>me, guest at at an art studio with a garden
>have to shit really bad
>run to the toilet and take a huge dump
>try to flush
>it's not working
>fuck.png
>panic
>pick the excrement up with my bare hands and put it in the garden compost
>they found it
>they know it's mine
>i have never been more humiliated in my life
>>28338874
Why didn't you bury it?
>>28338901
Panicked
>Out boating in pontoons with the family
>Stepdad says to my mom, "Hey, send one of the kids over to my boat to help me dock it."
>Mom sends me over
>Stepdad says, "No, I meant send someone who isn't incompetent!"
>>28338991
how rich are you
this just sounds like banter with the family desu, try to not be autistic as fck around them and maybe it wouldnt be awkward
>Go to convenience store to get smokes
>I'd recently moved to California from the midwest
>Show my ID to the cashier
>"Out of state ID? Is this you? The guy in the picture looks much healthier and stronger."
>>28338874
>that hair
holy FUCK I want to touch it. It looks so soft and squishyIt reminds me of my ex's hair. Sometimes she would put her hair in a bun and it was very soft and squishy. I would flick it around or squeeze it sometimes. It always annoyed her but I didn't give a fuck
>>28339070
>>28338991
Is that really all you've got, fellas?
>working as a dishwasher at a small dine-in restaurant
>break time comes around
>take a leak
>resume washing dishes
>putting plates up
>coworkers are suddenly giving me dirty looks
>boss comes up to me, says "you think you're funny? I don't work with creeps, you can get the fuck outta here, and I'm serious."
>"I-I don't u-understand."
>Boss flips his shit and orders me out
>start walking out, customers are looking at me with shocked expressions
>start sperg-running home
>feel wind hitting my dick
>ohfuck.exe
My dick had been hanging out of my fly for a half-hour
>order pocket pussy from Amazon
>use it 50+ times over the next two weeks
>friends come by one day to play vidya and shit
>one of my friends notices my pocket pussy
>he starts playing with it
>semi-fresh jizz drips out onto his arm
>>28339276
>>28339385
That's what I'm talking about. I suddenly feel much better about my shit story. Those are the kind of things you remember right before you go to bed so you can't sleep.
>In college, mandatory dorms for all Freshman
>Roommate is out partying and having fun on Halloween
>Staying in by myself browsing 4chins
>Decide to fap and go to bed
>Looking at tranny porn, boxers around my ankles, no shirt, dick in hand
>Hear my roommate opening the door
>Immediately unhand my dick and pull my pants up
>Roommate walks in with his friend, turns on the light
>Jump out of my seat and close the browser
>Roommate introduces me to his friend
>Guy extends his hand for a handshake
>Hesitate, shake his hand with the hand I was, moments ago, fapping with
>After awhile they fuck off and I finish and go to bed.
>Never see that kid again.
>sitting in the bus
>a girl behind me is playing shitty music on her phones speaker
>i turn around and ask her condescendingly if she thinks what's she's doing is really appropriate for the situation
>she turns around
>turns out she has downs syndrome
>her mom answers "is she annoying you?"
>"well, you know, kind of... A little bit"
I scolded a little girl with downs
>be me, circa 2004
>living with my parents
>decide to fap
>fapping away for a good 10 minutes
>about to climax
>mom suddenly bursts into room right as I start cumming
>mom looks terrified, quickly closes the door
>"dinner's ready, anon!"
>go upstairs for dinner
>brother starts snickering at me
>sister gets red in the face and won't look at me
>dad chuckles and asks me why I'm out of breath
>grab my food and retreat back to the basement
>next morning
>decide to start fapping before school
>get up to lock the door this time
>a note had been slipped under the door
>pick it up and unfold it
>a "do not disturb" placard falls out of it
>note says "Anon, I got this for you. Please use it next time! -Dad"
>be me, 11 years old
>have bad constipation problem
>out in grandparent's back yard
>suddenly need to take a shit
>can't make it to the bathroom, run around to the garage and shit in the driveway
>shit is probably the size of a 40-ounce bottle
>grandpa finds the shit an hour later
>blame it on the dog
He knew all along
>at doctor's office
>have to get urine sample
>stupid spanish beaner spic nurse hands me a piss jar
>tells me to fill it up and bring it back
>look around and cannot find washroom
>try to ask nurse for further instruction
>think to myself "i guess i just pee in the waiting room"
>squat by a chair in the corner of the room, facing the wall
>unzip my pants and commence peeing
>pants are slightly falling down my scrawny skeleton hips
>all of the sudden beaner nurse runs over to me and yells at me
>points to washroom with her wrinkly old hispanic claws and says something in mexican or whatever
>walk across the waiting room in shame
>as i was leaving i could feel everyone in that room staring at me
>there were a couple qt 3.14s laughing at me as well
>cry when i get back home
>still feel immense shame to this day
that lady looked somewhat like pic related, only even more ugly...
>>28340299
>>28340599
weird coincidence but two posts ending with 99 in a row
neat!
>>28338874
Why not just put it on the ground and pretend it's art or something
moar!
post more stories now!
I think mine tops all of yours.
>Be me 14 year old.
>going through my 11 pm fap ritual
>nearing climax.
I used to fap under the cover of my bed with a trusty sock.
> Mom walks in hastily, realizes what im doing.
>"Anon, need a tissue"
>mom then walks out awkwardly.
>dick goes super soft, and any thought of masturbating was ruined.
I didnt fap for at least 6 months after that happened...
>>28341247
What? How does that top the rest? It's just another walk-in-fapping story.
>>28339385
friend got rekt
all in good bro fun
if you got friends that's no big deal.
Fresh jizz has never dripped on one of my buddies, but I've shown them my onaholes and one of them even bought one I recommended, venus real soft.
>>28339669
I've got better.
>be me, last year
>living with parents
>decide to fap
>using lots of lube and an onahole while at the same time having my aneros up me bum
>hear sister and mom making a commotion in the kitchen
>whateves
>mom bursts in my room saying I have to drive her to the hospital, because she cut her finger in the kitchen and its pretty deep
>lucky I was under the blankets
>I hadn't showered in three days
>had the smell of cum, lube, and shit on me
>drove mom to the hospital
>I know the smell is probably awful, but I have to sit there next to my mom as the doctor and nurses walk by me
They never said anything, but I wonder how badly they thought of me. like I was some garbage shit retard.
