How do you cope with being so unhappy? Do you use drugs or something else? I just want to not feel for a little while...
>>28033588
exercise
alcohol
occassionally both together.
I don't feel anymore really, I just sort of go through life on autopilot. Things I used to fret and worry about I simply don't care about anymore. I've accepted that I will never have a friend, much less a gf and will die without ever knowing what it feels like to be loved.
Suicide looks closer and closer every day but I'm not there yet.
>>28033588
For the past like year, I've been sedating myself with a steady mix of alcohol, cocaine, LSD and marijuana but I've been sober for a couple weeks now and have resorted to exercise, practicing instruments, and burying myself in schoolwork (at least for the next three weeks).
the problem with me is I can't get alcohol for another year or so and exercise hasn't been doing it for me
Go on drinking and just existing and eventually everything goes gray.
>>28033588
Well I wouldn't say my life is bad, just boring. My remedies are cannabis and alcohol. I need some hobbies
>>28033588
Try being suicidal without the will to pull the trigger. You end up a husk who stops caring about anything
>>28034038
I'm on my way right now I just want to care a little longer or I just look like I gave up way to early and threw my life away
weed and occasionally nbome tabs
vidya does nothing for me anymore
>>28034038
>Try being suicidal
Good advice there pal
>>28033588
Basketball and exercise for me. Oh and making beats
drugs and alcohol, lots of them
mainly LSD, dont really deal with anything else. I like it better that pot because the trips take me far away from reality
>>28033588
Build a routine.
Follow your routine.
Supplement your routine by treating yourself to something nice every once in a while.
I tell myself that everyone has regrets, everyone has moments of joy and moments of despair, everyone wonders what if, everyone is mostly suffering and in the end we're all going to die painfully and scared then get eaten by maggots. And it won't be long at all. Also it gets a lot easier to stop feeling as the years go on. There are less high highs but also less low lows.
>>28034240
do you use nbome?
it feels like one of the best internal highs to me
it's like redpilling yourself
>>28034243
Pretty much this to be honest
If I'm constantly thinking about what to do next then there's no time to get lost in the hopelessness of my thoughts
>>28034326
That stuff helped me come to terms with my femininity desu
>>28034383
fdvksjbdrl
>>28034400
I wish I were baiting.
>>28034378
OP here my problem is I really haven't really gotten a start on life yet and can't fill the gap as I lack money to really do anything consistently I have a job but it's minimum wage and doesn't pay well.
>>28034434
Use the internet
It doesn't really matter what activities you do, as long as you're doing something
>>28034434
here ya go OP, it's free
Weed, weed and music. Try it!
Nogap placebo effect keep this dreadful feeling of loneliness away for temporary. Plus I work 6 days a week so I don't feel much anything most of the time
>>28033818
This is how i feel now. I started feeling this way a couple of months ago and i think its better then the crippling depression.
>>28033588
delusions and vidya and, not drugs though
heres a feel
>tfw memories of past bullies BTFOing you
>>28033588
I like to actually feel it. I used to always been on caffeine or alcohol or distracting myself with Netflix. But you have to feel the misery 100% so you know what you need to fix. Kind of like how you need to be able to feel pain when a doctor is probing around on you asking "Does this hurt?"
I'm 25. I still have a little bit of pseudo-youth left. If I run out of that before I've fixed my life, I'm going to quit my job and move to some city with lots of coffee shops and work in a restaurant or something.
>>28033588
The drug abuse is probably why Im unhappy to begin with. One of the reasons at least. Once I stop using and start working out again I'll slowly start to feel better again. Im bored, lonely an tired all the time. I just want to fall asleep and not wake up.
>>28034985
I feel like my life has just been bouncing from addiction to addiction. Be it porn or some type of drug. I need balance. I need to find a hobby. Drugs and booze
are the first things that need to go, but going to the bar is typically my only chance to interact socially. I can't win.
>how do you cope with being so unhappy
smoke weed to the point i became mentally dependant on it
now weed triggers my tinnitus
NOTHING IS SACRED
MUSIC IS RUINED
ENDING LIFE SOON
>>28035150
Wish I had your courage.
>masturbate
>feel dirty and shitty because of it
every time
>>28035202
i don't have an ounce of it
i gave tinnitus to myself on accident but solely because of stupidity
then on the cusp, i realized so many of my problems were actually temporary, and i even overcame some of them with my own power
and then i realized, right after seeing my life was never really bad
i made it really fucking bad
this pitch is driving me insane to the point that i cant even remember what i was unhappy about
even the real, actual reasons to be unhappy
are gone in this sea of SCREECHING
i wish i had the courage to see a happy life through, at least for my family
but i just want relief
i miss silence so much
drugs and alcohol, once my lifeline are now literally inert for escapism and forcing myself to feel better
i can't wait to for sweet, blissful, QUIET DEATH
>>28035273
I think I gave myself tinnitus from ASMR videos. Originally they helped get me off sleep medication but now a few years later I think they fucked my ears up and they don't even work anymore
>>28033588
playing the piano mindlessly long and forever never finishing the one song I practice for years until eleven in the night and dedicating my whole life to this
I drink a lot, abuse sleep medication, smoke pot, binge eat junk, and provoke strangers with public fits of autistic behavior like talking to myself, humming loudly, tapping, twiddling fingers, walking around aimlessly.
>>28033818
Where do you live?
I think /r9k/ needs a meetup, one of the things that helps me with my loneliness is getting on here; it helps to know I'm not alone.
Im beginning to think that posting on this depressing board with a bunch of other depressed people talking about how depressed we are isnt really helping my depression.
>>28035652
yeah sadly this sad board is not the sad place to seek help in sadness, we are all way past that
>>28035402
>never finishing the one song I practice for years
Heh? Are you saying:
a) after all these years, you have been unable to effectively learn this particular song
b) after all these years, you have learned the particular song, but not perfected it
c) after all these years, you have the ability to learn the particular song, but put it off to intentionally prolong the experience of learning it
d) you have learned a particular song and play it well, but each discrete rendition of the song is uncharacteristically prolonged ("never finishing")
d) something else?!?
>>28035842
Bump for answers desu
>>28035366
i havent had it long and its driving me insane already
>>28035533
i do all of this
>>28033588
Food and copious amounts of distracting media
>>28035842
a), b)
absolutely not c)
I know the feeling of d) but wouldn't say to give many fucks for this one.
e)feeling bad everyday mostly everytime in a very deep manner reaching far back not knowing why and therefore playing manically. No matter how hard I keep discipline, it all ends in chaos and forgetting everything I have practiced, can't play stuff well enough although having practiced for half a year or longer because of regularly falling back in recurrent nightmare thoughts.
I hope this makes it a little clearer?
>>28033747
This right here. Plus work. Monday through Thursday I just go through a numb routine of going to work, coming home, working out until I'm exhausted then eating a simple meal then going to sleep.
Then Friday I come home and drink to excess most of the weekend and play vidya. Only comfy single player stuff though. Don't even want the feel of competing with or interacting with others online.
You should try living like that if you want to feel nothing. Most of the time I'm completely numb. I also take a pretty high daily dose of antidepressants and antipsychotics, so they may help too.
>>28036464
if you haven't already, I'd invest in a very large fan to keep next to your head when trying to sleep. The ringing is too loud now to comfortably fall asleep
Alcohol and media are my drugs of choice. Also exercise helps you feel better about yourself.
>>28034038
Tried it twice, but ive accepted now im trapped in this life until death, the worst part, i have no clue what to do for the next 50+ years, just wait to die i guess
I just wish I had friends, or someone to talk to. Whenever I briefly have interaction with someone I feel a lot better, but that's rare and I don't know how to meet people.
>>28036645
Aaah yes that makes sense.
I can relate a somewhat. I recently reached a point in my piano playing where the amount of content I know requires more practice to maintain than the amount of practice I put in.
So whereas I used to know about 15 reasonably difficult songs and was able to maintain them all to a satisfactory standard, I now find, knowing ~20 songs, that I spend too much time on some songs and forget parts of others.
It is very frustrating having to pull out the sheet music again for a song I have already learned. I suppose what I should do is learn to read sheet music really well, but I can't be fucked. I just wanna sit down and play.
>Smoke weed
>Play time consuming MMOs like runescape, WoW, SWTOR, GW2, take your pick.
>Ensure my sleeping pattern is wierd so I don't have to wake up and hear people outside being happy.
>>28036867
i have a fan a few feet from me and my tv on most of the time
it sucks, i used to need background noise to sleep because of no real reason, now i fucking need noise
im going to kill myself dude i cant take this
>>28034312
That is some of the deepest shit I've read in a while. orrigginnall
music + drugs
work keeps my mind preoccupied too.
losing my kv made significantly harder to delude myself into thinking everything is okay
>>28037055
>music + drugs
tfw music + drugs was literally your life
then tinnitus ruined both things at once
>>28036867
>>28037017
iktf
Ordinarily, I'd say that I reached the point of comfortably numb. This year, I realized I was complete shit; lazy, bad friend, unable to love anyone in the real way. I finally made my peace with that, but now I have some sudden adult feels that are miserable in a very real way. No other problem matters anymore, I want to enjoy who I am now without having a new reason to want to kill myself.
>>28037095
Why?
[I'm going off of the urban dictionary def. of kv which was "kissing virgin"]
>>28037137
I kissed
it felt good
and then I realized how deluded I was to think vidya and music made me happy
>>28033588
alcohol
antidepressants
>tfw cant get weed anywhere
I don't feel much emotions in general, so it's not too bad for me even though I know I have to make changes
>>28037105
>lazy, bad friend, unable to love anyone in the real way
iktf so hard
im this but i have a brain capable of seeing this and knowing its wrong
im conflicted because i cant make myself be less shit
>>28037156
If you get enough love and affection, you will soon find that that is not enough either.
>>28037192
>a brain capable of seeing this and knowing its wrong
You mean a brain capable of seeing and knowing that OTHER PEOPLE *think* its wrong. You don't need to be anything anon.
>>28037320
feels fucking annoying
it's like an animalistic urge I can't repress or ignore has been triggered the moment it happened
>>28037376
it feels wrong because my mind is torn between things and can't fully feel like i'm enough of something to actually be something instead of a pile of schizophrenia
i cant care about the people i want to in the ways i wish i could, i cant not obsess over the people i wish i didnt, and i cant even really connect to anyone because im caught up in all my shit
my autistic brain keeps me from doing anything and feeling natural
it's not other people telling me im wrong but me feeling like IM wrong and just fucked as truth
and thats terrifying to honestly think about being the likely reason why life is shit
I go outisde.
I also talk with myself a lot in a notebook, it makes me feel less lonely.
>>28036983
I am all about sheet music, started my own library as a kid. My Piano is the only thing, which is left to me. It helps killing time until I can sleep again and not feel the pain. I have played a variety of classical sheet music and know a little of everything but never managed to truly master anything.
It has been a misery before and it burns on.
Here's a piano piece I play
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xka1fq_42fo
>>28035569
>/r9k/ needs a meetup
>ok so 1pm at that one spot, right?
>hey sorry guys I couldn't make it something came up
>lol me too
>yeah I didn't show up either
>no one even tried
>>28037502
you should embrace the truth and fully be the maggot you truly are.
The only solution.
Once done, everything will get better and even your maggotry will wear off.
>>28037615
the more i try to fully become whatever i feel like i am the more i become conflicted
its a terrible feeling
constantly feeling like you know whats wrong with you and the paper logic behind fixing it but genuinely feeling entirely different at the same time but just as factually as the other bullshit
i am caught in a cycle of dysfunction and mental illness
limbo is absolute hell
>>28037658
but think about
the fact that you are worried about being fucked up makes you completely not fucked up, doesn't it?
>>28037696
>the fact that you are worried about being fucked up makes you completely not fucked up, doesn't it?
no its doesn't
>>28037658
I think I understand you. Kill yourself now, or otherwise you will silently and unrecognized survive and become even more insignificant like all of us. And when you get older, you will realize, that you were just normal.
>>28033588
honestly if life is still painful for you then recovery is an actual possibility
its when you are just indifferent to your surroundings and your wellbeing (be it emotional, physical or mental) that you are really in trouble
in short: man up faggot
>>28037736
yes it does
a murder doesn't care about murdering
an asshole doesn't care about being an asshole
you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, especially if you feel bad about what you're doing
>>28037696
the bits and pieces of humanity i have in me that let me see things the way a functional person would
really only make me hate whoever i am as a whole more
i can see and worry about things that i shouldn't be able to if i was too far gone mentally
but i can't actually go and fix my shit like i should be able to, i just cant do it
the pieces of me that know somethings wrong really only torture me more because i cant make my body fix all this bullshit
i wish i was just a dumb double digit fuck so i wasnt so torn all the time
knowing every single step and detail about what you're devolving into but being unable to honestly muster the power to make yourself feel different is absolute torture
i mean fuck, i know im worthless, i just wish my cognivity was gone so i could live my shit life in bliss at least instead of knowing what i do
>>28037752
every time i sulk over feeling like im stuck being something or whatever, when something different happens or i somehow quit feeling that (like childhood) i look back in my present state and go 'well it wasnt really that bad i guess i was fine' '....even though the whole time, i was tortured over feeling wrong and shitty, things back then look better than they were but i know when i was living it, it sucked. just like now.' and ill go on to have a slight circumstancial change that makes me go 'oh shit wasnt that bad, except, that i feel the exact same no matter how many epiphanies i have and literally relive the same moments over and over in a loop'
i'm going to kill myself very soon
>>28037736
this isnt me btw
>>28037811
i've never been able to not be hard on myself
i know i am but at the same time i also know everything is my fault objectively in some way
i am simply a cancer, but wanting to be happy makes it hard for me to fully accept it and choose death
>>28037562
How high are your standards for "mastery"? It sounds like you must be able to play pretty well, but are aiming for perfection? Does it just feel clunky and unnatural when you play?
If you sat down and played a few songs for some plebs, would they be impressed?
>>28037880
I can relate somewhat to you
overthinking definitely destroys you as time goes on
everyone is at fault at some degree, doesn't mean you have to face it all alone
>>28033588
video games, social interaction via the Internet, porn, and dank memes
I've considered taking up drinking a bunch of times, more so recently, but I don't really have the money to spare and it messed up several people in my family
>>28035569
I was just on here (still) to see if that was doable! /soc/ just wants to fuck except for /shut/ and they're not meeting anyone anywhere (I got a few other contacts from /soc/ but it's just sporadic chat)
>>28035273
you should talk to /k/, they know your pain in this area
By knowing that the beta uprising has to occur soon.
>>28033588
I'm in college, so I stay really busy.
I also get forced to socialize in a few of my small classes.
I guess the motivation of getting a good degree and then a good job and then making tons of money (eventually) so I can spend it all on drugs and hookers, till I die of cardiac arrest keeps me going.
Also alcohol.
>>28037880
>i can see and worry about things that i shouldn't be able to if i was too far gone mentally
definitely overthinking
that happens to me too, relax
I know what it feels like to think anything could fuck up at any moment
I take Valium. I also drink and smoke tobacco but I want to replace it with diet, exercise and yoga.
>>28037880
Please don't kill yourself. There must be something more bothering you. Do you have friends to talk to? Do you know why everything is fucked up? Admittedly I skimmed your posts because I'm tired but I want to hear more.
>>28037934
>>28037987
overthinking has been destroying me
since my literal inception
you guys want to know what my very first memory was?
i had a dream, where i was catapulting through literal space, i don't know how i knew it was space but i did somehow. very shortly after literally shooting through space, i woke up in my bed, around 3-4, i looked at my hands and literally said ot myself 'im alive?' the next thing i did was go and ask my mom who i am.
i've always been aware but at some point i became overly metacognitive and it's keeping me from being able to forgive myself for doing dumb shit like giving myself tinnitus.
it sucks. i was a smart kid. i had a smart brain. at some point everything just went wrong though and i split and turned into a retard with a brain screaming at them to quit doing shit i cant make my body not do.
its horrible, knowing you actually had potential and the whole time you were telling yourself you didnt, you were snuffing it out.
but still have the fucking mental capacity to analyze shit and be self aware enough to the point therapy was pointless.
i just wish i was dead, or fully retarded and blissful. god.
>>28037950
i've thought about it but the last time i made a thread about it no one replied and i figured theyd just call me a fucking faggot, like i am
>>28038041
i don't blame you for skimming, i type a whole fucking lot but the detail is necessary i guess
there's a lot bothering much
so much that i can't even summarize it all because the post would be so large i'd get yelled at here for blogging
>do you have friends
very few left, they're not around all the time
>do you know why everything is fucked up
because i am frankly trash, trash with a brain that knew i was trash but not good enough in whatever respect to resist temptation and not do bad shit i really wanted to, but knew was ultimately bad
pic very related
>>28038129
I'm starting to relate to you
I've been told I was smart too (not just by my parents)
everything I applied myself to do was kinda easy
but I feel like I got the wrong ideas into my head and overthinking dominated my mind
I'm definitely aware, though sometimes I switched it off, only to do the most regrettable things in my life
>>28038129
You're still able to fix yourself. You just got to tell yourself that. I try to stay positive and it helps much more than telling myself I'm shitty would. You still have potential, and you can stop snuffing it out and act now
>>28037894
I work as a piano teacher and as a church organist, as well as a bassist in a small rockband of a local pub. So I play for plebs all the time... They are sometimes happy/drunk sometime ignorant/careless. I would not help them by trying to help them. But I am a little ignorant, too, sometimes, just play my shit, but still can't tell. Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't even say a thing.
When I play, it feels like the only thing to do, but it frightens me a little. I don't aim for perfection to much, more for authenticity.
Mostly when I play my piano, I feel alone and secluded. I feel very strongly for the music I play, for example the scriabin piece I just posted, but would never expect that anyone else would. I have met people who called me awkward and stuff for only hanging at home playing PC, SNES and piano. Of course I was a noob once, too. But even as a noob I loved every aspect of playing.
ill probably never be able to forgive myself for accidentally giving myself tinnitus, not only because i cant ever let go of things
but also because i spent a lot of time worrying over nothing that i had shitty ears, literal overthinking
then i literally gave myself what i thought i had when i didnt
now i do and i cant cope with it, just the latest of minor, life ruining problems for a weak faggot like me
>>28038193
>I'm definitely aware, though sometimes I switched it off, only to do the most regrettable things in my life
yeah
every single time i switched it off i regretted it
every fucking time i did something i knew i shouldnt enve ven told myself not to, shit hit the fan
>>28038194
i don't know
i haven't been able to ever convince myself i'm good
or just... not be pessimistic
ive never ever been able to keep it up consistently enough to start the process of becoming an optimist
i literally just get stuck in the very first step of lying to ymself til it becomes true
it just never becomes true
like confidence
and you know, i know theres probably some chance
but i don't FEEL like it. and people get mad at me because they think im not listening when they say 'oh itll get better' but it never does. i never 'feel' right.
it just feels like no matter what i do, there's some feeling deep down in me telling me something's very wrong. it just doesn't register when people tell me there's hope because my track record is nothing but negativity and failure
it's hard to believe, guys, it really is
>>28033588
I think you can only feel so much unhappiness at once. There's like a ceiling on it.
So I run my ass off a few times a week and channel it all into yelling HOW AM I SO WEAK AND SLOW at myself inside my own head. Making great progress this way even if I feel like I'm going to die every time I finish a run.
Doesn't leave any room for zero friends, no gf and intact virginity to even make a dent.
>>28033588
>How do you cope with being so unhappy?
Convince myself that buying new things and waiting that week in excitement will be worth it. That and occasionally going to the range to shoot my guns.
That's basically it.
>>28038464
But I know who you are and I know you said you wouldn't kill yourself and I know you started making progress for a long time. Just because I had to leave because of my own shit doesn't mean you're worthless. I meant everything I said. And yes this isn't my normal typing style, lol.
I don't feel stable enough to Skype again but you can email me everything and anything you want to say. I can't check it for a few hours but if it'll keep you from killing yourself then let's email for a bit more. Like I said, I'm not stable but I still care and want to help you. Stay safe. Hope you didn't smoke too much yesterday on Hitler day
>>28038464
Oh yeah I know that.
It's not about believing in something. You will not FEEL any better or 'ok' or 'fine'. It's all about very practical and realistic questions in real life. For example, will you kill yourself? I will not, than soon you will get hungry and soon after that will really start to suffer from your hunger. And finally you will get up and move and do something to get something to eat. An so it goes on and you will realize that you psyche succumbs to your tummy and that you should have killed yourself when the feelings were still high and no so realistic.
I smoke weed but I'm getting sick of it.
Got sick of booze a while ago.
Soon I'll have nothing left.
I don't think I'll ever touch harder drugs.
Maybe cocaine to wage harder.
>>28038543
o-oh... hey. i want to say i forgot you came here but i didn't
no that's okay i don't want to burden you more dude
i'm just trying to cope with tinnitus now
kind of... speechless a little that it's you, but that's okay
i hope you've been okay, and thank you for everything you did for me
i hope you get feeling better soon dude. i still care about you too (duh) and i really hope you're just okay in general
i actually didn't smoke too much on 420... like i said ive been noticing it triggering the ringing in my head more. and well... you probably know how ive been handling it
i-i-i might email you? i dont know but try not to worry about me i guess, sorry
good to hear from you again though bub..
>>28038548
i just want to feel ok lol
but now i just want to remember what silence was
shit that makes me want to die changes from thing to thing as often as hygenic bitches change tampons
>>28038837
i had you out of my mind, in confidence that you would take care of yourself and not kill yourself, but youre back here saying this kind of stuff and idk now im kind of having a retroactive panic attack over it. i want to be alone but i dont want to willingly toss you aside while youre in pain.
please either say whether or not youll email me, and then do it or dont. it stresses me out like crazy to think that you might or might not do it. i just want to be alone and focus on myself but yeah, seeing you here feeling worse than ever just makes me feel like shit.
dont post anything too personal in reply here obviously, but as i said, either confirm or deny emailing and then do that. i guess emailing would be the best choice.
talk soon.
>>28033588
>drugs
daily regiment consists of weed, opiates, benzos and 75mg of benadryl to help me sleep
>hookers
>Vidya
>>28038909
ill do it at some point, i dont know when so dont anticipate it or anything
i did not intend to put myself back in your mind,
just focus on you and dont worry about me. ill email you at some point probably after i adjust to my newly noticed tinnitus and my anxiety goes down some. im still taking care of myself, or trying. tinnitus is just fucking with me hard lately. you know how i am. love you bro.
>>28039090
no, i dont want a random email from you months in the future... i just said that. this is giving me anxiety that will continue for that whole time. please either email me now or never. ill email you eventually but i need to be the one to initiate that.
basically im saying i dont know why you would message me when youre feeling better. i want you to message me now when youre feeling bad instead of venting about it on here.
i dont want to put any more of my autism online now, but either email me now while you feel bad or just dont email me until i message you first. i feel sick imagining seeing a random email months from now, especially if it was just to let me know that youre okay... because i was assuming you were okay by default.
either message me now or wait for me to eventually do it first. we dont need to talk unless you desperately need the support, i cant deal with casual stuff.
>>28033818
How old are you?
Its impossible to live through your life and never have anyone. Just bc youre in your 20s it doesnt mean it will last forever, believe me
>>28033588
trust me... at 52teen years old, and having dealt with ALL life's ups and downs, Take My Advice :
stop being such a self-absorbed WIMP. Shut your fucking cryhole and MAN UP... you'll be AMAZED at the efficacy of this therapy, because when people stop perceiving you as a schmuck and a welcome mat, and start seeing you as a confident, self-content individual, they'll start TREATING YOU LIKE ONE... this process is a loop, that builds on itself. Soon, you'll actually BECOME the 'new you', getting laid, having others turn to you for advice, envying and emulating you.... no need for psychotropics which don't work, or further failure at your own choosing.... MAN UP...
in other words.... STFU, PUSSY
>>28039201
actually
email me on your own time
ill be fine, dont think about me, ill be alive
>>28039413ok m8
Original posteroo
"take my advice"
"hurr durr you're only sad because you're a wimpy faggot"
>>28035273
Yes, I'm dumb and listened to music at like 100db for many years. Now im too deaf to function in a conversation and trying to sleep is floating in a sea of REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
You do get a bit more used to the tinnitus, but its always there. I feel your pain.
>>28035150
you are literally my soul brother, exact same situation here. we're fucked.
>>28039784
I wish there was a fucking off switch that wasn't a gun
>>28039804
do you have skype/steam or anything
at least we can suffer together and bitch about the endless REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEing to someone who feels the same torment
>>28039806
I try desperately to break my hearing-related thought patterns with video games and drugs, which only serve to mask the suffering. The sweet embrace of death will be our release...
>>28039832
drugs have been effectively ruined for me because i came to love them so much, then got tinnitus, and now i can't get over the experience being so tainted after knowing what heavenly escapism was like
my suffering cannot be masked for the things i came to for comfort before this merely serve to make literally everything worse
>>28039821
http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198061196564/
>>28039851
and this is why I won't do drugs. just another high that will get ruined for me in time. like the friendships of my youth which have faded into non-existence. all I'm left with is memories that hardly seem real except when they haunt me.
>>28039949
>all I'm left with is memories that hardly seem real except when they haunt me.
holy fuck you don't know how bad i know this feel
>>28033588
Chemicals created during exercise, booze and though not a drug when I can afford it hookers.
>>28033588
Porn
Food
Movies
& video games
