>go out to eat with parents
>use the restroom
>poopoo and peepee on seat and floor
>leave
>wait to see cleaners rush in
>goes to movie on premier day
>spouts out spoilers in the lobby on the way out
>Go to grocery store
>Hide all the tendies and sardines in other aisles behind things only healthy people buy
>>27688600
>Go to see the new movie on premier day
>Stop in the lobby to smell the expertly placed and arranged flowers
>The white pansy begins to twitch
>Out of the bud, sprouts a spoiler, pertaining to the new movie which I am seeing on the day of its premier
>mfw
>>27688647
IT WAS YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!
I ONLY HAVE TWO DAYS WORTH OF TENDIES LEFT!!!!!
MOMMY WON'T DRIVE ME BACK TO THE GROCERY STORE FOR ANOTHER WEEK!!!!!
>>27688710
jej'd hella
>>27688647
Chicken breast is healthy as fuck though, and chicken thigh is just as good even if they're out. Flour is a staple so it's only bought once a month or so,same thing with peanut oil and lard.
>>27688564
>play vidya online
>intentionally have several things downloading at once to raise my ping to 600+
>get easy kills because i'm warping around so much they can't touch me
>using snowblower to clean up driveway and sidewalk
>blow it onto the neighbor's sidewalk and driveway
>>27689500
>neighbor blows shit onto my property
>coated all his doors and windows shut with a ton of pvc glue
>log onto neighbor's unsecured wifi
>pirate several recently released movies
>talk to them the next day
>they mention their internet being really slow
>few days later they get a C&D in the mail
>enter dolphin rape cave
>dolphins come
>shout "I consent"
>it's no longer rape
>it's bestiality
>now i'm the criminal
>asshole i know gets so mad at me he tells me to kill myself, in front of all the coworkers
>kill myself
>mfw he gets arrested for manslaughter
get rekt normie scum
>work overnight stock at grocery store
>rearrange the store with coworkers
>take good care to hide the dew and doritos
>mfw neckbeards come in the next day and spend an hour looking
>tell therapist I'm not going to kill myself
>kill my self later that day
>little brother is playing pokemon
>he's at the elite 4
>tell him "c'mon, lets go do something"
>says he can't save
>tell him "You don't know? In Gold you can save mid fight, it's automatic"
>he buys it
>>27690003
kek'd tbqh lad
>penis inspection day
>there's some super shy looking kid
>my initials are AA
>his are XM
>swap badges with him
>penis inspector sees him and starts screaming at him for not coming up
>doesn't even take him to the backroom for inspection she's so angry
>he fails and has to repeat the year
>fired from pizza place
>see pizza boys out on delivery
>they're driving behind me
>drive 5mph below speed limit
>local pizza place promises to deliver within 30 minutes or its free
>park in their parking lot, call them and order 5 pizzas
>wait for the delivery man to get into his car
>tail him a while, then pull up and force his car off the road into some normie's house
>drive away
>get 5 pizzas free of charge
>work out constantly
>always moving
>don't even want to get into shape
>contributing to the heat death of the universe doing this
>the universe will end faster all because of me
>make account on shitty obscure forum
>check every day for new people asking for help for making vidya work
>find one
>reply "pm'd you the fix ;)"
>pm a tinyurl link to meatspin
>pissed him off
>pissed the countless anons that will look up the same problem on the internet and see the thread
>Go on shooting spree
>Only shoot people who look like robots
My dad is /devilish/
>at movie
>starts eating my popcorn
>"dad you don't even like popcorn"
>"I know anon"
I learned from a master
>work at game freak
>put in an ingame trade for a Haunter
>a lot of people like Gengar but have no friends
>make the haunter hold an everstone
>it can't evolve now
>mfw all the tears i see online
>seeing the doctor about my foot
>they inject my foot with some shit to freeze it
>it hurts quite a bit and gives me a boner
>doc notices my boner and he gets super awkward
>working grocery store
>see some awkward shy looking guy
>see him pick up chips
>"oh nice, family size, you planning a party this friday night buddy?"
>he stutters when he tries to talk
>working drive thru
>guy asks for no ice
>fill half the cup with ice
>he's too much of a sperg to correct me
>saved the restaurant a few cents and ruined his drink
>put some beers in the fridge
>take them out 2 minutes later
>they're not even slightly chilled
>little brother asks for a drink
>get him a drink
>take a sip and backwash
>"here you go bro"
>mad at mummy
>she didnt buy me tendies
What should i do?
>>27693434
Kill her and her new nigger boyfriend. Duh
>>27692104
Best
> hate silverside
> eat it anyway
> made sure the animal's agony was far greater than the pleasure of the devourer
>>27692823
>gives me a lethal dose of morphine instead
>>27693529
But then who will bring me tendies? And also mummy doesn't have a nigger boyfriend daquan left us for some reason.
>say I'm 170 cm tall
>I'm 169 cm tall
>>27689458
That's fucking genius, man.
>>27693698
>some servers have autokick for high ping
>end one of the downloads so that i have ping just low enough to not break the cap
>>27688804
>request for more two-in-one Pepes
>don't post any
>cousin wants a new n64 controller
>tell him i'll get him one
>get him this, even though i know it's bad
>go to public bathroom
>take all the toilet paper from the one clean stall and put it in the very dirty stall
Which will you choose, normie scum?
>someone stops me on the street and asks for the time
>look at watch, it's 12:00pm
>tell him it's 11:45
Who /scoundrel/ here
> Be me
> Student
> We have to do a presentation
> Some group asks if they use the powerpoint as an aid to their presentation
> I say they can
They cannot
> You have to use a small note if you forgot your stuff and wear a suit, Thats all you can use
> They start up the powerpoint
> Get told they cant
> They have no back up
> They fail their presentation
MFW
>>27695809
>guy asks me for the time
>says he needs to be to work by 9
>say it's 8:58
>laugh as i watch him run his ass off
> Be me
> Be student
> In groupchat with other classmates
> A fit gril asks where the group is, since we have some time between classes and it is lunch hour
>We sit in the cafetaria
> I say we sit at the thirdfloor
> She walks up to there only to find out that the classroom I texted didnt excist
> Whole class is sniggering
> 'oh, Anon you cant do that thihihi that mean hihi
> Me: 'Well then text here
> They didnt
> They have been trapped in my plan
> She later comes back to us, sweating since she is fat and had two bags and her laptop with her.
No fucks given
