anyone wanna talk? feeling like shit tonight. vent at me, or let me vent at you, or we could talk about movies, or anything else really.
i just don't want to feel so alone.
Why do you feel so alone, anon? What the fuck do you think you need?
Tell me, maybe we have something in common.
feel ya anon.
might share something i've been thinking about today.
A while ago I got accused of something and my friends (internet friends because no IRL friends) all got angry at me because of the false accusation.
today, a month later I said fuck it, and posted a message to them about how I saw a cat outside today, and they responded like nothing was wrong.
I'm so confused by this, I havent responded to them, I don't know what to do with this. I feel like it looks like I'm ignoring them or something like that.
It has been on my mind all day.
It's annoying.
>>28386468
normal life is exceptionally dreary despite me having all of my core financial and physical needs taken care of. these past weeks, its been unbearable. i feel like i'm an outsider trying my hardest to fit in anywhere i can but it just never works. i feel like i'm invisible. i feel like at the very best people tolerate me. i just want people to /want/ to be talk to me or be around me. i've been crying myself to sleep every night for weeks. i have a boyfriend i like but i can't escape the feeling that i'm using him for his money, i know i'm a shitty person on the inside. i have everything a person could need, yet i feel like i'm dying inside at all times.
it will be a year next week since i almost succeeded in killing myself last year. i want to try again i think.
>>28386438
You feel alone, and yet you will leave this thread after ten replies or so.
I personally think an imageboard is not the place to reach out for someone that can help you with loneliness. It helps, but not on the best run.
Why don't you start something for yourself today? five new words of a language you don't know or ten push-upscould relly help you into going for something new to make your life meaningful.Ahh... but i'm just being a hypocrite myself. i made peace with the feeling of utter loneliness a long time ago. Only thing that keeps me going is lurking without posting, watching other people i will never know bicker over meaningless things. It just keeps me away from thinking about the bad things.
>>28386574
Not OP, but people sometimes get mad at something but keep going with their lifes after some time.But i would be wary now.
From my experience, at least, i know that "friends" can be more than eager to put up a good face and let everything pile up until they just don't want you around; when they need the excuse, they will bing out all and every small bad thing you did, even if you tried your best to improve after your faults.
Clock's ticking now. You should just enjoy it the fullest while it last before it explodes on your face.
Be glad that you arent infatuated with a girl you can never be with.
Better emptiness than what im feeling now.
>>28386657
enjoy what to the fullest?
loneliness?
idk man, it sucks.
>>28386438
>being alone
>bad
You sound just like another normie piece of shit.
>tfw your problems are the inverse of most other robots here
kill me
>>28386780
>>28386750
sorry i haven't posted here in over a year
i forget the entire place is a contest to see who can be more of an autistic loser
ill just go
Your pain runs deep
Share it with me
>>28386579
You should stop, take a deep breath and sit in silence in your room to think what you really want in life. Fitting in will come later, as long as you are doing things that fulfill you and make you grow.
I had something similar not long ago.
I felt i was going to work as an impulse and i really had nothing going for myself; not a single friend there, not a person to talk to, feeling distant to what everybody did and yet yearning to be part of that...
I walked away from there. I've been using my time at home to read, to learn, and i'll be starting college in some months (public institution, but it's a start). Nevertheless, i still feel bad because i could've managed things better; i loved my job there but i have to move on.
Bottom line is, don't be reckless. Little by little, try to do what you want in life.
Talk often to the people you already know, cherish your moments with them. And don't worry about being alone; friends will come as long as you don't try to force things with them. Just try to do constructive activities you enjoy and where you can talk to others.
>>28386438
I'm drunk.
Wish I had someone to talk to about Murakami and Mishima books :(
Same old, same old. Stuck in the same dead-end job. Too chicken to interview elsewhere. Haven't touched a grill since when Mitt Romney was running for President. Been on nofap since October, still don't know why. Want to fap but feel a huge sense of shame when I consider it.
Some coworkers were thinking about going out for drinks today, but I pussed out. Told them I was meeting friends (LOL). Then I walked home 5 miles instead of taking the bus like normal. Gotta exercise somehow. Now drinking home alone, thankfully my 2 Chad roommates are out.
Just kinda sad to be spending another Friday night home alone. It's not so much that I want to go as far as what it says about my life. Even if I did want to go out I wouldn't even know what to do and I have no money to do anything interesting anyways. Also my hair has been falling out for about 7 months and physically I'm in the worst shape I've ever been. I can see the disappointment in both my parents faces.
>>28386830
i've tried so many things. i don't like anything. nothing is fun. nothing is fulfilling. i spend 16 hours a day half assedly playing video games trying to escape from real life because i tried real life and i don't like it
I must pose a question, what's the deepest desire of r9k's heart?
>>28386704
Your online friends. At least you have them.
Don't overthink those things.What were you accused of, by the way?
>>>/soc/23747319
Anyone ever want to go see a movie?
Idk if I'm trans or lonely
Either way I'm fat so it doesn't matter
Why am I so jealous over every little thing?
It's like my jealousy constantly makes me fucking angry all the time
>>28386882
manipulating another friend into hating someone else.
the guy suddenly blew up to me about how much he hated the other guy. I was actually suprised, and somehow it was my fault?
It's not like I lost anything for myself though, they came and tried to be friends with me which I eventually gave in to.
kinda miss them though, it was fun to have people talking to me even though I don't say anything.
Revealed that I'm a lightweight drinker and I had nothing to bring up in conversation. Everyone laughed. Another tally to my list of feminine traits.
I don't know why I even bother trying to talk to people, I'm incredibly out of sync with fucking everyone I know, share no one else's interests, and have all the red flags of a robot trying to integrate into society. None of that stereotypical shit (stuttering, faggy voice) but I've got that betacuck personality that no one would want to hang out with. I may as well just do my job quietly and go home, alone where I belong.
>>28386863
I know it reeks of normie advice, but keep trying. Don't be pessimistic.
Something that helped me after quitting was going out in the mornings for a jog. Little by little, day after day i would go farther without losing my breath so often and that sense of progress made me felt good with myself.
Leaving shitposting aside, why don't you go to other boards and lurk? maybe you will find something interesting on /ck/, /o/, /po/, /lit/...
Don't give up. It's never too late
I'm not sure whether I should order more ecstasy. I have enough money for it, sure, but roll too many times and I risk rendering my brain inefficient. I'm not entirely sure if I care that much though. The only time I feel alright is when I'm on something after all.
>>28386935
Had the same thing with my irl friends, every few months they accused me at doing something i didnt, or over exaggerate somethig, always been the same douch turning everybody against me, just happend over and over again.
I dont talk with them anymore, cant even look at their faces without being filled with pure hate.
Stay away from them, you better off alone then being emotionally raped.
>>28386831
i wrote my master's thesis on yukio mishima
what do you like?
temple of the golden pavilion? sun and steel?
patriotism is a beautiful fucking short story.
>>28387242
dark net marketplaces?
>>28386831
FAGGOT I AM RIGHT HERE I AM AN EAST ASIAN STUDIES MASTER'S STUDENT WRITING A THESIS ON YUKIO MISHIMA
fuck you for abandoning this thread
i could talk all day about his approaches to aesthetics, death, fascism, life, love, western culture infiltrating japan, etc.
>>28386831
for instance do you know that he, for all his later militaristic leanings, actually chose to register at a draft board in the countryside during WW2 so that he stood a better chance of being medically excluded, as he would be compared to robust farmboys instead of tuberculosis-ridden urban kids like himself?
I feel really shitty today. Decided I'd drink alone. Its days like this I feel like blowing my brains out.
What do you guys live for? It all just looks like pain. I can't find any good reasons. Anyone care to share?
>>28389891
Why'd you feel shitty m8?
>>28386438
Got an interview on Monday. The job sounds like a done deal. Really hope I get it because I want my own place.
>>28390064
I guess because I keep remembering about all the shitty things I've done in the past. I feel stupid.
I've been trying to forget this girl for a while and now that I'm finally drunk I can totally see why going for her is a bad idea. I feel so enlightened in the state of inebriation.
>>28390154
Why do you think it was a bad idea?
>>28390256
we share a lot of the same friends, so basically if something happened I'd lose all my friends here.
>>28390154
>>28390678
I wish I could have that sort of enlightenment.
>tfw your friend/crush says some weird stuff and when you tell your best female friend about it she says it seems like she wants to confess to me
>tfw it was probably about something else but I can feel my hopes going up somewhere in the back of my head
>>28390922
Man, I feel you. I keep hyping this girl in my mind and thinking we're more but these last few days have been exactly the opposite. It took me a few drinks for me to realize we could never be a thing because of my drug habits. I hope that when I'm sober tomorrow this mentality carries over.
You keep strong anon, I believe in you. Don't forget it. You're going to be okay.
>>28390972
For me it's a bit of other way around, because I was 100% sure she wouldn't be interested in me, but one or two things she said made me think there may be some weird feelings involved.
>gets depressed all of a sudden when hanging out one time
>seems like she really wants to talk, not sure if to just anybody or to me specifically
>when asking her about it she says she has hundred things she could say in her head but gonna refrain from saying them
>ask her again about it few days later when the topic comes up one way or another
>she says it was just some weird feelings
>>28391234
I wish I could give you advice, anon. I'm way too drunk and even if I was sober I couldn't tell you how women work. I wish life was more simple for you and me.
I will say that I don't think you should let that greentext story hang in your head. Don't pressure her into spilling the beans, let her do it if she's comfortable.
>>28391260
Actually I think that's a good advice, but I'm always impatient and don't like unexplained stuff between me and other people. She usually mentions her problems pretty casually, yet this time it was just silence and "no, I'll refrain from saying it" ;-; still pressuring can only fuck the friendship we have up, I suppose, no matter what she has to tell.
Women are way too complicated, huh? Hope you don't get a hangover tomorrow, anon!
just found out today i have genital herpes
didn't even get it from a hooker
I want to kill myself
>>28391315
Thanks, anon, but I know I'm gonna feel it hard tomorrow. I had way too much Vodka tonight.
Back to the girl, though, I am the same way. The girl I had a crush on is VERY secretive about her personal life. It's frustrating. You just gotta take a step back and focus on other things. It really helped me out. Hope it helps you too.
>>28386780
Care to elaborate? The inverse and not the reverse?
>>28386871
I want to be in love with a girl who's even more in love with me. I want yandere obsession.
And here's the part where I vent... I fucking hate being so god damn disgusting. I look around and everyone is more attractive than me. I've never had a close relationship. Nobody has ever been attracted to me. There is absolutely no way someone could ever be attracted to me and can't stop believing that. If someone ever did claim to be attracted to me I would just assume that they're either mocking me or have some ulterior motive.
I can't even make a fucking friend.
I'm in tears writing this because I know I will never experience what I want so badly and there's nothing I can do to change that.
Asked this girl to hang out with me several times, and about half the time she does, the other half she says she's busy.
She agreed to go on a trip with my friends and I, then backed out.
My "friends" (people I'm actually not too fond of) are having a barbecue and I asked her yesterday if she wanted to come to that, and she said she's out of town.
Now I feel like I can't ask her to come to anything again because I'll seem desperate.
>>28391976
Don't sweat it too much dude. It's always nice when somebody asks you to hang out, even if you have to decline. You didn't even ask her to hang out one on one so it doesn't really sound desperate, more like you just like hanging out with her.
>>28392023
I really am an awful failed normie.
At one point she literally came over to my place, which is an obvious sign. And me, being the clueless fuck that I am, just had a conversation with her while we watched tv. Then she left.
This happens every time I think a girl might be into me. I just chat it up, and eventually she thinks I'm not interested and starts going after some other dope.
>>28386689
>Tfw have a crush on a celebrity
How did I become so pathetic
>>28392077
Well, this stuff is tricky. The best is to just casually say she's attractive at some occasion, or do something else that'll leave her knowing you're potentially interested.
Although I don't trust signs, I had girls inviting me to their own place, being just in two and all and it was just to watch movies and talk about life.
;-;
>>28392134
Last time I had a gf (dear god it was 5 years ago) she told me she had "flirted" with me a lot before finally outright saying she liked me. Of course, her ideas of "flirting" were very subtle, so I had no idea until she told me.
I have yet to meet another girl who will outright say it, so I guess I just need to be a man and be upfront myself. Probably the reason a lot of us don't have gfs is inability to pick up on "signs", and like you say its hard to even put any faith in them.
Well since this is a vent thread I might as well mention the other thing that has me down.
There was this small award thing for random fun traits that people vote on at my school. (best dancer, most adventurous, etc). I thought for sure I was going to win one of them even though I'm not very popular within the group. There just aren't many other people who fit that one, or so I thought. But of course, it turns out to be a popularity contest, and one of the chads wins it. I didn't think it would bother me until after it happened. A good friend of mine won one too, and then I remember one of the other winners saying it was the happiest she had been all year.
