I'm really good at loving people, but people suck at loving me
why can't I just have someone who knows how to hold me
I'm so sad robots
let's share some feels
>tfw you will never live on a space ship colony and stalk your qt oneitis around the ship
>tfw you will never sit with your qt in your spaceroom watching animu and staring at the stars discussing impermanence and self
>tfw you will never dress in what anon tells you to
>do all his chores
>live with him in his parents house taking care of him
>he abuses you a lot but his mom doesn't care
>always smile at her but get no response because she hates you for taking her child from her
>he makes you do disgusting and embarrassing things to meet his kinky desires
>beats you for no reason when he's angry and you apologize
>full on Stockholm syndrome
why
>staying with someone that beats you
Literally why.
>>28408475
i-its only out of love, anon... r-right?
honestly through I have a really specific philosophical obsession with pain. in some sense, I know pain is more central to humanity. and being in pain, nothing matters. it makes things flat. even. real.
>>28408395
>why can't I just have someone who knows how to hold me
Why can't you just learn how to love yourself? Don't romanticize your self-hatred. It needs no justification. It's ugly, and you will be miserable and dysfunctional until you confront it and change it and learn to show yourself compassion.
>>28408395
honestly dude
i'm actually almost 100% certain that you will
completely serious right now
i honestly don't know whether you're a girl or a boy r what exactly you're looking for
but if you're actually completely open to love someone else you will, without a doubt, find the right person at one point
>>28408531
i have a lot of love for myself. I know how to hold myself, I do it often. but I want connection, some egoistic part of me says that touching myself is less beautiful than someone else doing it.
>>28408547
this thread is so supportive what the fuck
I love you anon, I hope I do.
>>28408475
I can't understand this either. My best guess is that I am actually skilled at abruptly breaking off relationships of varying degrees of intimacy, and that some people must just suck at it, which just makes me wish I could reverse those fortunes.
>>28408563
If people suck at loving you, it's because you don't let them.
>>28408515
No. No it isn't. There's literally nothing loving about beating someone.
>>28408587
that might be. I mean, I expect love to be certain things though like trying to make some emotionally intimate connection, but people seem afraid of that.
>>28408593
i-i know anon I was kidding..
>>28408632
People are afraid of it if you do it in a manipulative way, where you try to make them be vulnerable without being genuinely vulnerable yourself. Because there's part of you that you keep hidden away, and you simultaneously want it to stay that way because you fear rejection or worse, but also want people to see it and accept it.
>>28408680
>Because there's part of you that you keep hidden away, and you simultaneously want it to stay that way because you fear rejection or worse, but also want people to see it and accept it.
this fear is what's super beautiful and amazing to me when you share with others. I want it. I want to give myself that way and be vulnerable and receive it too
>>28408752
Fear isn't beautiful, though. Negative emotions like pain and fear are not more real or true and you shouldn't seek them out or seek to visit them upon others. I realize it may feel that way because you experienced them more intensely than positive emotions, but it's a self-destructive impulse and you shouldn't heed it.
>>28408395
Wow, thats sounds so hot.
I wish you to find love.
Thats exactly the type of partner im looking for.
Glad to know they exist.
>>28408809
they aren't more true, but they're more central to who I am and how I navigate the world. maybe it's unhealthy though, my therapist thinks so.
I don't think they're more real or more important, just more important to me. I know there are other ways to met the ends that suffering serves me, but suffering has something to it that I feel I want. I mean the idea of it, using suffering to navigate things. I'm not saying I want to hurt constantly or anything stupid. I just want to be able to share pain and be lovely with it, in a way that is healing.
>>28408816
maybe
>>28408869
I'm starting to think you're not as good at loving people as you say you are.
>>28408869
You have a humiliation fetish?
>>28408891
isn't sharing pain essential though? holding the other person in pain. sexually, physically, emotionally. on a huge level, seeing their entire context in the world universe and society, but also just yourself and them.
maybe I'm not
>>28408515
Lol that's not philosophical at all.
>girl philosopher
>only discusses being degraded
I fucking love women dude. I do the top half and bottom half to my gf. I only hit her if she asks tho :**
>>28408898
maybe, sometimes. to some extent it's just a desire to be hurt that way, not sexual.
>>28408632
Just making sure. I've seen people stay in abusive relationships many times, including in my own family. That being said, I have heard the pain/real thing before, mostly from self-abusers. I guess staying with an abuser is kind of self-abusing.
>>28408580
To me it's a "why would you put yourself through all of that" thing. It's terrible and ruins your self esteem and the "relationship" is going to die one way or another in the future anyway. Being alone is better than being abused emotionally and physically.
>>28408950
Whats your favorite emotional pain?
Getting ignore?
Getting cheated on?
Being belittle all the time?
Oh lord, thats hot.
>>28408931
I think a willingness to share in one's suffering through empathy is a vital component of a truly intimate relationship, but that's not the same thing as pain for pain's sake. Your fixation on pain and negative emotions is simply unhealthy. No relationship survives when it is characterized more by negative emotional states than positive ones. And I can't imagine it's good for you personally, either, no matter how much you like it.
>>28408395
Why are you so SAVAGE? I love that character, so I know the pic is to represent your feelings, but not HER. GOD I FEEL SO BAD
>>28408942
it has to do with being with someone's center. I think love is a practice. when you say I love you, it means I practice love towards you, I work at love for you. being with someones center takes work, and I feel I know how to be with others that way, but its difficult for others to be that way with me because a large part of my being is sharing pain and usin it as a way to see beauty and absurdity and honesty.
that's hard for people to appreciate, i think. much less do.
>>28408931
Dude you have a fetish not a philosophy. Pain isn't even essential to the human experience. You could have a perfectly sheltered life and be murdered in your sleep before you experience an ounce of pain.
I love bdsm as much as the next guy but making it into a philosophy sounds silly.
>>28409017
I get it your right about love being a process that you continuously maintain but it sounds like this guy doesn't love you at all. You never hit a girl out of anger only out of love (eg. Discipline). If he hits you out of anger he doesn't love you.
I also agree pain is beautiful but I'm more into administering it.
>>28408962
I was abused by my family when I was younger.
>>28408991
b-belittled
>>28409002
I don't believe in pain for pains sake. I'd just be cutting myself all day or making myself sick if I wanted that. I want an other person to have that intimacy with.
>>28409035
pain isn't essential to human experience? I so don't believe that
suffering is central to Buddhism, which is largely a philosophy. I'm not taking about pain just for pain, but as an opportunity for really whole intimacy
I'd love to have a sub I can treat like garbage, every time I try to start a 'relationship' with online dweebs they always get too clingy and have emotional breakdowns and block me when I ignore them or tell them to fuck off. One even blocked me when I called him a dumb faggot for sending me some stupid fucking youtube video.
>>28408547
This, trust me anons it happens
>>28409093
I don't wanna seem like I'm just trying to get out of it, but I didn't meant to imply the second situation was love at all. that second post of mine really was a joke. I imagine a truly lovely relationship to be more like the first, sharing our fears and pains and aspirations and supporting one another in those aspirations.
>>28409097
>I want an other person to have that intimacy with.
Right, but to you pain is an integral part of intimacy. No doubt the two came hand in hand at some unfortunate point early in your life. That's a false and unhealthy association, however.
>>28409097
Buddhists seek to end their suffering by losing all attachment to this world. The suffering naturally follows as one sheds their attachment to the mortal world. Being intimate with someone is the opposite of Buddhism and you are seeking to pain for the wrong reason.
You can't just say you don't believe it for no reason. Why is pain essential to the human experience? Would you say one who has never suffered is inhuman?
>>28409134
I don't think intimacy has to come with experiencing pain, or that pain (even in the past) is necessary for intimacy.
I just prefer it. I don't mean to say anon has to cut me for us to be close. when I say share pain I don't me cause pain, I mean share feels
>>28409097
What do you feel when youre being belittled?
When I belittle someone, I like it, its like eating ice cream.
>>28409154
I'd say they are apart from humanity, maybe distanced a bit. it's only a language thing that keeps us from agreeing with saying they're inhuman.
also not all buddhisms aim to end suffering.
>>28409133
Yah that sounds about right to me. Idk why but to me it seems that modern society frowns on real love. Men are taught not to be open and women are taught not to need a man. It fucks up men and women who want to truly love. There's honestly nothing wrong with needing someone and wanting to be open. it's annoying society demonizes what I consider a natural craving.
>>28409202
I feel bad and like I have some opportunity to look at myself in a poor light. it's absurd, meaningless and ridiculous to take things like that personally and that goes the same for positive things. it brings me down to a place where I can be earnest and honest about what I want and what I give.
>>28409232
I agree with all of that. that's what I mean in my post though, I feel like I want true love but nobody is able to because of all this strange lifelong, history of conditioning away from love and towards some romanticized superficiality.
>>28409204
What about suffering makes it core the human experience? I'm not trying to be a dick but you need to answer the real question. Is it necessary because like you said it increases intimacy? In that case it would mean intimacy is the end goal and the core experience while pain serves only as the catalyst accelerating he relationship.
>>28409097
Same kind? Physical/emotional? You're making me curious about your whole story desu.
>>28409237
You like being belittle because it bring you closer to what you feel inside? Worthless?
Any hot stories?
>>28409271
its not the Only part. it's necessary, but not sufficient to humanity. if you're born and only suffer, that's no life either
it's not better at creating intimacy. it's just part of it, and not all the time.
>>28409262
Yah you seem like you know what you want which I think is a good first step. There are people out there who understand your definition of love and I guess you need to just keep your faith until one enters your life.
>>28409300
both
>>28409306
I mean, worthless yeah but not in a negative sense. more like all of the world, everything is without value, it just is. and so you can experience it more truly.
also I guess. I remember camwhoring for this German guy while I was still staying with my parents and I'd choke myself for him, he told me about how he wanted to cut me up and keep me in the freezer. talked about hanging me and how even though he'd keep me, my body was useless.
had a collar on my neck and pulled it tight, almost passed out but he told me to stop.
>>28409321
thank you anon. I'll try I am trying. just waiting. it'll get here.
>>28409309
You still haven't answered why it is core to the human experience. This is the only answer I want. I'm actually really curious to why you think it is.
I understand that it is not all intimacy requires, but, and i agree on this point, you did say it accelerates the relationship.
>>28409394
it's necessary beecause "humanity has to do with a collective of humans. a society, and society exists to increase survival and prevent suffering. prevention of suffering itself is suffering, I think. it's unavoidable. if you don't suffer, you can't be in a society because the nature of your relationship to others would be entirely different anyways, it'd be named something else instead of society.
I do think it accelerates the process for me but not for everyone. it's just a different kind of intimacy.
>>28409355
Yeah, I feel you.
You live till you die, nothing more
Thanks, that was super lewd.
>>28409468
there's more
you're dead forever, then you live until you die and you're dead forever again
that's way weirder to me
also I'm glad you liked it
>>28408395
You're a femanon who browses r9k and makes yuru yuri?? Are you pretty? Cause you are perfect if so.
>>28409373
How old are you? People usually mature and, contrary to what robots believe, people marry around 30 not because women "hit the wall" but because both men and women realize they want to be loved.
Have fun when your younger but don't let anyone use you and try not to get hurt.
>>28409498
Nice,
I was referring to this song, its fitting
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lg6goayNUNc
More lewds stories if you have them, please.
>>28408395
>tfw never again will you meet another qt who you have a lot in common with but blew it because she "was busy" when you asked her out and decided never to ask her again
This was 1 month ago robots, and I've been feeling like shit ever since. I still see her and we greet each other every once in a while, but she's mentioned nothing of it since.She's still single if it matters
>>28409510
s-some people s-say I'm pretty but I don't think so.. sometimes I feel cute and have a bit of confidence
>>28409532
20
i-i'll try anon. thank you for being caring
>>28409536
ty
I'll listen to it and post more when I get home. phone is gonna die
>>28409540
sad days anon
This is the sort of thing I want but doubt i'll ever be able to get because i'm a dude.
I want to have complete control over someone else. I want to call them names, insult them. I want to financially dominate them, forcing them to give me money. I want to control their schedule, when they sleep, when and what they eat, when they're allowed to masturbate. I want to do all of this but still be able to ignore them for a few days in a row because i'm busy or bored. I don't even particularly care if they're a girl or a dude.
We've all got fantasies, I guess.
>>28409576
Oh shit didn't realize op was a femanonShould I ask her again and if so what the fuck do I do?
>>28409581
you might find it. it could be that way for a while. I know I want it temporarily. I wouldn't want it for more than a year.
>>28409581
Become a Drill sergeant haha
>>28409452
Wait is being a member of society even essential to the human experience?
>>28409576
Post a reference pic pwease. I'm curious and wanna be your friend. Should we be friends? I'll listen to your problems.
>>28409615
y-yeah go for it. just be honest with your humility too. she might appreciate t. >>28409635
I think so. human as we know it. you can be biologically human without seeing another human but you aren't functionally human.
>>28409640
in a bit when I get home.
>>28409631
Too much work dude. I want to have this control over someone for no real reason. It'd be great if I had all that control over someone more successful than me.
>>28409581
I do all of this to my gf and she loves it. You'd be surprised a lot of girls really want this but won't admit it because society shames such submissive behavior.
>Meet girl from another board
>chat all night
>seems very friendly and very clearly wants to be my friend
>wake up tonight
>lay in bed thinking about how much i hate her and how she makes me fucking sick
>think about how I'd strangle her if she was here and that she is pure trash not worthy of my friendship
>don't want to reply to her emails anymore
>want a new girl to talk to
am i a psychopath?
>>28409663
>tfw they're less successful and you submit for no reason
>tfw you go to work and worm hard, make lots of money for them and they provide nothing
>>28409664
what kind of good things do you do together?
>>28409664
I realize it's possible. But the luck of the draw will never hit me. No idea where to look, since it's not exactly a marketable desire.
>>28409657
Well there really is no real human experience so I guess I'm explaining myself poorly. but I would say that someone is still human even if they never suffer and live as a recluse. Would you still call them human? Do you need pain to be human?
>>28409686
Did anything cause this change in thoughts?
>>28409581
>doubt i'll ever be able to get because i'm a dude.
I'm sure you can eventually find a girl who wants this anon, you just have to keep searching
>>28409657
>just be honest with your humility
How so? What do I say to her? Do I reveal my feelings to her?
>>28409657
Your bf is lucky. I've never found a cute girl interested in anime before. It would be so nice.
>>28409737
>you just have to keep searching
I literally only bring it up on 4chan threads. I have no idea where to actually /look/ for something like this.
>>28409737
>Did anything cause this change in thoughts?
No, just woke up with them.
>>28409726
there's a problem with words. they're human, but removed from humanity. not entirely, but distanced.
>>28409741
don't have a bf
>>28409759
It's pretty much cause you're a fag. It's okay anon we still love you
>>28409807
Well i'm going to end the supposed friendship right now and call her a stupid sack of shit in the email and to kill herself.
>>28409576
>20
Aww you're still a nymph. I could be your online daddy if you like
>>28409849
m-maybefetishblox
>>28409781
Wanna chill and be friends on skype? It would atleast be nice to have someone I could talk to about anime and stuff. If not that's okay but if you do it would be nice. My Skype is treehouse48
>>28409756
Its super tricky IRL
Get to feel her level of self esteem, if its low, there a higher chance she want to be treated badly.
Test the water with some remarks/comments, its hard online because you cant see their face.
If she react correctly, like if she agree or dont seems to mind, increase the intensity.
If she get upset, either stop and treat her nice or try again and cut your losses.
Imo, its the best feel ever to dominate someone.
Ugh, so hot.
>>28409825
Is she ugly? She'll just think you're autistic
>>28409861
I'll add you wh-when I get home
phone is gonna die
I'll be back anons
look at this
the op claims to be so lonely
already has heaps of people asking to add her
woman cannot be robots.
>>28409781
Haha I say that shit all the time. It's what makes learning other languages so rewarding with different speech comes different thoughts
>>28409781
>don't have a bf
So wait, did I just mis-read the entire OP? I thought you were talking about your current situations.
>>28409899
Otay. I'll talk to you then I suppose yuruchan ^_^
>>28409859
Haha dont be so embarrassed cutie. I can tell what you want from a mile away. Lemme make a burner email and I'll post it in the thread
>>28409859
>>28410056
LordODB is my new burner skype... Hmu if you want
>>28409759
Maybe you just have a weird thought process friendo
>>28409825
Shit fuck don't do that, you could still end up fugging her. >>28409884 is right
>>28410056
>>28409859I'm Atmos X on skype, add me if you want
>>28410336
I don't care about sex. I just wanted a female friend and i got one and i already hate her guts.
>>28410501
Why do you want a female friend? Why does gender matter for friendship? I'm actually curious.
>>28410523
Because i never had one before, and they seem friendlier, especially the way they talk and use smiley faces and stuff.
im back
hopefully you guys are still here
adding you folk on skype right now
>>28411338
Story time!
The lewder the better
>>28411375
one time i was giving myself swirlies for this guy. he liked it a lot and made me pee on myself
i don't really know, the stories don't seem fun to talk about right now. eh.
i have really boringinceststories too
>>28411459
dumb bitch claims to be a robot and has had men interested in her, enjoying being her beta orbiters upon 50 others my fellow robots.
All competing for some fat whores love.
>want a woman friend
>don't one one with 100's of people on her Skype and have her do nothing but juggle conversations with me
>one that has an interests in rap, horrors, WW2, mysteries and thrillers and maybe 80's music.
where do i find her? even girls on here have a harem of men.
>>28411459
oh ok, what about that quote?
you're dead forever, then you live until you die and you're dead forever again
You find it weird to never had been in anyone mind? You live, and then be forgotten?
>>28411543
what I mean is, you don't exist forever, then you exist for a little while, then you don't exist
the thought is pulled straight from a short film by steven wright called one soldier
i was just using it as an example to explain the feeling you get when i think about the flatness of suffering
>>28411663
You don't seems to have lots of sexual experience.
Are you a trans?
>>28411700
i have very few. and no.
i've beenconsentuallywith one boy and one girl (at separate unrelated times)
>>28411719
And they didnt love you right?
Did you express your desire?
>>28411700
Yeah because she's just a fucking whore and not even a robot.
>>28411764
Are you okay anon? you seems upset..
>>28411746
they did love me. they didn't do it well. they had all the intention and desire to love me, but didn't know how.
I tried to guide them some, and ask questions to get us talking about other things and being open but they were really weird when we got too close.
>>28411764
>few sexual experiences
>WHORE
that doesn't even make sensey-you're not a robot
>>28411799
>y-you're not a robot
fuck off you stupid normie cunt you aren't a fucking robot.
i'm not really good at either, although i wish i were
good luck, i get the feeling you'll find what you want eventually
>>28411799
>tfw no cute and submissive gf that actually communicates what she wants in a relationship
>>28411799
Ok, you tried, it suck
Good intention are overrated
I would rather have someone treat me good for the good reason than have good intention and treat me badly.
How would a guys best approach the topic?
How would you react if I was super aggressive from the get-go?
>>28408515
Nice rationalization.
Just say you have low self-esteem and were abused as a child and be done with it.
>>28411864
>treat me good for the bad reason than...
Idk, being aggresive is what I want, but we need an emotinal connection before I use my pimp hand.
>>28411812y-you aren't a robot!!!
>>28411831
>i'm not really good at either, although i wish i were
im sure you can be anon
>good luck, i get the feeling you'll find what you want eventuallyth-thank you
>>28411847
she'll be there
>>28411864
>I would rather have someone treat me good for the good reason than have good intention and treat me badly.
I agree. I never said i didn't want that though.
guys should just suggest it. if it was aggressive right away i might just be okay with it but I like saying something about it first.
>>28411904
>we need an emotinal connection before I use my pimp hand.
this is also what is preferable
>>28411891
that's also part of it, but i know the rest is there too. they can exist at the same time, anon
>>28411928
Yeah, I get that I should talk to her about it.
But, asking consent kinda make it dull.
Do you have pics of yourself?
>>28411928
i sure hope i meet her soon
>>28408395
>tfw you will never live on a space ship colony and stalk your qt oneitis around the ship
Is this Moonrakers: /r9k/ edition?
>>28411928
Did you add me? Id like an anime friend(: treehouse48
>>28408395
Sometimes I wish I would meet a girl like this. She would make me strive to be better.
>>28412838
i see three people under your name, which is you?
