Be honest, when was the last time you were TRULY happy?
>>28200889
When i got my first car.
>>28200889
Early 2013. I was in Japan and I had a direction in life. I don't know what the fuck happened.
2007. The year before the military made my dad change bases and we had to pack up and leave my friends right before high school.
>>28200889
Never. Maybe way back in my childhood, but it's all lost to memory now.
>>28200889
It was before I started working. Two months into working, everything got worse and stayed worse. Before that it was just taking classes and hanging with my bros.
About a year ago right before I developed a tolerance to my antidepressants. Back to hating everything again I guess...oh bother
7th grade when i didn't give a fuck about anything and still had a will to live
15 years old. spent a whole year with a girl who actually liked me and i liked her too. we were basically inseparable and joined at the hip.
kind of a long story but it didn't work out and my life has mostly been shit since. it's not due to her or anything, but i certainly was a lot happier around her.
I only have that feeling for a few fleeting moments. Happiness is not something I can actually grasp.
But to answer your question it was when I finally had sex after almost two months without it. For more background information, I live with my SO and we share a 700 sq ft house together and see eachother everyday. There should be no reason for a dry spell that long.
It happened a few weeks ago. Now I usually don't smoke weed, and hadn't for a very long time, but I had the weekend to myself and decided to go buy some from a vendor. So that night I smoked a bowl and was just sitting there watching anime as usual.
This time my cat came into my room and I noticed her. Normally I would just not care. So I tried to lure her to myself by petting her. At first she sort of looked like she wanted to leave, but I kept petting her. So she hopped onto me bed and I kept petting her. I petted here more and more, it was almost arousing, but not really. She started purring and I realized the joy I was feeling from simply petting an animal.
The whole experience almost made me cry because I realized that I hadn't felt that happy in years. The only feelings that were similar to happiness were the times I jerked off, but those felt forced.
Occasionally happy, never content.
A few years ago when I did MDMA
When I was 12. Before I had an accident that fucked up my legs. After that just constant bullying that crushed my spirit beyond repair. The only reason I haven't an hero yet is because I like going home and play video games with my little brother. Him and my mom are the only 2 person who don't see me like less of a human.
>>28200889
The first and only time I ever had a gf. I got with her ten years ago and the happiness lasted for about a year and a half, though it flickered more and more as it neared the end, so really only every now and again for about a year...... Yep there goes the depression again. Thanks OP.
First time doing MDMA, first time doing acid, every time I do Benzos
march 21, I became a NEET after very busy years of study
>>28200889
when I was actively talking with a friend that was a girl, I talked with her almost every night
she was really fucking cute and had a cute voice and liked me but then I went full beta sperg because I really liked her and now she hates me
Never. I've always been pretty miserable. Life means nothing to me.
>>28200889
My life will never top my high school years. Its all over for me.
>>28200889
shit I don't now, what even is happiness? I've forgotten
>>28201039
Dude are you fucking me? My life was literally so much better when I was with my ex girlfriend. I always feel like shit everytime I think how it just didn't work out
True happiness is false. No matter how perfect everything can be, there is a light that never goes out. Temporary joy is found in those moments. Time kills everything, so why bother trying to find 'true happiness'? Being at peace of mind is more of what you're looking for. Knowing that in those precious moments, everything is perfect. That nothing can ruin you in said moments. True happiness may not be real, but those few moments can last a lifetime.
it was like 6th or 7th grade. somehow i got pulled into having friends because i had one who was pseudonormie, and one girl said she thought i was cute so i had a "gf" for a while where i got to hold her hand once or twice
When I was a kid. Ignorance is a bliss 2bh.
sometimes i'll just get really immersed in a game or an anime or something
then i realise im smiling and come back to reality and get depressed again
>>28200889
Today when I ate cereal on a picnic bench in the park with my friend in the morning while we were both pretty high.
This is what living life is all about.
High school.
It really wasn't that bad. I didn't have any friends but I was kind of at peace with it and thought I would go somewhere in life, so I could enjoy all the little things.
3 years after graduation, long ago realized that the direction I had was bullshit. Can't seem to find a new one.
>>28200978
this.
high school may have its problems but underneath all the negativity there are the little things that hold you together (hanging with your friends especially), and more importantly, the knowledge that once you get out of here, life will get better, which allows you to enjoy the little things even more.
That knowledge turns out to be bullshit of course, but you believe it at the time and so oddly that's the best time of your life.
I have a good job by the way. 65k a year, work is stimulating enough.
I have friends of sorts.
Just nothing makes me happy. I think even if I got rich and got a qt gf tomorrow I wouldn't be happy. It just seems like that part of my life is over now.
I'm not sure we as a species should really be allowed to live past 22.
>>28201000
well you could just up the dosage.
I would of course suggest getting away from that shit altogether.
>>28201012
to each his own. 7th (and 8th) grade were the worst 2 years of my life.
>>28200889
When I last tripped on shrooms. The world became vibrant and new, like I was a child again. Each object was a story to be told, each creature a thing to be loved. Music filled my heart and I was overwhelmed by the beauty of it all. I passed out remembering the sound of my mother's voice.
I should really do it again some time.
2011, my long term girlfriend cheated on me, since then I've been single. It doesnt bother me anymore, but I'd say my personality is mostly just stoic unless i am around one of my 4 close friends.
I know i sound like a gay loser, but one of the only things i wanted when i was young was to find my soul mate. Hard pill to swallow to come to terms with the fact i was just not meant to make any woman happy in that way. I get by though, i work out regularly, paint, and play games. Just try to fill the time/keep my mind busy.
Sorry for the blog.
today i heard a recording of myself singing and instead of wanting to kill myself I really enjoyed what I heard.
>>28200889
I can't remember.
https://youtu.be/C2muBa2z8uw
>>28200889
never/can't remember because it's been so long
i remember wishing i would get in a car crash when i was 10
probably before I was 5
at 5 years of age I got strep throat and resultantly PANDAS disorder which was never resolved so now I'm a walking anxious OCD-ridden freak who's trying to desperately get his life back on track when it hasn't been so for 15 years
>>28206637
>PANDAS disorder
That doesn't sound so bad
Last week, I went out with a lady friend.
She bailed on me this week though. :(
>>28206406
Fucking christ this is accurate.
I always described shrooms as a childlike experience but this is much more indepth.
>>28200889
never i've been unhappy my entire life
First few weeks of february when she was around
Honestly I don't think I was ever happy. According to my parents I was a happy and outgoing child, but I'm pretty sure it was just an act. Hard to remember. Pretty much all of my personality when it comes to interaction.
>>28207448
Hard to remember your personality? If so I can relate. My uncle says I was never happy or really the same since I started school.
>>28207457
When I was like 2-6? Yeah, isn't that normal?
6th grade
soccer and runescape
Woke up this morning beside my girlfriend, after a night spent drinking, watching movies about junkies and general cuddling. I'm happy.
When i was homeless in 2011 and 2012
>>28207680
Why do people like you feel the need to make people like me want to kill ourselves
>>28207663
>talking with other kids about runescape at school all day
>go to friends house to play runescape together
>mining iron and coal in al kharid to make full steel or whatever
>his mom only let him play 1 hour but he has a good pc
>times up, go to my house to play runescape on shit computer together
>go to bed
>pull gameboy SP from under my pillow
>play pokemon ruby for 3 hours
>fall asleep while playing
>next day runescape again
I dont care what anyone says, that period waa the most fun i jave ever had. I want to be 12 again.
December 22 2016
>>28207809
That's my birthday
I turn 22
>>28207406
My friends tell me that if I really enjoyed shrooms, I'd fucking hate LSD. I don't see the correlation, but the fact that acid trips last 10+ hours is enough to dissuade me. Shrooms lasted long enough.
>>28207827
I totally meant to say 2015, but yeah happy birthday in advance, anon
Around 2003
>>28207834
Acid is more synthetic feeling but it's a lot more visual than shrooms was for me
Shrooms was a lot of mind fuck but it was beautiful
I had no idea things could be this bad.
>>28207886
Yeah, the only visuals I got from shrooms was just everything being more colorful and "popped out". I was noticing details in my surroundings I never acknowledged sober, I don't really know how to describe it. The world just felt so much more alive, I would breathe and I'd swear that everything was breathing with me. Each time I've tripped, I made sure I was outside. Wouldn't wanna do it anywhere else. First time, I was pretty sure I was gonna puke after twenty minutes passed and right as I was getting ready to, I noticed how many birds there were in the sky. I looked up while my friends were talking and said, "There are SO many birds right now." And then came the wave. Such a great time.
>>28200889
In high school, when I had friends and lost a lot of weight. I still wasn't as socially on par as I wanted to be, but things were getting better.. Didn't last long, depression hit and destroyed my life.
cannot remember, maybe when i was a kid, but even then i was an outcast and i had to fake.
>>28200889
1998 when I got a 56k modem for Christmas
>>28207953
That's one hot fucking baby.
>>28200889
I got a bit of happiness when I dialed in my Bandit 112 just right after shredding for four hours when I got it.
I think when I was like 10. I didn't understand that everything around me was so fucked up so I was a happy little lad.
yesterday, when i got really high & drunk
Back then in vocational school, I was 20 and thought I could finally get my shit together and walk into normieville. Never happened...
Looking back on it, pretty pathetic but the summer of 2005.
>Halo 2
>Hop on XBL to play big team battle with all my online friends everyday
>Best of fucking times
>Got to level 40 in almost every single multiplayer mode
>Doing superjumps and destroying people in low level team snipers
>BXBing and BXRing people
>Being a gunner in a Warthog on Headlong
>1v1ing people on Lockout
>tfw everyone I knew from there kept in touch 11 years later and all of them are doing good for themselves
Even if it's a normie game or babby's first FPS..I miss this game so goddamn much.
I can't even remember.
When I was a kid I used to be happy all the time. People asked me why I was so happy constantly, but I didn't know, I just was.
I guess I've "used up" all my happiness.
I've never been truly happy.
I've had moments of elation where I was able to appreciate a moment but even during those in the back of my mind I remained aware that everything was still wrong and that the good feeling would pass.
But I haven't even felt elated in a couple years. I'm locked into compulsive behavior now as a means of coping with my constant state of inner pain and unease and this habit has the effect of making you feel soulless. I actually think I was better off when I was using alcohol to cope but I quit drinking a year ago because I don't have enough money.
>>28200889
I would have to say from about june of 2010 to August of 2011. July of 2011 was the high point of my life
>I was 15/16
>5th year of high school - only year of school I actually liked
>Good Xbox 360 games : fallout new vegas, Fable series, saints row, GTA 4
>Good music at the time
>Cool fashion - scene was still a thing - girls looked much better
>Had a good group of friends hung out all the time
>Got my first girlfriend she was perfect for me in every way
Basically I had it all if you had asked me "what do you want in your life ?" in the early summer of 2011 I would have said "keep everything as it is"
But my friends all turned against me and my girlfriend broke up with me. I then spent the last 2 years of high school a loner, university was even worse. I hate my life now and take anti depressants
Basically the thing about that time in my life was that it made me feel like a normal, even popular guy. I have aspergers syndrome so I never expect life to be that way ever again.
When I was tripping on Tramadol.
I forgot why I was upset and was in complete euphoria.
>>28208359
I remember two shining halo moments
One was a BTB game where people actually USED the damn elephants. Both teams manned all the guns and stuff and were hurling grenades across each other. This wasn't a custom either this was just matchmaking.
Eventually we crashed the elephants into each over and one mounted the other and devolved into chaos.
The other was a night where a whole load of us were playing customs we'd made, we made one in the tiny room under sand traps pyramid, made all the exits teleporters, set 300% speed and dropped every single grenade weapon and power up in the game in there. First to 250 kills with 8 of us, pure carnage
Then we had one game where a hornet flew around but couldn't use weapons , and 2 buddies flew on the side with infinite ammo rocket launchers. Everyone else drove around in mongeese trying not to get blown up. There was no vehicle lock on in 3
Good times
>>28200889
Yesterday when I walked into work after having a nice nap.
When I get my test scores back. They're pretty good imo. Low to mid 80s. But then instantly disappointed win myself when my friend gets a 98 in uni.
Over 2 weeks ago. When I had my beloved O-PCE, best drug there is yo
>>28208985
>tramadol
>tripping
I hate it when people say shit like this, you gotta hallucinate to trip.
>>28200889
i think i was 11.
>>28200889
Honestly...... I've forgotten.
>>28200889
when i still had my imaginary little sisters.
now i just want to fall asleep and never wake up.
In 2001 in 4th grade at 9 years old. My teacher was so cool, he was a runner so he emphasized exercise so once in a while we'd skip afternoon work and go outside to run in the field or get the recess equipment and play basketball. That was the best year ever DESU.
>>28209065
I'll add to this Halo nostalgia
When Reach first came out, me and two people from highs school would play together. We literally never lost a game and usually played Rocket-Hog. I was driver.
Used to bum bait people on slayer
Good times.
2009
I was still a young NEET with no pressure to get a job, just playing flash games and waking up 10am every day
>>28201012
This. 8th grade is when it all went south... I was chubby and got no attention from girls. As I got older I got taller and lost the weight. Now I'm attractive and get attention but the damage to my self esteem from all the rejections has already been done. I hate high school roasties. So close to being Chad..
Never. I've been told I was a very unhappy child.
When it wasn't stuck in my head that I wake up and repeat the same routine everyday, now that it's stuck in my head I literally am bored from what used to be entertaining, I just wanna speed up life
When I got a prescription for Oxycodone following back surgery.
I couldn't move. I was in constant pain. But the Oxycodone made me feel a euphoria I never experienced again.
This morning as I lay next to my woman and cuddled while we played with our baby. I know it won't last and that's what makes it so great.
inb4 normie, REEE, etc.
The stacy girl i had a oneitis for asked me to go with her to a party. Needless to say she spent the night kissing several random chads. Guess im too autistic
I was pretty happy when I was playing factorio yesteday. Didn't last very long though.
>>28200889
When I was still addicted to benzos
>>28200889
absolutely no fucking clue
Yesterday when I was eating a plate of tacos
Literally a year ago. After this point, one year ago, everything went to shit. Everything was so great before all this fucking bullshit.
>>28200889
Today senpai
>had to prepare a presentation for today
>took l-theanine + caffeine
>literally all anxiety was gone
>met up with a girl who I had to work with
>she's a 10/10
>when we met up instantly told her that guys behind were checking her out
>ohgodwhathaveidone.jpg
>continue having a normal conversation but there was still some tension
>decide to test her
>sit at the end of the row so she can choose wether she wants to sit right next to me or leave some space between us
>she leaves some space between us
>fuck fuck fuck
>think it will be hard to fix this
>got out during the break
>2 girls from the class sitting on the bench
>1 qt and 1 slut
>both like me
>sit next to them
>everyone from class gathers around us
>flirt with a slut and talk to a qt
>this made 10/10 jelly
>she asks random questions
>tease her
>slut stars rubbing my arm but i ignore it because i dont really lile her
>break ends
>we all go back to class
>sit at the end of the row again
>10/10 sits right next to me
>make sure our elbows and knees are touching as much as possible
>she doesnt move
>thankyoujesus.jpg
>our turn to deliver presentation
>20/20 points
>professor loved it even tho it was too long
>go back to our seats
>get into position to high five a 10/10
>when she tries to high five me quickly remove my hand
>tap her head and laugh
>go to bakery later
>wink to a qt cashier
Life is good brehs
>>28200889
>voluntere to do surveys down the streets
>walk around with the ultimate ignore mechanism of the whole universe
>people literally get mad looking at me
>they are all looking at the pieces of paper with questions on it
>they all think the same thing
>I hope he doesn't ask me
most amazing feeling ever.
>>28200889
when I saw the news on 9/11
maybe when I was 10
