/devilish/
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ITT share properly /devilish/ things you've done to normies
>be ausfag with slow internet
>share house with 5 normies
>normies stream friends, gossip girl etc. over netflix 24 hours a day
>makes internet painfully slow for browsing and shitposting
>usually not this bad but today I can't even load a youtube video
>can hear fucking theme songs from chick dramas in the living room
>fuckthis.jpg
>open router settings
>change my computer to /beef supreme/ priority (normally reserved for skype calls, etc.)
>open sickbeard and set it to redownload entire 100gb video library in slightly higher definition
>don't even want to watch anything
>browsing speed increases dramatically even with downloads running
>can watch youtube again hurray
>minutes pass
>get up to get a drink
>netflix dropping out and pixelated to all fuck on living room TV
>"anon what's up with netflix, it won't let me watch"
>"dunno, try turn it off and on again?"
>go back to room
>smugface.jpg
>mfw you can't beat an autist at an autist's game
>>28162587
>Live on an army base
>At night when everyone is asleep I peg a tennis ball down the hall
>Close door and wait for someone to wake up and say 'WTF?! it happened again'
>Also get up and make really weird creepy noises or play >>28162587
childrens laughter or babies crying through my phone at like 2 am.
>People think the barracks is haunted.
>>28162587
> neighbors having party
> call cops because noise ordinance
> shutitdown.jpeg
> Stay up another 5 hours playing vidya
>>28162616
hahaha
>haunted by autism
>>28162587
>lazy normalfag sees me taking mad notes
>"Uhh hey, Anon, can I take a picture of your notes after class? It went a little too fast for me"
>"Sure"
>write even more hideously than I normally do
>normalfag obviously can't read most of it but doesn't want to be rude and tell me
It would be kind of childish/dickish normally but given how often this happens I think it's justified, in the hopes that one day they will take their own damn notes and stop trying to suck up to me whenever they need something.
>>28162680
>learn short hand
>write notes in short hand
>let normie take a photo of them
>10/10 qt moves into upstairs apartment
>She asks if she can use my wifi
>Set up guest network, let her use it for $20/month
>One day, she doesn't pay me.
>Go to her apartment asking about payment
>"Oh, I don't have the money this month, but I'll pay you $50 next month to make up for it"
>"Ok, fine."
>Next month rolls around, she can't pay me the $50 she agreed to
>Shut off guest wifi signal
>5 minutes later, she comes down to my apartment, saying that finals are due, and she desperately needs wifi to finish her assignments
>Say, "Sorry, you've been late on your payment again, and all your Instagram usage is really pushing me over my data limit." (I was bullshitting so hard).
>She begs and pleads for me to turn the wifi on
>After a few minutes of denying her, she starts crying, goes upstairs and slams the door to her apartment out of anger
>>28162990
Looked into it, that actually sounds pretty interesting desu.
>>28163103
Mmmmmm bullying girls is adorable
>>28163103
>Get up the next day, there's a note on my door from my upstairs neighbor
>"Come knock on my door ASAP! :)
>Think I'm finally getting my money
>Go upstairs, knock on her door
>She looks around the hallway for a moment, then beckons me inside
>"I'll be right back, make yourself comfortable"
>She goes into bathroom and comes out a minute later wearing some sexy-ass lingerie.
>"So, is there any other form of payment you'll accept for wifi access?"
>She starts running her hand along my leg and thighs
>Starts touching my junk
>Pulls her top off
>My dick's getting hard, she starts stroking it
>Sucks me off to completion
>holyshit.exe
Now, I get a blowjob a week for sharing my wifi connection.
>>28163160
>tfw instagram gave you a blowjob instead of cancer
>found some wet floor signs behind a store
>steal them
>place them in another store in front of aisles so normies have to walk around to the other end
>sometimes I place two on each end closing off the aisles
>>28163160
Not devilish, just pure bullshit.
>>28162587
Lochlyn Munro P.P. Verysmall
>>28162626
>brother is having a party
>2am still blaring techno music from the public youth radio station
>i've had enough and trying to sleep
>tune my radio to an interstate am easy listening station
>connect one of those shitty fm transmitters you use for your phone in the car to my radio
>tune it to the same station that they are playing outside
>turn everything on
>doof doof doof becomes cliff richard and 80s love balads
>>28163160
If this is real you're a fucking moron. You're just empowering the roastie. She will keep thinking her looks and succubus ways can get her whatever she wants. You don't belong on here. Fuck off back to normieville.
>>28163160
>is posting on my board
>has been touched sexually by a woman
D E V I L I S H
E
V
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H
>>28163160
This is prostitution, reporting it to the feds. 4chan gives out ips to the police remember
Enjoy giving blowjobs in prison.
>>28163357
>ifunny
Anon I think we know who the real moron is here.
>>28163103
don't know that that counts as devilish. Just seems like the right thing to do in that situation.
>>28163403
>Not understanding it's part of the joke
wew lad
>>28163403
You're seriously defending a normie that is getting blowjobs every week on /r9k? I just came back here after a long time away. Been spending my days on wizchan. It's sad to see what this board has become.
>>28163403
hes right though. you should have at least held out for anal.
>>28163442
"Its okay, I'm only pretending to be retarded"
>>28163663
I was waiting for you to post that.
>>28163294
>>28163357
>>28163399
>>28163403
>>28163433
>>28163442
>>28163486
>>28163663
>>28163670
OMG no one cares
secret normies and failed normies crawling all over this board anyway
>just ignore them
>>28162587
>drive east from NWAF after raiding a stash
>sit in the back of our military offroad
>we get engaged with a machine gun from like 500 meters away
>tell my squad to drive straight through stary tents
>they actually do and it gets us all killed
DEVILISH DEVILISH DEVILISH DEVILISH
>>28162680
>>28162990
>that feel when naturally terrible handwriting
>be me
>prank housemates with dog food burgers
>greentext the prank
>wake up next day
>300k views
>posted all over facebook and reddit
>only a matter of time before housemates read it
>moving out before I get my ass handed to me
http://imgur.com/IIAibnR
D E V I L I S H
E
V
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S
Help
>>28164806
What kind of housemates eat your food?
>>28164806
did you tell them not to eat your food?
>>28163357
>Succubus
Hello Wizzie
>>28163292
Holy craps Anon now's that's devilish
>>28163103
Well done anon. Very well done.
>Be me living with Muslim roomate
>Buy frozen peperonnie pizza
>Look in the freezer for it
>No where to be found
>Ask roomate where it went
Oh I threw it out because it violates my beliefs and if you violate my beliefs again we will have a serious problem
>I get into an argument with him
>Fuck this sand nigger
>I go to the grocery store and buy loads of bacon
>Go home, roomate is in his room
>Start cooking the bacon
>Roomate comes out and sees what om cooking
>Tells me to throw it out
>I smile and grab a piece already cooked and eat it
>He threatens me with violence
>I'm 6 foot 2, he is 5 foot 8
>Start telling him how I'm going to cook bacon every morning, I am going to make sure this place smells like bacon for a long time
>He runs off to his room
>I hear him speaking Arabic really loudly
>He comes out and says I fucked up, that he just asked 2 of his friends to come over and they will kick my ass
>Tell him let's fight right now
No we fight when my friends get here, I will kick your ass
>I say ok
>Half hour later he is talking shit and his friends finally show up
>In walks a 5 foot 11 guy and 5 foot 6 guy
>They tell me to throw the bacon out or they will kill me
>I throw bacon at them
>5 foot 11 guy charges
>I throw the fat that has been cooking in the pan at him
>He starts screaming
>I hit him over the head with the pan
>No virgins for you
>My roomate yells that's assualt and he's going to call the cops
>I say, no this is assualt and I whack him across the face with the pan
>The I tell the 5 foot 6 sand nigger to eat bacon or I hit him
>He eats the bacon
My roomate moved out, feels good guys
>>28166360
>next on housemates anonymous
anon get a /designated/ housemate and eat beef in front of him
>>28166360
This is too good to be true
Ebin originale comment
When I flushed my poop a little bit didn't make it out of the bowl so intstead of flushing again I left it there for the next person to see.
>>28162587
Same happened to me.
I just made myself admin of the router and kicked everyone off.
Stupid normies can't even figure out basic shit
>>28162587
>fucking ISP blocks any router that isn't theirs
>their router has custom firmware that lacks tons of features
>can't change priority
getting fiber sometime next month from another ISP, hopefully they aren't this consumer unfriendly
>>28167253
>put ISP router in faraday cage (microwave with hole drilled for Ethernet)
>attach your own router to it as AP
>???
>>28166360
>no virgins for you
>>28167147
Did the same thing to my roommates. Changed name to Anonswifi, made them ask nicely for the password.
>>28166360
>>No virgins for you
I once had sides
>>28164012
>claims no one cares
>bothers to write a replyyou clearly care, at least a little bit
>sign says take one
>take two and put one back
>friend from high school says they miss me
>say I miss them too
>don't actually miss them
>>28166360
>no, this is assault
keke
I'll just go down the list.
>got regular bjs from a friends wife (they're still together and he's none the wiser)
>become friends with a coworker
>introduces me to his wife
>they divorce a couple years later
>I fucked his wife the night she filed for divorce.
>a female coworker asks me for relationship advice
>says he husband sometimes hits her
>tell her to blow him more and fix what's broken instead of throwing it away
>she divorces him
>fwb for a month or so till we both got feels but she was absolutely insane and wanted me to move to a city 300 miles away with her
Last one
>shot out the windows on a chads pickup in high school
>also stuffed a guy's muffler with old burger buns for some reason.
I think I'm really just a slimy fucker and not devilish tho
>Friends once dared me to lay down on the floor>I actually did it
>>28166360
would make a good cartoon short
>>28166360
No way this is real but i had a good kek
>someone tells me to have a nice afternoon
>i don't
>homeless normie asks me for some spare change
>give him a $5 bill
>>28166360
NO VIRGINS FOR YOU / NO THIS IS ASSAULT
>selling some old games on ebay
>Condition: Acceptable
>Condition is actually like new
if only I could've the retarded normie's face when they realized how much I tricked them
>>28169339
you probably could've gotten a better price you only screwed yourself retard
>greentext my daily life
>normalfaggots think it's tendie posting
NEFARIOUS
>know someone is baiting
>take the bait anyway
D E V I L I S H
>>28169364
that's the joke you dense fuck kys
>>28169364
Hello, newfriend. I think you're not ready to post, yet.
>>28169364
D E V I L I S H bait there, friendo
>>28163357
Its devaluing a woman to such a degree that she is trading her vagina for $20 of internet usage
>>28169364
>reverse trolling
D
>>28169394
>>28169399
>getting reverse baited that easily
>>28163103
>$20/month for wifi
You sure jewed her hard.
>>28162680
>the one Stacey that always takes grate notes and kisses professors ass to let me take a photo of her notes
>ugh go away you creep
>ask buddy Chad to send me copy's of staceys notes
>no problem brah
I was pretty much the only person who was ever nice to Stacey, not that I was nice to her every day like a beta just the couple of times I had the chance
>>28162680
>lazy Chad asks me to take a picture of my notes
>yeah no problem
>write notes in Japanese
>add a couple lirycs from animes in case he tries to transfer them
>>28163292
First legit devilish ITT
>>28169611
You took my reverse reverse bait
>>28169364
>pretend to be a newfag
>I actually have been here since this board came back
>>28162587
>shitposters internet speed
>>28162587
lol man that's not even evil
I do this to my father every single day.
>>28171869
I suck my father dick every day, lol.
>>28162587
>be teenager
>early 00's
>go through phone book at public phone
>dial random number
>use the guys name in the phone book to make it sound like he's been hooking up for gay sex with a teenage boy
>leave message and hang up
I feel kinda bad. I might have ruined that guys life if his wife or whatever believes my message.
>shit on floor
>blame and slap my dog
>>28166360
Sandnigger here no virgins for you was pretty good lad
>>28166805
bad idea
/designated/ housemate may get some serious revenge
>>28168983
You, Sir, are an absolute madman.
>>28169966
>Chapter 3:Selma
>CRAZY NOISY BIZARRE TOWN
>>28169184
Fucking evil fuck
My co worker at my old job was always worried about me socially and invited me to go to a party with him.
>get really drunk because unable to talk to people and the bottle is my friend
>become wild man
>sprint out of his house into the woods
>they call me and search for an hour with a flashlight
>they give up
>cut holes in the screen of his patio
>pee in the gas tank of their small engine machines
>hide in bushes and listen to what a normal conversation sounds like
>climb to roof and enter his sister's bed room
>search her dresser for panties but can't find any
>take a bikini and tie the straps through my waist bank as a souvenir
>sleep in his sister's bed, thinking this will be my only time in a girls room
>wake up, jump out window, drive to work
>none of them ever talk to me again
>still have his sister's bikini and use it to jerk off sometimes
>>28169207
>homeless
>normie
serious case
>>28171988
Holy fuck that is quality banter
