>>28397660
I'm intrigued senpai, tell me more.

>Fast forward, we've started getting a little cuddly in the commons area at school.
>Her birthday comes up, end up blowing like $150 on some stupid over the top present for someone I'd been seeing for like a week.
>She loves it.
>Literally have my first kiss, I'm terrible.
>Hear she broke up with her boyfriend.
>We netflix and chill.
>The sexual nature of the show kind of gets us going a little.
>We go up to my room. My first touch of boob, the first time feeling the poon, and she asks THE QUESTION. "Do you have a condom?"
>Scurry over to closet and pull out magnum XL condom. Totally fucking unnecessary but a size chart told me to get them once because of my girth, they seem to fit.
>Uh, give me a minute, I kind of need to get it up first.
>Completely flaccid. Jesus Christ not now. This has fucking never happened.
>She asks if I want her to go down on it. I can feel that it's not going anywhere, she would be sucking on limp dick, tell her no.
>Fast forward to good cuddling and mutual agreement that it was probably too fast anyway. She seems to understand that this shit happens.
>Fast forward two days, read up on it and seems kind of normal for guys, psyche self up for a second try and read into some techniques for getting there.
>It's literally the last day I have to be at school for the entire semester. Start class, text her asking why she seemed a little off when I saw her earlier that day.
>She said it was nothing. I pressed. I was basically instigating it at that point -- she said she wanted me to be open to the idea of our relationship ending soon.
>Says she'll explain when we can talk in person.
>Leave class immediately, go find her, walk out and talk. She kind of hints around that it was both the dick thing and the fact that I was moving a little bit further out into the state and she didn't want to do long distance. Take it really well at face, although I can't even begin to comprehend, it really felt like she liked me.

Cont.

>She messages me again on Facebook. Tries to make sure I'm okay or something. I'm a little less collected than I was in person, get a little mad.
>She says something about how we were going too fast. I quippingly responded "When I'm driving on the highway and I see that I'm going too fast, I /slow down/. I don't swerve into oncoming traffic."
>At some point in that conversation, the wheels kind of turned. My sadness turned to resentment, and her apologetics turned to... regret?
>She starts to feel like she fucked up.
>She asks if I want to try again. But I still don't know why the fuck she broke up with me in the first place. How can I try again if this she's just going to get bored again?
>Say something like that.
>She starts actually pleading. I don't even respond, I don't know what I'd say.
>Messages start piling up, she's like begging.
>Don't want to re-involve myself at that point, but I don't want her to be sad either.
>Ask if she wants to talk in person. She does, drive up there. We go sit on the steps to some pool in her neighborhood that's under construction. Spiders and gravel and dirt everywhere, a pretty nice place to talk.
>I'm not any more talkative than I was over Facebook. She just keeps asking. And we sit there in silence. And I start to make small talk because I don't want to give her an answer.
>And I end up telling my entire life story to her. Literally.
>And she finally asks again. And I'm still not saying anything. She says she got cold, so she invites me back to her place.
>She invites me upstairs. It's a huge mess.
>We get on her bed and start talking. I was worried she was going to try to seduce me out of some act of desperation but she starts crying.
>She starts talking about how paranoid she gets, how much of a fuck up she is, etc.
>I really don't want her to be this sad. I don't want anyone to be this sad.
>Hold her for a long time. We start cuddling. Even a little bit of touching for some reason, but we don't kiss.

Cont.

>I actually get hard. I guess I'm kind of at ease so it was easy. But this is fucked up.
>End up taking my pants off. Literally the first time a girl has ever touched my dick.
>And her mom immediately pulls in the drive way.
>We abort and just keep cuddling. And she keeps asking if I've changed my mind, and I don't say anything.
>It just goes on like that until it's really late. And she asks one more time. And I say "I'm sorry".
>We go out to my car, and I finally kiss her. I agree, at least, that we might see each other again.
>Up until like 6 AM that night. I can't fucking stop being sad. Seeing her cry made me feel like literal hitler. I just want her to be happy.
>Send her a message at like 5 in the morning that I wasn't being any more rational than she was and we at least owe it another shot.
>But I didn't mean it. This isn't what I want.
>Her breaking up with me ruined the magic for me. I realized this wasn't the relationship I wanted to be in.
>But I don't want her to be sad.
>So I'm still in it.
... and it's weird.

... I felt like I was coming here for advice but I don't really know what anyone could say. I guess I'm just sharing. Thanks for listening, guise.

>>28397982
No problemo anon. It's good to let it out.

>>28397982
what she is asking? open relationship with you? if you like the girl don't do it. if you do not like her do it and you got a cocksleeve

>>28398121
I'm actually the one suggesting we still keep it open at this point. I don't want to see other people, I just want her to find someone else so she can get over me and I can go back to playing video games and not worrying about someone else's feelings.

since these are alot of firsts for you maybe you should fuck her for awhile, doesn't have to be magical

>>28398170
You have to make the choice right now if you want this to be an ongoing thing or not. If you're done and you're just sticking around not to hurt her feelings, better to get that out in the open ASAP. She'll catch on eventually. If this is some kinda denial, then stop being a cuck and smash that ass.

Then leave here and never come back. You've earned it.