How do you stop hating parents? I live a sad existence that I would say is both their faults for how they raised me but I am making strides and improving little by little. I find it hard not to be cold towards them and show them i'm mad. I just made my mom cry on the phone when I told her I don't feel like talking to her after she got minor surgery. I feel like when they die it will be days like this where I look back and regret what I done. How do you forgive your parents? How do you get over it?
>>28341909
Describe your parents. I'm cold towards my mother because she's an annoying and nosy cunt so it makes sense for me.
>>28341909
Understand your parents shitty job raising you was because of their shitty parents and same goes before that. Free will is an ilusion
Idk dude, I'll feel very little personal sadness when my mom dies because she's an emotionally abusive piece of shit that doesn't deserve my gratitude. But I could never be cold or distant towards my dad
, if anything I feel deep shame and regret because he's a good man who deserved a better son
>>28341953
Dad:
Eastern European immigrant. As a kid pushed me to play soccer which was his dreams. As a fat kid (more on that later) didn't work out well. After he realized I wasn't going to be a soccer player just started being cold to me. Didn't bond with me. My sister taught me to shave for example, something he was supposed to do. He took out all locks in our apartments so he can barge into my room anytime he wanted. Caught me fapping many times and when he did he approached me and mocked me over it instead of doing the right thing and leaving.
Mom:
Overprotective. As a kid watched over me at all times even when I played with friends. Wiped my ass late in life because she didn't trust I could do it. When I was a kid doctor said I was under weight for my age but it would sort myself out as I got older. Mom didn't care, she fed me 3 times what a kid should eat and I eventually got big and obese. To this day in my later 20's I still combat eating poor eating habits trying not to gain weight but my weight seesaws and I am back to overweight now. My mom in school used to do my homework for me because she didn't want me to appear dumb in school and as bad parents so naturally due to this I learned nothing, basically struggled in school and always had bad grades.
This is off the top of my head there is more. My older sister was an epileptic with violent mood swings and would constantly put me down and violently fight me and all the good parenting went to calming her down when she had weekly seizures.
>>28341909
Shit dude, and I thought I was cold towards mine. I'm trying to remember that my parents turned out the way they did because of their parents. My dad once told me about how my grandpa once chased him around with a fucking axe, threatening to kill him. So I try to remember those things and bite my tongue when I'm feeling agitated.
Also, mindfulness meditation helps a lot. It sort of creates this distance from me and my emotions/thought. Like instead of blaring out shit, I sort of think about it first.
>>28342012
Do you think based on that logic my gene pool should end with me because even if by some miracle I had a kid it will just be fucked up and the fucked up cycle continues?
>>28342108
How do you get into mediation anyway? Where do you start? I get home from work every dad either mad or sad would be nice if I could control that somehow.
Dad: complete asshole. Used to blow up over every little thing until he got a head injury a couple of years ago. He wasn't always like this. He really changed around the end of the 4th grade. After a couple years of this my self confidence hit an absolute low. Hasn't really changed much. He made a lot of really poor financial choices that are a little too complicated for this thread. Basically went from hundreds of thousands in the bank plus 975 k from the house he sold to food stamps, defaulting on mortgage, and going hungry. All in a mater of 4 years. Mom has to get a job, she used to be loving and caring, but after she spent 45 hours a day at here job she went cold. Dad starts yelling a lot more, parents are always fighting... After a while, I started hearing yelling even when there wasn't any. For example when I run water in the shower, I interpret the noise as yelling and have a panic attack. Around the same time, I got extreme depression. Never went outside, stopped all out of school activities, lowered my number of friends from 30 to 3. Start doing poorly in school. Parents force me to take APs, can't fucking focus. Too much yelling. I can't put headphones in because my dad getting really mad and starts yelling when I don't immediately respond. Putting 2 headphones in cause extreme anxiety because I fear that I didn't respond and I now have to deal with a very pissed off father. My depressions gotten so bad that I can't get out of bed in the morning and my body is starting to degrade if it hasn't already. No friends, no car really. Am I just a big pussy who blames everything on my parents or do they deserve to be blamed?
>>28342714
Dude go see a therapist, not even memeing
>>28342768
Already did. Dad tried to find the best one he could. She went to duke and vandy. Had about 8 sessions with her. I told her almost everything in confidence and she took that and gave it right to my parents without asking me or telling me. She was very well qualified. And really expensive. After looking at the impression on my dads checkbook I found out that she was getting $75 an hour. This number was later confirmed when my dad left his online banking open. We had almost no money, so this was a lot of money. It was basically this or food. It really just caused a lot more yelling over money, and now I have no trust for therapists.
I can tell you right now that it will be very difficult to stop blaming your parents.
You are a millenial. Through the schooling system and media, you have been trained to blame every single one of your problems on other people and revel in self pity.
It really doesn't matter how good parents they were, all millenial kids hate their parents for the "abuse" they subjected them to.
And the definition of abuse is very liberal these days. 60 years ago, it was common to hit your children if they misbehaved, and that wasn't considered "abuse"
Nowadays, you don't even have to touc your kids to be accused of abuse. Being too distant is considered "emotional abuse".
Just a grandiose term to gain pity points.
We are living in a generation of soft narcissists who were taught that dicipline is wrong.
I'm scared for the future because these kids will be running the world soon. I hope there's a pushback
>>28343040
Is it ok to blame them for financial problems? Even the ones that were obviously bad ideas?
>>28343120
That depends.
Are you under 18
>>28343161
Technically no. I'm 18
>>28342714
Damn dude.
>>28342768
Is probably right.
fuck your parents. slide your tiny baby dick up your mommas dead pussy and know then and there that you win and theres nothing she can fucking do about it.
>>28343252
Wtf? Mine isn't dead yet, but really wtf???
>>28342270
I downloaded this app called 'headspace.' It was a pretty informative way to begin.
Basically the idea is to sit down, comfortably, and relax. Doesn't matter how you sit. As long as your comfortable, you should be fine.
>take a few deep breaths.
>close eyes and listen
>then focus on your body and how it feels
>kind of scan it mentally
>then focus on your breathing
>follow that up and down breathing feel
>if you think a thought, go back to your breath
Do this for like 10 minutes or more everyday
>>28341909
i dont, i may love them on some level but i will never forgive them for enabling my existence absolutely 0 thought before having a baby
>>28341909
Just fucking defoo them and be done with it. There's probably a reason you don't want to ever fucking talk to them and maybe that's an instinct you should trust.
>>28342270
This might be a little abstract, and is by no means something kosher, but I meditate whenever I'm feeling emotional in a bad way by trying to get all the noise in my head down to a single logical voice. For example: I'm feeling irritated for whatever reason and am angrily pacing my apartment. I sit down in the stereotypical pose, and first shut up my thoughts. I clear my mind of everything, all doubts, second guessing, and impulses, except a wordless need for quiet. Once I have that, I focus on the emotion and kind of let my awareness settle on that emotion, and then I ask myself what I can do about it. If someone screwed me over that day, I would think whether there was any way to address the issue that would benefit me, such as going to my boss with the issue. If not, I tell myself there is nothing I can do about the emotion and disperse it. That last bit I do by imagining the emotion as something tactile, that I can physically feel in my head, and letting it slip away like through my fingers. It takes a decent amount of patience, but I have a pretty high success rate
>>28342714
It's not your fault, life dealt you a shitty hand. The emotional reactions you're having are just that, reactions. It's not like you decided to start slipping into depression, or to hear yelling when there was none. Nah, it's instinct driven and human nature, and certainly doesn't make you weak.
That's not to say you're doomed to a fatalistic demise. I've been in some really shitty states of mind for long periods of time before where I thought daily about how nice it would be to kill myself and feel gloriously numb, but once you stop blaming yourself for how you feel, you can slowly begin to peel back the other layers of shit. The only advice for that second bit is to keep just a glimmer of hope and know that you're probably not just gonna wake up tomorrow eager for more life. Try to figure out how depression works, some basic layman methods for fighting it (yes, the stereotypical eat right, exercise bullshit included) and if you can't change the stress level of your home, try to find ways to avoid it, like studying at a library instead. Finding a creative outlet can help to, I mean we all know that oftentimes misery has been the inspiration for great works, and telling yourself the crushing apathy of depression is inspiration rather than an affliction can help.
I feel you bud.
My parents were recovered alcoholics, and there was just so much rage and dysfunction in my household growing up, but they never fucking pulled the trigger and got divorced.
Instead, it felt like a fifteen year long divorce. I was mostly raised by my mom, a liberal who brought me up in a kooky fucking Hindu church (SRF!) that sort of isolated me.
Pops died a few years ago, and while I miss him, I also miss the fact that I never got to kick his ass for making my home an environment I had to fear.
My relationship with my mom is improving; I've just been totally honest with her about how I've felt, and where I'm at. As with anything anon, the best solution is living a good life for yourself. Treat yourself right, and don't have any guilt for the anger you feel.
Gonna go see Civil War with mom tomorrow. Feels good, we're moving forward.
Take care of yourself.
>>28341909
Well, I think one source of that hate is the idea that they could've done things differently, but when it comes to parents and their children, you can always be assured that they gave the best effort they had in them. The only thing that's different about your parents, compared to most, is that they just didn't have much to give. People can't help giving all they can to children because of how demanding they are.
When you're a child, your parents are like gods, but as you get older you start to see them more for the flawed people they always were, and with that perception can come understanding, and forgiveness.
I don't know if that'll help now, though, because the thing with a lot of perspective-based stuff is that you can't have the perspective before you have the experiences that perspective is based on. So you might just have to hope they don't die anytime soon.
>>28344444
Quality post.
As Alan Watts says, "Sure, you can blame your parents, and you may be right to, but then can't your parents blame their's, and their's theirs, and so on until you don't know whose fault it is."
>>28343040
Fuck off. Absolutely some people pretend to be victims when they're not in the slightest, but playing blame games doesn't help anyone in the end. Ultimately whether you blame yourself or another person you're trapping yourself as a victim when the only way out of shitty states of mind is pragmatic thinking. Feeling like you're at fault for how you feel just traps you in a state of spiralling self hatred.
>>28341909
you wait till they die
