While in that aisle pick up white sugar, turbinado sugar, and brown sugar.
Get rice, but make sure it's something you can actually MAKE. If you cant see yourself waiting twenty minutes to get a good bowl of long grain rice, get the 3 minute shit. Get white and brown and jasmine rice. While in the grain aisle, pick up couscous, oatmeal, and grits.
Obviously, get bread. A good 12-grain can run you like 3 bucks where I live at the local La Cheapa Groceria.
All of these can make you, nightly, a good ass meal. It sounds expensive and yes, a month I spend about 80 bucks on groceries, but that's better than most from what I hear and I eat very well.
>>28421218
>dude ur implying anyone would go out of their way to buy peanuts and bean sprouts
Peanuts don't even have to be bought. Most of the sauces contain peanuts in them anyway and you don't even need them if you don't want to buy them.
You can find bean sprouts at literally any international market, asian market, or even whole foods.
You are just a lazy loser. Enjoy McDonalds.
ok next i will teach you how to cook pasta
you need two things at bare minimum to cook pasta:
1. pasta
2. stir through pasta sauce (buy it pre-made from the supermarket) it must say STIR THROUGH or pesto STIR THROUGH
3. a colander
ok grab a pot, fill it with water.
turn on the stove and boil this water.
take a larger pinch of salt than you did for the eggs, and add the salt to the pot of boiling water.
now take a bowl and pour some pasta into the bowl. spaghetti, macaroni, whatever though imo macaroni is the easiest
fill the bowl with water and wash and rinse the pasta.
now carefully scoop the cleansed pasta and put them into the boiling pot. the water level in the pot should be high enough to contain all your pasta.
now you wait about 10minutes, depending on different pastas, read the labels and whatnot
if you want to check if the pasta is done, take a spoon, scoop out one piece of the pasta, it will be hot so blow on it but bite it. is it too hard? if it's hard, let it cook longer.
after the pasta is cooked, the pot will be hot so be careful use a damp cloth to hold the pot if you need to.
place the colander on your sink.
pour the pasta out into the colander.
now grab a bowl, and put the cooked pasta into the bowl.
use a clean spoon to scoop out some of the STIR THROUGH PASTA SAUCE and put it into the bowl of cooked pasta
there you go, you made pasta.
>>28421084
>>28421218
Sorry, I should have put more details. You should get some recipe books when you have the chance. It helped me a lot.
>>28421333
ah i forgot to say, if you don't have a colander just grab a big plate and use it as a stopper to prevent the pasta from spilling as you pour water out of the pot
you're welcome OP
>>28421204
>>28421333
thanks man this seems pretty simple i ll try it out tonight, i ll buy precooked meatballs or something
>>28421245
>hur durr im a lazy loser because i try and better myself by asking how to cook simple meals instead of bs
stay mad roastie
Hello OP, look up DIY Soylent. It's this powder stuff that you mix with water and it gives you all the calories you need for the day, for really cheap.
The mix I made is peanut butter flavored and costs me ~$3.25 a day for 2900 calories of high quality carbs, fat, protein, and vitamins.
>>28420908
Put oil and seasonings on pan
Put meat on pan
Cook for a few min.
Boom cooked meat
Take meat grease
Add flour and seasoning
Add little water if needed
Boom gravy
Take potato
Heat that shit up
Mash together
Add milk plus butter
Add seasoning
Boom mashed potatoes
Take canned chili
Heat up
Brown hamburger meat
Buy lettuce
Chop
Grate cheese
Add to taco shell/ burrito she'll
Boom Mexican food
Take canned vegetables
Heat up
Add minimal seasoning
Presto veggies
Take noodles
Cook
Add sause in separate pan
Cook meat in sauce pan
Add seasoning to sauce
Drain noodle
Combine sauce and noodle
It's very easy.
>>28421356
I'm sure literally no one is that stupid that they can't figure out that you don't need a colander to drain water from pasta.
>>28421402
>by asking how to cook simple meals instead of bs
I posted an extremely simple, extremely taste meal for you. Are you telling me
>boil some rice noodles and put them in cold water
>fry chicken in pan for a few minutes, set aside
>fry eggs in pan for a few minutes, set aside
>chop up some green onions, carrots, cilantro, set aside
>throw everything together, stir fry for 3 minutes
>add noodles and sauce, stir fry for another 3 minutes
>add bean sprouts, stir fry for 2 minutes
is too complicated for you?
You like those Japanese Pan Noodles from Noodles and Company? Those are easy too:
http://www.recipe4living.com/recipes/copycat_noodles_and_co_japanese_pan_noodles.htm
>>28421402
if you get a tomato/bolognaise stir-through pasta sauce, you can put them on meatballs.
another easy to prepare but unhealthy food is frozen fried food (fries, onion rings, chicken nuggets)
buy a pack of frozen tendies or whatever
put in freezer when you get home
get a pan
fill pan with oil
start the stove
oil will pop about, might get on your skin, be careful
take tendies out of freezer
put tendies into pan
wait a few minutes
flip tendies over
wait a few more minutes
flip tendies over
repeat until tendies are golden brown all over.
>>28421441
i was born and raised by an over protective family in a metropolis, you surburbian and village people have no idea what "don't know how to cook" means. at all. just give OP a break, he wants to learn, stop throwing him stuff he literally doesn't know.
>>28421500
>stop throwing him stuff he literally doesn't know.
no one is telling him to do anything he doesn't know. people are giving him recipes with literally 5 steps and maybe 10-12 ingredients and he's throwing a fit about how it's too hard.
>>28421500
This isn't about how to cook, it's about using common sense to get water out of a pot.
I don't think anyone has such little logic capabilities that they wouldn't be able to figure out that getting water out of a pot is impossible without using a bowl with holes in it.
>>28420908
Tuna fish can and tomato
>>28420908
Google some recipes for affordable goods. You can make a whole lot of creations with ramen noodles
Best I could do is boiled eggs
mommy does all the cooking for me :)
Steak + tomato/lettuce salad + sweet potato is like 8 ingredients total
You shouldn't really count oil, garlic, salt and pepper because they should almost always be around
That's a 4-ingredient dinner
Usually you just need some cooking oil, salt and pepper + a few other spices and then you just buy a few other things to cook the meal
Have you ever visited /ck/ by the way
I don't go there because I don't have trouble cooking but I heard it's pretty good for ideas
>>28420908
Coolest thing I learned to do is mix 1:1 cornstarch water and soy sauce and dump it over a stir fry. Instant sauce.
Cooking really isn't an exact science. You just try stuff and improve your method over time.
>>28421448
>>28421549
Not OP, but when you hate cooking and find it to be a tedious waste of time, 10-12 ingredients is a fucking lot, considering you can make a full balanced meal with three ingredients and some seasoning.
You're the kind of tumblr chef OP is complaining about.
>>28421886
>You're the kind of tumblr chef OP is complaining about.
>10 ingredients is a fucking lot
>5 steps is a fucking lot
>tumblr chef
Enjoy ramen and McDonalds you pathetic piece of shit.
>Meat
>Vegetables (potato, carrot, onion)
>Salt/pepper
>Oil
Toss vegetables around in a pan with s/p/oil, put some seasoned meat on top and cook for (some time) depending on your meat.
That's four ingredients. You can add some rice or pasta if you need a grain and itll only be five.
In my opinion it tastes fine but tastes better if you add some sort of seasoning to the vegetables, garlic, and a marinade/sauce for the meat (I like a nice honey garlic sauce desu.)
>>28421973
Chicken, rice, broccoli.
Pasta, sauce, beef.
rice, beans, sausage.
steak, potatoes, carrots.
All quick meals with three ingredients.
You're seriously mad that no one wants to take an hour to make your fancy-ass pad thai. Fuck off.
>>28422350
>fancy-ass
i'm done trying to help you.
>>28422375
Good, because you're no help.
>>28420908
Nigga are too autistic to figure out >>>/ck/
>>28420908
90 % of my diet is the same two things
Pork
Breadunch time? Put the pan in the stove with some bread, wait 5 minutes and fill it, wait 5 minute and take it out and put pork instead, wait 5 minutes and flip it, salt it and five minutes later meal is complrte
I shop and cook for myself.
Meats and grains are easy, and fruits are okay, I struggle with vegetables.
If I get them, I don't eat them. If I don't get them, I don't eat them.
>>28420908
Use fucking youtube and google, they show step by step everything dumbfuck, I don't see a single tumbrl link here.
>>28421245
>lel pad thai is a starter meal
>just go to WHOLE PAYCHECK or an international market full of glaring hateful Asians b urself bro it's just that easy lemon squeezy :^)))
I've been cooking since I was a kid, and I've gotten pretty good at it, but you're a cunt.
OP should have basics made out of staples before pad fucking thai- a loaf of white bread, a simple cheese sauce, potato soup, seasoned rice with random veg/ cheap meat stir fry.
He probably wouldn't even like it.
>>28422375
>pad thai internet defense force
Go sound your dick with an uncooked rice noodle, gook spy.
>>28423106
>OP should have basics made out of staples before pad fucking thai
Pad Thai was the first thing I ever cooked after moving out of Mommy's house and it turned out fine.
If you are literally too stupid to read simple directions then you don't deserve to eat.
>>28421410
Is it healthy to have this all the time? I just can't be bothered to consistently cook stuff anymore so might just switch completely to this stuff as long as it doesn't taste like complete shit
>>28423151
>I made pad thai once and it was easy!
You don't actually know how to cook, do you? You sound like you followed one pinterest recipe and now you're hocking it to everyone.
It's like a child reading a how to draw cartoons book growing up and telling his friends that drawing is easy because he got really good at drawing one thing.
>>28423598
I've made plenty of shit, I just chose something easy and tastes great for OP since he was whining.
Literally retarded to say that pad thai is hard to make. Even the mexicans at Noodles and Company can make that shit and it still tastes good.
omelette
>whisk together eggs + spices + a splash of milk
>heat butter in a pan, add eggs
>add meat + cheese
>stir with a spatula every 1-2 minutes until eggs are cooked
quesadilla
>put tortilla in a pan
>add meat + cheese + veggies, wait for it to get melty
>put another tortilla on top, flip it over and cook it on that side
>a-anything that's remotely, slightly outside my comfort zone that requires a minimum of investment in me engaging in a new experience is tumblr
This is what r9k has become Jesus Christ you faggots you all deserve to starve. Especially you OP.
