Maybe because you gave up on your appearance and don't fuck him anymore. You're probably older than 30 so you're already like spoiled milk. Can't blame him for wanting some that's fresher.

>asks some random website what her husband is up to

ask him

>>27721916
This is probably the only polite reply your thread will receive. That's not really enough information for the reader to deduce anything at all. The most important thing in relationships is communication. And please don't let yourself go i.e. become fat and ugly. If you hold onto your looks, it'll make everything much easier. I know you won't take me seriously and disregard this advice, because you're a troll.

>>27721970
You'd think so, but we actually have a lot of sex; he just happens to love porn. A lot.

And I'm not 30 yet although, you know, it's only a matter of time.

>>27721916
>Adult married woman
>Asking for advice in /r9k
>Not asking her female adult women so that they pat her in the back

Nice try neckbeard faggot.

>>27721916
>>>/adv/

Why not let him have his affair? You're cheating on his already so it would just be fair. That's why it's called "a fair".

>>27721973
We have talked about it. We are married, and I wasn't snooping; he was very lassez-faire with his downloads and letting me download some things onto his iPad. I don't think he thought it through.

Anyway his line of reasoning was that there was no chance of him leaving and that he is not at all dissatisfied with our marriage or sex life. I just wanted to know if his rationale regarding 'dirty online chat only, it's just like porn but MORE FUN,' is an actuality for others as well. It sounds reasonable, but I don't want to be completely naive about it all.

>>27722044
Well. It's strange you post here.

I just Jerkrd off to craigslist m4m.
I am straight and happily married. Why do I do it? I don't know. If my wife ever saw it it would freak her the Fuck out. But honestly, I'm just jerking off.

>>27722007
Thank you for your polite reply!

I understand that communication is important. We do communicate fairly well, but I am scared that I don't really understand the whole pornography mindset, because it's not something I personally indulge in. I also don't really understand what it must have been like to spend years at uni watching endless porn. Perhaps something interactive is the next step. I just want to try to wrap my head around his rationalisation and get a better idea about what is normal for men in terms of porn usage and online chat sites.

We have had long conversations about my sense of trust and my feelings of inadequacy, especially because we have sex approximately 5-7 times a week on average, depending on his work schedule. I don't want to think I'm not meeting his needs in other ways, and I wonder if I am not doing *enough* sexually, although he says that is not the case. Obviously I don't want to go on and on about my insecurity because that really WILL be a turn off.

Not saying I was ever a 10/10 but I haven't gone downhill since we married, and only a very little since we met 11 years ago. I will definitely keep your advice in mind and work harder on my physique.

>>27721916

> husband

i think you're lost

All of the people indulging in "WOMYN HATE" ITT Are fucking normies
OP is a normalfag that needs to fuck off
Not be given shitposter attention from /r/theredpill
Go to reddit if you want to suck some womens roastie

>>27722143
Talk to your priest about the issue

>>27722010
I would never discuss anything this personal about my husband with another human being, ESPECIALLY another woman. She'd judge him, and her judgment of him would permeate everything she ever said about him to me, ever. I don't want our marriage influenced by people who know him and who have any sort of interest in the drama of watching the end of our relationship.

Here, I can ask men for advice - not to substitute talking TO my husband, but to get the feelings out without breaking the intimacy of my marriage by talking to a gossipy friend. And also, to maybe come to understand the normality or non-normality of some male behaviours that I honestly don't grasp.

>>27722035
I definitely don't want him to have an affair; I just have all the FEELINGS of him having an affair, but he actually hasn't. I don't want to overreact to something that is actually kind of a normal guy thing, and end up pushing him away.

>>27722202
Bait or not, this is actually smart and I wish most women did it this way. Talking to your actual friends about it will make your relationship look bad and people will judge you and change their opinions of both of you. And, often a friend will just agree with whatever you said and they'll just feed your bad opinions. They'll only get your side so they'll agree that he's cheating or not good enough for you or something like that.

>>27722222
Waste of a get
Talk to your husband and talk to your priest
If you have no priest then your invalid make believe marriage is the least of your concerns

>>27722250
It's not bait. I've seen how vicious the outcomes are of girls sharing even the most minor of slip-ups with their circle of friends.

I've heard girls talk about other girls' relationships and it is NOT pretty - other people shouldn't have a say in my marriage at all, and they only get a say if I make the choice to go out and run my mouth and complain about my husband.

I read somewhere once that the only way to have a marriage between two people that stays a marriage between two people is not to let anybody else into that marriage. I think it was a warning about cheating, but if you ask for advice from somebody you know, you let them into the marriage. I figure internet strangers for advice is no worse than internet strangers for nude pictures.

>>27722253
I wouldn't talk to my priest about this either. If my husband decides he needs to talk to our priest, that's his call.

>>27722400
It sounds like he has a serious issue with sexual sin that needs to be addressed
A priest can help
Also, it's his job to help

>>27722143
Men are on average a lot more visual with sex than women.
One of the reasons that men enjoy watching porn more might be due to how we're wired to try and spread our seed as much as possible. That might also explain why novelty can be such a turn-on for men as well as how a fair amount of men go for more hardcore and extreme porn/kinks as time passes if they watch a lot of it.
We live in an era where such sense of novelty is practically at the tip of our fingers, just a few mouseclicks away.

I personally doubt I'd go for online dirty chatting if I'd be married with a woman, but I can't say for sure it won't change after 10+ years in marriage.
It could be that he (subconsciously) has the idea that only you find him desirable and he's looking for a bigger sensation like that, especially if you were his first and only (healthy) relationship. Where women will get hit on by random people to get that extra sense of desirability, men hardly get that - or when they do it's too subtle to pick it up.
Online dirty chatting would be a relatively harmless way to get that sensation of other people.

What men do with this or how far they're willing to escalate or let it consume them, depends per person. Some men will go for any opportunity to cheat and such, other men have zero interest in that. Men from either camp can enjoy porn and such just as much.

As for the sex, 5-7 times a week on average after 10+ years is very impressive as most women lose interest and drop down to less than once a week after a few years tops. But, if the sex still feels like a chore for both and it lacks passion, that could add to the reduced sense of desirability (for both of you).

If you're genuine, /adv/ is a much better place for advice like this, bar the few people responding coherently here you'll mostly be met with anger, raging, bitterness.

>>27722085
Thank you for sharing this.

This really actually sounds similar (other than the m4m, of course.) He had a craigslist account going and was literally just soliciting naked pictures and dirty talk.

He also claims he doesn't know why he does it, and that it is totally unrelated to his happiness with me or his sexual satisfaction. Apparently he just likes knowing he can and it's exciting in a way that porn isn't.

I don't want to overreact (more than I probably already have) to something that is essentially a masturbatory activity.

>>27722454
Yes, but that's his business. Not mine. I wouldn't go and 'dob him in.' Only he can decide whether he has an issue he sees as a serious sexual sin.

>>27722596
No it's not his decision
What he's doing is serious sexual sin
Go read a catechism
It'll tell you what is and isn't sin
This is and it's bad for your marriage
And your marriage is about both of you. If you care about him you don't want him sin and damage his own soul

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>does he want to cheat?
Yes. Most men want to cheat, as in most, I mean 99%. The only reason they don't is because most cannot cheat (too ugly, not confident enough, etc). If a horny man was offered a 100% fool proof way to cheat with an attractive woman and get away with it and nobody else would know about it, he would do it. Luckily for you, your bf is probably too nerdy to ever get a chance like that, so he'll probably never cheat. Wont stop him from lusting after other women though.

>>27722008
>>27722143

you fucked up and married him.

ashley madison means he is looking to have an affair. dont be stupid. best get divorced before you have kids

>>27722645
this is retarded. ive been in this situation many times and never cheated.

>>27722581
yea hes a cheater and doesnt give a fuck about your marriage. nice one coming to my anime fapboard for a friendly chat with the internet's intellectuals for advice. classy

>>27722181
Calm down sperg, just go to a different thread of this one triggers you.

Oh and btw, this isn't your safe space you pussy faggot

>>27722468
I think that the visual aspect is really important to him. He particularly enjoys when I dress up for him, so I try to make an effort to do so at least on weekends. I'm also really conscious about making sure he can see as well as hear and feel my desire.

We've only been married three years, but together for eight, maybe nine. Somewhere there.

I was his first and only relationship, so that is really insightful for you to pick up on. He did mention that he just enjoys being able to get somebody to send nudes. Perhaps after such a long time, it's no longer an ego-boost from me, just expected. And I'm not so silly I don't realise that being hit on or admired does make you feel really good.

I don't think he would cheat; but if he's going to cheat, I can't stop him. I did talk to him about discussing it with me first. If he was truly feeling miserable about not being able to sleep with another person, and he brought that to me as a concern, I would be open to discussing how to work through that in a variety of ways. I'm not closed-minded. It's more the idea that he would do it without discussing it with me.

Since I found the images, he claims to have not done anything else with girls online, and just stuck to regular porn. I believe him, because he doesn't have an incentive to lie - we did agree that if he was too tempted to go back to it, we would discuss it and work out some good parameters so both of us could feel okay with it.

I wasn't sure if /adv/ would do what a lot of places do with women - if the guy seems to have done anything even remotely 'bad,' it's all, 'break up break up break up.'

I don't want to break up, or overreact. I want to be sure that what he says about this habit he developed being separate to how he feels about the relationship is believable. I don't want to be stupid, but I also don't want to be hammered with advice that ultimately plays on my feelings and insecurity, not on fact.

>>27722707
It's not retarded. I said 'horny' for a reason.If a man in a relationship was offered a chance to cheat and definitely get away with it, but wasn't aroused, he wouldn't do it most likely. But if he was horny, you bet he would. Most people don't really mind cheating anyways, they usually rationalize saying 'well she is going to cheat eventually so i might as well cheat too' or something dumb like that.

>>27722253
Don't go to a priest unless you want your kids molested

>>27722743
sounds like youre a fucking cuck

>>27722759
Reminder that you're more likely to be molested by a secular employee than a Catholic priest
Take your fag memes to >>>/lgbt/

>>27722743
I already told you exactly what to do
Either go to a priest or fuck off
thread's over

>>27722623
How do you feel about birth control?

>>27722645
I don't think I agree with this. I'm sure that if it was completely consequence free in every way, most people would cheat.

However, it never is consequence free, and most adults are in a position to make rational decisions about that.

>>27722808
Artificial contraception?
Sin
NFP?
Fine

>>27722675
Honestly I'm more embarrassed than angry about Ashley Madison, given how much media attention was devoted to the massive lack of genuine females on the site.

If he was actually going to have an affair, I would have to make a separate decision about what I would do in that situation. I am undecided on what I would do if it came to that.

>>27722707
I thought I was finding the perfect demographic of people who use the internet to fap on a regular basis. Thank you for confirming.

>>27722781
Nothing is impossible.

>>27721916
Madam kindly show your breast or I am afraid you have to leave this board

tits or gtfo

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>>27722943
Sir. I enjoy breasts on a regular bass and am more than happy to show you the kind I indulge in most frequently.

I hope that this satisfies your requirements.

>>27722995
That looks pretty tast e

>>27722743
>>27722851
Hmm, I had no idea what Ashley Madison was; just checked it. To add to my previous >>27722468 reply, I do find that site to be a concern.
I'd say there's a big difference between simple dirty online chatting and going to a site that's actively aimed at affairs - however big the lack of genuine females on it.
It's like a difference between going to bars and acquainting with people and enjoying it when women give some attention but not doing anything with it, and actively going out and about flirting with women and trying to get to the point of making out but just barely stop right before doing so.
It's a completely different mindset, and honestly I do think the latter has a much higher likelihood of one day getting past the tipping point. Of course it still depends on the man, but the probability/risk is a LOT higher.

It would worry me if my gf would do that, that's for sure. And honestly, I'm not interested in sharing her with other men as I went into a relationship with a monogamous assumption in mind. It would be different if an open relationship would be clear from the start (as in, I wouldn't be with her as that's not my thing), but I personally couldn't just try and arrange some relationship in which she could go fuck whomever else even with me knowing who they are or whatever.

If that is your thing, by all means consider that as a possible solution, but make sure it's something you won't regret afterwards.

>all information on the Ashley Madison userbase leaked
>OP's husband signs up anyway
jej

>>27722995
mmm i vote you show more of your breasts sir

>>27723074
It does seem that way, doesn't it? It seems to be actively searching.

On the positive side, he says it isn't, and showed me all his messages then and there without me asking - nothing even requesting to meet and his preferences were definitely set to 'erotic chat/pic exchanges.'

The most positive thing about this was that several people he had spoken to had asked about his wife, and he never bagged me or said i didn't understand him - he said the sex was outstanding. And that was in writing, days before I'd found the pictures, and he didn't know I'd ever see it. So.

It just all feels complicated and overwhelming, if I'm honest. I just want to be as reasonable as I possibly can. I definitely went into this with an expectation of monogamy and I'm not sure where I'm at with the whole thing.

>Even married women are posting on this board.
Where did everything go so wrong ?

>>27723367
>married woman
>Catholic
Nothing went wrong

I came here to troll you, but lady, you sound nice so I'll be honest. Porn or soliciting pics from girls w/ever is one thing. If you're ok with that then there is no problem. It's perfectly normal for a man. But the fact that he's on Ashley Maddison should concern you.

Honestly you sound like you don't want to accept the fact that you might lose him. He knows this and is taking advantage of you. There is absolutely no reason to be on a website for having affairs unless you're trying to have an affair. It sounds like you want the relationship no matter what, but he sounds like he is willing to throw everything away. Start emotionally disengaging with him so that when he inevitably reveals he's been cheating on you it won't hurt so much.

Sorry femanon

>>>/r/relationships
>>>/adv/
Bye

Wow if this was my bf or husband, soliciting or sending pictures of himself near nude, he would be done.

Get some self respect. Your husband is treating you like a stay-at-home fleshlight. If he was satisfied with his sex life (or capable of being satisfied and not an undisciplined pig) he wouldn't be doing any of this shit.