>Continued

>I don't listen to them. I don't want to become a nurse. I don't want to regret this,i don't want other to decide what i'll be for the rest of my life
>Have some major life changing, "This is the only life i'll ever live, there's a single opportunity for everything in life,once it passes,it's gone forever, every single choice you take matters,there's only a single pattern of choices that will allow you to achieve your dreams"
>Spend my whole fucking summer gradually radically changing myself. A first i was no different than your typical 4channer NEETwith a crippling social anxiety and non-existant self-esteem.
>But from the moment i got up to the moment i went to bed, 100% of my efforts were dedicated into changing the person i am in every fucking aspects of life
>Gradually changed values,mindset,habits,way of thinking,way of reacting to situations,way of seeing the world,way of interacting with others,EVERY FUCKING THING
>I knew i was gonna have an anatomy class during the first semester of university, i asked for the 500 page pdf to someone who used the shitty program bridge to get in dentist school

>I couldn't concentrate for shit but every single day,i spent 4 hours non-stop with no break trying to read, i didn't allow myself to be distracted by ANYTHING,even when it was friends asking me to come out or wanting to take me on a double date, Nothing came before the building of my discipline
>Continued next post

>Continued

>While i'm radically changing myself. For the first time of my entire life, i truly feel alive, for the first time,i truly feel happy. For the first time,i'm becoming someone and i'm loving the person i am and the person i'm becoming
>By the time university started, i could study 8 hours straight with no break. My discipline was good enough. I has stopped browsing ALL , spent 2 hours max on internet per day and i'd often spend less than an hour a day. I wouldn't touch to internet before 8pm,i'd always stop by 10 pm
>My ridiculous social anxiety kinda disappeared,i work so fucking hard on myself, it was fucking useful
>University starts, i start the adhd medication, now i can actually concentrate while being disciplined
>I stand out easily, get a 6 A+'s and a perfect gpa
>Life never felt so great, just 2 more semesters to go,i'm so glad i didn't go in nursing school,i'd be miserable.Thanks to my goals of pharm and med school i was able to change from a mediocre person to a person with plenty of potential skyrocketing
>. Mom says she always supported me, i tell her that she's lying because she was always against the idea of going into shit program and never believed in me but it's alright.-->she gets mad
>2nd semester starts
>I'm not even worried about grades anymore,i know i'll ace everything with my work ethic.I'm only focused on building mental/emotional skills + plenty of other skills i'll need. The med interviews are 1.5 year away,need to be sure i'll have changed enough to ace them so i'm working on myself full time,grades are not a concern anymore
>As expected,i ace the first half with ease stress-free
>But from march, i start getting insane fucked up symptoms similiar to a neurological disease/brain tumor.
>Continued next post

>>28211829
>Should i listen to my mom
no
>eldest bro?
yes

>>28212110

>But from march, i start getting insane fucked up symptoms similiar to a neurological disease/brain tumor.

You haven't even posted the next chunk yet but I'm going to go ahead and say amphetamine psychosis.

>>28212110
>The symptoms are so fucking numerous,they make my life a fucking living hell.To this day i'm amazed i was able to endure these worsening symptoms for 3 months straight
>What used to take 1 hour to do now takes 4-6 hours
>The more i study,the worse the symptoms get.
(MAJOR cognitive problems, "at worst i would hace to spend like 10 seconds on a sign saying "Don't cross this line" and reread it slowly 3 times to get it, it was like being super drunk ALL the time)
>Feels like someone is squeezing my whole brain and skull with his hands, feels like the ground is shaking,see white flashes in a COMPLETE dark room,the list goes on)
>Doctors diagnoses plenty of different things,it's never accurate
>Now,after 3 hours of low quality studying, i have to take a 5 hours break to study for an additional hour
>After a while, after 10 mins for studying,my brain is dead for the whole day
>Even tho it feels like absolute hell,even if i'm on the point of breaking down, i keep going nonstop,i was a fucking warrior from the moment i wake up to the moment i pass out
>symptoms gradually went away during the last 2 weeks of the semester but i was fucking broken. (Dealing with that shit all alone+ family drama that fucked me up)
>Still manage to stand out in these horrible conditions (Everyone in my promotions had almost the grades to get in med school,i was like 1 of the last guy who got accepted,so i was like one of the worst students,until i changed in summer)
>My gpa lowers of 0.13 points. I believe it is 100% the end
>Continued next post (i'll make the rest shorter i guess)

>>28212186
>Continued
Something you need to know is that i have a medical condition that recquires me to go through "extreme pain" (Well extreme for me because nothing in my life hurt that much) for like 30 mins every single morning if i want to go out. It feels like needles are stabbing your whole fucky body for like 20 mins and then the pains gradually stop

Even if you don't go out,you'll have to do it at least once every 3 days. The more you wait the more intense the pain will be

That medical condition + all the medics i was using for it + my fucked up symptoms= Hell cocktail. It really fucked me up

I stay a NEET during summer. For some reason that living hell fucked me up really badly. I'm semi depressed, don't live my room,don't eat much,don't go out much. The longer i stay a NEET, the more i lose all the stuff i had built (mindset,habits blabla) and i start regressing back to the mediocre college "Old me" i used to hate.

I stopped taking all my medications,the symptoms were still there even after a month but 10x less intense. I did a Ct-scan to make sure i didnt have a brain tumor or anything. Everything was clean

Eventually the symptoms stop. The doctor tells me his theory about the cause:
"Vyvanse+ other medics for medical condition+ insomnia+ the ppainful stuff you do every morning+ other factors like the lack of nutrition or hydratation-->over a long term your body will accumulate so much fatigue and won't get time to recover-->it'll cause these symptoms)

Okay fair enough. Now the 3rd semester is 1.5 month away. I get back my drive ,rebuild everything i had built (mindset,discipline,values,become outgoing again,etc)and even go stronger this time. I understood some things about life i wouldn't have understood if this shit hadn't happened to me, things are going to be even brighter than before........Until..

>Continued next post

>>28212488
>Continued

>Semester starts, i feel strong as fuck. So fucking strong-willed, have so many plans, my drive is fucking powerful. No matter what, by next year i'll be in pharm school or medschool
>Big news, the specialist found new medics for my medical condition , i won't need to be in pain every signle morning, i won't need to feel fatigued because of that every single morning, (it has really contributed to my symptoms and it always made them appear or make them worse)
>I restart vyvanse, the doc lowered the dose from 60 mg to 40 mg but i only take vyvanse once in a while now. Now that i'm out of my hole (spent most of my time in my room like a depressed phaggot browsing internet non-stop),i'm ready to live normally again,so i retake my medication
>After the first classes, i head directly to the library, study for 4 hours then head home and study till 9m
>I'm back in the game but something isn't right,why do i feel so fucking lethargic? Why do i seem to have cognitive problemms?
>The new medication allows me to do that daily routine only 1 day out of 3 but the day i'll do it, it'll hurt 2x more than before and it makes me scream in intense pain like a fucking bitch
>As i was doing my routine,my mom is cleaning around and singing with joy while i'm screaming in pain. I ask her mid scream to wait for a bit before singing again because it's really irritating to be in extreme pain and to see someone so joyful 1 meter in front of you singing
>She takes it extremely wrong,overreacts,tells me that i'm trying to order her around and opress her,she calls my bros,tell them that i told her to "STFU", she now wants to kick me out, my eldest bro insults me and loses respect cause i was disrespectful to my mom
>As i'm dealing with tht dumb drama, and my constant new feelings of lethargy and new cognitive problems, i'm planning to move out to my dad's place and drop a class in order to play it safe in case there's more drama.
>Continued next post

>>28212315
You just sound overworked. Take some time for yourself every day, go take a walk outside or go lift or something.

>>28212718
>I can deal with all of that shit, nothing will stop be, i guess my problems with my medics are only temporary and my body jut needs to get use to it?
>I don't really get to study as i'm planning everything to move at my dad's place + dealing with dumb drama + my body is still lethargic, i have alot of difficulty reading, my eyesight is blurry and cognitive function are low, i don't understand,i've been taking my medication for like 3 weeks now. My body should be used to it.
>2 days before i move out to my dad's house,my eldest bro calls me and i tell him that my mom is kicking me out. He freaks out because he didn't know.
> He calls her then he calls me back, he tells me that she doesn't know what i'm talking about because she never kicked me out
(WTF she kept fucking repeating day after day, "i hope you've made your plans to go live with your dad? you need to be gone before X date" now she tells him that she never told me to leave
>Anyway, i still want to leave,because she will make more drama out of nothing and i can't allow myself to fail school
>Eldest bro hates my dad with a passion and tells me that he's gonna cut contact with me if i go live with him
>Eldest bro is (was now) the person i admired and respected the most. This drama starts getting to me. My 2 other bros tell me to go at my dad's tho
>My symptoms are still there, i text 1 of my bro about them (my bros are docs) He tells me i have to restart vyvanse from the lower dose or else it'll never get better,my body is getting overstimulated and the new medication+ vyvanse are a REALLY bad mix
>Start vyvanse from the start again but for some reasons,the symptoms are still there,i couldn't study at all for my first wave of exam, end up getting 60-80%. Most of the time,i'm in my room (feel too sick to go outside and don't want more drama with my mom,so i stay in my bed till i feel good enough to study.I browse forums all day long,falling back in my bad habits)
>Story soon over

>>28212957
>By november i fucked up my first wave of exam, even gave a project 3 days late for the first time of my life. (cognitive problems made it 100x longer and harder)
>But my body seems used to my medics now, no more symptoms. There's one new problem i had fixed that came back tho.
>During the depressive first half of the summer,i spent all day long in my room,browsing forums.watching alot of porn,it was a daily habit. I got rid of all that before the 3rd semester. But the rough first 2 months in of the semesters made me fall back in the same fucking pattern
>With vyvanse, if i see numerous porn stuff (like you see on many 4chan boards)watching porn and don't actually want to jack off. I'll feel curious for like 10 mins or less but if i go beyond that,i lose all fucking self control. I can spend 6-10 hours watching porn non stop
>I had refrained from any of that shit from the start of the 3rd semester to november. But i eventually fell in that fucking routine. Start studying 30 mins-2hours, take a break ,go on a 4chan or some other site (it became a fucking routine) see porn. Forget priorities,forget goals,forget about yourself,spend the next 6-10 hours looking at it. Then feel sick as fuck,disgusted with yourself, stay off vyvanse for 2-3 days for you to recover (this shit would make me extremely sick for 2-3 days,i'd be bed ridden,extreme low cognitive function.I talked about it to the doctor,he doesnt know why)
>Realise it's fucking me over but for some reason i feel addicted to porn and the prob is not going away,time is passing,i'm not getting shit done,this is a disaster
>I still can cancel my classes and ask for a semester and a year off so i can truly get my shit together
>Mom doesn't like the idea
>My "addiction" becomes worse, i start getting into femdom which GREATLY lowers my self esteem and worsens my addiction (it reqcuires you to let go of any control or self respect).
>I even start getting boners when girls disrespect me or intimidate me.

>>28213216
>Time is passing, it's getting worse and worse
>When i decide to study outside, i feel the urge to just go home and fap because "i'm a worthless slave" (lol,i was really starting to be fucked up mentally). After each relapse,i felt so fucking sick and suicidal
>I fail my second wave of exams,i change as a person, i become a weak beta depressed phaggot with 0 willpower, my "oneitis" (i wa her oneitis too,we told ourselves that we were gonna wait the end of the semester before dating) loses ALL respect for me and tells me she doesn't care about me anymore,i isolate myself more and more,my friends lose respect for me too
>I eventually break down and text my bro,tell him about the addiction i've been dealing with
>He looks in his med books and tells me that vyvanse makes the libido higher. He brings me at his place, makes a quick search and sees that there's plenty of people who have the same problem i had with adhd med (binge porn watching)
>He tells me that i probably wasn't like that before because i didn't spend so much time on sites with porn. And when i did,i wasn't on vyvanse.
>Half my dose ,don't feel the powerful urge to watch porn but i feel broken,i lost everything i had built, i ruined my gpa and my dreams,i feel too broken mentally to study.
> For the first time of my life, nothing is holding me back but i just don't study,there's 2 exams left. I could still ace them but i don't have my discipline anymore,my mindset,my mental skills that allowed me to study well and stay focused.i'm fucking depressed,i don't do enough
>End up getting 2.6 of gpa........

>>28213411
>Eldest bro calls me the day before the final exam because my mom told him that i stayed in my room for more than an entire day without eating anything or drinking anything
>Eldest bro learns that it's not going well at school
>He insults me for making excuses about my medics,He insults me for not going into nursing school in the first place. He believes that i'm just an unmotivated slob that never did anything to change and blames everything else
(Please note that he never saw me during the summer after college when i changed everything for the better. He never saw me study like a maniac and work my ass off every single second of the day.
He only heard that i kept going out during the winter break (thats what my mom told him) and thinks i probably went out to "chill" like a loser everynight and never studied.
Then he saw me while i was a depressed NEET in summer after my 2nd semester.

Then he heard that i had told my mom to "STFU"
Then he heard that it wasn't going well at school and believes i'm making up stuff

The guy has no idea what happened during the previous 2 years.

>Anyway, he tells me that he doesn't have any hope for me and blablabla and that i'm probably making up this adhd thing
>This lowers my already shitty state
>The 4 semester starts in 12 days, i tell family i need to take time off to recover and get back to normal
>2 bros and dad agree
>Eldest bro and mom refuse and believe i want to take it easy and slack off (they believe that's what i did during the 4th semester) and keep on giving me shit daily (well my eldest bro calls and him and my mom talkshit about me)
>Finally realise that if i stay in this environment,i'll never recover and they won't let me take time off.
>I go to school, i'm not the same person anymore.I restart vyvanse, this time there 0 problem but i'm constantly depressed and suicidal, i don't know where i'm going,i can't get my fucking shit together.
>When i give it my all,i can only keep it for 1 day or 2 max

I would suggest going to a therapist, you are overworking yourself.

keep it up though OP I know you can do it but don't strain your already broken body.

>>28213593
I have 0 health issues but.....i'm really broken and i keep on trying to fix myself up but it never last longer than a day. I just can't get shit done

0 discipline, 0 work ethic, lost everything i had built. Social anxiety is back, shitty self-esteem, don't believe in myself anymore

>By march i get out of that self-loathing pathetic state but i still have extreme difficulty to get shit done. It's my discipline and my work-ethic that allowed me to stand out in the first place. They took alot of fucking effort and time to build,i don't have the necessary "belief in my capacities" to build it back in time
>Fail exams, drop classes
>In april it seems like i'm almost there, i just need a little push to force discipline,even a single disciplined day would be enough to get back on tracks (found that push too late,it's an app)
>Morning before a 40% oral-practical first aid exam(started studying few hours before the exam), there's a huge drama concerning me being depressed for the past months and not being able to do shit. My mom asks me if i'm crazy because i'm ruining my life and blabla,she starts crying,tell me that she will sends me in my home country.She wants me to see a psychiatrist because i'm not right in the head
>We argue,i say that i just needed time,i wanted a semester off,blabla. Hours passes,i realise that i didn't even know 1/20 of what i need to know, i'll be so anxious in humiliated in front of the class. + if you're 1 minute late,you get 0.

If i don't leave in the next 4 mins,i get 0. I freeze,end up missing the first exam of my life,pretty much failed the class

Then there's a second class in the which i had missed 2 labs in the past, you can't miss a 3rd one or else you fail. I texted my "friends" to know if the lab will be at the usual place 2 hours before the lab(1 "friend" is a first tier toxic kunt ,she took GREAT pleasure in my downfall while acting like she cared and acting like an angel,she looks sweet but she's human trash)

>>28213868
>Continued

(Just ranting about that kunt.In the first semester she had 2.6 gpa, i had a perfect gpa,i never fucking put her down her thought less of her. Her? when i'm mentally broken,she'll use this opportunity to "subtly" put me down and call me mediocre, then she will pretend to be extra sweet and nice before being a kunt again. When she kept laughing at my attempts to get my shit together,man that hurt She does all this with a sweet cheerful angel face. Is this what you call passive-agressive?)

Anyway, i texted some people 2 hours before the lab to know where the lab was. 2 didnt know because they were not at the lab. But she answered my text when the lab ended and she knew very well that i had already missed 2 . She pretended that she left her cell at home and just got my text (Yeah right, so for 2 hours u dont see your cell,then you go to the lab and teleport back to your cell(her place is 30-40 mins) away few mins after the lab is over?

Anyway it's my fault ,i'm not gonna blame this on her,just mad she pretended to "not see the text" ,she knew she wanted me to fail.

>Anyway,i failed the class.
>Now the road was officially over, i wasn't that far from getting a bit back on my feet, now that my dreams were over and that had failed everything,failure after failure,no support,depression, i didn't feel as if i'd ever enjoy life again. Even with something motivating me,it was hard to get my shit together,now it'd be harder
>One of my bro convinces me that i should just take a break from school, work for a year and something,get back to a disciplined routine and that i'll eventually find something that will motivate me again
>I believe him,still depressed but things might get better...
>Continued next post (final post)

>>28214062
>The same night my bro trie to cheer me up
>My mom starts intense drama about me not finishing my meal and failing my classes and becoming a loser (I rage inside because i wouldn't be here if she had at least supported me at my lowest and allowed me to take time off. I probably wouldn't have failed the 3rd semester if there wasn't a huge drama she created with my bro threatening to disown me and me isolating myself in my room for 2 months and falling back in my old bad habits i had built during my depressive summer period)
>She gets violent, hits me, calls my bro,tries to allienate them from me
>At this point i think that right now, i'd be a whole different person, i'd most likely be starting medschool or pharm school in august, my llife would be 10000x more cheerful. Now i'll never get back on my feet
>The way she's talking on the phone,she keeps on insulting me and escalating me,this time i'm really going to get kicked out for real and my eldest bro will actually disown me for real (It makes me rage because that's the reason i stayed in this shithole instead of going at my dad's, because of that it created probs that WORSENED alot my mental state)

>I tell myself that i'll never get back on my feet,things will never get better. Hurry to my room, set up stuff to hang myself,->the set up is soon over,the rope is tight around my neck
>She opens the door to cuss me in front of my face,she sees me trying to remove the rope
>Spend the night on suicide watch

Still waiting for OP to drop bel air lyrics

>>28214200
Damn. That sucks dude

>>28214200
>I see psychiatrist in the morning, i sum up the problems of the 3rd semester by ("I had family problems,was gonna get kicked out and diswoend+ problems with medics,couldn't function well)
--> tell her that the events of the 3rd semester made me depressed (Forgot to mention the 2nd semester, (the symptoms during the 2nd semester were 15x worse, i was just a fucking warrior with an iron resolve and will,no way i could ever pull that off again)
>She understand that i used to be a Straight A+'s, A's student, had alot going for me. Went through a tough time,got depressed and was dealing with it alone + couldn't get back on m feet. Something happened,which made me lose all hope of recovery and i tried to take my life on an "impulse?"
>She tells me that there's still hope, i can still make it in medschool or pharmschool if i don't give up
>She gives me a paper to cancel my previous semester
>She doesn't know if she could cancel the whole year but she says that at least we should try cancelling the previous semester
>Gives me anti-depressants
>Leave the hospital, go to school,give them the paper, they will talk to the dean about it

My mom calmed down and asked me whether i plan on going into nursing school now that i failed because i didn't listen to her and my bro 2 years ago. I say that if they cancel my semester(i really doubt it), i'll recover before september (spirit,mind,habits,work ethic) and stay in shitty program, this time, i won't have any issue getting good grades since i don't have anymore health issues.

If they don't cancel anything. I'll be forced to go in nursing school. BUT i won't be able to go before 2017, if i recall well (i'll doublecheck) you can only switch of program if you had passed all of your classes

Mom doesn't like the idea of me keeping on if my classes don't get cancelled. She doesn't believe in my capacities.

Even who had like 0.23 less GPA points than me were called to the med and pharm interviews...

>>28214468
>People who had grades similiar to mine are 100% certain of getting in (that's the way it is)

Hearing that "i dont have the capacities" or that i'm trying to "set the bar too high" . Or that i'm trying to reach something i could never reach in the first place. IS A FUCKING INSULT FFS

I wasn't even stressed about grades anymore before all that bs.
Honneslty i'll probably have to give up my dreams. If they cancel my semester(which i highly doubt),it will still be possible, and in the worse case i'll go in something else that will probably make me happier and give me more satisfaction than becoming a nurse

If they don't, i don't have a choice, nursing school is the best thing that i could get. I know i won't enjoy life tho

My mom and eldest bro think that i'm an idiot for not wanting to listen to them "and just become a nurse". They don't think i'll be able to get good grades if i keep on going. I told them i can, i just needed time to recover which they didn't want. But they don't want to listen to that, they think i should have listened to them 2 years ago and i'm gonna make the same mistake by not listening to them again

What do you think?
I think it's fucking retarded. No it wasn't setting the bar too fucking high, before all these wrecking health issues,before all that drama, i stopped stressing over grades because i fucking had it in me. Shit became easy,my work ethic was like a second nature. I just needed time to get all those shit back.

The shit don't just disappear. They can,but it take alot of time and something must wreck you and break you for long enough.

However with enough time, after working enough on yourself, having something that motivates you alot and gives you a powerful drive. You can get all of that back (just like i did before the 3rd semester). If i didnt have time(the entire summer) to recover between the 2nd and the 3rd semester,i would have failed as badly as i did this semester.

What do you think anons?

>>28214678
>Final post (with questions to anons)
>Do you think i should have listened to them 2 years ago? (the same health issues would have happened tho,but since i wouldn't have tasted the "start of a great life" (when i changed and was skyrocketing), i probably wouldn't have anything amazing to compare my shitty state to,so i might have been less depress)

>Do you think that i should give up now and listen to them and go in nursing?

>Do you think that i won't be able to get good grades again ? (based on my failures during the 3rd and 4th semester)

I want an outsider's opinion

Thank you for reading my "wall of text/ BOOK" . Kinda had to tell why i reached that shitty depressive state. I skipped a damn lot of details (more useles drama worsening my state, symptoms, being isolated in school,finding out who were real friends and who were just jealous kunts trying to use me and throwing me away when shit happens to me,etc)

Thanks again

I skimmed through what you wrote, anon, but I just wanted to say that I graduated undergrad with a 3.21 cumulative GPA, which is considered terribly low for medical school in the US. I then did a 1 year post-baccaluareate program in which I took mostly upper level science elective, getting straight A's. This brought my cumulative GPA up to a 3.40, still low but workable. Meanwhile, I shadowed doctors, did an unpaid research internship, shadowed doctors, did tons of both clinical and non-clinical volunteering, and worked as a medical scribe. I also spent 5 months studying intensively for the MCAT, which resulted in me scoring in the 94th percentile. This took every ounce of my willpower to do. I should mention that I've been diagnose with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, so it took a HUGE effort to get all of the extracurricular shit done as it involved tons of social interaction...Now, it's been two years since I graduated from undergrad, and I've been accepted to several US MD programs (some really good ones too!)...

If you really want it, you can achieve it. It might take several extra years like it did in my case, but it's worth it to have the career you truly want for the rest of your life. Don't let anyone dissuade you. Taking gap years is becoming the norm nowadays, so don't feel bad if that's what you need to do.

>>28214873
Love you bro =D!, i'm really happy to hear that! Congrats!Wish you a successful life

That proves that the road isn't over unless you give up or unless you don't put enough enough,thanks!
------------------------------------------------------------
>Summary/TL;DR:

(Basically, alot of things happened which me me go from a good student to a depressed mediocre student. Didnt get time to recover, failed classes, more drama happened,was gonna get kicked out thing were only gonna get worse->got caught trying to hang myself->went on suicide watch->psychiatrist understood situation and gave me a paper to cancel semester (i doubt itll work tho)->was wondering if anons thought i should have listened to my mom and bro 2 years ago and if i should give up and listen to my mom and bro now)

Your mom is a rotten cunt

>>28215020
Man you're so fucking stupid, just leave your mom and go live with your dad. Your brother can go fuck himself and drop the meds, they are doing way more damage than good.

>>28214828
You should really separate yourself from your mother and eldest brother. They've obviously been nothing but a huge drain on your life. Obviously you had the capacity to go to med school before those shitty health issues.

If they cancel the semester, you should certainly go back to med school. Don't listen to your mom. She sounds like a massive, self-entitled cunt, and your brother sounds like a beta orbiter. Just attempt to get back into the good habits you've had before.

Hey, read the whole thing. You know, things can sometimes be unpredictable so to the reader, i cant give definite answers. But what i can say, and my advice, is you miss 100% of the shots you dont take. Sounds corny but when you think about it in the future, youll think back on the "if's and then" and what you "could and should have" done and "i was so close" and in the end, you will come to regret a lot. i just think that u should get ur shit together before starting the semester again ie. Moving away from toxic people in ur life or ignoring them
Anyways if u dont mind me asking, which school program are you in?

You should tell Tyrone about this.
He will help.
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheBigManTyrone

>>28215106
I know...... i should have ignored him during the 3rd semester. I fucking regret not doing that. The hing is, he's the guy i looked up to the most before my mom made him hate me.

When i was building my work ethic and it felt fucking hard (like after 5 hours without any break or distraction), i always told myself "Work harder than the one who works the hardest" and thought of him, This always kept me going. I deeply respected the guy. I only stayed with my mom because he was about to disown me

>>28215111
Thanks for the kind words man. I believe it's the wise thing to do

My bro was someone i always admired. We always had a good relation.. before the 2 previous years. Too bad, i need to live my life and focus on myself tho

>>28215079
She was extremely kind in college tho.... When i had my fucked up symptoms during the second semester.(cognitive problems,it was like trying to read when extremely drunk and dizzy + maybe high?(ive never been high tho) One day i just couldn't real anything at all and had to read and understand 30 pages of a book per day if i wanted to make it for an upcoming final

She sat down with me for hours, she read it all. She explained it to me because she already knew and understood what it was about.
Thanks to her, i didn't have to read 60 pages, i the next day,i wouldn't have made it without her help

But... the things she did afterwards..... It makes me rage just thinking about it. I dont understand her deal, i won't try to understand it neither. Fuck, even if you don't want to support me, please don't make things 50x harder for me

>>28215130
I'm scared that if i tell you the program some people i know will recognize me for sure ( i already gave plenty of specific details. If anyone reads this and has a doubt,knowing my program +where i live will confirm it) i know people who browse 4chan.

I doubt that program would open the door to medschool in most parts of north america but i live somewhere special. It's not as complicated to get in medschool.

And it doesn't have less value. The eldest bro did his medschool here, now he got an offer in USA around 1 million a year (as a neurosurgeon)

make a fake email, i'll message you

>>28214678
I have a few things

Is there a way you can live away from your mother? At the very least you should be in therapy, but that is no way for a mother to act towards her children even if she doesn't support them. You can't blame her for all of your problems but she (and your brother) did not help you at all whatsoever and she (and your brother) needs to be made knowledgeable of her(their) contributions. A therapist can help you deal with that and come to it.

Is this what you really want to be doing with your life? It sounds like your family are all medical professionals. Are you doing this because you want to do this or because you feel the need to join the family business? You should do what makes you happy, not what helps you to conform. Find passions and pursue them.


Above all else, take care of yourself. You only get one life and if you waste it there aren't any second chances. Be well.

>>28215538
You know. When i went in pre-med, i didn't really want to become a doctors. I had no motivation, i only followed the foot steps of my brothers. I did know that the only things that ever interested me in school and the only job that looked ly something i would enjoy were in the STEM field. I loved biology and chemistry.

By the first year of premed, i had already gave up on medschool,i wasn't even motivated for that. My eldest bro told me "become a physical therapist" then, i said "sure bro". Physical therapy was my new goal,i still wasnt really motivated,just followed what others wanted me to do

Then my eldest bro told me " Nah, you should become a nurse or a nurse practitionner instead" , i fooled myself into believing that's what i wanted. Before having a life epiphany at the end of my final year in pre-med. "I can't let others decide what i'll do for the rest of my life, i can't let my fate be decided by external factors,i need to take control of my life!"

Decided to go in shitprogram. and to change every fucking thing about myself. Even if i wasn't accepted in pharm school or medschool, i'd have so many options after raising my gpa.

If i was accepted in medschool and pharmschool. I'd go in pharm school desu. It would fit me more in the longterm. I'm not sure i'd be able to handle the HIGH stress from the residency in med

And yeah, the psychiatrist told me that she'll contact people to get in touch with me for a therapy.

Don't worry,i'm not blaming my mom for all my problems. I would have been sick without her drama, but it just made it way worse.

Thanks for the kind wishes man

>>28215524
[email protected]
thx would rly appreciate, im also looking for some kind of med career.

>>28215763
Sent you a mail.

>>28215241
lollllllll
>>28213759
Thanks, yeah, intend to see a therapist

>>28212144
Still have the same opinion ?