Well r9k.. My mom is going out of town and is leaving tomorrow morning and will be gone until monday. I was pretty happy since i was gonna have the whole house to myself but then she just told me that she hired a fucking babysitter for me that will be staying the whole time and living in my moms bedroom. Im 25 and tried to kill myself for the second time just last month so she is worried i will try again. Apparently the babysitter is a girl she found online thats about 19. Please someone just fucking kill me already. Thought i was going to get some peace but now im going to have 3 days of nonstop anxiety.
>>27711831
man that pepe is angry as HECK
also you need to come up with something devilish to mess with the babysitter
A 19 year old girl agreed to "babysit" a 25 year old man? I'm not sure what this girl is expecting. Why is this causing you anxiety? Why not just talk to the girl a bit to improve your social skills. Or ignore her.
POSTING IN AN 3P1C THREAD
>>27711831
Just do your best to creep her out and maybe she'll leave and won't come back.
Best case scenario you get to fuck her.
>>27711831
is she a qt? r you a hottie?
>>27711831
She hired a prostitute and told her to roleplay as a babysitter. She's going to try and seduce you.
>>27711831
Sounds like your mom hired an escort for you
>>27711831
Obviously you fug the sitter
you know what to do, anonfuck the robot
>>27712120
>25 year old who needs a babysitter
>hottie
>>27712043
>implying i will ever leave my room
unfortunately i have no lock on my door and my mom is probably going to have her monitoring me. also the only reason she probably agreed to it is because she is paying her extra money (my mom is pretty rich from divorcing my dad).
This is months old pasta, fyi
But still funny. The original was probably real.
>>27711831
>a 19 year old girl is going to be sleeping alone in your house for an entire week
YOU FUCKING RETARD your mom is getting you laid!
>>27711831
why are not thinking about the possibility of raping her? wtf is wrong with you?
>>27712156
>who needs a babysitter
the only way this makes sense, and is real, is that he's an alright guy but is depressed and suicidal and seems fucked up enough to be waiting for a chance to end his life, and that he isnt a manchild literally needing to rent a mommy
>>27712168
this is not a pasta anon..
check to see if you can get laid
if you cant, just make really loud reeeeeee sounds and scream for tendies until she leaves
>mom hires escort disguised as babysitter
>wants me to give her the dick
>give her a lethal dose of morphine instead
>>27711831
>yfw she invites Chad over and they fuck on the living room couch while watching movies and eating pop corn
>>27712120
im pretty average but im 25 and have lived with my mother for the past 6 years so obviously my social/seducing skills are not gonna be too great
>>27712233
This is why suicides turn into murder-suicides
>>27712233
EATING YOUR POPCORNS
Hope your mom doesn't fall for the kettle corn meme
>25
>mommy hired a little girl baby sitter half your age to take care of you
It doesnt get much more pathetic than this.
So I laughed about the "babysitter and I'm 25" part up until the suicide thing and then it made a ton of good sense.
She's there to make certain you're still alive, not put you to bed before 9, not much to worry about
You know what you have to do now.
Slit your throat on the toilet, so that it's a real fucking bloody mess.
>>27712452
>implying having a little girl constantly checking on you, a grown ass man, every hour isnt the most cuckish beta emasculating thing that could happen
>not killing yourself in front of this grill and scarring her for the rest of her life
>>27712556
If OP has any brains he will rape her first so he won't die a virgin. She's probably been fucked by many Chads so it won't be her first dick.
>>27711831
Creampie her.
>>27712125
That's the most plausible explanation I could think of for OP's situation. Go for it
ok this is how i would roll with it
>meet grill
>tell her you understand this is awkward and stupid
>ask her if she knows why the mom set this up (because of her concern about suicide)
>explain that mom is just overly protective and worried about killing yourself, make up bullshit about how you're past that or would never think of doing such a thing for your mom
>tell her she can totally fuck off now, not to worry, and that you'll tell your mom she was here for all 3 days
>say sorry for bothering her and having this stupid thing
>do it all in a heavy voice that suggests you're fucking tired of living and of your mom's bullshit and you just don't want to disturb the grill and want to be finally left alone
if you're hot, you might also get a pity fuck out of it
>>27712629
>finally has a girl to be alone with him for a whole weekend
>tell her to leave
?
dude how are you not wiggling inside yourself at the opportune chance of some pristine puss. seriously anonymous evaluate your situation and master this task for the betterment of your genetic bloodline. Progeny is one of the most fulfilling achievements any man of his or her age could hope for. With regards to the legality of non consensual sex just pretend that you are retarded in the event the local authorities are brought into the equation. I am rooting for you Original Poster and may your penis be happy forever and ever, hail Satan.
postscript, once the mystery of sexual intercourse has been unraveled you can rest assured that you will either; a) will want some more (in which case you do not kill him or her) or b) you're fucking gay
>>27712704
it's a girl you don't know and she doesn't know you and she might be ugly or you might be too ugly and it's all awkward and you can't really talk or like watch films or snuggle together so more like avoiding yourself all day and just stupid all around
It's already been said, but it's more than likely that your mother is actually trying to help you. Socially, that is.
She's got you a 19 year old girl to be around you for a good couple of days. Now, if you choose to fuck her- fair enough.
But why not try to develop your social skills? Don't interpret that as full blown intimate conversations, but more of just interacting with another human being- just a little. Try to leave your man cave, and just say hi.
I am betraying all I am as a robot by saying this. But you have been blessed.
You've been given the key, whilst we all sit back in our shackles.
Use the key, anon.
