Another day of being alive..
Tell me what's on your mind
Why are you depressed?
i'm not really depressed anymore, i'm just bored because i have no fucking friends and let alone a gf.
Another day living with Depression. I feel hopeless. Like, everything is pointless. Skipped a job interview because I can't get out of the fucking bed. G
I'm pathetic.
>>27672531
gfs suck though
well, people in general suck
there's no way of being truly happy with the people around you, and there's no way of being truly happy with being alone
>>27672542
What makes you feel depressed?
Doesn't have to be anything specific, just things that you think about when you're feeling depressed.
>>27672504
I am completely out of control of the course of events that lead to this moment. I'm lying to myself ever day thinking my actions will change anything in the greater scheme of mankind's place in this universe
>>27672504
I want to die real bad man. I just can't do it because I'm a pussy
>>27672612
I feel the same way man. I don't want to kill myself, I just want to not exist at all
>>27672504
No family, no friends, just a flatmate that only speaks Urdu. I work a crappy job where I have to beg to get more than 10 hours a week some weeks, and get forced to do upwards of 60 hours other weeks.
>>27672542
I've done the same before, and worse.. Then spend a good fortnight or so feeling even worse about it.
>>27672548
i'm sorry you feel that way, anon-kun.
I want to kill who I am fundementally, I hate being a robot and want to start over clean somehow
>3 Months with depression being only 22y/o
>Stuck in a career I hate and that I can't drop now
>I can't look at any of my friends eyes because I feel like shit and I don't want to make them feel bad for me
>I am having a horrible uni year due to being all alone, people won't talk to me in class, is like they hate me for some reason I don't know
>Spend all the day alone for a lot of hours thinking about all this
>Still blaming myself of never find love even though I've tried a lot
>I can barely train anymore due to depressiong taking my energy
>I study fucking hard and still can't pass many of my uni exams
>Don't have a job
>Still a virgin
>I dropped a lot of weight and I still feel fat and ugly
>Feel I'm becoming more stupid even though I keep learning new things every day
>My lazy eye is getting worse
>I'm becoming more and more socially akward when I didn't used to be like this before
>Also becoming more and more shy
>Nobody wants me in their work groups in my uni
>I lost interest in all the hobbys I used to have
>I have to lie to my father and tell him I'm ok so I won't make him feel bad
>I feel embarrased of being only 5' 7''
>I feel way more anxious and stressed than a year ago
>I try to push myself trough and motivate myself but I end up giving up way sooner than before
>I am considering suicide in a daily basis
>However I can't kill myself because I don't want my father or my grandmother to suffer from my death
>It's too hard to belive in god, destiny or anything positive anymore
>I had to stop drinking because I'm afraid I will become an alcoholic
>I only have 1 friend left.
>I keep thinking how things would have been if my mother didn't die because of cancer the day I started university
>I develop stomach pains due to stress
>I feel having "love", a "family", a "good job" or "happyness in life" are too far away from me at this point
>I want to cry everyday
>I feel the world would be a better place if I died tomorrow.
>>27672674
I'm not sure which is worse
The fact that I hate everybody around me
Or the fact that I hate myself
>>27672504
sitting on r9k, its 12.40pm
i somehow woke up at acceptable hours today and got up at 11am
considering getting back into bed. my thoughts are: nothing i do today will matter anyway, theres nothing i actually want to do, everything is pointless, sleep is comfy.
its reached the point where sleep/being in bed is really the only thing i enjoy
>>27672559
My lot in life one I guess. Male, 21, only had minimum wage jobs that barely lasted more than a few months because depression/social anxiety. That's a fucking shame in any culture.
Then I guess there's an existential crisis. I have no fucking goal or aspirations. Nothing to strive or look forward to. The thought of buying a pistol and ending it all forces a wry smile. What's there to look forward to?
Cause life is bullshit that's why
I want off this fucking ride
>Have german class in uni in two hours
>Teacher ask everyone questions
>She asks me
>I suck at german
>125 people watching at me waiting for the answer
>I don't fucking know the answer
>Teacher asks the next guy because Idk
>People looking at me like "dude what a faggot, what a retard bla bla bla"
>People laughing at me
>I want to go home and cry
I'm skiping classes for shit like this. Fucking hell...
>>27672691
You should get therapy. I am not from the US so I don't know who pays for it. But talking with somebody about all this and trying to figure things out and come to terms with stuff will help.
>>27672504
>have aching balls for days
>it hurts when I piss and I can't focus on anything
>be afraid of having cancer
>finally go to doctor
>it's only a prostatitis from edging to much on speed
>mfw I have to take pills for two weeks because of my wanking habit
>>27672691
Hey senpai. Sorry to hear all that. I can be your friend, if you want. What's your major?
>got rejected from another job
>called up my mum crying
>she comforts me despite being woken up
Why am i such a piece of useless shit
Im sorry mum
I love you
>>27672744
I used to have that kind of problem. The key is to not care about what other people think about you. Overthinking and too much care will just lead you nowhere but a depressing life. Fuck those people. They're probably more stupid.
>>27672753
I don't want to. I'm not sure if it Will help. I'm scared I'll become crazy, or ultra dependent in pills or something like that.
I don't want to go to one being so young, I mean, if I'm like this now I can't imagine when I grow up with 10x more responsibilities than now... I can pay for it now. But I probably won't be able in the near future too...
>>27672786
Thanks for reading me anon. My mayor is Tourism. I live in Spain, is a good career because it's very profitable for the future but I'm kinda mediocre I pass some things and I don't pass others.
I just hate the career because teachers never give a fuck about students (almost all of them) I don't talk to anyone anymore (they sadly don't either even though I'm kinda a funny good guy if you met me a bit) and 70% of the time I feel lost. I don't like it anymore because everytime I step inside the class I feel like shit.
Also it made me hate traveling (I used to love it) and going on vacation. I hate the business of tourism itself pretty much.
>>27672714
i've been there. you should save up money and just move away from home. i'm going to nyc nigga
Waking up for a job that I hate but need because debts.
A lady at work asked me to watch he dogs for a week because she knows I'm a loser and don't have anything better to do.
I just want to quit and play vidya
>>27672907
>A lady at work asked me to watch he dogs for a week because she knows I'm a loser and don't have anything better to do.
Tell her to fuck off. But watch her dogs and play vidya with her dogs.
>>27672861
It's better to go young than let yourself deteriorate and they don't force pills on you. It's usually different people doing the therapy and pill handouts anyway.
The therapy for me was mainly about coping mechanisms and how you perceive/deal with the people around you. From reading your post it sounds like that's pretty much exactly what you need. Even if it isn't, it's surely worth a shot while you can afford the time and money.
Good luck in the future anon.
Because I can't stop looking at her fucking pictures. I go to school with her. I work with her. I think she's my fucking god damn twin soul and yet she doesn't see me as nothing.
I'm torn to shreds really, it's been months. I've changed to much, improved so much and all for fucking nothing.
It's so fucking pathetic but god damn I just lost all I have in life. I have not spoken to another person and had an honest conversation in months. It feels like I'm just a stupid fucking log rolling through life.
>>27672907
At least she seems to think you're trustworthy and reliable. That's gotta be a good feeling at least.
Because I have to go back to college next week and it means I won't be able to post here anymore because the dorm ISP is banned. It also means I can't watch anime every day anymore, or play videogames, or doing anything else remotely entertaining other than watching YouTube videos because my parents force me to keep using this extremely old laptop for the remainder of this academic year in order to 'motivate' me for success.
I should have joined the job market instead of getting a master's.
I drank a little too much coffee, so I'm gonna rant a bit.
My life's kinda in the shitter right now. My roommates are kicking me out because these past few months I haven't been paying the rent and they've had to cover for me. Those guys were my only friends nearby and after I move we're probably never gonna hang out again. I'm also struggling with my schizophrenia because I ended my treatment. My doc keeps sending me these frantic letters, telling me I'm a moron and that I need to get back on meds ASAP. But I dunno, I don't like being on anti-psychotics because it felt like they were making me really lethargic, lazy, and stupid. And perhaps my most selfish reason for going off my meds is that they really dull down the effects of all the recreational drugs I take. Which is my other big dilemma, I'm addicted to drugs and I can't stay sober for more than a day or two. I just kicked a really awful meth habit a few weeks ago. It really fucked me up, like I completely dropped out of life and holed myself up in my room without talking to anyone or answering my phone. And then I started going fucking cuckoo; I was seeing shadow figures around every corner and I was hearing voices that told me to kill myself or others and I believed I was talking to all these famous people and lots of crazy stuff like that. Because of all that, I flunked out of all my classes and I'm probably not going to be enrolled in my uni anymore.
What I've found has been helping, although this is gonna sound like some normie shit-tier advice, is getting myself into healthy daily routines. I stick to a very strict sleep schedule, and if I can't sleep I just tough through the day instead of sleeping in the afternoon. I take a shower every morning and make sure to change into clean clothes. I'm also forcing myself to eat three meals a day, although it makes me feel sick sometimes. Simple stuff like that has been making me feel a lot better, even though things are pretty shitty right now.
>>27673148
I've been in a pretty similar place man. I used to be like that with my anti-psychotics. It's easy to say I wont be again, but it's the mania/depression cycles I get that lead to me dropping them. I fucking hate that I'm almost grateful for depression when it comes because it means I don't get the urge to take uppers and do crazy shit while staying up for 5+ days at a time. It's never until I hit rock-bottom that I realise how fucking insane I've been the past few weeks.
And yeah, the "routine-phase" is familiar too. Just the first baby step to recovering, just think about the routine, shower, food, some time outside, and avoid thinking about the future or I'll end up panicking and wanting to just crawl back in my hole.
>>27672774
Don't take cipro if they prescribe it to you
WHO
>I don't want to be around people because I feel anxious and I hate other people
Here?
