Discuss your mental health ITT
Talking with a therapist or someone close to you is ideal but discussing anything with someone else can help.
Share your stories, suspected underlying causes, therapies, management, medications, experiences with therapists, symptoms, timelines. Just talk about your shitty life. I have been thinking about my problems for a long time now. I want to vent and find out what worked for other people.
And I'm interested in the people who have genuine disorders, like diagnosed. How did you find out something was wrong? Was it hard to accept? I'm asking because I think my attempts to treat my mental problems is the reason my life is so fucked up. If you experienced something similar and then found you were a schizo or whatever I'd like to know.
shameful self bump
These types of threads get more and more dead over time. Pretty sad
I feel schizophrenia isn't just a mental disorder. There's something genuinely enlightened about these individuals. But, at the same time, something terribly imbalanced which has been amplified in them.
>>27941650
>These types of threads get more and more dead over time. Pretty sad
Maybe more robots are succumbing.
A man can only bear so much
>>27941258
schizophrenic reporting in
have to go to group therapy tommorow
really dont want to
>>27941950
Do you agree with this statement? What kind of schizo are you?
>>27941679
>>27941258
Depression and anxiety are nothing but symptoms of modern society.
No one can help you. No one can help me.
A lot of us need support from people who love us, but not only to love us but to understand us. If those people don't exist, that's it, there's no hope. Some faggots might think "but my mom cares about me", that's not what I'm referring to. It's impossible to find these people to trust and care for, at least for some of us, it's hard to meet people at all.
>>27941973
Schizophrenics brains are different than normies
we are neuroatypical like autists brain
we are not enlightened most of us are crazy and some of us are idiots
>>27941679
I can't say for sure man. I used to think something similar though. I admire and study them because they are such extreme humans.
They're enlightened in the sense that if you completely lose control of your mind you can believe and experience anything you want. Technically that can be considered becoming a god or whatever, as long as you truly believe it. If you want to join them it isn't too hard lmao.
>>27942014
But schizophrenia is a developed disorder in a lot of cases no?
As in a regular human bean transforms into a schizophrenic. Reminds me of spiritual transcendence.
Do you not think there exists any fine line between enlightenment and insanity?
>>27942070
I think you are romanticizing mental illness. When it comes to down to it its just a lot of depression and sadness and fucked up people who can't cope with every day life.
>>27941717
>trying to sleep
>intrusive thoughts about killing my roommates overwhelm me
>lying in bed obsessing about how I'd mutilate them and what I'd do to their corpses
>hear them all laughing and talking just outside the door
>pizza delivery, they're all joking with the guy and having a grand fucking time
>fap three times in a row to horribly bloated, decomposing, maggot-filled corpses
>still not tired, intrusive thoughts just won't fucking let up
>have to be awake at 4am to go back to work
OP I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 1, OCD and paraphilia NOS (necrophilia) by four different psychologists/psychiatrists. It's been impossible to ignore that something is terribly wrong with me, normal people do not think or act like this. I've never wanted to accept it and avoided getting help for most of my life, but in the past 7 years it's become unbearable and I had to do something before I killed someone. Getting professional help has not been easy but it's easily the best thing I've ever done for myself.
I post in these threads semi-regularly and they usually get good traffic. It may just be because of the day and time that this one is so dead.
>>27941950
When did you start going to therapy though? When did you suspect something was wrong or do you think you were always different? Do you have trouble remembering the past? Do you feel like you don't change too often, or does the mindbreakyness come in episodes then get better?
Just tell me everything mayne.
>>27942149
Didn't mean to quote, posting from bed is not the best idea
>>27942102
Damn. Well thanks for the input.
>tfw therapist and mom want me to take anti-depressant meds
I don't know what to do
Nearly five years ago, I became extremely desperate to get help. I had no insurance, no job, and no family. I faked a suicide attempt, and got hooked up from the government.
I got into DBT, played the guess-the-illness game, and eventually got bipolar type 2, and ADHD.
Went to DBT 20 hours a week for 8 months. Followed up with weekly appointments for two years.
For the last two years, I've held a job full time, been in school half time (3.9 GPA), and have made friends.
I went from being an actual hermit (didn't leave the house for three weeks at my worst), to being a normie.
There is hope folks. The primal brain is all about survival. Tap into that.
>>27942070
You have no idea what you are talking about. Insanity is probably the most painful thing you can experience. Theres nothing to like about it. The scariest thoughts and experiences I've had were about not being sure whether I was or wasn't sane.
Do any of you guys smoke weed while taking antidepressants? I take 60 mg of duloxetine daily and wonder if anyone has been in a similar situation.
>>27942252
Well sorry to come off as ignorant. Being bi-polar psychotic seems like a blast though. At least on the manic side of things.
>>27942329
>Being bi-polar psychotic seems like a blast though.
fantastic, I hope you experience it and it never goes away :)
>>27942252
Seconding this, except it wasn't about whether or not I was insane. When I was insane I thought I was at my sanest. The truly terrifying thing was when I would have a moment pf lucidity while I was insane, and I was acutely, painfully, horrifically aware of the consequences my actions would have while being powerless to stop myself.
>>27942329
This is coming from someone with bipolar type 1, where my mania makes me homicidal amongst other things. It is not fun, it is nothing like the media portrays it. It is horrific, ruins lives, makes you feel revolting and disgusted and ashamed of your actions (if you can even remember them).
i think im finally winding down from major ssri withdrawal symptoms, i dont think i felt bad the entire day
Schizophrenia, Major Depression (chronic), Schizoid Personality Disorder here.
Just came from a three month hospital stay and feeling a lot better.
>How did you find out something was wrong? My parents knew when I was 6 and said I wanted to die but I knew age 20 after I got severe depersonalization/derealization and had to reflect on my life. Also I had always a lot of pain in my stomach which turned out to be psychosomatic pain. I knew I was different all my life though. I always had to fake enjoyment, pleasure, laughter etc cause I couldn't feel it due to the anhedonia. But I was in strong denial. Even when I couldn't move for hours or sometimes days even to go to the bathroom or move from my chair to my bed I denied something was wrong with me.
I like to talk to others who are interested in mental health or have mental health issues themselves, my skype is fortune.cookie7
I have diagnosed BPD and DID
I hear my personalities talk to me constantly even when I'm not switched. AMA
My brother has schizophrenia. Sometimes I'm afraid I have it but I am just good at convincing myself I don't.
>>27942457
What your brother like?
Is there a thing a large amout of ppl with schitzo think? Like does a large portion of them see ghost or something?
>notice most people think borderlines are all loud and controlling and only use you to get what they want and just ditch you afterwards
>mfw some anon said that in one of these threads and someone replied with "really? wow i'll watch out for them then"
just kill me.
>>27942558
>implying borderlines aren't absolutely horrible people
>implying I'm not a borderline who does exactly what you just said
Like psychopaths who still cling to the last bit of goodness in their hearts.
>tfw I'm autistic and I might be schizophrenic too
Godammit
>>27942641
>tfw I'm always worried that this is how other people view my attempts to be kind and compassionate
I can't help that I enjoy causing other people pain or that I love the dead. Is it so wrong that I also try to be the best person I can be when I'm not doing those things? I'm not an irredeemable monster. I'm not.
>>27942663
There's lost of people like you to learn what not to do off.
i got ADD, social anxiety, and depression..
feels bad knowing im fucked for life arent i...
>>27942676
I think that all BPDs have the potential to be really great people. It's barely a mental health issue, compared to schizos and bi-polars. More a personality trait.
>>27941258
Has anyone else despise to go outside and avoided it and also avoid to get close to others ever since they were young? I dropped out of university many years ago because I have no self esteem (too many socially retarded moments ate every piece of it over my youth)despite having great grades.
Also does anyone have any insight on this weight pulling down on my chest that has been bothering me these past 7 years.
>>27942641
>implying borderlines aren't absolutely horrible people
>implying I'm not a borderline who does exactly what you just said
wait a minute,
>loud and controlling
>only use you to get what they want
>ditch you afterwards
are you trying to say that everyone with bpd is like that just because YOU don't give a fuck about anyone or try to maintain healthy relationships with anyone yourself?
I DONT NEED THERAPY, I DONT NEED HELP, IM FINE ON MY OWN
>>27942813
>It's barely a mental health issue, compared to bi-polars
it's actually incredibly similar to bipolar
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have my break down one of these days so I can stop living this lie. A bottle a wine a day keeps the doctor a way
>>27942877
I'm actually not loud and controlling, I also have a handful of long-time friends.
But goddamn, if I haven't thought about abandoning and emotionally destroying each and every one of these people.
The funny thing is that they often see me as a great inspiration and leader. I mean my friends really like me and I've really helped every one of them. But there's just such an awful hatred inside me. There are others who I've simply discarded from my life without a second thought. Thrown away like trash. Even a girl who loved me, just thrown away because it sickened me to be in love.
This is some tumblr tier blog now. BPD is a normie affliction for sure.
>>27942194
I know that feel. I took them a while ago, felt a little spaced out. Might go back on them because my depression is flaring up again.
I was always the wild one among my friends, but things started getting insane when I turned 24. I was a virgin and freaking out over a girl when my brain finally snapped. Id been overweight and just lost all of it, too. I was quite handsome. 31 now and the weight is back along with all my friends being gone. Im schizoaffective. Most of these years I was in a truman show delusion which the meds didn't help with. I got out of that and had a really spiritual experience the winter of 2013/14. Since then going off my meds is always a fun, liberating experience but I can't do it because of the strain on my family. They are all I have now.
My spiritual experience was climbing the ladder to heaven and meeting different characters. I didn't get to heaven, just up the rungs a bit.
Help put my mind at ease. I want to break it off with my gf, but we have had unprotected sex 2 out of the last 5 times. 2 times I used a condom and 2 times I just pulled out. I'm most definitely over thinking but can't help but worry about pregnancy.
>>27943090
Whoah go into this experience in more detail.
Like you stop taking meds then start hallucinating? And it's enjoyable even?
I'm this guy >>27941679
>>27943167
Ok, well its hallucinating everything in my mind. All the time I was just in my house. I imagined the world had ended, the cumulation of my truman show... I deleted all my friends off facebook and set my account private so my enemies couldn't see. then i started writing notes there about past lives and talking to people, i imagined mark zuckerberg was allowing them to read these, that eventually stopped and i kept a journal. At first after my meds, I imagined a huge conspiracy of molestation going on in my home town, so thats where the enemies came in. Eventually the world ended and i was with my town going through the ladder. after Earth there was a small place where an old man told me was god, i eventually disproved it, and kept going through similar heavens for a while, there was only one goddess rung. Then heaven was a tree, then a pyramid with clouds of faerie and an ai sun. Then i came to a mountain inside a pyramid, just humongous. Then a tree prison with northern lights AI and another goddess, she was a dragon. Then faux angels, and finally the last god. Not yahweh, but he was cool and i couldnt figure out how to get past him.
Yes, i enjoy going off meds now, because i get delusions about past lives, and i never knew i was so interested in the year 1895 until i went off my meds, for instance, haha
>>27943403
Absolutely fascinating. Thank you.
That does sound incredibly disruptive though.
>>27943448
Definately, and its no fun thinking all of your food has been ejaculated in but eating it anyway because you're hungry, for instance.
>>27941258
>Have a great day, one where seemingly everything goes right
>Right when I get home, a wave of depression and suicidal feelings hit me, sometimes literally cry myself to sleep
Why can't my brain just let me be happy, god damnit?
if any of you guys are interested in trying therapy but "real" therapy is too scary or hard to actually get to and stuff, i'd recommend trying online. there are a couple of sites that do this - talkspace.com and betterhelp.com (i use betterhelp, pay for it using groupons and it comes to 50$ a month). it helps because i never have to go outside to talk to the therapist and i can type all my responses and things, so i don't feel on the spot or embarrassed to talk about my problems. i had to go through a few therapists before i found a good one, but it's been working out pretty well for me so far
who /sperg/ here?
I got light aspergers
I'm an aspie chad with almost no feelings, except for the fact that he still almost cried over the fact that he hurt his dog's feelings really really bad on acid a couple days ago
I'm crazy and I like it, fuck yall talking about. I prescribe meditation, amphetamines, and empathogens for all aspies out there
>>27942555
in my limited experience the most common thing is negative interpretation of limited signals.
for instance, a smile during small talk is actually a malicious smirk that the other person wears because they're in on a horrible "joke" you're unaware of.
lyrics on the radio are directly about you.
laughter is entirely at your expense because the subliminal game of cat and mouse you've been playing with ineffable forces has come to a close.
your friends aren't your friends. no one has ever meant it. it's all an elaborate trap. and you're a piece of shit for falling for it.
>Depressed
>Want to go to doctor
>Parents want to me to pray to imaginary friend
>Been like this for years
>Deal with it
>Make memes to mask bottomless hole in soul
>Be a month ago
>Turning paper in late in English class
>Teacher asks why
>Tell her I've been stressed out and haven't been sleeping lately
>"You know I have to take you to talk to the counselor now, right?"
>Fake annoyance, secretly hope that maybe I'll finally get some help
>Talk to counselor
>Depression, insomnia, anxiety, and stress are all my fault for not believing in Jesus anymore
>Bring on the memes
>>27943403
How did the world end?
>>27945246
So basicly a conspiracy against you?
If you don't have schizophrenia you're a normie
My mom is schizophrenic
I have schizoid personality disorder
It's not so horrible
I talk a lot to myself when no one is around
Last night my audible hallucinations went from being just thoughts in my head to being literal voices which I heard from my ears.
/scared
I have a psychiatrist appointment and a CT scan in a few weeks so hopefully I can find out what's actually going on with me
I've given up on self diagnosis entirely because I feel like far too many of them describe me, which means I'm not looking at the criteria accurately enough.
Had what doctors think may have been a seizure a few days ago, homicidal ideation, depression and anxiety, very minor visual and auditory hallucinations along with generally unusual/inappropriate behaviour.
My life isn't that bad really, I'm just a bit weird.
What is it like to be a schizo in love?
>>27948593
The same as a normal person in love? What is it with all you annoying faggots coming in here and romanticising mental illness?
Get out reeeeeee
Diagnoses: High functioning autism, panic disorder, clinical depression
Current feels: My ex suggested a documentary to me about autistic people navigating romance. I'm considering watching it but am worried it will just make me anxious.
>>27941258
Went into the psych ward last month
They thought developing schizophrenia and depression so they gave me meds and kicked me out. Now they're thinking it's just depression and anxiety so I'm just on one med. It doesn't change the fact that I still did similar shit to what put me in the ward last night.
I think I'm most likely bi-polar though because of the ups and downs. I'm surprised they haven't suggested that yet.
>>27942986
This is closer to sociopath behavior.
My mother is borderline; I want her fucking dead.
She'll do anything for you; literally anything- as long as you can put up with her calling you a loser or trying to get into 4 year old tier shouting matches.
Borderline personalities are for fucking faggots
Currently going through the diagnosis process of mild autism/asperger's. I've been visiting lots of doctors, therapists, and psychiatrists this year and it's becoming pretty clear that I'm indeed a typical case of high functioning autism. My current working diagnosis is asperger's syndrome, and I got sent to neuropsychiatrist for the final deep analysis thingie.
I visited there once and I was going to have a second appointment last week, but it was canceled and moved to next summer. Kinda sucks because I want to get this shit diagnosis process to end as soon as possible because I want to move on with my life. Not that I have anything else to do, I just really want this to end so that I can move on to other things, maybe get back to school.
>tfw never make it far enough in therapy to get a diagnosis
I'm doing okay at the moment. My life is finally looking up, but it seems like I'll do something wrong and it'll be all messed up again.
Help
I'm too scared to set up something to try and get a therapist tomorrow
Please help
>>27949689
Does wittle baby need his mummy to make all his appointments for him because wittle baby is scared ;(((?Like me...
>>27949700
It's asking for referrals while I'm getting a regular appointment, fag
>>27949785
Don't be mean anon, didn't you see his spoiler text?
I'm totally depressed, antisocial, nervous and want kill myself. This shit really work or it only a stupid placebo?
untreated psychotic depression and can barely focus on anything that doesn't involve fictional narratives for more than a few minutes at a time
despise the world and addicted to escapist entertainment
have been communicated to by the Goddess, I'll just refer to her as Hecate for simplicity's sake, only batshit crazy people are still pagan, sad state of affairs, normies worship a dead jew
obsessed with my circumcised penis, mental anguish, raped by a knife, conflicts with my self-image and my identity, really puts me at odds with our disgusting christcucked kikecucked shitskincucked world
can only be intimate with other schizophrenic boys, will never be able to live the normie life that my parents wanted for me, muh heritage dies with me
dropped out of highschool, quit my job, dropped out of college
really not comfortable living in our present degenerate age, long to have my head splattered by right wing death squads
>>27949852
Nice word salad, /pol/ack
Nobody gives a shit
>>27949877
He's right though.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean he's wrong
>>27949925
Then kill yourself nobody would miss you and your therapist would get to stop listening to your crying
>>27941258
I am clinically depressed, diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Zoloft makes me feel euphoric and normal.
>>27949967
It's okay to disagree anon. No need to be so violent about it.
Are you a blackbot?
>>27949995
No, Im not even a leftie. I just don't give sympathy to some incomprehensible faggot's word salad in an unrelated thread
>>27950034
my post followed a loose intuitive logical order actually
maybe it would have made more sense to your autistic self if I had greentexted it
>>27949611
The music around her head is the tune for Twinkle Twinkle Little Star or the alphabet song.
>>27947211
Dude. I have it and it makes my life miserable, it makes my other illnesses worse, and it forces me to hurt people.
It makes you lose friends and chances at romances.
But hey..we've all lost it to a degree
>>27950068
Whatever you say, schizo
>>27942149
damn dude
makes my issues seem small
>>27941258
>How did you find out something was wrong?
Was awkward as kid so school got me to talk to therapists, years later I was officially diagnosed with autism(PDD-NOS back then). It wasn't hard to accept back then, I believed it was a good explanation for my behavior. Later on I had doubts about the diagnosis because I think bad parenting is better explanation of my anti social behavior. I also can't relate to many of the autistic symptoms.
Good thread lads, talk to someone, professional if you can, but someone. Also, if you have had a bad experience with therapy, don't give up on it all together - skills, modalities and competencies all vary from therapist to therapist and you need to find someone who's right for you.
Here is some self-help stuff I share with my clients, and you might find useful.
http://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/
http://psychology.tools/
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/index.cfm - I really like this one - check out all 3 sections (Consumer, Doctor, Mental Health Practitioner)
http://www.newcastlehealthyminds.nhs.uk/downloads/
http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/Professional/pdfGuides.asp
>>27942194
Are they both girls? Girls can't love girls.
Eh. So today i was at the doctors making appointment for psych. Dr asks, "so it's just the clinical depression and adjustment disorder?" I nod. Well, thats the first time I've heard what i got diagnosed with. Tbh senpai didn't even know adjustment disorder existed.
>>27950109
>come into mental health thread
>shit on mentally ill people
Take a fucking hike normalfag
Looking back on the last ten years of my life, I'm pretty convinced I had a fair bit of mental health trouble but passed it off as normal, or assumed I was just being weird.
I've always had this reserved English stiff upper lip meaning I assume my problems are just me whining and I shouldn't complain, other people probably have it just as bad or worse.
Now that I realise a lot of what was going on wasn't normal at all I don't want to tell anyone about it because I never mentioned anything at the time. It's become somehow fashionable to have mental health problems or come from a difficult background, and I worry that people will assume I'm making it up or romanticising the past because of this. I'm also quite worried that I actually am making it up and romanticising the past because of this.
Anyone know this feel or fancy offering their 2 cents?
>>27949547
How did you begin getting diagnosed?
>>27942558
What are borderlines?
>>27950197
woooah there mate are you in Newcastle?
>>27951065
Kinda like massive assholes.
>>27950114
I hope it at least makes someone here feel better about their situation
>>27941258
ADD with General/Social anxiety and depression.
Therapy has helped a little with the anxiety; My current therapist is the most non-judgmental, 10/10 helpful bro of a medical professional I've ever met.
The med I've ever been on (and still am) is vyvanse. It helps with the ADD, anxiety, and depression far better than anything I've been on, and after about two years of use, I haven't had it lose its "magic" yet. I used to abuse opioids heavily. but with my current situation I'm not in so much constant emotional pain to the point where I feel like I need them.
My life still isn't perfect or even normie tier comfortable though.21 year old virgin who has only gone so far as to get one kiss and 10 minutes of hand holding from a non related female reporting in, but I've lost about 20 of the 70 pound I need to lose in the last month, and getting my EE degree has been coming along nicely as well.
>>27951217
>forgetting my pic
be merciful to this post Mr. Roboto
>>27951146
what does it mean tho
>>27951256
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVTfEiz4Nbc
>>27941258
Questions to people with bipolarism ITT: Do medications help that much?
I've heard they don't let you experience pleasure, is that true? And how long does each manic or depressive episode last?
I'm starting to worry that I may be bipolar, sometimes for anywhere from a few hours to a day and a half I'll be suicidally depressed or so "up" that hitting a stranger for fun seems enticing, sleep seems pointless, and hitting my head on my desk or with my fist is just an unavoidable thing.
I think these "up" times may be a result of my drinking and not a manic episode, but I haven't been sober for long enough to tell.
>>27951136
No I'm not matey. I just like the resources. I'm Midlands based.
>>27951324
What can I do if I think I have undiagnosed mental health problems in the midlands.
I have no GP
level 2 autismo reporting in
>>27951269
You don't even have to listen to this guy to dislike him
I dont think I've ever seen such obnoxious body language before.
>>27951269
shitty explanation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iraGmA7-9FA
>>27951369
>>27951395
i got diagnosed with asd and bpd, this is exactly what it's like. at least for me anyway.
>>27942224
great man! congratulations and good vibes sent you i
>>27951367
You register with a GP. Then speak to said GP about the options available.
In my experience unless you are literally going to end yourself in that very moment, mental health services won't deal with you until you're registered somewhere. Having a GP enables referrals etc all to be linked, so do that first.
>>27941258
Halp.
>TFW hungover
>the more sick I feel the closer I get to penile and ball torture.
hey guys i hope someone could help me, or share a few words.
im a first year engineering student and have a stress problem.
i think it started a few years ago when i noticed that if i faked being pissed off all the time, people wouldnt fuck with me (i didnt get bullied or anything, but it kept annoying ones off my back). i think it became a part of me.
besides my parents would get pissed off at work and then complain about it all the time at home, all they talked at dinner is work, work work and work (and they still do).
the worst time was at the second half of 2015, i started having panic attacks when i smoked weed and sometime sober too. sometimes i yelled a people without even realizing, and when someone said a joke like "there's no class" i responded with a loud "WHAT" with a notorious worried and scared expression.
But since january its getting a little better, im learning to relax and being easy, i no longer have panick attacks, and the other things have been decreasing slowly. thanks for reading this.
any comments?
>no one to talk to about mental health
>turn to /r9k/
>literally rock bottom
>even they ignore you
>>27951592
itfb
bloxbloxblox
>>27951562
I started acting really cold and hard when I was around 18, like I didn't need friends and had no problem being hurt because I was tough and had no empathy.
It helped for a while, I enjoyed things more and rose up social ladder because I'm male and this kind of behaviour is seen as positive.
Problem is that actually became my personality, now I'm mean and rude and largely insensitive, but all I feel are the negative sides. I'd rather be a pussy but be friendly and able to express affection etc to the people who care about me.
So I kind of know your feel.
Maybe we should follow Hollywood's advice and get manic pixie dream qts to teach us to open up and feel
>>27951643
I will listen, friend. What is the problem
>>27951656
>decade long shut in NEET
>shitty childbood because abusive father
>had no friends
>been bullied all my life despite being huge
>have dyspraxia
>visual snow syndrome
>been depressed all my life
>got diagnosed with moderate autism
>diagnosed with personality disorder not otherwise specified
>walled off from everyone
>tfw no one to share your feels with
>get stared at me all the time in public
>people are literally scared of me and clutch their children
>tfw a giant autistic man with a cooked brain
>tfw even people on multiple boards across chans laugh at you because you're autistic and dont see you as a complete human being
>>27951709
Do you have any hopes or plans for the future?
>>27943090
Please elaborate. What do you mean by "climbing the ladder to heaven"? Did you actually see the ladder? Where was it? And did you see the different characters? Was it in a dream?
>>27951646
maybe you both should start acting again, only in the opposite direction
>>27951724
I had hopes and dreams of becoming a physist when I was a child but my father would beat me when I was doing math home work. He never wanted me to enjoy anything. My education stopped around grade 5 because I went to a shitty school and the teachers never gave a shit about me. I was just in my own world and got left behind. Then when I entered high school I got bullied severely and ended up getting expelled for getting into fights with other students. I never went back to school, my father encouraged me to forget education and all that. My small dreams taken away from me. I feel like I'm at the point of no return, like too much damage has been done. At least I have my disability bux, for now.
To answer your question, not really. I haven't enjoy anything in years, the depression has taken it's toll on my brain.
>>27951770
pic related
never got raised or taught anything by my parents. i was just shut in a room with a tv and computer. some would say that's the sweet life, but it's not when you're cut off from everything else and a life time of playing vidya soils your mind.
>>27943403
Did you actually visually see all this stuff? This sounds really fascinating
>>27951760
That's not a bad idea, but I've considered it before and I have two problems.
Firstly, part of the problem isn't that I don't like my personality, that's always going to be the case, it's that my personality is fake and stems from habit built up by an act. Acting more wouldn't solve this.
The second is that I'm older now and no longer in my formative years, It's much harder maybe impossible now to just change or reinvent myself
>>27951814
Shit man, you got a horribly raw deal.
Do you know what motivated your parents to raise you like that?
>>27951814
Every time I feel resentment at how I was brought up I will remember your story, anon.
>>27951893
my dad had a really shitty childhood too and there's a possibilty he's autistic too but has never received any sort of mental health treatment. his personality is more fucked up than mine and hes a far worse person. probably has ADD too. it sounds like I'm speculating too much but both sides of my family are rife with mental illness. the autism comes from my dads side though.
and yes it is pretty shit. i think the worse part is being mocked by people who you think are your friends and family members.
my dad rips into me passive aggressively all the time now as an adult because he knows I can beat the shit out of him now so he can't be directly abusive like before. I remember having a lot of nightmares growing up about my dad. I'd have vivid dreams about him stabbing me and my mother crying. I'd wake up still feeling it. >>27951933 I could write an entire book in it desu.
Glad you can see where I'm coming from though.
My mother is a nice person but she's a coward....she's always kowtowed to my Dad and we've basically walked on egg shells around him my whole life.
I'm so fucked from the entire experience I'm too afraid to work, too afraid to try school (more so because I have almost no education, skills or confidence). The more I type and think about it , the more I realize how shitty it is. I've used video games for a very long time as a cover up and escape so I don't have to think about it.
>>27951302
I've got bipolar type 1. I'm currently taking lithium, wellbutrin, abilify and propranolol.
Lithium has saved my life. It completely stopped my manic episodes, and has leveled out my mood considerably. There are some side effects, like drowsiness, dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, but they're nothing compared to mania. I've been taking it for two years, have found the right dosage, and will stay on it as long as my liver allows. (One major drawback to taking it: you have to monitor your level of lithium closely and keep an eye on your liver's functioning. Blood tests maybe every six months to once a year depending on the psychiatrist.) No side effects that negatively alter my mood or affects my ability to experience pleasure.
Wellbutrin gives me the energy I need to do things. Without it, I am comatose and completely unable to function. With it, I have motivation, the drive to get out of bed, and feel like life might be worth living again. Side effects from this are nonexistent. It's helped me lose weight, quit smoking, it's like a fucking miracle.
Abilify is a mixed bag. It makes me VERY tired, mutes my emotions, and gave me a bad tremor (that's what I take the propranolol for). On the other hand, it severely reduces the hallucinations that I had, almost completely got rid of my paranoia and delusions, and helps control the intrusive thoughts I get. I got "lucky" with the side effects on this, it turns some people into zombies, makes them gain a ton of weight, kills their sex drive, etc. I am only on it as a last resort, and hope to get off of it soon.
One more post after this
>>27952003
My manic episodes typically lasted 3-7 days. There were one or two occasions where it only lasted a day, and one horrible, horrible time when it went on for two solid weeks. My depressive episodes are difficult to distinguish from my regular state- I have a lot of issues and tend to be depressed no matter what. The worst episodes last the same amount of time as the manic episodes, about 3-10 days at a time. If it weren't for my medication, I'd be cycling between the two of them at least once a month. My life would be in shambles. I'd likely be in prison or dead. I'm lucky to have gotten competent help before it was too late.
Alcoholism is no joke and can cause a huge variety of symptoms. What you're describing would either be rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, or something like borderline personality disorder where your mood is extreme no matter what. I'm no psychiatrist, though, and if you're genuinely concerned I would get to a doctor and have someone find out exactly what the problem is.
>>27951965
this song can perfectly sum up my feels. I know no one really ever listens to songs other people link, but the lyrical content of this one really spells it out perfectly.
The ironic thing is that it's very similar to my fathers life.
I hate the cunt and I hate that I'm similar to him. The only difference is I admit and acknowledge my faults, he flat out denies everything, it's disgusting. I'm glad I cut that loser off.
>>27952043
Idiot, didn't even post it . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUsOK8Dlw7I&list=RDMM4gT6AnrDwew&index=27
>>27951770
I was diagnosed with autism as well (not Asperger's, but PDD-NOS; I also have deficits in some areas of cognition because of it, but strength in others).
What helped me was focusing on things that interest me and turning them into my hobby, or a thing to show off.
For example, I learned fast memorization and mental calculation (I was very shit at it before), and now show it off in front of others. I also learned how to make websites and program, and it helped me to find a meaning in my life.
I have no friends, though, and don't like talking to people, because I "weird them out". Some even told me this right in front of my face. The way I talk and articulate makes me appear very strange, and I have come to terms with it, more or less.
If you want, I can help you learn a few tricks on how to quickly memorize shit like digits of Pi (I have a few hundred omitted to memory, was half a thousand before though - memorized it in a few hours), how to do fast mental calculations, or how to make websites and shit. Just drop me an email at [email protected].
I might not reply for a while, though, since I have some exams coming up, but keep checking your email, because I will eventually respond.
>>27952003
>>27952037
Can alcoholism lead to bipolarism? Do you feel that the lithium and the abilify are the reasons you need the wellbutrin?
I haven't had any hallucinations fortunately, so I was hoping that I could stay away from any anti-psychotics like abilify or seroquel. If I understand correctly those are the worst type of drugs in the world when it comes to killing your sex drive, weight gain, and losing the ability to feel pleasure.
So the lithium doesn't seem to have too many negative side effects for you? I was afraid of getting help for so long because I didn't want some drug that despite eliminating my manic sessions, left me in a current depressed state. I'm not sure how healthy my liver is after all this drinking so I might not be able to take it. Are there any other low side effect medicines that work that well and are liver friendly?
Still, I'm going to try a week without drinking before I decide to get help for it. Mood stabilizers and anti psychotics scare me shitless
>>27952113
>What helped me was focusing on things that interest me and turning them into my hobby, or a thing to show off.
i badly wish I could have that again. I'd get deeply obsessed with things in the past but since around the age of 20 I slowly started caring less and less about everything now I can't take an interest in anything now.
It's like the one good thing about being a sperg has been taken away from me,
>I have no friends, though, and don't like talking to people, because I "weird them out". Some even told me this right in front of my face. The way I talk and articulate makes me appear very strange, and I have come to terms with it, more or less.
Pretty much the same for me as well. I've been told I scare people or "you're scary", by girls and guys.
I might email you.
Went my gp and got diagosed with ADHD, depression ad social anxiety. Then i was put on a waiting list to see a specialist, a year later i havent heard anything or got any help.
In that time i have completely failed university, got and lost a job within 3 weeks and failed at everything that interest me.
Going to do some psychedelics and see if anythig changes
>>27952003
>>27952037
Also are there any negative consequences to being diagnosed with bipolar disorder? I know when people get diagnosed with schizophrenia, doctors disregard anything patients have to say, even if their current medication regimen is making them miserable. I don't want to be put in some mental hospital for even a short period of time where the staff treats me like an insane person
>>27952151
>Can alcoholism lead to bipolarism
No, bipolar disorder can have a few different causes but alcoholism would not give you the disorder. It may resemble it if you have a severe reaction to alcohol and keep drinking heavily over time, but it would not be the same. There is strong co-morbidity between bipolar disorder and alcoholism, though.I myself was an alcoholic for many years, and found the will to quit because of the medication I'm taking. Fight with it every fucking day though, it doesn't get easier.
The lithium and abilify definitely exacerbate the exhaustion and lack of will that comes with my depression, but I definitely don't think I need the wellbutrin because of that alone. I've been on some form of antidepressant for nearly 7 years now, some of them long before I was on my current medications.
You could try something like lamictal, which treats depressive episodes more than mania but does mellow out your mood in general. Lithium is the go-to drug for bipolar because it's so effective and reliable, but there are other options.
Good luck man. You have every reason to be wary of antipsychotics and mood stabilizers, they can really fuck you up. In the hands of a good psychiatrist, and so long as you keep informed and communicate how they're affecting you, you'll be alright.
>>27952216
That's a shame, you sound exactly like me when I saw a doctor sophomore year of college. I got put on lexapro and vyvanse, and things got much more bearable for me. Had to take one semester off because of the depression, but after that I've kept my shit together pretty well.
>>27951053
>get appointment to a regular doctor
>tell him about my social problems
>he makes an appointment for a psychiatrist
>talk to a psychiatrist, he talks about assburgers
>sends me to a neuropsychiatrist
And now we're doing some tests and probably going to get a diagnosis ready before fall.
>>27952218
Since I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder I've been treated with nothing but kindness and understanding from the doctors I've seen. They tend to understand the severity of the disorder, and when they see someone who's a good patient and is genuinely trying to get help, they want to do everything they can to get you better.
Years and years ago, I was inaccurately diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (they interpreted my actions during my manic episodes as my normal behavior, because I was hospitalized during a manic episode and it continued throughout the duration of my stay). I was treated worse than an animal. I don't want to go into the details, it's upsetting, but I can safely say that unprofessional shrinks will discriminate against patients with certain diagnoses.
You will not be hospitalized involuntarily under any circumstance UNLESS you admit to having killed someone, abused a child in any way, tried to kill yourself, or intend to do any of those things. So long as you are not an immediate threat to yourself or anyone else, they cannot lock you up,
>>27952247
Thanks. I feel a good bit more at ease about talking to a psychiatrist about Lithium at least now. After the head banging started about a week ago I knew something had to be wrong. If he writes a script for anti psychotics I'll just not take them. I suppose I should have an enzyme test or whatever done beforehand to make sure I can take lithium.
>>27952316
I highly doubt he would prescribe you anything on your first visit, and certainly not an antipsychotic without monitoring you and getting to know you and your history better.
Blood work is MANDATORY when you are taking lithium. Too much of it in your system can kill you, too little can set off your symptoms like nothing else. They have to determine the base amount in your system and prescribe a dose based off of that number. Then they measure your blood again, and adjust, and repeat that until you get the right level. If a psychiatrist /ever/ tries to prescribe you lithium and says you can skip blood tests, do a 360 and walk out of there.
>>27952350
All these complications make me a little nervous. Maybe I'll have a manic episode sometime before my appointment and can walk in the door and not give a fuck lol
>>27942149
Flapping to corpses.. that's too much, man
>>27952426
It may seem daunting, but it's worth the effort. I mean, we've been dealt a shitty fucking hand. Either you're stuck fighting against the mania on your own, or you get help and have to deal with whatever comes with it. IMHO the latter is an infinitely better option. Nothing is worse than losing control of yourself.
>>27952434
man I didn't choose to have this fetish
>>27951033
I've felt the same way too. But one of the main things keeping me from wanting to talk about it with anyone is that I only had that realization because of drugs. Shrooms, Acid, and Weed to be exact.
There are some legitimate red flags from my past that I think really should have gotten some attention. Some things did, but others went completely ignored. Now that I'm looking at those actions from a different perspective, it's become more clear that something was wrong.
Slowly but surely I'm putting 2 and 2 together though.
>>27952478
I guess a few awkward doctors visits is better than bashing my head in. Thanks man, I've been here since 09 and I never expected anyone or anything on this site would be good for my mental health.
>>27951760
yeah, not a bad idea, but it wont solve my anxiety problems :/ (im >>27951562)
>>27952495
I wonder how people get that necro disorder. Everything backwards. Just random bump from schizo affective person of whom is depressed. I only ever glace at a lot of threads.
>>27953990
>>27952495
Oh and I'm sexually dangerous too. To me and others. But I can't say why to anyone.
>>27953402
No problem man, really happy to hear that it was of some help. Good luck out there.
>>27954096
Now I'm interested.
Borderline PD
PTSD
ADD
One of the few acquaintances/potential friends I made in the psych ward moved away and isn't coming back because her boyfriend killed himself or something like that, he died, I don't know how. Another is AWOL, and the other is moving away at the end of the month. Oh and another had a bunch of seizures than stopped responding to me.
I have depression, social and general anxiety, and schizoid, avoidant, and dependent traits. I also have major problems with substance abuse and addiction in general.
I'm more or less all alone. It is what it is. Suicide is constantly on my mind, but I feel too guilty to actually get it over with, because I know how it would effect my family. I'm literally trying to relapse, but I haven't been able to yet because I can't order stuff online right now due to my mom watching my bank account like a hawk, and my dismal failures at cold copping.
And the meds don't fucking help.
>>27942224
I fucking hate DBT. I can't express how much I hate it.
Chronic Insomniac here
I didn't take any MRI test, done some meds. Ended up with Agomelatine and Alprazolam, still do (1 yr 6 months)
>>27954852
why do you hate it?
dbtblox
>>27949827
They basically make your dick fall off and you feel numb. I took it for 2 months and never felt like it was working as intended. The real cure is being a normie it looks like.
