Does anyone here have OCD? I mean real OCD not that shit where you think that you're OCD because you organize your desk.
I'm talking about the kind where you constantly do things over and over and waste a lot of time every day and you feel insane.
use to compulsively wash my hands to the point of being raw, cracked, and so on. would check doors 3-5 times before leaving. would count to specific numbers and so on. highly stressful environment and life at the time. its calmed down quite a bit now, now im just super hygienic
>>28137815
>wash my hands about 40-50 times a day
>similar things about numbers and actions like >>28137837
>gets much worse when i am stressed
>freak out when things are misaligned, etc. like get physically ill.
I'm not OCD, though.
I take meds daily for my OCD
I used to wash my hands then I started washing my arms 100 times day that they became white because of excess soap. It damaged my skin so much that, I started having weird dark spots on my skin. Because of excessive washing, my skin hurt time to time, so I had to buy soaps for OCD and put cream on my arms every day for couple months.
cont.
>>28137815
Yes, I have severe OCD. It's not the stereotypical kind that everyone thinks of, though, so if I tell anyone I have it they get extremely confused and it's too shameful to explain to them.
>obsessed with death
>obsess almost every waking moment about torturing people, killing them and making love to their dead and decomposing body
>I am fucking tormented by the urges/compulsion to act on these thoughts, so I counter it by trying to tell myself what the consequences would be
>force myself to imagine getting arrested, going to jail, going to court, getting convicted, getting raped and beaten in prison or dying insane and alone in a mental hospital
>spend hours every day doing this
>so fucking drained mentally and emotionally that it's difficult to function
>social anxiety is INSANE from how hard it is to repress the urges to act out on the thoughts
I lived with this for most of my life without knowing it was OCD, I just thought I was completely nuts and a lost cause. My last psychologist recognized it for what it was immediately and after awhile sent me to a specialist to get it properly treated. I've been doing exposure and response prevention therapy in addition to taking some medication and it's been helping enormously. I don't have to force myself to think about the consequences anymore, I can live with the thoughts without fear of hurting anyone. It's still extremely difficult, though, and I still have a long ways to go before I can function normally.
>>28137815
I THINK so but I'm not sure. Currently I have a notebook and I must take it with me to work every morning in the car. Before leaving I check my notebook is in my bag then I put my bag next to the door. I then spend several minutes walking through the house to look for any pages the might've fallen out. Once I've worked myself up to the point where I can walk out the door without rushing back inside to continue looking I'll walk to the car while glancing back to make sure it hasn't fallen out. When I get to the car I get the book out and I go through every page several times to check it's all still there. No matter how many times I check I can never convince myself that it's all present. Eventually I work myself up to the point where I can leave for work. Sometimes I'll go out and check it's still there while at work. it's nothing special, just a few thoughts written down and the only other thing I do this for is my computer, to check it's off.
>>28137815
I have mild OCD. I keep making weird high pitched noise. I can't fucking stop myself. But the most annoying part is that I HAVE to check that the coffee brewer, fridge, kitchen and toilet faucet, oven, window and door several times before I leave the house or go to bed. If I'm leaving the house, then I do that as a mental checklist in addition to just physically making sure they're turned off/closed for another 10 minutes or so after leaving the house.
It's very annoying and takes chunks of my time of my day and have made me miss the bus on more than one occasion. And even if I don't miss the bus, I'm completely stressed out every fucking time I leave the house.
>>28137916
I also have germ phobia. When I go outside, I try to not sit at any public bench or chairs (buses, parks, hospitals). When I come home, I always take a shower and clean. 2-3 years ago I could sit anywhere in home but right now I can't sit on couches, chairs anywhere in the room except my own computer chair and bed. I can't hug or touch my relatives unless I make sure myself that they are clean.
Whenever I take a dump, I always take a shower and clean my ass. I undress my clothes except my underwear when I go to take a piss, it takes me ~10 minutes to clean my arms, wear pants, clean again then wear my shirt.
I've never felt insane but really tired and my brain exhausted.
>>28137815
Undiagnosed here but
>Get talked to at work because i take to long to count my regitser's cash.
count change again and again and again, often stoppingin mid count , throwing them back on and re doing it multiple, even more than 10 times in a row. in fear that my brain is wrong and i am for sure miscounting them. no matter how many times i count them
>I hate odd numbers
cant stop the microwave on an odd number, cant let it go out all the way. i have to stop it at exactly 2 seconds every time. and if say i have 5 candies in my hand, i will throw one away so there is 4 or add one so there is 6.
>Checking shit
Check to make sure my alarm is set at least a lot of times a night before i can get to sleep.
My room though, on the other hand is an unorganized filthy disaster of a dwelling.
Does this sound like legit OCD?
or does it sound more like "LE OCD MEMES XD"
Honest question.
>>28137815
I have a weird thing that sets me off where I try to make both sides of my body even. For example if I scratch my right arm then my right arm gets a ghost sense of itchiness and j have to scratch it. If I accidentally bump into a counter with my right side, I need to touch my left side to the counter also.
I also have a certain way of breathing and humming quietly, otherwise I feel like I have work to complete and am pressured by the fact that I am not doing my breathing humming routine at certain intervals or when it is triggered by events that I don't want to bother explaining because they are not interesting
There are probably other things too
OP here I might as well contribute to my own thread.
Here are some that I've had that I can remember.
>I wash my hands a lot, but I just rinse with water unless my hands are actually dirty
>I used to get bothered by 3,4,5,6,7 and 8 so every time I saw that number in certain contexts I had to wait for it to change, I got over that though thankfully, the number 42 used to bother me a lot too even though I've never read the book "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" and I haven't seen "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" either
>I clear my clipboard a lot, even if I'm just copy pasting a youtube video I will type "a" then ctrl+a and then ctrl+c a lot so my clipboard is cleared
>I spit as a way to relieve anxiety related to my OCD
>if I do something at the same time as something else I sometimes have to do it over again (close a door and someone honks outside at the same time for example)
>sometimes have to ask people to repeat themselves even if I heard what they said
>things related to death bother me sometimes and I have to try to pretend not to acknowledge them, if someone dies in a TV show I sometimes go back and view it again
>I used to check doors a lot, like 5-6 times and then come back and do it 5-6 more times and then finally leave
Is my OCD bad?
>>28137870
>I'm not OCD, though.
Is delusion part of your OCD? Sounds like pretty bad OCD to me.
>>28137932
Damn that's fucked dude, I'm glad I don't have OCD violent thoughts like that.
How exactly do they do exposure therapy for that? Seems strange
I want to pull my dick out, it between those thighs, and fuck them
dem legs
>>28138059
>Does this sound like legit OCD?
>or does it sound more like "LE OCD MEMES XD"
OP here, yeah it does. Not being able to use the microwave because of odd numbers and throwing things away just because you have an odd amount of them makes it seem like OCD, the other things could just be considered doubt, but I think they're both OCD too, I check things a lot, especially money when I'm buying something. The alarm thing seems kinda normal but because of the other obsessions you mentioned it's probably an obsession for you too.
>>28138060
>I have a weird thing that sets me off where I try to make both sides of my body even. For example if I scratch my right arm then my right arm gets a ghost sense of itchiness and j have to scratch it. If I accidentally bump into a counter with my right side, I need to touch my left side to the counter also.
I do that too sometimes.
>>28138062
You start by exposing yourself to thoughts that provoke your anxiety in a controlled setting, like imagining yourself NOT checking and then the worst that could happen from that. In my case, I imagine acting out an intrusive thought that I get and then what could happen to me. You do that nonstop for about an hour a day or more until the anxiety starts to come down. Then you move up to actually exposing yourself to it. I've been going on walks late at night, visiting cemeteries alone on off hours, places where I could have the opportunity to act on my thoughts. While doing that you do everything you can not to act on your compulsion, and eventually, it gets better through normalization.
It is hell my friend.
>>28138157
Yeah I know what exposure therapy is but I meant in your case it seems confusing because you have thoughts about hurting other people.
>>28138169
Yeah, that makes sense. Do you have any questions or anything?
Sorry if my replies get kind of slow, I'm going in to work.
>>28138280
Well I mean the only thing I've seen was on a TV show where they actually gave a girl a loaded gun and had her put it to the psychologists head as exposure therapy, it was probably unloaded though and they just lied to the girl and said it wasn't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnKZ4pdSU-s
>>28138298
Jesus that would be unbearable. I've only just started the treatment a couple weeks ago so I haven't done anything drastic. Yet.
>>28138348
I don't think you have anything to worry about, it was probably fake shit to make the episode interesting.
>>28138348
I'm interested.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
How did this behavior start?
Please don't kill me.
When I read something I count the letters and make them either 5s or tens or 15s or 20s, they have to be like that. I'd even recount and fix you to u if they wouldn't match
It's not super ocd but I did it a lot when I was younger now not as much
>>28137932
I do this a lot too, but I thought it was normal. Is that a symptom of OCD?
>>28138387
It started when I was a very young child, like 4 or 5 years old. I was utterly terrified and thought I was some sort of monster. It got worse as I got older, I did terrible things to try and make it better. This shit has haunted me almost my entire life.
>>28138444
It could be. Only way to know for sure is to get checked out by a doctor.
>>28138720
Do you feel like you will genuinely kill somebody in cold blood?
How does the fact that you would be taking somebody's life from them not bother you at all?
>>28138745
I'd rather kill myself than hurt anyone else. It bothers me enormously, I have a conscience and empathy, I'm not some psychopath.
Yes, I used ro be on zoloft for it but now I don't have insurance.
I don't really k ow how to describe it well because its all such subtle things with big impacts on my life.
I cant access like every muscle like normal people can because my attentuon just breaks down when trying to access them. Instead I have to make broad clumsy movements. Shit sucks, I spill stuff everyday and it makes my job stressful.
Hard to communicate how its ocd that causes it because its so strange but its that i constantly deny the feedback my brain gives due to some anxiety of the validity of my senses which is obsessive as hell
Also if I get ONE drop of water anywhere near any electronics I cant think about anything but removing it, imagining just one atom ruining it all but me being unable to perceive the effect so getting bad results unknowingly which just makes me go insane and not touch it for days
I have guilt/confession ocd. My mother knows about every bad thing I've ever done, every weird thing I've ever masturbated to and every bad thought I've ever had.
One day about 3 years ago I woke up and felt incredibly guilty about something retarded like not answering a phone call.
The sort of guilt where it feels like your head is going to split open, your chest feels really tight and you feel like suicide is the best option because you're such a bad person. I confessed to my mum about that phone call and immediately felt 10x better.
That lasted for a day or so before the whole thing started again, rinse and repeat for the next 2 and a half years.
About 6 months ago i started on antidepressants and doing some CBT. It hasn't made a huge difference if I'm honest. Occasionally I have an OK day, but I'm always aware of the fact that I'll wake up the next morning and the thoughts will be back. It's always the worst in the morning for some reason.
undiagnosed
>many physical compulsions, almost always involving stretching/flexing a body part, feels awful when I don't do them. I've hurt myself doing this.
>feel the need to touch corners; sometimes I bug out around trees or plants of any kind because each of their leaves has points ("corners") to touch
>intrusive thoughts; I repeat some stuff over and over in my head, and other times I get the typical "here have this thought about shit you find disgusting" moments. It's hard explaining to someone that you want to walk closer to the road than them because even though you know you'd never do it, you can't stop picturing yourself pushing them into traffic
That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Thankfully I can manage but it gets bad at times.
idk if it's worth a diagnosis. Anyone had inositol treatment? I'm definitely not putting myself on SSRIs.
>>28138834
Good luck man. Mine is always the worst at night, it's usually one or the other.
Reportin in. I got treated for it so now I mostly only need to do things like checking locks 5 times and resisting the urge to kill anyone who touches me from behind.
this is me >>28137837
long story short my ocd was onset in my teens by a sick mother and a dying father. house needed to be clean so i took it to extrodinary measures and included myself. ffather died and stress levels reduced a bit.
forced to get jerb cause family broke. had to get easy job, delivering pizza. had to deal with dirty money, dishes, people, elevators and door handles. meant dealing forcing myself to cut routines or get fired.
lastly get laid. its dirty messy gross and fun as fuck. had to force myself to be around another person and their "dirty" behavior. had to weigh pros and cons here. sex was worth it
Giving this thread the ol bumperoo
I used to OCD a long time ago but I think I got treated for it. (I say I think because I went to some like facility where they forced me to do shit and penalized me when I did anything but what they said, it was awful)
I have a need for staying clean, and I wash my hands to damn much. I've developed eczema because of it, and it sucks. Other than that, I remember when I was little I had some weird obsession about my rotational orientation so whenever I turned around to the left I would force myself to also turn to the right another number of times to even the other side out.
Looking back on it I'm probably fucking insane.
>>28137815
>Brush my hand on something
>Have to go touch it with my other hand to make it even
Goddammit.
>>28137815
I don't know if it's OCD or if I'm just retarded, but whenever I listen to music while i'm in the computer I must type the lyrics. I even pause the song if it's too fast. That's why I usually listen to songs with no lyrics while at home.
I even do this in my cellphone sometimes when I'm outside, but this is usually when I feel anxious, then I type a few lines of songs in notes. I have thousands of little notes in it with lyrics.
saving this thread one more time
>>28139876
god i hate this
>>28138062
>Is delusion part of your OCD? Sounds like pretty bad OCD to me.
Ha, no.
I say that because I live in a place right out of one of those Extreme Hoarders shows. Would be good if I more of that OCD cleanliness obsession.
>surprised to see this after posting in the middle of the night
>fine choice of pic OP
Undiagnosed but I feel like I do.
>Start checking if the door is locked like 10 times in a row before going outside
>Forgot to check if I turned off the gas oven
>Unlock door, do that, check if windows are closed, too.
>go back to check if gas oven is turned off again for some reason
>Leave
>Repeat checking if door is actually locked 10 times in a row
>Go outside, 30 seconds after walking think "Is it really locked?"
>When calculating shit check like 5 times if the answer is consistent
JUST
>>28139849
>(I say I think because I went to some like facility where they forced me to do shit and penalized me when I did anything but what they said, it was awful)
How has no one asked for details about this?
Is it OCD when you tell yourself to do things repetitively and ritualistically? Like 'tap your skull seven times with your left hand or something bad will happen'. I also check doors a lot before leaving.
>>28143224
Yes, that's the disorder by definition. You probably have a mild form of it.
>>28141633
>wash my hands about 40-50 times a day
>similar things about numbers and actions like >>28137837
>gets much worse when i am stressed
>freak out when things are misaligned, etc. like get physically ill
>I live in a place right out of one of those Extreme Hoarders shows
>>>>>>>I'm not OCD, though.
>>28137815
Used to constantly have to think the thought "Satan sucks but God is awesome so yeah". I only really do it now when things like that are mentioned
>>28143563
I remember you from another thread. How are you holding up?
>>28143643
Still chugging along. Only had the thought once last week which is awesome. Just trying to hold on with schooling until the semester ends. How about you?
>>28137932
I don't have ocd but every time i pick a knife for example,i want to kill myself with it and start imagining it, when i see a car on street i imagine it going over me and killing me, when i'm on a high place i imagine myself dying, and when i'm on car i imagine that every car coming from the opposite direction will crash into the car i am and kill me, but i'm now used to it.
>>28143872
My anxiety is actually starting to go down, I'm so relieved I feel like crying constantly. The therapy I'm doing is so fucking brutal, I know it's going to be worth it but it's so hard man. I was in the military and this shit is harder than the Crucible was.
>>28143904
I know those feels man. I know them too well. It's wonderful that you've been able to adjust to it, so long as it isn't causing you undue distress you've got nothing to worry about.
>>28138014
>>28138060
shit i also have both of that, its not as bad, but i had both in a less worst way
>>28138791
i don't have neither conscience or empathy for 95% of the time, if i were born this way, i would be probably in jail or i dont know, i lost both of them when i started having headache(its been 3 years with the same headache, its driving me crazy, but its much better now with meds, but still, i dont feel like this is real life.)
>>28143927
it was worst, i also think about stabbing everyone in my house, if i had a gun i'm sure i would had killed myself at around 2013-2014, i was much worst back then. Now i spend most of my time trying to pretend i'm normal and everything is fine. But i feel numb emotionally, i feel like i could do a school shooting and then killing myself easily, there's a school shooter that i identified myself a lot with him,tj lane,he said he did not knew why he did that, and had no conscience of what really happened.
>>28143927
>My anxiety is actually starting to go down, I'm so relieved I feel like crying constantly. The therapy I'm doing is so fucking brutal, I know it's going to be worth it but it's so hard man. I was in the military and this shit is harder than the Crucible was.
Im glad for you buddy. Just keep going through the therapy and you'll be golden.
>>28143904
>when i'm on a high place I imagine myself dying
Holy crap this. If I even imagine myself being on a high place, I get anxiety that Im going to jump off and kill myself
>>28137815
I'm so fucking sick of ocd.I can't even get myself to brush my teeth because if takes half an hour if not more because my shitty ocd behaviour.I don't even want to leave my room anymore to go to the kitchen or to do anything else because i have to do all my ocd things.I think someday i'm going to lose it and slam my head into the wall until i can't do it anymore.At least that's how i feel every day,and sure as hell it doesn't help with my depression goddamnit .
>>28144478
m8 please get yourself to a psychologist that specializes in OCD stat
what you have right now is a severe mental illness that's comparable to cancer
it is slowly eating away at you and WILL kill you if you don't get it treated
>>28137916
What do ocd meds actually do?Do they just make you calmer about your ocd behaviour or do they actually make your ocd want to act less?
