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Anonymous
2016-04-18 16:22:34 Post No. 27953861
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Anonymous
2016-04-18 16:22:34
Post No. 27953861
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Something is clinically wrong with my brain. A deficit of mirror neurons, something along those lines.
As a result, I enjoy masturbating more than sex, because I can feel both sides. With a person it's like doing it with a mannequin. Half the feeling, because I lack the ability to pick up other people's feelings.
I sit in a group, and the group laughs. I don't, though I understand that the slightly unusual thing they just heard jarred them into laughter, but as far as they are concerned, I "don't get the joke." So I've learned to pretend to laugh when other people do, to avoid becoming a target. Even so there is a delay to my response, and they eventually notice my total indifference to them.
Dealing with other people is difficult. I can't meet them as their equal, because then they would expect me to be their feelings-buddy and eventually become cold and resentful towards me. Equality is like a lion's den. I deal with people best as part of a hierarchy.
I can't stand the country, because everything is personal. I can only breathe when the person I'm buying food from doesn't have the right to expect love and friendship from me or the right to punish me for not giving it. This is probably the main, if not the only reason I don't just retreat into an isolated cottage. The further from the city, the more unbearable chummy people get. There's nowhere to hide in the open country.
So, my plan of life is to live in the city and deal with people as their contractor, employer, customer.
I'll require a girlfriend for display purposes; I suppose I can go through with it if I slot her in twice weekly for three hours per appointment. A day in someone else's casual company would be torture.
How do I best deflect the social molestations of neighbours, co-workers, desperate girlfriends, and other buzzing flies?
