hi r9k.
I think I really want to kill my self right now, right this moment.
I'm shaking slightly, I have a massive feeling of just dread and despair, there's a feeling in my throat like when you are about to cry but only very slightly.
The thought of being dead makes me feel warm and happy and it's all I want right now.
the problem is I don't know if I really want to. I can hear my siblings laughing in the adjacent rooms, and my parents are watching TV. I'm in the uk so I have no gun and there's nothing really nearby which could really kill me.
I am a 20 years old sperg KHV with absolutely no hope for the future. my original plan was to go through with suicide at 25 but I seriously doubt I stand a chance at lasting that long.
Sorry for blogposting.
>>28218191
livestream it
tbo
>>28218191
Live stream! NOW!
Yeah your parents will be even happier when they walk in your room and find yourself dangling from your ceiling. Come off it mate, get a cup of tea and watch tele with your parents
![Lisa the Beauty Queen.mp4_snapshot_04.38_[2016.01.10_19.19.22].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/10JEYRa.jpg "Lisa the Beauty Queen.mp4_snapshot_04.38_[2016.01.10_19.19.22].jpg")
>>28218191
>the im going to kill myself tonight on r9k meme
please go
>>28218284
>>28218303
>the livestream it meme
how do you fucking propose I do that, im in a house full of people.
im planning to sneak out and bleed out in the woods nearby anyway
If you want to kill yourself, just facebook message the hottest girl you know a picture of your dick, then hopefully you'll just die from the humiliation
>>28218191
Call an ambulance, saying "I think I might kill myself". This might allow you to get quick treatment for your mental health problems.
www facebook com/NEETsfromtheUnderground
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>>28218191
Do you have anything to live for? I personally dont like the idea of living for the sake of someone else, so fuck your parents or siblings. Do you have any desire yourself?
Maybe a desire for love or a good career? maybe hobbies or travels? anything at all?
>>28218405
do you think theyll come at midnight. its 0:28am here. how will I explain this to my parents? oh yeah mum im just popping out to the hospital for a bit. chances are they are just going to try talking me out of it or some shit? and tell my parents anyway?
>>28218453
im applied for a passport and was planning to just go abroad with my saved up neetbux (I held on to that idea last time this happened) but now I dont care about that anymore.
>>28218191
All the things you're posting about are temporary emotions and sensations. They'll eventually pass and you'll have all the joy and passion back in your life: you just have to wait. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I used to be suicidal and I even tried it once, and it was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. You just need to stay strong and weather the storm.
Find some things you can focus on when you become preoccupied with suicide. When you're depressed you create a self-reinforcing cycle where your thoughts influence your behaviors and you behaviors influence your thoughts. When you sit and dwell on pessimistic thoughts you're making your depression worse and you're making yourself suffer more. So instead put on a movie, or go on the internet or even just go on a walk. Exercise has positive physiological benefits which can lift your mood. Force yourself to do things which elevate your mood or even just distract yourself from thinking pessimistically.
As for being a H. K. V. find things you can value instead of sex. Sex is overated, and people who can go no fap are better off because of it. If you got good at programming, or guitar or anything else that requires time and patience you can feel good about yourself for accomplishing it.
>>28218191
dude you're 20 dont be a fucking retard
>>28218191
So you're having a panic attack?
Do what I do. Ride out the storm.
>>28218191
Girls are overrated, try playing some solitaire!
>>28218490
>Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
A permanent solution to all problems.*
>>28218485
They will come at anytime, if they think you are a suicide risk.
If I were you I would tell your parents the truth, hiding important parts of yourself can be lead to big problems in the long-term.
>>28218485
>im applied for a passport and was planning to just go abroad with my saved up neetbux
I know that feeling. I also have a plan to kill myself, its just not a spontanouse thought in my case. i joined a shooting range a few month ago, after being a member for 2 years i can purchase a gun and shoot myself. So in those 2 years i'm trying to look at my life differently to see if anything going to change.
I'm planning a trip to japan and also trying to find a psychologist to help me.
If nothing has changed in these 2 years i will shoot myself. It feels kinda nice having a deadline. that way i can get some of my things in order and have no regrets in the final moments
>>28218191
Walk in front of a train. You can add stupid to the list of shit that's wrong with you too if you couldn't think of that by yourself.
>>28218490
I really feel like this would be good advice for a normie or something. but not me. I have never had friends and any attention I get from others, I fuck up by being an autistic ass hole, I have no hobbies/talents, I am never even really happy. like I said suicide is my life plan as it is and I am wasting the meantime by grinding on stupid mmo's all fucking day long
>>28218635
thats the thinking I had with the deadline of 25 but I really do not see anything changing at all, plus the memories of my first 20 years being pure shit would be stuck with me forever.
>>28218667
Try not to give him ideas.
>>28218191
Don't listen to the moralfags OP. You have the right to end your life whenever you want.
>>28218671
Have you tried a psychologist? You might as well if you're going to kill yourself. My country have reduced fees and shit if you are suicidal, try to look it up for your erea
>>28218897
Sure, but I don't think it's wise unless he has sought treatment for his mental health issues first, his problems may be tractable, it's when they are intractable that suicide becomes wise.
>>28218191
You have a fucking family that cares about you dood, don't put them through that.
Think about someone other than yourself for once
>>28219005
This kind of rhetoric does not work on most suicidal people, it makes them feel ashamed, which, ironically, makes them feel more suicidal (also many suicidal people feel that they are a burden on their families, and the world).
>>28218899
>>28218977
I see a doctor "regularly" about my autism and also depression. I am supposed to had an appointment last week but she said oh,her car broke down. and now she wont reply when I am trying to reschedule. the NHS is shit.
>>28219005
I know and that is the only reason I have not done it yet.
>>28219066
What treatments have you tried?
>>28219005
Stop being such a wank stain, he didn't ask to be born
>>28219066
Maybe see if you can just distract yourself with little things you enjoy until things maybe turn around. If not, make sure you double up your suicide methods (fuckton of asparin helps you bleed and can be bought easy), you don't wanna be found and brought back 'cause then you get committed
>>28219056
>it makes them feel ashamed, which, ironically, makes them feel more suicidal (also many suicidal people feel that they are a burden on their families, and the world).
This is exactly how i feel. I feel like i'm an absolute disaster and an embarrassment to my family. Dying would only improve things for everyone, myself included.
>>28219103
thats the thing we were going to sort out last friday. I was trying for some anxiety meds so I could maybe go outside and "just talk to ppl dude haha". (it's I think would be the 6th session, it takes fucking ages). man she's gonna feel dumb if I off myself.
>>28219124
ive been distracting myself with video games since I started feeling like this and its no longer working.
>>28218416
nnice pagee
>>28219066
hey anon, I only read your first post, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. Try and talk to your family/friends right now to get through this episode.
If you actually have a plan/way to kill yourself at this moment and are seriously considering it- you need to go to the ER. You not only have family who care about you deeply, but you are still so young and have so much ahead of you. It sounds like your mental health treatment is lacking, bring it up to your family and figure out a way to change your treatment plan (I have no idea how NHS works, so I can't help you there).
Anyway, best of luck OP
>>28219219
Gawd though you're right, I went ot a couciler for a while because I honestly just wanted to be medicated so I could feel half normal but they kept going over the same crap, sometimes I wish the NHS was more like in America where doctors prescribe meds like candy
as for distractions, maybe try binge watching a season of something you'd like?
Suicide is pretty permanent, but life is kinda droll and society like to jump on the 'noone should ever kill themselves, how could they do that' bandwagon because they live in glittery bubbles, just make sure you've thought it all though before you decide anything senpai.
>>28219219
Seeing as your doctor sounds incompetent, I feel that going to the hospital might be wise, tell them that you feel awful and that you are worried you might try to kill yourself.
>>28219388
I actually have a thread up about this at the moment, but while I agree with you that the NHS is often overcautious, I did manage to convince my psychiatrist to prescribe me a MAOI, which I started taking just yesterday, so they can be good.
>>28218389
You can periscope that shit now nigga.
>>28219448
That's pretty alright senpai, how're they working out for you? I should probably be on something but I'm getting by with trying not to think about things and smoking weed now and then
>>28218416
hey take that down
>>28219694
Only started taking them yesterday, they will take a few weeks to have a significant effect.
>>28218191
>I think I really want to kill my self right now, right this moment.
>I'm shaking slightly, I have a massive feeling of just dread and despair, there's a feeling in my throat like when you are about to cry but only very slightly.
>The thought of being dead makes me feel warm and happy and it's all I want right now.
You'll get used to the feeling, now it feels slightly euphoric, as it is the only thing i can ever actually feel
Slowly and slowly you will feel nothing, over the years you can imagine the people finding your body and crying, and you can cry, just cry about anything
And slowly you will lose all feeling
I can stare at a blank white wall for hours and hours day in and day out, that is, when i dont have 4chan or videogames to keep me entertained
You will learn that you dont need alcohol or drugs anymore, you area already numb, they are just the different flavors of numbness.
And perhaps you already have killed yourself, like me, and remember it, then where would you be? Hmm? Killing yourself over and over, just trying to get somewhere peaceful? How absolutely dreadful.
>>28219912
Whelp good luck with those, senpai
I'ma go to sleep looks like the thread is dying
>>28218416
greaat page dude
OP here. I've been staring at this thread for a while but im gonna sleep. thinking about it no way im going to go to hospital for this shit and be labelled an even bigger retard than the autist I already am.
sorry again for being a blogposting faggot, if I actually do it, ill post another thread tomorrow or whenever, but only if im literally dead set on doing it. maybe ill live stream or something after all but also need to buy a webcam first.
>>28220574
Hold tight, brother.
