>tfw crippling Social Anxiety Disorder
>tfw walk manually at all times
>tfw whenever I talk to people my voice squeaks and I can't maintain eye contact
>tfw always feel like I'm trespassing whenever I'm outside, no matter where I am
>tfw can't BEE MYSELF ever
>tfw it takes me a week to build up the courage to send a simple email
>tfw actually objectively ugly so my insecurities are justified
>tfw benzos only help a little
>tfw no friends at all
>tfw can't even talk to my mom
>tfw can't even watch a fucking movie because all I can think about is how the actors look better and have more fulfilling lives than me
>tfw the very thought of being in a room with people sends my heart racing
>tfw I worry that people are judging the way my shadow looks whenever I'm outside so I always try to walk in the shade
>tfw couldn't even finish college and I feel like a huge loser
>tfw tired all the time
>tfw lonely all the time
>tfw I feel anxious even in my dreams so there is literally no escape
>tfw want to kill myself but I'm worried about what my body will look like when people find me, as well as what they'll think of me
I can't do this anymore.
Why are you tired though? Doesn't seem to relate to all of the other greenfacts at all.
>>28397922
Not OP, but anxiety actually can cause physical exhaustion because you're body is constantly going through 'fight-or-flight' responses.
>>28397837
Sounds like that crippling social anxiety disorder of yours may actually be crippling autism.
I'm so sorry for your suffering OP...
My social anxiety is not as bad as yours, but I can relate to some of it.
I wish I could be your friend.
>>28397837
I had similar feeling to this except less severe. I was fed up with it all but didn't want to kill myself and antidepressants didn't really help.
So I took a large amount of shrooms, had a horrifically bad trip, and I came out a normie. I don't feel anxious about shit anymore because every thing feels manageable after 100% losing control of myself.
>>28397948
That explains it all. I wish there was a way to raise your "baseline" energy level.
>>28397970
>he lies on anonymous forums
>>28397922
>>28397948
I also have hypersomnia which makes very simple things take a soul-sucking amount of energy to do.
>>28397950
I'm not autistic. There's some crossover symptom-wise but they're two very different things.
>>28397959
I wish I could switch places with you desu.
>>28397837
>walk manually at all times
this meme is so incredibly stupid. it literally means walking with your hands. i seriously doubt any of youusdegenerates is able to do that.
>>28398002
What exactly would I have gained from lying about this? I don't seem any cooler because its anonymous. I can't sell shrooms through the internet, wait are there companies that will pay me to shill? if there are hit me up.
>>28397837
i know every single one of these feels, OP. when you can no longer keep eye contact with your mom you know there's no way back.
best thing you can do is make your isolated life as comfy as possible. live as an observer and not a participant. i don't have any advice but i wish you the best
>I walk manually
You have it easy, I walk like a fucking virgin
>>28398024
are you mentally disabled? i'm legitimately curious
>>28398047
That's why the lion is laughing at you anon. Pointless lying is pointless.
>>28397837
iktf
>walk home from job
>feel like everyone in the passing cars is staring me down
>get uncomfortable and anxious if i see someone walking towards my direction
>pretend im having a fake phone conversation so people who pass dont feel obligated to say hello
>by the end of the walk im angry and anxious even though probably no one even batted an eye my way
>repeat every day
I can see the visible discomfort on peoples faces when they try to talk to me. Sometimes my social austismo gets so bad I literally dont know what to say and just stare at them in silence while I start sweating
>tfw take 1-on-1 guitar lessons
>really extroverted chatty dude who teaches me
>can see his face droop every time his seasion with me starts
>see him in the window laughing and animatedly talking as soon as im gone
>>28398095
Alright I'll bite.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/17/health/magic-mushroom-chemical-depression/
You can give it a read if you are curious if not, have a nice day anon :)
>>28398083
'manual' is derived from 'manus', which is the latin word for 'hand', you fucking spastic assmonkey.
>>28398138
you're autistic. i don't give a shit what the word used to mean in a dead language, it has a different meaning in the english language. does "breathing manually" mean breathing with your fucking hands? god damn you are so stupid
>>28398160
>i don't give a shit what the word used to mean in a dead language
gud maymay komrad
>does "breathing manually" mean breathing with your fucking hands?
yes it does and it is just as stupid as "walking manually"
>>28398015
Everyone is autistic to a degree anon... Not having a textbook diagnosis doesn't mean your extreme anxious tendencies can't be perceived as autistic.
You already know your behaviors are restricting your living, so just concentrate on improving step by step in whatever way you feel works.
>>28398160
>it doesn't mean "with your hands", it means the autism symptom invented by 4chan YOU RETARD
Any good autism doctor will know exactly what you mean if you tell them you "walk manually".
>>28398187
Come on, senpai. "Manually" is the commonly-accepted antonym of "automatically." Please stop being pedantic.
>>28398187
Languages aren't static.
In a lot of contexts "manual" is an antonym for "automatic", so people start using "manual" as meaning "non-automated" instead of "made by hands".
>>28398129
>anything drugs
>Mainstream Media
>>28398244
Do you think other people's legs just move under them?
>fuck my legs are taking me to work when I wanted to sleep in.
Babies need to learn to walk. Everyone walks "manually" if you feel like you need to focus on putting one foot in front of the other all it shows is you've spent such a large portion of your life sitting down you are under practiced at walking.
>>28398345
I'm sorry to have disappointed you anon, I simply just hit the first thing on a google search, If you are interested in reading and dislike the main stream media, maybe these will work?
http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/200/3/238.short
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/12/151210181635.htm
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/could-magic-mushrooms-be-used-to-treat-anxiety-and-depression-97313121/?no-ist
But again if it is just a disinterest in the subject then again all I can say is have a nice day anon :)
>>28398378
No, you fucking idiot. Most people move without thinking about it. They listen to music or whatever and let their legs carry them from point A to point B without giving it any thought. I, however, have to consciously and deliberately put one foot in front of the other every single step of the way, can't get wrapped up in my thoughts because I'm too focused on what everyone around me thinks of me, and have to plan out every little movement ahead of time before I do it. When you step onto a curb are you worried about it? Do you tense up ten feet away from the sidewalk thinking, "Oh fuck, I hope I don't trip!"? No, you fucking step up at the last second really smoothly and naturally without ever really consciously registering that you've done it. Meanwhile I do the former. It's completely unnatural and forced and robotic and makes something as simple as just walking around very draining.
>>28398117
>>tfw take 1-on-1 guitar lessons
>>really extroverted chatty dude who teaches me
>>can see his face droop every time his seasion with me starts
>>see him in the window laughing and animatedly talking as soon as im gone
I have a bad history with music shitters too. By my THIRD guitar """lesson"""" the fucker didn't even let me into the room. He was chatting with his buddy the whole time even though he knew I had paid for his time. I was a weak 14 year old btw. I just waited on the couch like a dickhead and left. What a big waste of money. If any of you NEETs want to learn an instrument save yourself the regret and just buy a good 40 dollar blues harmonica. More portable anyways.
>>28398684
Fair point, but you need a new way to describe that other than walking manually because that is just a terrible way to phrase what you're saying.
Walking self consciously?
Walking nervously?
Walking deliberately?
You call me a fucking idiot, but your vocabulary lead to the whole thread derailing.
>>28398783
>your vocabulary lead
kek
>>28398891
At least you read my comment """"manually""""
>social anxiety disorder
stop reading right there
>>28398783
No, your autistic pedantry led to the thread derailing. No one had a problem with my word choice except for you, and even you knew exactly what I meant so it should have been a non-issue. You just couldn't pass up the opportunity to wave your intellectual dick around and educate everyone on the Latin roots of the word "manual." No one is denying the technical definition, but it still doesn't change the fact that it's essentially an antonym for automatic and was used as such in my post. Why do you have to make things so difficult just to hammer in your intelligence?
>>28397837
I don't remember posting this. Are you sure you're not me
>>28399004
At least you're not alone, bro. That's a little comforting, at least. Even though we'll almost certainly never meet, at least you know there's at least one person out there who knows how you feel and feels the same way. And if there's one, there are probably a lot more!I'm so alone.
>>28398138
Etymology is not the same as definition.
>>28397837
>>tfw want to kill myself but I'm worried about what my body will look like when people find me, as well as what they'll think of me
This fucking feel, man.
I wouldn't be found for weeks, and it'd only because either I'd stink enough for the neighbors to complain or because I stopped paying rent.
I mean, I'll be dead. I won't be there to suffer the repercussions of the judgements from the officers who might find me. But it still destroys me.
It's a pretty rough time when you're at constant war with your own thoughts. You're truly your own worst enemy.
>>28398047
>are there companies that will pay me to shill? if there are hit me up.
No one is being paid to shill for Hillary by the way. It's a Republican-funded lie and a pathetic attempt to smear her campaign.
>>28398510
>could-magic-mushrooms-be-used-to-treat-anxiety-and-depression
no because getting raped in prison everyday will only make that shit worse
>>28397837
I'm pretty much all of these, besides being objectively ugly. People on soc have rated me 8/10. Lowest I've ever gotten was 7/10. Looking good doesn't really make much of a difference when you have an anxiety disorder, though. Especially when you're5'6"
>>28397837
>walk manually
Cut it out
>>28397837
>tfw always feel like I'm trespassing whenever I'm outside, no matter where I am
learn self-defense and pack on some muscles. that way you won't be afraid of everyone.
>>28400334
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, FUCK
>go outside
>have to cross the road whenever I see someone walking towards my side
>tfw they cross as well and I can't move back without looking retarded
>>28397837
>tfw suffered from 'manual walking'
>tfw mastered the art of 'ghostwalking'
You basically sort separate yourself from your legs, you give them an instruction and they carry it out whilst you have more room to think.
I call it ghostwalking because it's almost like there's another person inside controlling the rhythm of my steps, but I think I'm somehow relieving that instruction to a more subconscious part of the brain like downloading something in the background of your computer.
>>28398963
hey i am not even the other guy, so there's at least two who actually know how language works
>le majority is correct meme
also, you don't walk automatically, for fuck's sake, you don't even breathe or blink automatically. just because you don't have to focus all of your 3 brain cells on doing these things doesn't mean you do them automatically, as the other guy pointed out
>fuck my legs are taking me to work when I wanted to sleep in.
>>28400548
Read >>28398684
I never claimed that people don't have control over their legs, you moron, I claimed that they can basically give their legs a destination and then are able to focus their attention elsewhere. I cannot do that.
And yes, the popular usage of a language does serve to legitimately sculpt it. Manually is an antonym for automatically. Why does this bother you so much?
>>28398783
>>28400548
What if I told you the expressions: "____ manually" are derived from reference to a handbook, the other definition of manual. Thus the expression is synonymous with "doing it by the book" because the activity is being initiated by self instruction as opposed to instinct.
>>28400429
This is why we need moving sidewalks. Just close your eyes the whole way to work.
>>28397837
I can relate to most of what you said but I think I'm under the right medication so my life is pretty much okay I guess.
At one point my social anxiety turned into something just as crippling as what you said, though.
Basically whenever I was in a situation that made me feel out of my comfort zone (out of my room basically) I felt like I was about to pee myself all the time but when I actually got to the toilet there was nothing.
This might sounds funny but the tangible fear of wetting myself in public was unbearable espacially sometimes when I felt like I was acutally peeing myself.
I looked it up on the internet and it doesn't seem common.
I'm also too embarassed by this phobia to talk about it to a shrink whom I see frequently.
>>28401687
What medication are you on, anon? And you should try to tell your shrink. I don't view my shrink as a person for this very reason--anxiety gets in the way of your ability to communicate, which in turn results in the therapy not being useful. I just pretend she's a robot desu.
>>28398783
you are a fucking legitimate autist who takes everything literately, everyone in this thread except for maybe non enliglish speakers knew exactly what he meant when he said "walk manualy"
>>28398024
No it means walking consciously thinking about your legs and arm movements, rather than walking like normies do, without thinking.
>>28403800
I used to do this hardcore when I was younger, and I'm not sure how I stopped it. I think I just started focusing my self-consciousness on other, less noticeable things.
>>all of the faggots ITT convinced OP or other people have autism without even understanding what that entails
>dunner_kruger.jpg
/r9k/, if you were legit autismo you'd be like fuggin' Chris Chan organizing Sonic dolls or some shit.
Just because you have trouble holding eye contact doesn't make you an autist.
I'm tired of you faggots unironically throwing a legit mental disorder around like it's as common as a type of personality.
>>28404154
What the FUCK. OP didn't even say he had autism.
>>28404154
>what's a spectrum
>>28404215
>>what's an armchair psychiatrist
Right, it's insane to assume that different people have different personality's. Introverted? You mean retarded?
Omg OP doesn't walk around with a smile on his face 24/7, call the cops!
>>28404286
I don't understand what your're saying. Are you implying I don't have Social Anxiety Disorder? Because that would be wrong desu. This isn't so much a personality as it is a personality disorder.
>>28404286
Dude, I can't tell if you're baiting or not. You sound like an apathetic faggot who has no sympathy for people wit mental illness. And OP didn't even say he had autism; I think I remember him explicitly stating that SAD just has some overlapping symptoms with autism.
>>28404154
>dunner_kruger.jpg
Oh, the irony.
>>28397970
Is this a meme or does it actually work?
>>28397837
>Tfw anxiety is so bad I get panic attacks every time I leave the house
>Tfw only friend is dying
>Tfw you find out there's a big chance you have MS and you might be stuck in some kind of care center before your 40
>Tfw your trapped in a shithole you absolutely hate but you can't leave because you can't make it by yourself
Bump tbo senpai
>>28404154
>I'm tired of you faggots unironically throwing a legit mental disorder around like it's as common as a type of personality.
I always just assumed it was the hip new way to call someone a retard or a faggot. I personally grew up knowing a mega autistic who was articulate enough to make it into the normal classes but would throw these crazy fits and constantly spout tactless cringy nonsense. This person is the metric by which I measure autism in 4chan threads, and I've got to tell you I'm positive a lot of people here are fucking autistic.
>>28405780
I linked some random papers, if you want to talk to me one on one about my experience I would be willing to do that.
You all really need to get some magnesium into you, not even some placebo meme shit.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201106/magnesium-and-the-brain-the-original-chill-pill
>>28397837
everything you said applies to me too OP, you're not alone. From walking manually, to feeling like a trespasser outside to taking a week to message someone on fucking skype because they might not respond.
everyone here who says "I had the same just not as severe" is a normie, fuck all of you and your feels >>28397970 >>28397959 >>28398783
>>28407277
cool, I'll just hit up one of my buds and buy some shrooms for me and my girlfriend, thanks anon. Really cool to know we're not alone!
>>28407530
Fuck you, man.
>25 years old
>no girl ever touched me
>I never really talked to any girl in a meaningful way
>I'm a normie
>>28407595
>I never really talked to any girl in a meaningful way
>talking to girls
fuck off to your tinder threads and 'oneitis' norman
>>28407530
>has a Skype
>calls out other people for being normies
Anon...
just becomea drug addict or an alcoholic like the rest of us ugly mentally ill losers
>>28397837
My social anxiety isn't quite as severe as yours, I think, but I definitely feel a lot of these feels, man. Going through therapy right now, but I honestly am not sure if it's doing any good. Your experience with benzos hasn't been great?
>>28397837
Lmao. I know this feel hardcore brother. I've gotten a little better, but this just happened today
>walk on patriots path for three hours, check out a waterfall, cross a river, stumble on an abandoned house while cutting through the woods. was really meditative and nice, no one else around because of the weather
>in a pretty good mood, but start to feel wonky when I get to the grocery store. >spending so much time alone didn't prepare me for this
>walking down aisle, hear "is that Ben Smith?"
>say "no it's anon Smith"
>it's my first grade teacher, confusing me with my cousin (I'm 26 years old now BTW)
>she says "do you know who I am"
>say yeah as I continue to circle around a display and try to walk away
>I'm acting so fucking weird she actually asks "ARE YOU OKAY?" lol wtf
>when she asks if I'm busy I just say yes and walk away without saying bye
>nope the fuck out of the store
Am I ever gonna make it bros? That was fucking awful
>>28404154
This isn't actually true. Autism is obviously a spectrum and people internet diagnose themselves with it all the time, but it's still very possible to be autistic and not chris chan. I was diagnosed as a child with autism and through therapy/medication no one knows I have high functioning autism any more, I just come across as kind of weird. I still have difficulty reading facial expressions and a lot of social problems, but I don't sperg out about pokemon and make a fool of myself or anything like that because I'm not retarded, I'm just mildly autistic.
>>28397837
i'm pretty much the same way. i had a complete breakdown a couple years ago, and since then i've learned how to handle things better. i still have panic attacks but i've just accepted it more. it's the way it is for a reason.
i found that making music and painting helped me, maybe you could find something similar. i painted simple things and put them around my room like cave paintings. handprints, basic shapes, flowers, etc.
>>28407369
Will give that a try mr anon
>>28398002
I don't think he's lying shrooms are pretty common they grow wild on the ground in most humid places
>>28407567
Have someone around that is sober, double check the shrooms don't interact with anything else you take prescription or otherwise.
Take a vitamin C supplement, Vitamin C interacts with it to make it more potent for whatever reason.
Have a thick blanket around somewhere, it helps to kind of calm you down when things get really intense.
Have fun be safe.
>>28405780
I've done mushrooms LSD and other psychedelics countless times and I'm still a timid little bitch that would rather stay home than leave the house it didn't work for me :(
>>28408311
>>28407567
Oh and I forgot, I did two grams. Which is a pretty solid dose. It cost 20 bucks where I live.
>>28398024
>>28398076
>>28400334
That's a Tier-4 meme, at the very most
I suggest you GIT OUT
f*ing newfags
>>28408311
Smoke some bud too shrooms and weed go together like peanut butter and jelly
Could make you paranoid as fuck though be weary
>>28408348
Dude my buddy did 5 grams and 4 hits of RC and he was in the bathtub practically unconscious and every now and then he'd get up and fucking run at one of my friends or me he was so fucked up
My friends were on acid too and decided it was a good idea to stick a drum stick in the poor kids ass. Fucking normies probably traumatized him
>>28408366
This is very true, I'd say if its you're first time doing shrooms, you might want to not do it unless you're certain weed will calm you down, up to you though.
>>28400304
>8/10
>5'6"
You can become a cute trap then.
op's brain got ran over as a kid
>>28408458
No, but I was born three months premature so it works out to pretty much the same thing.
>>28402873
That's actually a really good idea anon, all the Internets to you
>>28397837
what the fuck does walking manually mean?
>>28409667
if you had it you'd understand
>>28398024
>walk manually at all times
I actually haven't heard this meme. But it's very cute and funny.
Been away from /r9k/ for 4 months.
>>28409709
it's a classic /v/ meme
has been around maybe even longer than spaghetti
>>28409709
>But it's very cute and funny.
Y-yeah, haha... it's hilarious...
>>28397837
I'm convinced that the reason most people have social anxiety is because they didn't get proper socialization as a kid. Especially so through out school. I remember senior year of high school being the absolute worst for me because in my mind I didn't accomplish what I really wanted to accomplish. Which was at least getting one gf and fucking at least once. While I saw almost everyone at high school seemingly do it easy.
Maybe this doesn't apply to everyone but I think my theory has some validity to it. Doesn't just have to be about the gf thing though. If as a kid you always felt awkward around people then you will obviously grow into an awkward adult. Normies don't seem to be able to comprehend this.
>>28409709
You're now breathing manually brrappp
>>28410454
For some it's a traumatic experience, like abandonment, which was what happened to me
>>28397837
this is probably stupid butdo you want to be online friends?
>>28410488
Yeah I can see that being the case to. Even taking away the part I said about the gf I always kind of felt I was a bit strange compared to my peers. It didn't matter if I had friends. Somehow I almost always felt that I was being misunderstood. That I didn't know how to truly be myself and be happy about it while also realizing that some shitters are always going to dislike you or annoy you no matter who you are.
Normie girls for example sometimes mention how annoyed they get from getting too much attention. To many on here it seems ridiculous but it's just all perspective really. They have a normal life so something like that could realistically bother them.
Manually blinking
>>28411028
Please lad, stop it.
