Mental Illness/Health Thread
How are you, anon?
Lately my suicidal thoughts have been insanely intense, to where it's near impossible to focus on anything. I'm afriad I'm close to a breaking point.
Muh depression is so bad I have a hard time getting out of bed or washing myself. I have lost interest in everything and my brainfog is too intense to focus.
I want to die. I want to die so much, but I don't want to kill myself.
I was there a minute ago, but I've become kinda numb to my situation and now I just distract myself with dumb Internet stuff.
>>28188059
Yeah, iktf anon. My grades are dropping pretty quick and I can only find the slightest enjoyment in vidya and music.
>I want to die. I want to die so much, but I don't want to kill myself.
Why not?
>>28188043
I am better than I was a couple of years back, but whenever I try to "dive" into my own mind, it feels like a bunch of tangled cords like the cords behind your PC - just a fucking mess that is best ignored
officially diagnosed with schizotypal yesterday!! now i won't feel as bad for self-medicating
>>28188043
I'm going to break soon, girl I love broked my heart again when I thought I'm beyond that. Mental hospital here I come again
>>28188148
I'm sorry to hear that anon, please stay strong. Even normie guys get their hearts stomped on by women. This is what has united our sex for the past 20,000 years.
Enjoying all the responses here today.
Thread theme: https://youtu.be/XWvUHeYf6WQ
RIP Eyedea
>>28188145
Awesome, anon. How are self-medicating?
Bumping for my fellow depressives
Depression fatigue is literally killing me. It's taking a huge toll on body both physically and mentally. Please help
I just want to fucking die already, the only thing that's keeping me going is the thought of what my mother, the only human being who ever loved me, would become if I killed myself.
>>28188609
Sorry anon, i was just like you a few months ago. Now my brain wants to die so bad that it doesn't care.
>>28188059
There are days, even after I am able to get myself up to go to work, as I'm driving to work, I hope and pray to whatever omniscient being is out there that I get hit by another car or some crazy rando does some stupid shit and I get caught in the middle of it and just... there.
I hope I can just go quick by someone else's hands because I'm too much of a coward to feel the pain or to do it to myself.
The hardest thing for me has been accepting the reality that there is nobody to help me.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.
I might have SPD and I don't even want to get diagnosed or get help because I don't want to be forced to be a normal person. I feel like changing myself would result in me not being me anymore.
>tfw im past the point of help
>tfw the last chance i had of getting any help got denied because "you cant have identity problems and depression at the same time silly"
>tfw having to travel across europe in search for help and illegal meds
thanks a lot healthcare system, i cant believe america for once has a better healthcare system
>>28189743
>tfw im past the point of help
What do you mean by this?
>>28189628
This, everyone is selfish.
One person saving another is impossible, people have to save themselves - Oshino Meme
>>28189743
You got fucked off because we don't need anymore freaks in Europe
>>28189788
therapy doesnt help, meds doesnt help, nothing ive tried helps
>>28189797
>people have to save themselves
That makes a lot of sense to me.
Too bad that I'm too lazy and scared of fucking things up to do anything about myself.
>>28189811
>lets in jihadists by the millions
yup sounds like a good argument to me
>>28188043
I'm failing out of college after this semester because I can't get myself out of bed, or do any work. I get emails all the time from professors and shit asking me to see them or wondering where I am but I never respond. I horde food in my room so I haven't had to leave for anything but the bathroom in days. I don't know what I'm going to do in the future, probably kill myself.
>tfw lost all control of my life
>>28189844
Obama is importing them to america as well so well done shit stick
>>28189884
so?
thiscommentisoriginaldonotsteal
When seven of the nine voices in my head shout 'Don't shoot' I usually listen to them.
>>28188043
Got some anxiety and depression floating around in me, but I'm mainly an aspie. Been doing a lot to improve like quit drinking and exercising regularly, but I still have a hard time leaving the house. I tried going to my coffee shop last night to sit around and sip tea while writing, but it happened to be poetry night and a lot of people I recognized in town were there. It made me overwhelmed so I just bought some jasmine and ducked inside an empty ice cream parlor. I honestly can't remember what I did or where I went when I was completely sober and not trying to get fucked up.
>>28189832
Do you have health insurance? Ever consider speaking to a therapist? Sure they're charging you, but it might help.
I'm considering seeing one...I've always been afraid of opening up to people, and it's funny that the only way for a therapist to help you is to open up.
I had an awful nervous breakdown after work yesterday I felt like I had to stop myself from jumping out of my balcony due to ruminating thoughts. I bought myself a necklace cross to force myself to not suicide via religious OCD.
>>28189958
I know that feeling. I've walked into a coffee brand shop like Starbucks and I've felt mildly anxious for no reason whatsoever. It's just the feeling of people looking at you that bothered me.
Me too OP plus with all my family living in the house I can't act crazy anymore.
>cousin erased my history on my computer
>lost all my cookies including my tripname
>>28189856
Holy shit it's me from a year ago. It did not end well. Please, listen to me, whatever you do, don't tell anyone how bad it really is and force yourself to do the work. Don't be afraid to go back to a class you've been absent from. Just do your best to see if you can salvage things enough that you won't have to drop out.
>>28190022
I actually feel more comfortable with strangers than aquatinteces. Most of the people there, including some of the employees, I've seen and talked to at the bar I work at. I've pretty much know how everything is when they're drunk and that normally doesn't bother me, but since I've stopped drinking, I get very anxious and irritated being around anyone non-sober. It's going to be harder working, but it's really good money and my boss is very understanding when I need time off.
>>28189992
I don't feel like I can really open up to people now.
When I talk with them I just try to be edgy and stuff and I don't talk about my feelings because I feel that I'm so fragile that I couldn't just listen to what they have to say.
I talked to one person when I was fragile emotionally because I lost my only friend and she changed in one moment and I lost trust to people.
Now I run away from women and I'm really scared of them.
>>28190106
Yeah, I know it's a major mistake and that I have no future. But finals are next week. I haven't done a single piece of homework. I have not shown up to most classes in over a month, aside from taking exams (which I have failed all of). It really is too late. I did some fun math a few days ago and it is completely impossible to not fail out.
The only thing I can hope for is that instead of straight giving me the boot permanently, they just put me on a leave of absence for a semester and I can get back in with good grades at a CC (they do this apparently).
>>28190150
(forgot the 2nd half of my post)
I will try making it until then, but I'll probably try ending it all this summer. I can't live with myself anymore. I don't really tell people how bad things are but my parents definitely know anyway.
Working two jobs getting off at 8 pm then having to get up at 3 am to go to work has me close to going off the deep end. I am constantly tired
>>28189995
Do you want to go to hell or something? Suicide is a sin and you can't confess and be forgiven before you die obviously so you automatically go to hell if you suicide.
>>28190150
You might be able to get a medical withdrawal from all your classes if you have proof that you're depressed. Go see the school psychiatrist if you haven't already.
>>28190276
I don't want to do that because reasons
>>28190476
That may be the smarter choice actually. The shame involved isn't good.
I've gone completely mad over a woman who I haven't been able to talk to for almost a month. I thought I was getting better but after this shitstorm I haven't been able to do anything other than quietly work away in my office, smoke, sleep, and feel awful. I actually have been pouring any time I can get where I am not shaking from anxiety into writing an album about her. I didn't think I had the capacity to feel this way about anyone and it's beautifully depressing. I don't know what else to do R9K.
>>28190876
You can share the deets with us anon
Anyone else feel like depression is seeing the world how it really is and everyone else sees an illusion of the world?
>>28190993
It is the opposite (($
>feeling better and stronger because I'm talking to someone
>they're halfway across the country
Someone sock me in the fucking mouth
Does anyone want to discuss why everything is a conspiracy
Ok does anyone maybe want to rap battle....
>>28190993
Yes, I think this is often true, and there is even some evidence that supports it:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depressive_realism
>>28190976
I don't need to rehash the whole story as I've posted updates time and time again, but it pretty much goes like:
>meet interesting dude
>his gf happens to be girl I vaguely know of who used to have crush on me
>we spend a lot of time together
>he is a complete shitlord to her and in general
>me and her quickly develop a great friendship
>we spend a lot of time together as a group
>he becomes incredibly jealous and begins to resent me
>many shitstorms go down
and now I wait for the day that I hold her in my arms again
Is GAD the most normie-tier mental illness?
