Only after going out in the world, and seeing just how far behind we are.
How many people my age have paystubs, and I don't.
Who can drive and I don't.
Who've have "history" with people and I don't.
People, whether they are low level people or high.
They are fledgeling people. Persons with activity.
We haven't even begun to live yet.
We're locked in a stasis of some inexplicable force of listlessness.
What is it we haven't gotten to stop us in our tracks like this?
Don't settle it to the temptation of flesh, or untapped ambition for power or money.
Something is very clearly missing in us that everyone else in the world seems to have.
And no one really knows how to give it to you, they just know when you don't have it.
And boy do they show it when they find out.
Not having done them is incomparable to the pain of the facts being acknowledged.
What if we all get found out?
You know who you are if you are anything like me.
Close enough to the edge of the crowd ready to escape at a moment's notice, though still counted among it.
Enough so to be passed upon without inspection.
But what happens when the smoke clears and the crowd thins, and your humanity is questioned.
Your status as a nonentity observed leaving you exposed and bare like an open nerve.
You don't belong here.
You just exist.
And they're gonna find out.
>>28276713
OP you should write a book. You've an aptitude for writing and it could be the beginning to life you've been looking for.
Sage for OT
You run away so this never has to happen again
But not too fervently, of course, because if you do then you are just like them
OP, please listen to "last thoughts on woody guthrie" by dylan.
Also keep writing.
I hate when i get asked "what do you do, like as a hobby?"
I always answer "I don't do anything really" then it's followed by "you do NOTHING? You're a big guy, why don't you play sports or go to the gym?" It's worse when other people actually see some kind of potential in you, then you have to wonder if it's really your fault that your like this. Fuck life.
>>28278176
You know what the weird thing is, though? That they even try to assign blame or fault in the first place.
It makes it seem like being something other than what you are is an obligation, and not an option or choice that you, personally, have the ability to decide on.
Same goes for when people (mostly around here) go around telling people it's their fault they're unhappy. Since when was happiness an obligation? Why does not seeing it as one inspire hatred or revulsion? It doesn't add up. It's so coercive.
this implies there is an active hunt or disdain for people like us, when really the truth is far more dreadful.
It's not that they actively dislike us, seek us out, think we're strange and ought to be culled from the herd.
It's that they do not stop to think, they don't acknowledge our existence. They do not give a second glance, because even if they do see us they don't care.
When they directly engage us in conversation, perhaps they find us odd. Virgin, alone, lack of a real work history, no serious prospects, but the thought is soon perished from the mind. No one knows what to do.
I admit, even I with a perspective "they" lack, do not spare much thought to those I know who are just like me. I went to school with some robots, I see their active yet empty facebook profiles. I don't want to be their friend, they're weird.
