I don't even feel pain/sadness anymore. And I certainly don't feel happiness or excitement. I feel nothing. Every day is just one big nothing. Every day I feel nothing.
No matter what happens I have no emotional reaction, and I'm not even a good looking psychopath that can use it to his advantage.
It fucking sucks
>>28047190
You obviously feel that you dont feel.
>tfw all you feel is vague fear and apprehension
>tfw uncomfortably neutral all the time
>>28047268
Basically this. Feel nothing but still on edge and take most things as an insult
>>28047190
I know that feel OP. It starts with you being depressed as fuck. You're sad 24/7 and suicide is on the back of your mind stuck on a loop. You reach a point when you think that you can't take it anymore, you've had enough. But the pain doesn't stop. It never fucking stops.
And then one day, suddenly, you feel nothing. You want to feel happy when you're doing something that used to make you happy, that could make you happy, but in vain. You try to cry, but the tears don't come out, you know you SHOULD be sad, you know you HAVE to work and you know your life is crumbling around you, but you're now just a shell of what you used to be, and you can never find motivation to work. Or do anything for that matter. And so you find yourself uncontrollably slipping into a deeper abyss, but you still don't care. It gets frustrating at times. You know you're broken, and you want to feel again, but you just can't.
I've been there. I never made it back, though. When I finally got a girlfriend, and she told me she loved me, I felt nothing. There was nothing. It was then that I realised I may be stuck being like this forever, but I used my apathy, my emotionlessnes to my advantage. I manipulate and hurt people for fun now, I get off on the misery of others, and I often dream of apocalypse. But at the same time, I'm much more successful and have a stable career, been with a few women, and have a few "friends" than what I would have imagined 5 years ago.
>inb4 edgy. No that's just how I am.
>>28047353
Yeah my grandfather died a few weeks ago (inb4 underage I'm 18 almost 19) and I literally felt nothing, still don't. My father and sister were crying their eyes out and I just had no reaction, which made the situation even worse.
And about the things that make you happy, you got on point. I don't even get enjoyment out of vidya anymore, i just play because I always have to be doing something. Even when the game is loading or something I can't just wait I have to get on my phone and 4chan or something even if it's just for 10 seconds. I guess it's escapism
>>28047417
sorry for your loss man.
As for whatever it is happening to us, it started at 17-18 for me too. I'm 22 now, and still dead inside. I've gotten used to it though, and I've learnt to live with it. My parents were abusive and neglecting and I lived with them until 18, and I couldnt talk to them freely much less ask for help, or see a shrink. I took a psychology test online though and it said I had antisocial personality disorder, but I'm not that sure about psychology as a subject so never took it too seriously. I think if I had or do give it a shot now, things could change.
I hope your parents aren't like mine, and you should seek help. Also try spending more time using studies or any other productive activity as escapism (it will be hard at first, but you will get into a habit if you force yourself to do it for like ~3weeks). I hope you make it brobot
Hooray for dissociation.
>>28047741
Dissociation is better than this
Dissociation is dreamy and disorienting
Nothing is real
This is more like, everything is real but none of it means anything and you're just stuck
Dissociation is an escape, this is imprisonment
>>28047812
I was mildly dissociated when I wrote that (still am slightly). But yeah, I know what you mean in OP. You feel nothing, but even that nothing is something. Like your insides have been replaced with ice.
Its all a big fucking nothing. Life is a jerk off. Haha I'm in hell!!
>>28047353
Damn you, why must you describe life so accurately.
I just want the ride to end
