today I realised that i dont have a procrastination problem, I have an avoidance problem that causes my procrastination. Actually trying to sit down and do something makes me feel sick at best.
How are you all doing?
>>28335176
Just need to take a huge dump, then probably jack off.
Pretty bad. Had a few hours earlier today where I was zombie-like and could only think about how shitty my life is. Got a little better but obviously the general sad is still there.
Realized I truly have no hope. No matter what I accomplish or do I will still be sad, because that's just how I am.
>>28335208
already done two of those things today
>>28335227
how long have you felt sad? Has there ever been a tangible reason for you being sad, or has it always just been in your head?
My body feels like I was anxious 24/7. I have no idea how to stop this.
>>28335285
I was sthat way for a long time until I sstarted taking anti anxiety medicine. Its helped cut down on my general anxiety a ton.
>>28335275
Forever. I have typical robot reasons for being sad, but those have also always been there.
>>28335285
>>28335344
Makes me feel like a real pussy when my anxiety isn't even bad and it prevents me from doing most things, especially talking to people.
I don't get real physical symptoms, my heart may race and my breathing may become a little short but I don't get clammy or anything, and yet fear still controls me. I couldn't imagine being someone who has real panic attacks.
>>28335388
Anxiety is relative, what is a lot of anxiety for you might be a little for someone else ect ect.
One of the worst panic attacks I can remember is when i was about to pick up my sister from school, it jusst hit me all the sudden and i cried in a parking lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI2oS2hoL0k
Also posting the new radiohead song, i really enjoyed it more than i thought I would
"low flying panic attack" is a fantastic way of putting things
Decided to start addressing my aesthetic issues all at once, it's a little disheartening but honestly my fuckugly face is what's keeping me from being a happy
>set up an appointment with a dermatologist to get most of my moles removed
>saw a dentist yesterday to get my teeth cleaned, going to an ortho in two weeks to get braces to fix my huge overbite
>been eating decent sized portions and started exercising again, if things go according to plan I'll be at my ideal weight by November
>gonna shave my balding head once I reach a decent weight
I got tired of making excuses for myself every time I looked in the mirror. Some people are just born plain ugly, and I convinced myself that that was okay in a day and age where fixing your face is not only possible, it's encouraged. I don't want to look handsome, I just want to look normal fambino
>>28335701
Looks like you're on the right track man. If thats what's gunna make you feel more "normal" go for it.
>>28335782
I feel like I've exhausted all of my options by now, and I'd rather fix things in my 20's as opposed to my 30's. Adult braces are going to be the worst shit ever
>>28336216
Braces were a pain for me,
Also fuck me my power just went out
Tell me how to discard the last shred of hope.
>>28335176
>Actually trying to sit down and do something makes me feel sick at best.
shieet, is there any way to fix this mister skeleton
>>28336969
Good Q, honestly practicing might be the best thing to help
>>28336886
Dunno, I'm trying to avoid that
>>28337045
But aren't you tired of it? You've been posting these generals for years, so clearly you are still have /cripplingdepression/. When does it end? When is it time to give up?
>>28337116
Dunno. I just won't let myself give up yet. I'll probably have to deal with it forever.
>exam tomorrow
>tried to study for three days
>played minecraft and posted on r9k instead
>know I'm going to fail
HOW DO I BE PRODUCTIVE I JUST WANT TO SUCEED AT ONE FUCKING THING
>found out the person i was having a long distance relationship with for 1 year still talks to their old partners regularly
>confront her about this and she says "oh they're just friends"
>start ghosting her
I feel bad but at the same time it feels great to get rid of someone who told me she loved me while simultaneously talking to guys she had romantic feelings for.
>>28338060
>long distance relationship
Just stop
>>28338060
I still talk to almost all of my previous SO, one of which is one of two people I'm comfortable talking on the phone with.
I guess I've never found it to be a big deal
>>28337994
Fuck if I know see my OP post
>>28335176
ongoing drunkeness for about >4days
it'll be done soon enough, i guess
I slept all day. Every time I'd wake up, I would think, "What's the point? I already screwed up anything that ever mattered" and go back to bed.
I'm post the point of sadness. I just accepted that my life is fucked and won't change until something magically happens that heals my injury. To be honest just kill me right now things have only gone downhill from the start.
I don't know. I'm in one of my depressive cycles, and my eating habits have spiraled out of control. I've gained about 20 pounds, maybe more than that.
>>28338154
I wish I could fall asleep that easily
Disgusted with myself, for a wide array of reasons. Feeling kind of weak and tingly in my fingertips if you ever experienced that.
>>28337994
I've also been lying to my family about me actually studying when in fact Ive been doing fuck all for a while now.
>>28335176
Bad.
I've never had a girlfriend besides online which only required an avatar for them to glimpse at. My coworker told this girl who recently had a child that I'm available and she started texting me and is into me. I've never dealt with this kind of thing before and don't know what I would do if she came off. I have no interests besides vidya. I also feel dating a girl who has a baby is a bad idea due to me being such an avoidant shut in.
>>28338218
So do I. Night before I was up the whole night with freaky images in my head. I dosed up on Seroquel towards morning and then I slept, and slept, and slept.
>>28338377
Beats having the night terrors, I guess.
dont even get out of bed before 5pm. have completely given up on life. two more months before im homeless.
>>28338142
What set this off?
>>28338154
What did you screw up?
>>28338216
What injury if you dont mind me asking?
>>28338218
I gained a bunch of weight in my lowest time as well
>>28338352
Lots of things are bad ideas, this is one of the less so bad ideas. Go for it.
>>28335176
hey maybe I do too... I have a final tomorrow and I'm going to fail it... I'm scared mom
>>28338501
Anon with back injury reporting in:
Had a benign tumor located near my spine that had to be removed. 3 years and 7 operations later it still doesn't want to heal properly and right now I am on some opioid painkillers to be able to sit for few hours. Have been depressed for a few years before this hit me but needless to say it didn't exactly help.
Finals start tomorrow. I'm failing out of college pretty much regardless of how I do on them so I have a hard time caring. Maybe I'll just sleep through it tomorrow
my last friend online barely talks to anymore and when he does it's just begging me to go see a therapist. fuck that and fuck him
it is true that I've lost control of my life though
I too have procrastination and avoidance problems.
>one friend from high school who occasionally asks me to hang out contacts me
>tells me he got a new job as a bartender and said I should come by
>reply saying I would probably come
>don't come because too depressed and scared
>don't message my friend
I'm probably just going to keep on going in my isolation. I've left other friends (if you can call them that) hanging too because of anxiety. If it causes me too much anxiety I procrastinate or avoid it and it only makes me hate myself even more.
>>28338501
What didn't I screw up? I lost my chance at a career, at love, at even being a good person if there is such a thing. There are no opportunities left. Just more of the same.
>>28338554
Jeus, thats awful, hope your condition proves soon.
>>28338561
When did you lose control of your life?
>>28338586
DO your friends know about your anxiety issues?
>>28338600
never too late to be a good person as fucking cheesy as that sounds
>>28335176
Literally have that same problem. Feels bad man.
My depression was legitimately in recession for like the past two months and it came back like two weeks ago, full force. Finally got to see a glimmer of what I used to be, and it all got taken away from me. If there is a God, he's a sick son of a bitch.
Too depressed to even do anything. Everything I used to be entertained by feels like a chore.
That reminds me how the hell do I study?
I don't get any notes, the teach shows a presentation and not even half of the stuff is on the end of the unit tests. Do I literally have to through the whole book and memorize all that shit??
That sounds fucking stupid.
>I feel non-existent
>I feel transparent
>Human emotion can be deduced to chemical reactions, which makes us not unique and therefore worthless
>I hate most people. The poor, the self-fulfilled, the artists, the intellectuals, the idiots, the drunks, the inconsiderate, the selfless, the happy, the spoiled, the unappreciative, the ignorant, the arrogant
>I have no future
>I have no present
>I have no will to improve myself
>I have no will to seek a better future
>I am starting to become less interested in the things that keep me occupied
>I wouldn't care if I had to sleep in the street
>I wouldn't care if my city was bombed
>My life will never have any meaningful conclusion
>If I planned a future, I would only pressure myself into education and work, only to grant me unhappiness, unfulfilment, stress and anxiety, and for what? To simply maintain my social slavery and breed another worker and marry someone I will be bored of or grow to hate, or vice versa?
>when I try to improve something I fail and then cry
>I try to change my sleeping patterns for the better, but It becomes futile where I begin sleeping at 6 AM and awake at 3:30 PM
I only started going to a therapist a few weeks ago but I don't know if it will help with anything.
It's not really so far because she's only talked with me about controlling anxiety and panic attacks via breathing exercises or some shit.
I don't know if anyone can relate.
> wake up, want to die
> have small tasks to do in my day
> errands, phone calls, etc
> just sit around all day knowing I have things to do but too anxious and shitty to do them
> it's been a couple weeks and I'm still trapped in my bedroom feeling helpless
I know what you guys are going to say, "just do it". Well if it was that easy I would have. I'm a wreck who can't even look after himself day to day.
>>28338615
>When did you lose control of your life?
college
depression came back in full force because I don't have the social skills to make any friends. I haven't spoken to another person IRL in a very, very long time.
When did your guys depression start and why?
I noticed mine started when i was 12. Started to become quiet and lost all my friends and developed social anxiety and had abuse at home. I was even pretty sad at age 9-11 since the abuse at home. i feel so numb now. i've been depressed for so long
>>28338615
Back Injury Anon again:
Thank you. Over time this will heal but the thing is it might be a year or ten years and that's what kills me. I can't finish studying, I can't go out with friends, I can't live my life. But on the bright side I have really strong pain killers that make me sleepy so that's one way to deal with sleeping problems.
I have
2 mg alprazolam
25mg agomelatine/valdoxan
50mg Trazadone/taxagon
It maintains me in tolerable levels, enough to work part time and be a part time student.
I don't get suicidal and it doesn't make me go limp, but life it's pretty hard, it was always pretty hard after i finished HS (wich was hard but i played wow -vanilla wotlk- and early LoL -when you could stack sunfires on shaco kek- all the time so i had some kind of scapism)
The main problem is, in HS i could manage to sleep, even if i lived at nights and sleept all afternoon after classes.
Now, since i was 19, i had chronic insomnia (im 22 now), and it never went away.
There is clearly a serious issue inside my head that i cannot resolve. Im really unhappy all the time.
>>28338615
I've done a lot of bad shit in my life, but the weird thing is I still know the difference between right and wrong. I just make all the wrong decisions. And in some ways, knowing that's the case and doing it anyway seems worse than having no conscience. If there's a path to redemption, it seems unclear at this time.
>>28338618
Depression from my experience never goes away, it just temporarily gets better.
Living for those moments i suppose
>>28338643
No notes at all? Like she doesn't lecture?
>>28338649
everything ssucks and then we die
we all understand that here
gotta find things sto make life worth living for.
if life had an inherit purpose we wouldn't be bored, we would enjoy living because life alone would be enough
>>28338651
You ever thought about getting professional help? Or have you ever had that?
>>28338671
fuck friends in college all my IRL friends come from either the internet or from my hobbies
>>28338680
I started seeing a therapist when i was very, very young.
>>28338707
Wish hyou the best anon
>>28338710
does it leave you tired during the day? I only sleep about 4-5 hours a night but thanks to the power of modern medicine i never really get sleepy
>>28338714
Just realising that you've fucked up is a good place to start on that road.
>>28337994
If the only reason you're doing things is because you don't want to be a failure, then it's going to be incredibly difficult to do them because you can't really give your full attention and effort unless you actually care about what you're doing. If you don't have a goal in mind that you know you're going to need the information to achieve it's hard to force yourself to learn irrelevant information.
Modern day society has made it so damn hard to give a shit though. It's all just about making money and being the biggest and best narcissist you can be.
>>28338615
>DO your friends know about your anxiety issues?
I think I've hinted at it and they're smart enough to pick up on it but we're not really that close so we've never had a real discussion about it.
>>28338749
>gotta find things sto make life worth living for
what's the fucking point if there's nothing worth it anyway?
you said yourself you have a avoidance problem.
I have the same thing, plus I don't find anything worth the time because I'll die any way.
Even when I try to ignorantly distract myself, I eventually get nothing from it.
>>28338827
Fair enough. I've flat out told my friends that i'm unreliable in social situations due to how fucking anxious i can get.I'm probably going to skip out on them tonight
>>28338501
I was getting really close to my goal weight and now all my work has been undone in just a few days.
I'm trying to see a therapist(finally!) to help curb the depression and possible eating disorder. I don't like being like this, it's almost getting to the point where my clothes are feeling too tight.
>>28338680
I hope you managed to get away from that shitty home life, anon.
>>28338680
Highschool.
We all wrote notes to put in the time capsule and mine had something edgy along the lines "hope you already killed urself fagit".
>>28338680
When I was in 7th grade (so, maybe 11?) and I lost all my friends for the first time and realized that I was a defective loser doomed to a lonely life of failure. desu I partly blame the drugs given to me by a psychiatrist around that time for other issues for my current state. They shouldn't be giving psychotropic drugs to children that's fucked up.
>>28338749
>fuck friends in college all my IRL friends come from either the internet or from my hobbies
I don't have any online friends either though. Just this one guy who is distancing himself from me, we've barely got anything in common anymore. Almost 100% of my interaction with other people is on 4chan
>>28338643
You read the textbook and then pay attention to and take notes on the presentations. Then go back and read the same section of the textbook.
The professor's presentation should help explain all the concepts and make them easier to understand for the second reading so it will really stick.
>>28338749
>does it leave you tired during the day? I only sleep about 4-5 hours a night but thanks to the power of modern medicine i never really get sleepy
There is a catch, i have to kinds of "sleep". Pills induced sleep wich lets me sleep 3 to 6 hours.
And the no pill "sleep", wich leaves me in bed 12 hours+ with no sleep or microsleep (vivid dreams and sounds in my hear).
If i wake up when the drug effect wears of i can choose to do 2 things, wake up and do things (feels like sleeping little but not tired all the day) or choose to stay in bed as i havent had enough sleep, wich is 6 hours of staying in bed without any kind of real sleep and then im super lethargic-mentally retarded)
To your main question have been with those drugs so much that i don't get any of the secondary effects (except doing things a little slower and some short memory issues, but i do decent in law school so it's not a big deal). The fucked up things appears when i don't take them (specially alprazolam) the abstinence symdrome
>>28338870
i still live with my dad who was the one who abused me. He stopped drinking too much so he has actually changed and stopped doing what he did. i still don't trust him and barely talk to him.
There's people who had it worse, but i feel like what he did really effected me. Called me loser, piece of shit everyday and would randomly flip out and like to hit me/push me around and once choked me.
>>28338671
I want you to seriously consider cocoon mode. If you just stop trying to make friends and focus completely on educating and otherwise bettering yourself it makes it much easier.
You feel bad because you're putting pressure on yourself to make friends and so far you've failed. If you remove that pressure and stop trying, you stop failing and you stop feeling as bad.
>>28338857
There is no point, nothing is really worth it. I set arbitrary goals for myself to make my not lizard brain feel happy.
We all die one day
and no one will remember us
i really don't care anymore
>>28338870
Thats good, I've found a therapistt who helps me a lot
>>28338879
What are you interested in? What would you want to have in common with someone?
>>28338912
Might want to try to switch medicines. I'm no expert so i cant really say
>>28338930
Fuck man, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that shit :(
>>28338959
Its really hard to do "cocoon mode", considering how much the human nature loves to have other people around.
>>28335227
i know this feel...the sadness comes and goes, it will go away if you wait it out
>>28339007
Agomelatine and Trazadone dont have addiction, i did rather not take those from me because my mind would just create the need of intake and i really like them desu ( i have been without them on times and it didnt gave me problems)
Alprazolam is the real bitch, im trying to down it to 1 mg, if i ever get to 0,5mg then i will switch it, otherwise i won't.
I need to fix something inside my brain but i don't what it is.
Switching might fuck my life for months and i would have to drop everything i have achieved
>>28339069
Not sure what to tell you, just hope things get bettter for you soon. I've hhad bad med expeeriences and they've been hella shitty
>>28338930
I'm sorry, anon, no kid should have to go through that.
I'm not going to tell you to forgive your father or anything; just by being in a physical proximity with him, you're giving him more closeness than he deserves. On the other hand, I am glad that he wised up somewhat and stopped drinking.
>>28338959
I spent years in cocoon mode and the fallout wrecked me.
>>28338680
I was always very cynical and negative by the age of maybe 13 and had a small tolerance for things that pissed me off.
I guess different successive events perpetuated my anxiety.
Both my parents suffered from depression as I grew up.
When I was 15 my house burned down.
When I was 16 my parents split on my Birthday but I got over it after a few weeks.
My Mother is lazy and rents out rooms in our house to foreign exchange students, so I have to live with four people I don't know or like.
I love my Dad, but he's an animator and is trying to become a film maker, so he doesn't exactly have the biggest disposable income.
I'd say at 17 I started to think about how much I had held disdain for living in a pointless existence. I was reading up on existentialism and formed some strong opinions and my hatred of people grew stronger.
Kept thinking about dying and how it's better than living.
Plan on killing myself by 40 if my assumptions about live and the future come to fruition or if I feel any better at all, even slightly.
I'm 19 and I've only started seeing help about it, now.
Don't know if she'll help me, though.
DUDES, depression doesn't even exist it's just the Jews putting a label on being a tiny dicked betamax fuckboi who isn't able to find happiness in a increasingly meaningless world. It's literally all in your heads and as real as the narrative of the holocaust. You go:
"I'm depressed" or "I feel depressed" or "I'm suffering from depression"
but really you aren't you are just holding onto something to give yourself an identity, and I know I went through it all. Once high school ended I broke up with my girlfriend and was sad for a solid month and then I woke up and realized how awesome life is, so yes you can say that I've been depressed.
But even you beta, delta, and gamma faggots should be able to derive some enjoyment out of life by severing your sense of attachment to things that you will never have anyway. You know, just don't give a fuck, but that's hard to say to a tiny dicked betamax fuckboi who is insecure about everything. Yup, that's really attractive and gets all the pussies wet. WAH I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M INSECURE ABOUT BEING SHORT, PREMATURELY BALDING, AND BEING AN ANIME-CONSUMING FAGGOT.
Really what girl would want to be with someone like that? You're all pretty much in comas and fucking insane. You don't appreciate anything in life because MUH DEPRESSION, but keep being good goyim and don't realize that life can be pretty awesome without those things once you learn to be yourself, even with all your flaws. But you know you can teach a man to fish but you can't teach him not to care.
>>28339159
man those are some words that mean nothing
>>28336216
dude, braces are painless these days.
Just uncomfortable in the first week, but no pain.
>>28339173
your whole identity is depression. that's kind of sad and depressing. if someone literally told you how to not be depressed and appreciate your existence you would tell them to fuck off.
>>28339238
i'm not defined by my depression
u however r defined by ur shitposting
>>28339159
nice meme kid
>i had a gf
also get out
>>28339238
Are people with cancer defined by their cancer?
>>28339307
you post the same thread over and over again encouraging people to wallow in their depression. if that's not shitposting I don't know what is. seems to me like depression is a major part of your identity.
>>28339390
>encouraging people to wallow in their depression.
Thats totes not what I do you mega nerd
this is a place where people can talk about being depressed.
I wouldn't want anyone to be depressed
I appreciate your threads Skelly. Better than most of the drama and degeneracy shitposting that goes on here.
I like Skeleton's threads. He is supportive of people with depression.
>>28339496
Do people still gaypost? Those are the only shitposts I enjoy to be honest. I don't use 4chan too much anymore, it moves too fast for me and makes me feel anxious. Same reason I don't use tumblr or twitter really.
>>28339159
>but really you aren't you are just holding onto something to give yourself an identity
I have no identity nor do I care what people see me as
>and I know I went through it all. Once high school ended I broke up with my girlfriend and was sad for a solid month and then I woke up and realized how awesome life is, so yes you can say that I've been depressed.
Not really the same experience as other people.
>Yup, that's really attractive and gets all the pussies wet. WAH I'M DEPRESSED BECAUSE I'M INSECURE ABOUT BEING SHORT, PREMATURELY BALDING, AND BEING AN ANIME-CONSUMING FAGGOT.
>Really what girl would want to be with someone like that?
I stopped caring about girls when I was in 2nd year (8th grade)
>You don't appreciate anything in life because MUH DEPRESSION
I try to appreciate but I don't feel anything so I can't.
>but keep being good goyim and don't realize that life can be pretty awesome
That's subjective, though.
>once you learn to be yourself
Are you Chad, now? But I'll take that advice. I know who I am, I'm someone who is naturally depressed. It's not my fault because I am the way I am, like you said. Sure I'll probably feel a little better than I am now in a month, but it won't disappear, and it'll probably come back. You clearly haven't had clinical depression, because clinical depression doesn't just "go away". Whether this is a troll post or not, read up on depression more because you're assumptions based on personal subjective experiences isn't good judgement.
I am feeling rather bad. Last week I started a MAOI, and I'm feeling too scared to eat very much.
>>28339544
There have been threads about ideal bfs which might count as gayposting. Homosexuals, transgender, I'm fine with all of that but I get tired of every thread being about relationships, sex, bbc, manlets, cheating, and other drama.
Yeah, 4chan does move fast. I usually find 1-3 threads and just stay in them. I get overstimulated easily.
>>28339416
I'm depressed, I like these threads because I can see that other people are depressed. It gives me a sense of belonging, it makes me feel validated. Giving labels to things, rationalizing them gives me a sense that I'm in control.
>>28339159
Oh look it's this copy pasta again
>>28339628
why are you scared to eat?
>>28339677
Thanks, thats a good way of putting it
>>28339671
Yeah its all bait now, pretty sad. Made to rile people up instead of engage them
>>28339734
The drugs have food interactions, certain foods can cause a dangerous blood-pressure spike. I was given a diet sheet, naturally, but my natural paranoia has left it hard for me to consider it comprehensive.
>>28339776
ahhhh
I can understand that
>>28335176
It's the same for me, I don't procrastinate, I literally become unable to do work when I'm not in a pressured environment. When I do work, it's in the morning before class. When I'm at home, I just sit in the bathroom. On my phone. I'm so paranoid about my parents I just sit in the bathroom on my phone so they can't walk in on me and ask me to do stuff.
>>28339729
You see the purpose is to get people butthurt so that they will look into the image behind the post. It may actually improve their lives and get them to realize that just the act of existence is like literally the best thing ever. But you can't save everyone, but I think it's worth it if it gets to some individuals.
>>28339813
Man, thats very extreme. You ever thought about professional help? I dread stuff like that as well but not to that level.
>>28339734
lol, I was mocking. your mind and your ego is literally what makes most people miserable. your mind and you ego rationalizes and labels. sure your mind can be useful and practical but most of your thoughts are useless and repetitive and just contribute to what you call depression. have you found a way to turn off your thoughts? it's really great, you should try it.
try a combo of meds then focus and take on less at one time, ease yourself into life, i guess different things work for different people though...
I was rejected from McDonald's, Target, and Walmart
I think I've just hit rock bottom and don't know what to do now.
>>28339924
Like i get what you're getting at but it really sounds like first year psychology.
>>28339962
Were you trying to respond to anyone?
>>28339988
Why were you rejected?
>>28340005
I don't know, I didn't ask.
>>28340039
did they flat out reject you or did they just never respond?
>>28338959
No, that's not it. I have no internal motivation to do things. I tried cocoon mode and it didn't work for more than five seconds. I feel bad because I'm so fucking alone and I fail at everything I try to do
>>28339007
>What are you interested in? What would you want to have in common with someone?
I don't know. Video games? Lots of people play them but I'm not capable of being social with them
>>28340063
Chipotle scheduled an interview and on the day of the interview they sent me an email that said they couldn't offer me a position.
I went through two interviews with Target, but got a rejection email.
The others just never responded
>>28340095
What kind of video games do you enjoy? What are you playing right now?
>>28340128
Wal Mart never respsonded to me at first and a month later i got a surprise call.
Who knows
>>28340005
it's the opposite of psychology, it's understanding that you aren't your mind, you aren't your ego. that there's actually something much deeper, that you can stand back and listen to your thoughts as an observer with no attachment. because those thoughts aren't you, and psychology teaches you that you are what you think. but you really aren't.
>>28340142
I'm keeping my fingers crossed
>>28338060
>long distance relationship
damn anon it's like you enjoy suffering
>>28340142
I'm not playing anything right now because I can't be bothered. I aimlessly walked into gamestop today though with $25 and left with Beautiful Katamari and Darksiders 2. I don't think either of them will be good since the Katamari series lost a certain spark of creativity when Keita Takahashi left, and I didn't even like the first Darksiders game, but it was only $2.50 (even cheaper than the shovelware holy shit) so I had to buy it anyway.
Ultimately I've devoted most of my life to playing video games and talking about them on the internet so I feel like I can't connect with normal people about it
>>28339988
It's callcenter time bro
Sales will take anyone who can endure that heavy kind of wageslaving
>>28340233
Well if you ever wanna shoot the shit about videogames hit me up, I'm always afraid of annoying my friends with my autistic ramblings about videogames
>>28338267
>I've also been lying to my family about me actually studying when in fact Ive been doing fuck all for a while now.
In the same boat, anon. Luckily, they've invested none of their money into my education. I claimed I get financial aid and that I just illegally download all of my books. Meanwhile, I'm just working a decent job and living in a 2 bedroom apartment bored all the fucking time
>>28340266
I'll keep trying call centers, but most places want 1yr of call center experience.
>>28338267
>I've also been lying to my family about me actually studying when in fact Ive been doing fuck all for a while now.
this
how do people even do it
being a uni student is so fucking hard for me I cant imagine being an adult and having a job
how do you people even do it?
>>28338618
>If there is a God, he's a sick son of a bitch.
So true
>>28340400
You keep sending to them
People leave those jobs all the time, the 1 yr experience it's a meme
Even if the job it's a nightmare, you spend all your time sit and on the computer.
>>28335176
I'm scared anons. I went a long time without any depression or any psychosis, and I'm starting to feel shit again, and I don't know what to do really, I don't want to go back to having everyone tiptoe around me because they've got no idea how I'll react, and having to see people that are only there because they'd get in trouble if they weren't and I did something, or end up in a ward again, or end up on medications and hurting people around me. I felt like I was coping well and knew how to handle it all, but I think I'm realising that i don't.
I'm starting to consider if it's even worth living a life where I can't do anything stressful because I could just break down and do something bad again and end up in jail or a high security ward again, and I can't even drink too much because I can't control myself when I drink and end up binging for a week uintil I run out of money or someone stops me somehow, and I can't ever eat any pastry or any of that shit. It just seems kind of pointless.
Sorry for the rant by the way, just needed to have somewhere i could say this shit without being judged.
>>28340779
why would being on medications cause you to hurt people? if you felt alright for a while, what changed?
Still no bun
Not good
>>28340848
The medications didn't make me hurt people generally, though one did sort of I think, my memory's kind of foggy. The medications were just impossible to live on, and they didn't help that much. Best one I was on was haldol, and I was so tired on that I'd sleep 20 hours a day, so there's no point taking it, and it didn't even fully help, I was just too tired to care.
I don't know what changed, nothing's different to same time last year, and i was mostly fine then. My life's the same except now I'm miserable, and don't have the motivation to keep the life I rebuilt going, I just want to sotp really.
>>28341249
>the life I rebuilt
it sounds like you made progress anon. maybe you're anxious now because you feel have something to lose. but in a way, that could just be a sign that it really does matter to you. try not to give up.
>>28335176
I thought it was the beginning of April nearly most of the day. Everything is blending together, I barely remember what day it is.Anxiety has gone way beyond what I could handle, I felt like I was melting this morning. Feel a lot worse than usual. Everyone around me is an asshole. Only friend is probably gonna die soon. Probably gonna call it a quits and drive in one direction until I die if shit doesn't improve.
I spent most of my teens and all of my 20s trying to deny that I had an actual problem, and just trying to "fix myself."
I'm finally giving in and gonna try some therapy and maybe meds, maybe I'll even start feeling better in time for my 30th in August. Finding a therapist is hard though.
>>28341313
I did, you're right, but it's not really just anxiety, I'm feeling miserable again for no reason, and it only takes a few weeks for that to turn into full on psychosis usually from my experience, so I'm scared about that.
Thanks for listening anon, it did help being able to talk about it to someone at least.
>>28340779
>>28340779
When was the lasst time you had psychosis or depression?
>>28341373
You ever thought about meds? they help with my anxiety a ton
>>28341478
Agree, good luck anon
>>28338680
When I was 9. My life was in shambles at 10. My mom was a complete cunt and pathetic pill addict who cheated and tried to off herself when I was 9. I had trouble with aspergers and depression and any time the teacher or counciler would tell my mom about any issue related to that, I would get fucking beaten. My mom would listen to her washed up friend (this bitch locks herself in her room and dozes off on xanax and ignores her kids) on parenting advice and got told mental illness is for attention.
>>28341591
About a year and a bit ago I think, it's pretty closely linked to depression for me. Why?
I'm feeling nervous because the idea of buying a gun to blow my own head off is becoming more and more prevalent. I finally understand suicide. It's not like how attention whores go on facebook and say they feel like killing themselves but don't do it. It's more like a spontaneous moment when depression and despair overpower your will to live and in that split second killing yourself makes sense and you can do it. I try not to entertain these ideas because if I but a gun and it's in my apartment I may get that moment and off myself.
I've just realized that I have virtually no chance with my oneitis because I'm totally unable to make her laugh and I barely know her in this life and a mortal dread is building in me and I'm feeling an impulse to kill myself to escape it
>>28341591
The specialists never put me on that shit. I got put on SSRIs that dont work and nothing else. Everyone I went to was too concerned about addiction.
>>28341720
Anon, you're experiencing suicidal urges, which is way easier to treat than suicidal planning (there's another word but I can't remember it), which is when you're obsessed with the idea of killing yourself, and are planning out a way to do it. You can't be hospitalised for urges, and I'd really recommend you at least tried to get some help if you're not already, because it doesn't get better on its own.
>>28342115
I have seen 4 therapists in my life. Not one helped. All but 1 actually thought I was making progress when I wasn't at all. I feel like doctors can't really help you they just want you to keep coming in to pay that copay.
I haven't tried pills yet. Honestly, do they work? I have fought against them for ages but if there is at least 1 person here who can tell me it made things better I will look into it. I don't want to waste any more of my life feeling like this.
Oh the work was hard and the wages low!
Leave her Johnny, leave her!
>>28342243
Therapy is something you have to live, honestly, it's not a "come in once a week and then it'll all be good" thing, you have to do it all, as much as possible. Also, look for someone who's got a lot of experience in the field you're having issues with, with your problems specifically.
Pills help a lot of people, never helped me, but I've seen people around me get better with them, yeah. They're once again most effective when done with therapy though.
Either way, it would be silly to kill yourself before you've tried absolutely everything available.
alright niggas gonna cram now
i want to kill myself
its 12 am and fuck test in 14 hours
>>28342983
nevermind I'm fucked too much work
can't do it
failed another course
>>28343419
You've been going for like 20 minutes anon, just pick the most vital parts that you know will be in this test, and study those, so you can get at least decent marks. Know the bare basics, and you'll pass with okay marks, especially so if you actually have a diagnosis you can get special circumstances from.
>>28343671
I have a 77% in that course
25% of that course is still riding in tomorrow i'm fucked.
hopefully am iracle happens and i end up with overall 70%
ill try early tomorrow anon thank you for the motivation
>>28343799
good thing you're wasting time posting here
write me an essay about the life cycle of crabs, it'll be a better use of your time
>>28343799
You can pass in it if you get at least an okay mark then, don't aim for excellence at this point, just try to get the very minimum done to pass if you've only got a little while left.
But yeah, the most important thing is sleep, you won't remember anything if you're exhausted.
Good luck.
I'm too lazy to even watch anime anymore. Literally the most mind numbing, least effort thing I can do, and I can't even muster up the energy to find a show to watch.
And I have finals starting Friday. Man this school year has sucked massive dick.
>>28343841
>can't enjoy video games anymore
>can't enjoy shows and movies anymore
>just sit around and stare at the screen 24/7
If I wouldn't be for the Saint Spirit I'd do nothing
Literally. Even getting up from bed is an impossible struggle. Then, out of blank, the light impulse gets me up
And yes, like OP, I've tried to do the same: sit and try to do something but it just doesn't work at all
Instead of worrying I 'let it flow' and things happen
In deed I'm not sure what's next and the uncertainty - paradoxically - gives me freedom
>>28343841
U know? Recently I watched The Revenant.
- I found out that my crippling depression just make me feel and struggle throughly as the main character, Glass
Jesus, only that my wound are not visible and therefore suffering from incomprehension even from my family
