Who here is just waiting for death to come?
I mean I cant commit suicide because I couldnt do it but the idea that Ill die one day is enough for me to continue getting shat at by other people. I was born as ugly male and will be a slave for life for minimum and with no support of other people or friends.
Im still nice to people though because I know they are better than me and I am just worthless.
Do someone know this feel?
I'm waiting for my roommate to finally go to sleep so I can peacefully get out and jump from the balcony. Did the whole preaparation ritual, tried to pay off most of my debts and realizing that writing suicide notes or fishing for attention from friends just delays the inevitable.
Wish me luck!
>>27658104
i'm planning to travel around this summer, and find myself on a high cliff at sea in the end. did everything i'll ever achieve in life already anyway.
i'm just gonna jump backwards and drown desu
>>27658217
>>27658222
You are brave anons. I couldnt kill myself because Im weak so I just try to make people feel good even if they hate me but its ok because Im ugly and never was born fortunate enough.
Lately I was thinking if its better if I am nice to people who hate me or not. I mean do they feel better if ugly person is being nice to them but not bother or if I try to be quiet if I am not asked to speak?
Strange dilemmas.
I know I already to you but I think you are really brave being open with such plans and even trying it.
>>27658319
i dont think it's brave. i have fought my entire life through emotional abuse, mental insanity and pretty much all the things you'd find fucks up a human being to the point you don't even wanna stand next to the person but i never gave up.
i'm just doing it because there's nothing left in the world that i am able to experience or explore.
>>27658104
I have a similar feel. I feel good when I think only X more years to live and whatnot. But I figured that I'd at least make the best of it so I'm just learning stuff and trying to build fun things. It's a decent amount of work but it's better than constant consumption. If you don't want to work then you could just do drugs smartly instead. Have fun!
>>27658217
Have fun! I hope you don't go to hell.
>>27658222
I always liked the thought of drowning. Too bad it probably hurts. I'd suggest taking painkillers and psychedelics to ease the process.
>>27658319
Try to act in a way you feel, not a way you think.
>>27658319
>>27658104
Hal please no more of this s h i t
>>27658439
I think I can understand at least a bit anon. I still think its brave. Its hard to kill oneself. And if you fought your entire life with such hardship and unfortunate fate it is normal to be scarred. You never gave up that itself is a virtue I believe.
I cant experience or explore much either but I am not worth doing it, its not for me to be the one who experiences adventures of everyday life. Or some happy romances or other of similiar good feelings.
I think you belong to one of the interesting people that are outside of the commonfolk. I wish I could know you.
>>27658217
Good luck, anon. You're braver than many of us will ever be.
>>27658104
I would kill myself but I still live in this delusion that I might be happy one day. but that's unlikely and yet only thing that keeps me going on.
I feel like a shit every day. I will probably never be happy in my life. non of my dreams will ever come true.
but I still keep going on from day to day, not doing anything just waiting for evening when I can go to sleep.
I think that death is nothing more, you just fall asleep and never wake up. there is nothing bad about it.
today I had this fucked up thought that if god is real I should be religious because that way at least someone would care for me.
>You wanna to die
>But you just can't quit
>>27658586
Yes. That is exactly it anon. You understand my thoughts.
>>27658513
What do you mean? Are you feeling frustrated or do you feel it similiar and is not being able to hand any of it?
>>27658482
last thing you want to do is trip hard when you're dying that just makes the death experience last forever and much more scary.
im pretty sure jumping off of a cliff into water from a big height head first will knock you out.
>>27658557
i think you have to at least travel a big part of the continent and talk as much to strangers as you can to find out if you can find a place in the world or not before you judge for yourself you cant, because who are you to decide anything without doing research. you'd probably get a fling or two along the way.
and thank you. people usually think they want to know me though, but they get bored of me pretty fast.
>>27658678
No i'm sick of you personally making it obvious you beg and beg and begggggg for attention. You wont even let people give you attention. Truly and positively the worst cancer you are Hal.what kind of gay ass name is Hal anyway
>>27658482
I actually experienced almost drowning before, got pulled out a moment after passing out, it wasn't that horrible as far as I remember, the panic I felt negated all the pain of water forcing itself into my lungs and I felt strangely at peace once I stopped struggling, a kind of peace I've never felt since.
>>27658104
I have to finish my will op, someone must Inherit my vidya. Other than that, I'm gone. I won't wait to die though, gotta be proactive here. Also up here in Canada we might be getting doc assist suicide in June. Either way I'm dead
>>27658642
I would give you a hug if that was possible, non of us deserve life like this.no homo
I am planning on going out with a bang.
I don't want to kill myself, I want someone else to do it, either by accident or on purpose.
Haven't figured out what to do, though.
>>27658795
yeah, no one deserves to be so weak that they do absolutely nothing to actually enjoy life.
must be so hard living.
>>27658682
I never thought of trying to travel really. I dont have money and will never have money for it in this place I am now. I talked to strangers through internet I think its as good as it gets for me.
It is the only way I can cope with myself thinking of myself as living just for other peoples amusement, for venting and being shout at or for doing low work. I dont believe I deserve something more I think I already got more than I should have and the thought that some people are having happy lives even if for them putting me down is a good feeling and good enough. This way I can have at least something to cling to however insignificant it may be.
I heard many times from people who feel sad that others are bored of them fast. It may be because of different personalities so they cant really understand and cant get what they want. I dont know really but I usually enjoy writing with people like yourself more than with those inside the norm, to put it in statistic language.
Did you travel a lot anon?
>>27658887
i travelled half my continent with about 300 dollars. no one can not make 300 dollars in a week. stop using your excuses to why you can or cannot do something and just admit to yourself you're a whiny .... who uses self sorrow to dignify not taking any effort for anything in life. if you want something from life than give something to life if not settle for less.
>>27658743
Who is hal. Arent all people wanting attention from others? I thought its normal in discussions.
>>27658795
Sure. I never really got touched even as a kid. I guess it would feel weird. Im glad we share similiar thoughts though.
>>27658957
Im from east europe and 300 dollars would be monthly wage. I cant really afford to put money aside.
Yes I am told Im such. I was just raised neglected.
>>27658968
You are Hal, the anime girl shitposter on here
>Im still nice to people though because I know they are better than me and I am just worthless.
yeah, mostly nice, but I avoid people when I can. they remind me of how much I hate myself. I spend days shitposting and eating. don't drink because I'd probably get addicted.
>>27659121
shut up you fucking annoying piece of shit your english is good enough to work anywhere in europe now stop using your self pity and excuses to shitpost in this thread and at least be honest to yourself why you're suicidal.
you wanna know the real reason why you're not happy? it's because you keep telling yourself it's the worlds fault you're not a snowflake but deep down you know it's your own fault for not doing anything.
...still want to hug me now?
>>27659151
Is it really so? I come here only once a week. If its true I guess Im very different to be remembered after posting only 3 discussions in my life here.
I dont shitpost.
>>27659213
no but now I want to hug you
>>27659251
then come to western europe and give me a hug.
>>27659032
>never got touched
I know this feel. Whenever I find my way out in the world it always freaks me out to get human physical contact. Had a waitress put her hand on my shoulder the other day and I actually leaned away from it without really realizing it.also had my counselor at the mental hospital give me a hug when I was being released and I didn't know how to react and kind of just tensed up
>>27659213
I never blamed the world as I always blame myself, its something from childhood I cant get over.
You are in this board for robots. I feel you are not happy yourself. It seems like you are screaming for help. If you just find me annoying its very easy for you to stop reading here.
Yes I would hug you.
>>27658104
Today I bought 1/2 inch rope so I can kill myself by partial suspension hanging. On Thursday I'll get drunk, go to the nearby forest, and keep trying until it works.
>>27658823
well most of my life I spend a lot of energy so I can have a better life in the future. by now I am 25 years old with little to no payback for my effort.
I wasted so much time and effort on my education but in the end you can't buy friends nor love. and with my poor social skills I am not going to get it.
by now I feel lost. nothing really makes me happy anymore. people told me to do sports that it will make me feel better so I started running but still after 2 years I can feel any better.
>>27659032
well me neither apart from those mandatory family meeting hugs. I avoid physical contact but I wish one day I will find someone who I can trust with this matter.
must feel really good to hug gf escape reality for few second knowing that you both are there for each other.
>>27659338
you're the one screaming for attention, i just answered to your thread because i like to discuss and talk about pretty much anything in the world.
i'm not happy that people like you do nothing to experience life and then come here and cry that they're suicidal. go do something.
>>27659290
where at in western europe and how old are you?
>>27659338
nuh uh back off son he's mine to hug
>>27659416
i could meet anywhere in europe you want, actually. could be fun to go travel, although i'm going to 4 different countries already this month. id answer how old i am but that would make this feel like a hookup and it's not, desu?
>>27659458
no i'm not gay so it wouldnt be a hookup senpai I just wanted to know desu
I'm in Freedomland at the moment though sadly, maybe someday we can meet if you still want that hug.
>>27659410
Shut the fuck up you normie fag, and go back to your hugbox(which is everywhere but here.)
You really need to come here, when literally EVERYWHERE else is a spot for you?
You're literally like a feminist who has to shit on everything men do with other men.
>>27659410
I do what I can to do. I cant do more as options are limited.
I have hobbies I like so I dont do nothing at all. I just cant afford much and social interactions are out of the question for me. As I said most of my problems are from childhood experiences that I cant get over.
I like to discuss most anything too. We can change the topic if you would like.
I am not suicidal. I never tried ending my life. I just like the idea that one day I will day and often look forward to it. Its probably depression more than suicidal thoughts.
I wanted to know if there are anons who feel similiar.
>>27659542
you should lurk more, because if you've seen my posts ITT and across threads you would know that I'm not a normie at all.
>>27659516
Maybe someday, always nice to meet new people. I'm early 20s.
OP feels aside, all I got from this thread when I was challenging you is that you really want to experience life and have some fun. Why not just do that, then?
I'm being patient for now. I know I'm going to have a fairly short lifespan because of the hard living even if I don't kill myself. I'd be lucky it to make it to 50 something for death by natural causes. I could have another 10 years in me, 20 tops. If things are as bad or worse than the last decade was for me though, I might take a more proactive stance and end it sooner. So yeah, you might say I'm waiting to die.
>>27659621
>you should lurk more, because if you've seen my posts ITT and across threads you would know that I'm not a normie at all.
Someone who comes into threads where suicidal people are talking, spewing Tony Robinson-tier bullshit that we always here from people like you is definitely a fucking normie.
So get the fuck out.
>>27659543
what do you want to do and how exactly are you more limited than other people who actually do it?
really though not every obstacle is mount Everest!
but at least you have hobbies, i never had the chance to develop those - kinda missing out on that! what kind of hobbies do you enjoy?
>>27659410
well give me advice what to do.
as I said I am running, apart from that I play bass guitar, listen music most of the time, watch movies, tv shows, follow politics, read books, study norse mythology (a little bit), getting masters degree in computer science...
all those things are fine but it feels just like a filler. something you do to waste your time so you don't just sit around.
what I really want to do is to go out and talk to people. every time I have an opportunity to do so I go for it. too bad there isn't many of them. to be honest there is just one.
once a month meet up with my class mates from high school to get drunk and that's probably the only social interaction in my life.
honestly I am not even sure if they really like me or care for me anymore but it feels nice to be around someone from time to time. even if I am just listening to tem.
>>27659779
I was studying psychology here in east europe as it was the only thing I liked and would like to slave for but after three years I just had to stop and go to work but as I have no relevant experience or connections I am working minimum and for long. I cant afford much and most people have like 300-600 max in euros a month for working a lot doing pointless jobs. I cant finish my degree because there is only a daily way of studying it here and I couldnt work and study the same day as I have to travel a lot here (mostly hour and half to uni and back, now only half an hour to work). Also my degree wouldnt hold any weight abroad. They dont recognize it.
I do enjoy reading. I love reading philosophy and classics and psychology. I also liked to learn english at one point in time but I dont have energy to learn languages now.
I also like observing people. I often sit on a bench and do such. I think it may sound weird but I dont care really.
I also cared about not really productive stuff like video games and anime but I cut it out as I was only procrastinating. I occasionally watch some anime though.
>>27659814
>hobbies
well you sound like quite the interesting anon. i'm sure you'd have stuff to talk about when meeting people!
>it feels just like a filler.
people are either filling up their free time or working to create something. it's completely normal just to do things to spend your time, if you desire more then it's up to you to make more.
>honestly I am not even sure if they really like me or care for me anymore
don't expect regular people to care for anything other than just having fun, you shouldn't seek too much emotional meaning in what people do or why they do it other than that.
>well give me advice what to do
i would suggest that you travel to another country or city and spend a weekend in a hostel. finding yourself with new people that you chat to, i'm sure you'll find it fun to interact and socialize. the reason why i suggest you do this abroad or somewhere else is because it makes it so much easier to talk to strangers that you won't be forced to seeing again if you fuck up. new environments give new inspiration and feelings, too.additional to this, the other travellers you meet will be in the same situation as you looking for something new, alone and somewhat vulnerable. they'll be more open to you interacting with them. it doesn't have to cost much if you plan it correctly, anon.
>>27659982
as i said to the other anon, travelling doesn't have to cost. You also seem very interesting, and if you must create some finance to sustain yourself there's always jobs for English speaking persons as waiters or similar in tourist cities.
>I also cared about not really productive stuff
the only productive things that are actually productive are things that will shape your future, other people or the environment, but that's arguable.
I've only recently been having suicidal thoughts. I've never really thought of myself as depressed, just that I was making the right conclusions, if that makes sense. I've always thought that if you work hard you can find happiness, but I've been doing that my whole life and all it does is make me miserable. I'm glad I have this place.
>>27659982
>east europe
>300-600 max
sounds like slovakia/czech republic
>>27660092
well it sounds just about right. once I went to neighboring country for a music festival with 3 other friends and we ended up with like 15 people around us.
it was a great day, nice memories. however I still crave for something more enduring. after all I never seen these people again.
also I am really looking forward, once I get my degree I plan to move to bigger city. however again I am doing something that might or might not have an effect in the future.
getting back on the death topic, does anyone else fear they'll die without ever finding themselves?
>>27660702
What do you mean finding yourself? In what way?
>>27658104
I am going to do it, but i need to make up a solid reason so people will not pity me
I cannot write actual cause
pls anons, give me your ideas
>>27661770
your decision your reasons. if you can't find any maybe you shouldn't an hero.
>>27661820
I have reason, as valid as it gets
It is ruining my life and I tried everything to get rid of it, but I cannot
Still, this will seem silly and people will laugh at me, so I need to make up something to write in my last will
>>27661856
suicide notes are just a form of attention, you posting here is a form of attention. you don't really wanna do it.
if you do, get as far away from your environment as possible and have the best run before you end it all.
