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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Feeling those ultimate lows again.
Your typical:
>29 yo
>no degree
>in dept
>living at home
>no friends
>shitty part-time job
>turning 30 this year
>virgin
>parents who hate me
>no self esteem
>socially inept
>think about suicide every day
>too pussy to do it
Every time I try to go back to school to finish my degree, or find a better (full time) job to support myself, I get swallowed up by that black hole in my head, sucking me into depression and despair, where I'd rather die than move an inch. I lose all my motivation and optimism and I get sick to my stomach from that hopeless feeling that nothing will ever be alright.
I'm on different pills but none seem to work, my life is just utter shit.
And that's where I am at now. Again. I enrolled into a program, but I already know I'm not going to make it there. Again.
And I feel so alone, though I know I am not.
Sorry for going on about it..
Any of you in a similar position care to share your shitty life story?
Welcome aboard!
Me:
>29
>No car
>Neet (Wish I could make more and get a job, but depression is so crippling)
>6-8 looks, dresses extremely well, but no girls would ever look my way.
>Leaves the house for maybe 2 hours a week. Seriously.
>Some classes at community college, and almost a degree, but I won't get hired.
"So, why haven't you worked in 10 years?"
"Uhh...severe persistant depression, bipolar disorder, hospital stays for suicide attempts, and relapse every few months."
I was thinking about doing it last night, but stuff stops me every time. For every time I've reached out and had to spend the 2 weeks in the mental hospital, there have been times I've put the gun under my chin alone in my room and haven't told anybody.
Sorry if this is triggering for somebody, but remember: you don't really want to die, you just want your pain to be over.
>>28073681
The thing is, I actually do want to die. Eternal nothingness sounds like heaven. I'm not all that excited about life anyway, never have been. Even without depression and despair, pain, I'm still apathetic as fuck. That's why I can't understand why suiciding is so difficult. A million people do it every year, why can't I? You know.
What are your hopes for the future then, that keep you going?
>>28073681
Do what I did- lie. Pay people to fake references for you. Use your anus if you have to. Start selling weed, ffs! You have nothing to lose, and from my experience prison isn't even so bad, as long as you're in a civilized country. Scandicucks get bloody x-box an
d internet access/
>>28074039
Don't they check things like that though?
Sure I could convince an old classmate to pretend to be a reference for me, but don't they look up the references to see if the information is correct?
>>28074082
Pfff, not in places like Sainsbury's or Tesco they don't. Never once happened to me. And even if they did, you just bullshit that probably the company folded by now. M8, its easy as piss, got my first job at 25 this way, the manager was convinced I iworked in a family company since I was 16. Lie lie lie, nobody cares, nobody gives a shit if you're truthfull, in fact people love a good liar.
>>28074013
What keeps me going? Painting. Art. Photography. Skateboarding. I really suck at all those things, but It's a way I can at least express the ideas in my mind. I'm worthless physically and mentally to any woman and any friend I ever had (visited one friend for a few hours in the past year), so socially I am inept.
Here's a pic I made. Far from being good (/p/ would tear it a new asshole), but it keeps me going.
But yeah, I know exactly how it feels to want to die and start acting on it. I'm kind of glad I'm still here though even though my life is full of pain.
