I have told myself so many times im a monster that now i cant stop believing it.
>>28412148
There's no point in assigning any type of identity to yourself, anon. The "deep down I'm good/bad" thing is just a meme, tbqhwy. It's not about who you are "deep down" anymore, it's about the actions that you take. Thus, anyone has the ability to be a good person/bad person. Maybe you are a monster right now, but you can always change.
>>28412148
Have you done anything monstrous?
>>28412148
All you have to do is look away and everything will seem to change
>>28412186
I guess so. A couple of things.
>>28412180
Yeah. But even when im good a voice tells me "deep inside you are acting" or "you dont belong".
Wow, Great moves, keep it up, proud of you
>>28412214
Well, it's because you are acting. Because deep down inside, you're a shitty, self-centered thing. As all human beings are. But the only difference between them and you is that you've realized it. All good human beings are acting, pretending that they are not inherently self-centered, because they are. Do you really think "good people" just go around thinking good, kind thoughts all the time? Of course not. People are fucked up. Always. It's about the conscious choice of repressing this fucked up side, not having an innate "good" side that triumphs or whatever.
>>28412214
Yeah, I have that problem too.
That's why I consider suicide multiple times per day.
Not even joking or meming here.
>>28412273
This is an interesting point.
I've heard the idea recently that the Dunning-Kruger effect (smarter and more skilled people tend to think less of their intellect and skills) may also apply to ethics. Self-awareness on a given topic tends to make people feel inadequate in the face of their broad understanding.
>>28412148
>I have told myself so many times im a monster that now i cant stop believing it.
let it flourish.
>>28412595
>tfw voice in your head that says "you are undead" repeatedly out the day
>tfw sometimes blurt it out without thinking about it
>>28412704
You wanna know how I fixed the problem?
I didn't. I gave up and let it take over. Surrendered. It isn't a separate entity from me, but the voice got a little quieter. Got a little easier to hide how I feel. Sometimes, I even forget it. Then I start to become self-aware again, and I feel the emptiness, realize that all I do is hurt myself and others and that I'm always going to do that as long as I'm alive.
>>28412704
*throughout
>>28412697
This. Let it out so you can either figure out how to kill it/yourself or so that other people will kill it/you by proxy (not directly, because most people are too afraid of the consequences of murder, but that's usually what those kinds of conflicts come down to on a basic level).
>>28412746
It's funny, I even kind of made a metaphor for it.
It's like my depression is a fucking wraith following me that only I can see, and whenever I try to tell people about it for some help or at least sympathy, they laugh at me and call me crazy. Only other person that could see the fucking beast was my psychiatrist, and all she could offer was a rickety wooden shield (antidepressants) and her fucking sympathy.
Sometimes I remember that little wooden shield, and get the courage to fight the thing head on. I grab a knife and try to finally end the torment so I can live a normal life, and the wraith just laughs at me. It laughs, knocks aside the shield with ease, grabs the knife and puts it to my wrist, and I black out. When I'm back to, I realize that I was the one who put it there, and I drop it and cry for about an hour, until the wraith comes back and begins to whisper horrible things into my ear.
