>be me
>last night
>get drunk
>end up screaming at my mother, who is a good person and provides me with everything, over how badly I want to die and how she should let me
>she starts blaming herself and feeling guilty, this fucking INFURIATES ME because WHO GIVES A FUCK, THIS LIFE IS A FUCKING JOKE
>conversation ends with her telling me to get medicated
FUCK EVERYTHING
FUCK
FUCK
I don't want to actually do it on such a guilt-ridden, unwarranted hissy fit shitty faggot-like note, but this feels like the end of the line
There is no solution. There are no right choices. Everything is a wrong choice for someone.
Anywho, you think it'd be fucked up if I went and saw a movie or went for a long walk or something to lift my spirits, or should I stew in guilt for a little longer for being a spoiled, ungrateful little faggot? Either way death seems like it's impending because I can't wait for her to die.
Also post stories related to snapping at parents or discussing suicidal feelings or anything like that if you want. P-Please tell me I'm not alone.
Tell her what you think then, why are you posting this? Tell her you want her to die too, she will stop feeling guilty.
eh, for me it was usually a long talk out, which ended with everyone crying and the promise of things getting betterstill feel like killing myself, I don't really think that urge will ever go away. It may not be always that strong, but it'll be always there
one day I'm going to let my parents down, and my mother is already a psychological wreck herself, wouldn't be surprised if she offed herself after me.
>>28239852
But I don't want her to die
I just want for her to forget that I ever existed
We used to be pretty close, and I was pretty straight up about how we're not anymore and I've been rotting from the inside out for so long that I'm not even the person she was clinging to to begin with anymore.
Fuck this. I don't want to hurt anyone yet I keep doing it, which makes me want to kill myself more, which makes me hurt people more, in an endless fucking downwards spiral.
>>28239874
This is how I used to approach these feelings, I think, but now sadness, mutual love and respect, and hope have been replaced by pure, undiluted anger.
>>28239806
>Parents always get in argument over something stupid when father drinks
>One night, father drunk
>Starts yelling on mom
>I'm working out in the next room and this bothers me
>Go out and ask him to be silent
>I'm calm because i'm used to this drama
>He directs his shit-stream towards me
>Gets in my face and calls me "faggot" over and over
>Gets so pissed that i almost hit him
>Barely stopped myself and get even more mad at myself for it
>Do a headbutt on the nearest wall so hard i pass out
>wake up at hospital, got concussion
>Dad apologizes and says he went overboard
>He never drinks again
Now i've lost all self-esteem because i held back at that point. Still not suicidal tho.
>>28239923
If your mother has a brain she can forgive you for hurting her. Anything is forgivable until you start shooting random people in the head.
I think you should maybe read more, because I find that therapeutic. My brain is a piece of shit and I refine it on the works of others.
