I wasted 7 years on social anxiety. I'm now 20. I don't have friends or girlfriend. I droped out of school and my job. My family doesn't care except for my mom. I'm just a burden to her. I can't leave my house due to mentally problems. I don't see me getting any better the future. How's your life anon?
>tfw you can safely say that you don't have the saddest life on /r9k/
Makes me feel like kind of a dick desu
>>27962143
>Who has the saddest life?
jeeper
I'm Brazilian. You can't go really worst that this
>>27962224
Yeah...sometimes..if the purpose of existence is to suffer
Start working out, bro. Get into a routine, clear your mind. Develop sociopathic tendencies. Learn all the normalfag mannerisms, learn how to fake a smile, learn to walk normally. Learn to interact with people assertively.
Then when you go home, look at yourself in the mirror while wielding a boxcutter. Imagine that boxcutter going straight into the eyelid of everyone you talked to that day. Day by day, you'll find your boxcutter fantasy to be less and less of a hypothetical and more and more of a possibility. After a few months, you achieve latent psychopathy and the winds of destructive change begin to sound...
Just be yourself!
>since I was born I was always a little different
>I was the problem child, I was kicked out of pre-school for punching a pregnant teacher
>My father and mother both drank
>My father was "old school"
>no "I love you" or really spending a lot of time with be
>I would receive physical punishment for things a did wrong
>One time when 7 I did not want to take out the garbage, so he used the metal garbage can lid as a Frisbee to throw it at me. When fighting with my sister he would take me to the pool and hold me under the water. One when my aunt was there he choked me with a rope and she almost called the police
>My mother spent more time with me but would drink much more than my dad
>The 2 of them would constantly be fighting
>I want to a catholic grade school with 8 other boys in my class
>My social autism persisted and I did not really hang out with them
>I was the troublemaker and known as the school weirdo
>In 7th grade my mother had enough of my father, but what she did was truly despicable
>She stated dating a complete poor, junkie, scum bag
>She left the home one day and I did not see or hear from her for about a year.
>While leaving she stole about $150 that I made from cutting grass and about $1000 in a bank account with all my conformation and first holy communion money
>No calls, no visits, nothing
>She was the only one in my life who was nice and caring to me
>She then asks me to come live with her and I tell her to fuck off
>My little sister leaves with her and my dad gets even more depressed
>He takes it all out on me
>My life starts to get a lot worse when I enter high school
>I spent 3 years in a prep school
>I did not really socialize normally (understanding when people did not want to talk to me, saying retarded and weird things)
>I quickly became known as the school weirdo
>I wanted friends, a girlfriend, and interesting things to do with other people
>But I simply could not communicate with other people
>bullying then stated
should I go on?
>>27963220
Yes anon, please continue
>>27963462
for you I won't just fap
>a group of football players would shove me into lockers, take my sports jacket and put it in the urinal to piss on, and call me a weirdo
>I slowly began to learn what was and was not socially acceptable
>By sophomore year I was still a little off, but I did not say or do socially unacceptable things
>I tried everything to make friends
>It is the one thing I have ever wanted, someone to want to be around me
>I started running to get /fit/, I had problems with stuttering so I read books aloud in the woods, I spent countless hours listening to my classmates trying to learn how to socialize
>The problem was most of what they talked about was other people and what they did together, nothing I could add or relate to
>In stark contrast to my blabbing freshman self, I developed severe social anxiety
>I became terrified of making mistakes or embarrassing myself
>I became more withdrawn from everyone
>I tried my branching out theory (if I could make one friend, using him as my trunk, I could become friends with his and so forth
>no matter how I tried I could not find my savior
>I was too boring socially, and had too much of bad reputation
>I would go to school anxious all day about being around other people, then return home to my abusive and critical father
>I started to just give up
>My grades suffered, I would miss school, I would not even bother ironing my shirts
>By junior year I was a classic manic depressant
>I often thought about suicide
>The anxiety of going to school and being around other people was literally killing me
>I felt like everyone was mocking me, always making fun of be even though the bulling somewhat stopped
>I missed so much school and cared so little about my grades that I flunked out
>I would have to go to my local high school
>I hoped that it could be a fresh start
>No one knew who I was or my past
>But I was so afraid of seeming weird to other people that I kept quiet
>>27963910
>by senior year I could not take it anymore
>I told my doctor about my problem
>I would dread going to school more than anything
>My social anxiety had developed to the point where I was afraid to talk with anyone other than family
>I was so depressed and stressed out I would spend days lying in bed hating myself
>I asked to be put on home bound, I would do my schoolwork at home and go to the school twice a week to hand in my work
>I spent my life playing vidya, mountain biking, watching anime, and shitposting on 4chan
>I graduated high school last year, but I did not even bother going to my graduation
>I got a job at wal-mart, but the anxiety of seeing people from school and the shitty working conditions forced me to quit
>I'm 19 now and I don't know what to do or how to continue
>My sister is in pre-med and going to become a doctor
>My father calls me a loser and tells me I faked my way through high school
>He wont help me pay for college and has told me to get loans for whatever I want to do
>I want to go to a community college but he will not even pay for that
>He pays 35 grand a year for my sister's school
I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know whether to find a way to college or to kill myself. If I do kill myself you'll see me soon for I would most certainly live stream it for all of you to join me.
I feel like mine is a contender but at the same time I live in a first world country so I already know some people have it worse, also I'd feel like an attention whore posting everything
>>27962143
And so we've reached the Poe's Law thread, where people on /r9k/ are actually unabashedly competing for "who has it worst".
>>27962143
dropped out of school and life at age 13
no friends, no gf, no sex ever, no job ever
currently 23 and have been doing nothing but anime, vidya and wanking it to hentai the past 10 years
>bullied so badly I was placed in a psychiatric hospital at 9
>mother was bipolar and tried to kill herself twice
>dad spent my college fund on an addition for his house
>step dad tried to be bro-tier but slowly lost his shit due to my mother
>step dad starts getting violent with me
>also he felt displaced after getting screwed on a business venture
>literally saved my mom's life when she collapsed due to a staph infection in the spinal cord because of a shitty doctor
>she continues to treat me like shit
>cheated on by both boyfriends
>was told to hang myself by my brother in front of my mom
>kicked out multiple times and each time my grandmother took me in
>she was based as fuck and told my mother to go fuck herself
>for the next couple years, develop a deep connection with my grandmother
>then the cancer struck and my family turned into vultures circling their own dying mother
>should also mention one of them kicked me and my grandmother out of her house because "she wants her life back"
>aunt forces my grandmother to write her into her three biggest life insurance policies or she'll have to hire someone else to be the executor of the will
>months pass and I play guitar for her
>then the day comes that she's drawing her last breath
>I played my guitar for her one last time
>at the funeral, realize she was the only thing holding my mother back
>realize she was my only true friend
>parents hit another rough patch and I start paying them rent, getting them groceries, letting them use my credit card, etc
>got fired from my job because I refused to work alone at the shitty liquor store I was working at because of the Ferguson shit
>buddy drove down and picked me up early and I got fired for that
>struggled to find work for the next 4-5 months while letting my parents use my credit card
>once they maxed it out, they kicked me to the curb
>been living with a friend of a friend for almost two years now
cont.
>>27962143
OP, I am the same, pretty much exactly the same, except I never had a job.
for the last week im just trying desperately to make internet friends to change myself, I need internet friends before I can make real life friends of course.
>>27966004
>managed to get a job working at a shitty burrito place
>first day I was in, I clocked out early and worked another couple hours
>management is impressed, but the nogs I'm working with start slacking even more
>I'm busting my ass trying to do my job and everyone else's, training the newbies that don't give a fuck, etc
>anxiety is through the fucking roof and I have a panic attack on the job
>get fired anyways despite the one cool manager knowing exactly what was going on
>sink into the deepest depression of my life
>still no word from my friend who would hook me up with a job a year ago managing inventory
>find out recently he's having second thoughts because he doesn't know if he can handle it
>find out my other friend is struggling with an opiate addiction and has sunk even deeper than me
>go to sleep every night realizing I'll never be a fulfilled human being
All I feel is hate and anger now.
>>27963910
>>The problem was most of what they talked about was other people and what they did together, nothing I could add or relate to
I have always had problems talking to people because of this, I feel you man.
Same life as you OP, but 25. Haven't left the house in years.
>>27966091
I can be your internet friend.
>>27966091
my steam is berd5988
>>27962143
>same exact life as yours, but 31.
>>27964306
Your fathers a fucking dick dude drop your skype if you ever want to talk
>>27962143
About the same as you, but no mental problems and 25yo. Cant pull the trigger until I train my sister to replace me and my family stabilizes, which should be in about 6 months.
As for your question, sadness and suffering cant be properly measured, so your question is meaningless.
>>27962143
How is your life sad at all? Your life isn't sad, you're sad, A sad sorry sack of worthless shit
>>27967044
do you really need negative attention so badly?
>>27967321
I hope you're not OP because the sheer Irony of what you just posted may kill you and everyone within 500 feet of you
