I want to hear your most autist moment.
In turn I will post mine.
I have been reluctant to share this because I know I have friends that browse r9k but they're out watching some gay movie so here we go.
>be me 9th grade, 15, 4/10
>mom just got married to newdad, got a qt 9/10 preppy step sister 14 yrs
>we didn't talk much before they got married but they had a new house built in a rural area that we all moved into
>stepster turned out to be super nice
>don't talk to anyone at school so get crush
Contd
>start fapping thinking of her almost every night, sometimes raid her underwear when I'm alone
>decide to make a move, clearly she likes me because she talks to me on occasion
>parents at work every day when I get home, sister with friends at least three times a week
>our rooms are right next to each other and our closets share a wall on the side
>get tools out of the garage, studfinder, small handsaw, big blade thing to make hole
>saw a fucking child sized fucking hole in the fucking wall
>put drywall back on either side and cover it up
>took me a month or more to actually work up the courage
>wait til nighttime, everyone sleeping
>ragingboner.png
>move the drywall, crawl halfway through the hole
>psst... Pssssst... HEY
>she wakes up Very startled, "who's there" "anon?"
>"it's me, come here I want to show you something"
>"WHAT THE FUCK ANON WHY ARE YOU IN MY CLOSET"
>"I'm not, just come over here I need to show you something"
>she gets up and starts walking over, still half shouting at me
>sees me halfway through a hole in the wall
>"OHMYGODWHATDIDYOUDOWHYWHATTHEFUCKISTHISWHATAREYOUDOING"
>she's is yelling really loud at this point, parents bedroom on the other side of the house but I know they're going to be in here any second
>try to say I just wanted to see her but i don't think she heard me over her yelling, probably wouldn't have calmed her down any anyway.
>parents come in, flip their shit yelling at me, asking me what I was thinking
>reply "I dunno" to everything
>pretty much live in my room forever after that
My whole family barely talks to me to this day and when they do its super awkward
Saw her nips through her shirt tho, so worth it
Bumping for replies so I don't have to kill myself
>>27852623
im sorry op but you should consider killing yourself
i thought you were gonna fap to her while spying through the wall or something, the fuck was that
>>27852623
I called some guy gay for farting around me in highschool.
>>27852623
Post pic of sister faggot
one time i farted in a chippy shop and that fart turned into diarrhoea xD
>>27852635
>>decide to make a move, clearly she likes me because she talks to me on occasion
nigga what the fuck am I reading
i gril invited herself to print paper at my house because she ran out of ink and i told her to just buy some ink. she talked to me most of 8th grade and pretty sure she wanted me to gf her.
not my most autistic, but one thats remarkable in the autism department.
>be Autist
>have semester long group project in college
>group is super preppy kids who are overbearing nice to me
>develop crush on one of the girls in the group
>they invite me to a party they're throwing one weekend
>girl is super drunk and flirting with me
>invites me upstairs to bedroom
>unzips my pants
>forget I still had my anti boner device on from school
>she leaves room and tells everyone
>drop the class the next day
>>27852623
Why did you think that would be a good idea? Crawling through a hole in the wall and whispering to her. Surely even the most fucked up autists would know that's no good.
>>27854092
>anti boner device
w-what
>>27854189
A tampon put into my anus with the strung tied around the tip of my dick to keep it from sticking up
>be teenager
>realize I can jack off inside of socks instead of having conspicuous tissues in the trash
>one day my mom randomly decides to do my laundry while I'm at school
>finds crunchy socks
>"Anon.. if you're going to do disgusting things in your socks, you'll be doing your own laundry you understand..?"
>oh the shame
>>27854092
come up with your own shit instead of stealing other peoples greentext.
>>27854210
why,,,,,,,,,,
You have been muted for 4 seconds, because your comment was not original.
You have been muted for 8 seconds, because your comment was not original.
>>27854210
Jesus christ this is some old copypasta
>>27854210
>tfw never heard that one before
>>27854092
Stolen meme wee woo wee woo
>>27854254
>>27854262
>>27854312
I've already got your (you)s and now I'm outta here. Later nerds
>>27854210
Shitty stale pasta
You didn't even post the original, so I think that just makes it a stolen idea
Shame on you anon
>>27852623
>be in middle school
>dont have many friends
>this qt3.14 starts being nice to me for some reason
>obviously develop crush on her
>hanging around one day
>"i really like you anon"
>shut up femanon
I still have absolutely no idea why i said it
>>27854346
Alpha as fuck. Should have went with it
>>27852635
>Saw her nips through her shirt tho, so worth it
lmao
I think everyone in that situation overreacted t b h, if I was your dad I would've laughed my ass off. Having a normie family must be suffering.
>>27852623
>>27852635
I seriously hope this is bait.
If not, What The Fuck?! How Could Anyone Possibly Think that was a good idea?! Who would even think up some shit like that?!
>>27854346
>go to public highschool after years of isolation during early teens
>girls try to make friends
>only the girls did this, I assume most guys where smart enough to realize I didn't want to deal with their shit
>tell them to fuck off
>successfully avoid any of the soul crushing shameful shit that would have ensued if I tried to make friends
>but at what cost...
Backstory:
>find my dads stash of porn at a very young age, get obsessed with masturbating, ever since I've never been able to look at girls and women the same, it's always sexual and awkward
Really fucked me up, never had and will probably never will have a relationship with a woman.
>at lunch in 12th grade
>girl and like 6 of her friends come over and sit at my table
>figure it was for Chad, they're all flirting with him
>the quiet, frumpy 4/10 with an amazing body speaks to me and confesses that she thinks I'm hot, her face was cherry red
>I'm in a lot of her classes but never heard her speak
>smile, do the cliche anime rubbing the back of the neck because of nervousness thing
>say "you like me"
>she responds yeah
>don't ever say a single word to her ever again
Biggest regret in my life. I also had my one friend that was female ask to see me after graduation, which I took as an opportunity for her to confess her attraction to me and to give me a gift and I ran away as soon as graduation finished.
I cringe everytime.
Also:
>I chase my hot 9/10 20 year old cousin around
>catch her and grab her close to me as we fall
>my boner rubs against her
>she looks at me
>couple of days later
>I'm sitting in the living room talking with family and she comes and sits right on my lap, right on my dick for like 10 minutes
Did she want the D? She also licked my feet one time when me and my cousins all slept in one room on the floor.
>>27854483
>>27854473
>>27854387
>>27854346
>be me
>wet the bed
>felt autistic
>highschool band
>me, a friend, and my gf at the time (the singer)
>gonna play sweet child of mine
>piano cover with acoustic guitar
>"yo dude, we should bring out our electric guitars at the last second and do a metal cover 0 fucks maaan"
>agree
>it's the day
>"and now, anons will play sweet child of mine"
>turn off piano, take out my electric guitar, friend does the same
>GF looks confused (we didn't tell her)
>we try to do the intro (we practiced for like 3 hours and the only song i knew how to play at that time was nothing else matters for fucks sake)
>Volume is shit, mine's too loud, friend's too quiet
>we start over 3 times until we finally get it somewhat correct (it was still diarrea shit)
>gf part comes in
>she's got a smi-HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG
>volume is too loud all of the sudden, i'm too autistic to turn it down
>the fucking sound
>Imagine 2 guys with tourettes with no experience whatsoever just fucking scratching the strings like fucking retards
>during the chorus, gf stops singing (no one could even fucking hear her over the shitstorm anyways) and looks at me like a puppy who just shat on the rug
>just stares at me for the remaining of the "song"
>the suffering ends
>no one claps
>we pick our shit and leave in an instant
Thank god it was the last day festival.
>>27852635
>My whole family barely talks to me to this day and when they do its super awkward
I find it hard to believe that this alone would lead them to shun you for very long. So when exactly did this happen? Are you still 15?
>>27854537
Wetting the bed isn't Autistic.
In fact, I still have a waterproof mattress protector (two of them actually, an soft, breathable, absorbent one with a waterproof backing and a vinyl one under that) and an underpad on my bed. Also, whenever I'm sleeping somewhere that isn't my bed, or if I am sick, extra tired, drunk, extra stressed, or whatever, I tend to wear padding.
>>27854531
Oh, I just remembered a cringe one.
>3rd grade
>just finished reading a book about random facts about the solar system
>speaking to some girl
>body temperature comes up
>I think I'd be cool and tell her a fact that would show her how smart I am
>say "you're hot but the surface temperature of venus is hotter"
>she laughs at me and tells the whole class and they all laugh at me and call me a loser
>realize that I said she looked hot instead of just saying that a humans body temperature is hot
I was fucked at the start. I thought things like that would impress girls, but I instead got bullied.
>hottest girl in 6th grade randomly comes up to me and says she thinks I'm hot
>just look at her
>she keeps saying it louder and louder saying she wants to kiss me and for us to go out
>just shake my head at her
>she was trying to make me look like a loser by sexually bullying me while laughing and getting a few chuckles from the class
Never had a chance.
>>27854662
Can you please elaborate on your condition a little bit anon?
>>27854668
Wait, I just remembered what the line was.
It was:
>you're hotter than the surface temperature of Mars
It was autistic as fuck.
>5th grade, no friends, extremely neglectful parents that were gone for days at a time
>go to chat room regularly because lonely
>desperately want attention like the edgelord i am
>tell them i wish i had gastrointestinal cancer so people would care about me
>massive scorning, try to come back the next day but everyone hates me
>never return, lose my only social network
I still remember it so starkly. At least I made irl friends later in middle school but still it was really upsetting and basically defined how I interacted with people from then on (now i just want to please people and not upset anyone)
>>27854837
It's strange how one error can ruin the rest of your social career. It would be fine if this were a video game and we were playing hard mode, but it's real life and you can fuck up completely on accident and have this shit happen to you. Normies are fucking disgusting.
>>27854668
>just shake my head at her
Best thing you could of done other than telling her to fuck off
>>27854886>tfw it's all a game and we're playing hard mode with no resets
Yeah I feel you, that's why it's so nice to be online where I can think about everything before responding. Too dysfunctional/depressed for real-world interaction.
>>27854974
Yeah man, i dooked my underoonies
>>27852623
>be 23 yo virgin
>decide that I want to get a hooker
>driving up to her place
>oh god what have I done
>anxiety through the roof
>go in, she tells me to strip
>spill spaghetti everywhere, visibly nervous
>"gosh anon you're making ME nervous"
>"I umm... I am... a umm.. virgin."
>tries her best to keep up appearances but it's obvious she wants it to end
>don't even finish
>too nervous to keep boner
>drive home almost in tears
>god damn I'm such a fucking loser
This happened 3 years ago and I still cringe when I think about it. Haven't had sex since.
>9th grade
>have crush on this girl
>at lunch with "friends"
>see crush and another girl sitting at a nearby bench
>"friend" says he'll give me $5 if I go over and talk to her right now
>fuck yea I'll show her how cool I am she'll totally want to talk to me
>stomp on over to them and sit down on the bench
>they stop talking for a moment and look at me
>look back to each other and continue like I'm not even there
>sit there for at least 30 seconds, surely they'll talk to me soon
>start shaking and realizing they don't care about me
>stand up and run off back to my original bench
>made $5
>>27854742
Some people have bad bladder control (not that anon) but I know of a guy who if he gets really drunk he has been known to wet the bed. Guy's missing a chromosome and his knees dislocate, I feel bad for him desu
>>27854020
That picture... 10/10 god tier...
>>27855251
Just do it again a few more times. It's normal you were nervous. Your mistake was not going back for more hookers to get practice and eventually decent at sex.
>>27855686
I thought about it a few times and I might someday, I think I'll try a massage/happy ending place first since I don't have to perform and I can relax. Every time I think about booking an appointment my anxiety boils over and I jerk off and stop thinking about it.
I'm totally fine with staying celibate.
>>27854220
>tfw 23 years old and still cum in socks because its convenient
>6th grade
>sitting across from short haired japanese girl
>had crush on her since 4th grade
>language barrier
>one day start softly kicking her, making a game out of it. she kicks me back
>eventually turns into me rubbing her legs with mine
>she visibly blushes
>starts happening on the daily, just grinding each other
>we gradually stop doing it, class is getting harder etc
>new semester, seats change, barely even see her anymore
>grades start falling
>feeling more distant from everyone
>school year ends, do nothing but play battlefield vietnam all summer
>mfw all these vietcong remind me of my sweet little japanese oneitis :-(
>cry at my computer, white rabbit by jefferson airplane on repeat for hours in the bfv menu screen
>school starts again, guess who i sit next to
>we're all busy listening to beginning of the year stuff from the teacher
>feel that familiar feeling on my legs
>mind you this is 7th grade, i puberty'd over summer and am now rock hard and dripping precum
>dont know how im supposed to handle this
>lunchtime happens, find her in the cafeteria
>sit beside her, she seems happy to see me
>her english has gotten better, we talk about what she did over summer
>grab her hand and put it on my dick while she's in mid-sentence
>she gets up and leaves
>i have so much adrenaline that i knock my tray off the table like one of those bad infomercials for cleaning products
>10 minutes later "anon please report to the office immediately" over the nazispeakers
>she's crying, they already called both our parents
>school is super strict on sexual harassment because of some stuff that happened years earlier
>nearly get expelled because of autism
>never talk to her again
>she never had a bf in high school
years later and i still dont get it. i think one of the reasons im still khv is because im too relaxed. im so scared of making any aggressive moves towards women anymore
>>27854577
>girlfriend
GET OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>27854531
>never been able to look at girls the same
Holy shit that feel...
Is there ANY way to fix this ?
>>27854220
typical puritan trash mom calling masturbation "disgusting"
what a hypocritical cunt
>>27856395
You should have known better by that time
>>27856395
> nut-nut
I have a whole heap, just give me a little bit of time to greentext it.
>Be me a generic autist
>Waiting for class to start with a friend of mine while we discuss the new zelda game
>Fucking chads come up and ask why we haven't had sex yet
>"I don't want to get anyone pregnant or catch a sexually transmitted disease"
>Chads laugh at me
That one was quite time i have a few more if you guys are interested.
Reposting old story
>invited to party in highschool
>first and last
>have crush on girl there
>everyone gets drunk
>follow her around most of the night
>she's stumbling around and falling over... onto other guys
>I keep picking her up
>I even ripped my jeans at one point when I squatted down to pick her up
>go to pick her up one time and she turns and says completely soberly
>"just leave me alone"
>realize at this point she's not actually drunk, she drank half a bear and is just fucking around
>apparently her and this other guy were dating and there's something between them
>I'm fucking autistic and can't understand
>everyone goes to sleep
>she goes into a bedroom to sleep in bed with that guy
>I sleep outside, shaking all night from the cold because I gave my jacket to another girl who left
>next morning
>everyone is sitting on the couch watching TV
>I walk in and sit between her and that guy completely oblivious and naive
>my crush makes mention about how a celebrity in the show is so attractive
>I nudge her and say she looks like her even though she didn't
>awkward. fucking. silence.
>eventually everyone leaves
>>27860064
fuck this hurt man
>>27852623
Just the regular oneitis at school I guess
>be from 13-15
>have mostly male friends with a couple of girls
>one is nice to me
>of course I become infatuated with her
>she is already the gf of a friend
>other friend stirs the shit, tells me she "fancies me"
>get her alone
>tell her I love her
>she just hugs me and defuses the situation
This is where it should have ended. This should have been cringe and autism enough
>continue infatuation
>wait patiently for her to leave boyfriend
>always inviting myself to sleepovers and out with them at any chance I can to be around her
>I'm a "nice guy" who will "treat her right"
That is 100% what I thought
>She breaks up with him
>10 minutes later I ask her out
>"No"
>She gets back with bf 20 minutes later anyway, it was just a spat
>Cry all the way home and all night
I lingered on her for a little while before waking up. It's 10 years later now. She's actually quite ugly except for her tits. I wonder how much better my teen quality of life would have been without being obsessed with her though, all because she was a girl who was kind to me and had big tits.
Hopefully this one is good enough..
>be home schooled lonley desperate 7th grader
>summer vacation, all friends on vacation
>always try to hang out with neighborhood kids
>have to find new friends because other kids started ignoring me
>see new kid down the street
>start talking to her and think she's cute
>5/10 cringe face but nice body
>she thinks I'm cute
>start jacking it to her everynight
>she has attention whore friend who is slightly hotter but I'm not into her
>skip a few days
>come outside, 8 year old brother comes along now
>go to attention whores house because her mom isn't home
>girl I like keeps asking me out but don't want relationship so slip away uncomfortably
>be sitting on couch
>she puts her hand on my dick and smiles
>shieeeet.jpeg
>have huge borner as she grabs a bit harder and pushes me down, going over me and grinding my dick
>attention whore puts my hand on her side
>nope.avi
>spill spaghetti and squirm and throw her off of me and push attention whore
>little brother swings door open for me as we run home
>they start coming to my house and asking me to go outside
>never went outside again
That was my only chance of getting laid too..
>>27854662
I like to have a mattress protector so I can just go piss when I wake up in the night without getting up. Chuck it all in the wash the next morning and you're golden
>>27860472
Golden
Heh
>>27860064
>I gave my jacket to another girl who left
It's the little details that really drive the autism home
>>27854020
Its funny, I thought thats why I never had a GF. After 40 hit ups later and no GF I figured it out.
>Baby face
>Awkward
>No interest girls like
>>27852623
>be 19
>meet gorgeous girl on myspace
>she's way out of my league
>she wants to meet up
>hang out with her all day, make her laugh a bunch
>it's late
>start dozing off on her bed
>she strops down to bra and panties and crawls in beside me
>shift to side to face away from her and hide massive erection
>pretend to be asleep
>nothing happens
and that's the story of the first time I slept with a girl. literally. but not sexually because I was an autistic virgin retard.
she got a boyfriend a week later and stopped talking to me. years later and i've since become a pseudo-normie, but i still haven't been able to get her out of my head.
>>27857473
It's disgusting if she has to clean it up, NEETlord.
>>27860535
>First week of Uni
>girl shows interest on myspace
>she's at the same Uni, literally across the street from our residence
>looks like a QT
>"H-here we go anon, time to leave secondary school behind and start slaying pussy!"
>invite her round
>she's a hamplanet
>I got tricked by the myspace photo angle
>she brings a 6-pack of Beck's
>we sit with my flatmates in the living room for half an hour in near silence
>she drinks one bottle and leaves
We drank the beers she left and I never spoke to her again. Crisis averted, but I learned a valuable lesson about accepting internet women at face value and thinking with my autistic penis all the time.
>>27856395
>making any aggressive moves towards women anymore
Be assertive, not aggressive. Unless your Chad. If your Chad anything goes.
>>27860064
painful/10
>>27856395
nice alpha move tho
>>27852623
I faked an orgasm at an Asian massage parlor so she would let me leave.
>>27854092
repostkin faggot, get the fuck out
