Does anyone here just want to talk about what's bothering them? Tell me what's got you frustrated/angry, /r9k/. I think it'd help just a little if we could discuss our problems together.
>>27971573
>final year of uni
>no real friends, just acquaintances
>socially rejected
I really don't feel like going in today.
>>27971573
i tried to kill a bee and ended up breaking my window
The feeling of loneliness comes creeping up again. I managed to suppress it really well for almost a year now but now I can't fool myself any longer.
The worst part is I have literally zero female contact, even if I tried my hardest to find a girl I wouldn't even know where to start.
I have a few close male friends who are in the same situation as me and some people I talk to in uni but they're all guys as well and there are barely any girls in my classes.
How the fuck does this work? Do people really just approach each other in the streets or is this a chad meme like bee urself?
>>27971573
>bug crawls out of wall
>no problem
>swat
>smell something shitty
>it was one of those fucking stink-bugs
>room smells like shit for the whole day
>>27971573
For the past few months, I've had this growing feeling that something else is manipulating my actions.
I guess I should mention that I'm a rather private person. Things like relationships are more of an inconvenience than a source of joy for me. So I get a lot of flak from people wondering why I don't have a girlfriend, to the point that they'll even try and push me into dating girls they deem appropriate for me.
Now, on one of these occasions I spent a couple weeks talking to a certain girl and I thought I liked her, until one day, when I woke up and started thinking about her. At some point, a thought arose in my mind, almost like a whisper you can't quite make out. It said, "You know it won't work. You're not like them." Eventually, I managed to repel this girl through a skillful use of standard beta behaviors. Suffice to say that I don't talk to her anymore.
Some time later, another thought came to me. "You did it on purpose." I started to entertain the notion that I purposely failed to forge a relationship with this girl so that people would see me as a lost cause and abandon their annoying attempts at setting me up with someone.
At the time, I thought I was awkward because I'm just an awkward person. But now, I'm not so sure. Is it possible that I subconsciously planned those things out so that I could regain my peaceful existence? That's what's bugging me. And, you know, I'm starting to believe it's the case. Looking back on my previous interactions with others, I have a habit of adopting the mannerisms of those around me so that I won't stand out. But everyone does this to some degree, don't they? I'm probably imagining things, I don't know. Thanks for reading.
>>27971573
My hearing has gotten so bad that people sound like muffled whispers when they talk. only one i can hear is my almost def mother who yells all the time.
Can't really make friends because i can't communicate irl. can't afford hearing aid or ear surgery to fix smelly drainage making me go further deaf.
trying to learn sign language but i'm having a lot of trouble cause of my stupid autistic brain and i just want to die.
Just received a letter from the university I applied to, denied. I will probably never to go uni and stay a robot forever or a wagecuck at McDonald's
I'm wondering why I'm so fucking retarded.
I'm a manchild, I can't function in this world, I am a fundamentally broken human being that really shouldn't be alive.
How come something as autistic as me is allowed to live? Is there a higher power looking down and laughing at my existence?
Why can't I just learn to talk to people? I tried and tried for years but I just never get better at it. I make people hate me like it's my life's purpose, but I just want real friends.
The closer I get to people, the more I close myself off until I stop even viewing them as people and cutting all contact with them entirely.
I didn't ask to be this way, I didn't ask to be born either, but natural instincts stop me from actually killing myself because I fear the other side and everything I've missed.
>>27971573
It seems like everytime I do try to make my life somewhat less miserable, I always end up feeling worser than before. It happens all the time, thoughts of abandonment and making mistakes. I truly can't succeed in this life.
>>27972157
Sounds like you have the schizo
>>27972337
That scene hit close to home for you too, huh?
>>27974287
Closer than I'd ever thought possible.
>>27974287
What scene?
I just want to have friends but almost everyone is an idiot and im not so social that I can talk to enough people to weed out the ok few. I can't even find decent folk on the internet because it seems everyone has been replaced with an underage stormfag.
>>27974427
I know what you mean, basically everyone on the internet is into "dank memes" or shit like that.
>>27974391
I didn't expect the lewd comedy show to get so heavy. I think the writer must know that feel too.
>>27974457
Yeah, after them talking about spicy shits in the first episode, that scene took me completely off guard.
The bit where it shows them becoming friends also made me feels things I didn't want to either.
>>27974544
WHAT FUCKING SHOW
>>27974562
Press the little google button and you'll be given the name.
>>27974600
thanks friend
where should i download it from
>>27974617
nyaa.se
>>27974626
thanks
is it not on bakabt?
I'm failing college in the uk because my attendance is very low. I don't actually learn anything at college it's just memorizing basic information and mind numbingly boring. I can't do that for ten hours straight then go home and write essays. I just want to get a job. But it will be a shit one because I've not been through a decade of learning useless information. Maybe I'm foolish for not just getting on with it but it is making me want to kill myself. Especially with all the left wing indoctrination. I just want to marry and live a comfy life in a nice rural cottage. My only passions are history and writing and I can't make a real career out of those. I hope I can publish a book tailored to normies with sjw shit in and feed off their shekels.
>>27974638
I'm not sure, I haven't used bakabt for something that isn't old and hard to find in probably 5 years.
>>27974675
this anime is hard to find?
>>27974682
Nah, it only aired last season.
I meant I've only used Bakabt to download old shit like Golden Boy which I couldn't find anywhere else.
>>27971573
I try my best to make friends but I am always too shy to actually do something with them.
My only friend I have been friends with for 15 years and they don't seem to care about me or want to talk about anything other than vapid narcissistic shit.
All I want is a friend who I can actually talk to about interesting things and have discussions that don't revolve around them being right and me being wrong.
>tfw too stoic and rueful to bother people to play video games
>>27972157
People self-sabotage all the time because they prefer what is known and comfortable (even if it sucks) to what is unknown and scary.
There are lots of people on r9k who are such hopeless retards that any decent, sympathetic society would end their misery.
However, if you think you could do better for yourself then maybe there's a way to push through the awkwardness (or accept awkwardness as a fact of life and nothing personal).
>>27971573
I am a successful person who just wants to break all my promises, lose all my friends, and die alone.
going to breakfast alone, but been writing a manifesto. whats on my mind is goijg to pussy out last minute, but we'll see.
>>27971573
I am going insane. I am going insane. I am going insane. My thoughts are no longer thoughts. My feelings are no longer feelings. My perception of this world has merged together into a black hole. Into an impossibility. It is impossible for the human brain to understand or share the information that my brain is feeling right now. Human-based language, human-based comprehension, the human brain is a controlled and contained prison cell. ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES HAVE BEEN SNUCK INTO MY PRISON CELL. I AM TAKING IN MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF IMPOSSIBLE INFORMATION. IT IS COMING TO ME IN A LANGUAGE I CANNOT UNDERSTAND OR TRANSLATE. I AM NOT HERE, I AM NOT NOWHERE, I AM NOT EVERYWHERE, I AM NOT EVERYTHING, I AM NOT NOTHING. THESE ARE ALL HUMAN WORDS. THESE ARE ALL CONTAINED SIDE EFFECTS OF THE PRISON SYSTEM. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE PRISON. So why does it feel like I can comprehend what is outside of the prison? Why does it feel like impossibilities are being born inside of my brain? Why can I feel the surfaces of distant language-barren parallel universes and planets? Infinite doesn't begin to describe it, I cannot compute. Cannot compute. Cannot compute. There is no human intelligence based context in these places, there is no places in these places, there is no foundation to base any sort of understanding. It is a free floating dream that you should never ever ever ever ever think about. It's a staircase to hell's basement. I believe I may be grasping what is happening here. My brain is suffering from existential claustrophobia. It believes it has digested information that exists beyond all human comprehension, but humans cannot escape their prison cells. I am stomping on dog shit. The human brain is a dream machine. The human brain is a torture device FUCK FUCK FUCK INFINITY AND BEYOND.
That about sums it up. Please kill me.
Everything is just breaking down again OP
>tried to move out of parent's house with my best friends, cunts signed the lease and moved in without telling me and just deflect all my attempts to speak about moving in while they bitch about 'not finding anyone to split rent with'
>These guys just expect me to act all cool about and still invited to hang there etc.. but is effectively a token gesture at this point
>finished 2 shitty meme degrees at uni which have served fuck all purpose in getting me a better job
>Instead the whole time I'm being fucking wagecucking at Woolworths with POOINTHELOO Indian sub-human cockroaches that run the store like a DESIGNATED shitting street
>haven't experienced any feelings of love or affection from a woman in about 6 years so I've completely given up trying.
>I'm trying to improve myself but when the opportunity arises where a woman would show interest in me I'm going to fucking berate her until she cries in front of her friends since nobody has been there for me this whole time where I was uglier/fatter.
Seriously considering making a trip to the forest one day,tell people I'm camping but actually kill myself leaving notes and engraved trees in the surrounding bushland so hopefully I don't spook the shit out of whoever finds it. pic fucking related cunts
>>27975616
strayaaaa cunt hahhahahah bl mate
>>27975664
Bloody oath m8 cheers for reading my petty bullshit cobba
I've been watching this blacksmith guy on youtube named michaelcthulu or something like that. Well, it made me realize that this guy who lives on some island off the coast of Ireland does what he loves every day, and gets enjoyment of presenting his works to the public. It just makes me sad that I'll never be like him. Doing what I love and sharing it with people. I'll never fulfill my dream of just playing music for small crowds in little clubs. Instead I'm slowly dying on the inside in college and will just get some wagecuck job later. Thanks mom and dad, filling my head with thought of "you can do whatever you set your mind to" while in reality manipulating me down this road which has led to depression, anxiety, hallucination, and substance abuse. Thanks
I've been stuck on the same boss in dark souls 3 for 2 days now.
>nameless king
>>27975475
Are you an ascended master now?
>>27971989
Similar thing happened to me. And it never got better. 4 years of loneliness, interrupted only by occasional conversations with classmates that never led anywhere.
Every time I do something wrong socially, even if its the most minor fuckup that the person will forget about shortly afterwards, I feel like that person thinks Im a loser and doesnt want to talk to me anymore. Even if I am slightly awkward talking to someone I will not see for a long time afterwards or never again, the fuck up still haunts me for at least the rest of the day. I also feel like I have some undiagnosed disorders, like maybe ADD, OCD, Bergers, Trichotillomania, Hypochondriasis, etc
>>27978298
you forgot hypochondria
I'm just really lonely
>>27972337
wow I found someone who feels exactly like I do
what are the odds
>>27978309
I thought hypochondriasis was another name for hypochondria
>>27971989
Anon, I found the same in my first two years of uni. Then I left to do a year in industry, then came back to finish it and even the token people I'd known had gone. I joined a society (Rock and Alternative Music), and ended up finding people who I really connected with and am still mates with 6 years later. It isn't too late for you to do the same.
