/DEVILISH/
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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Mischief thread. Post 'em.
>post in a devilish thread
>haven't done anything devilish recently
>suck a random guy's dick
>not even gay
>>27654703
>my friend came in my ass
>he says "I'm glad my best friend is gay too"
>he doesn't know I was just practicing for girls
>Go into a very busy chipotle
>order Quesarito when a line out the door behind me
>She visibly sighs
>Make sure the add all the extra free stuff
>Too big to wrap and it rips
>Tell them to re-wrap it
>She's visibly angry
>Don't tip
>File complaint about the situation
>>27654703
>Train to be a doctor
>Swear Hippocratic Oath
>Murder over 250 people during my medical career
>Got a salty post about a misspelled word
>intentshonally spell other words incorrectly out of spite
>i have been doing this for years now.
Kicked a cop in the face
>>27655032
Work on your fucking grammar and spelling. It's not rocket appliances.
>>27655072
Do you not see a pattern in the posts?
>buy sausages for moms money
>put them in the basement where we store conserved food
>moms really tired and hungry after work and tells me to go to the store to buy something to eat
>tell her about the sausages
>she's so happy she cooks for me
Shocking I know. But some of us are just that capable.
>>27654835
>get guys from grindr to blow me
>not even gay
>just getting free blowjobs
No more wasting money on escorts for me!
>get dubs
>do not check them
Also, check 'em
>20 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus myself breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Burger King for dessert
>>27655133
Maximum mischief
>In school and horny
>Enter girls bathroom
>Girl asks what I'm doing
>Tell her I identify as a black female
>She tells me to leave
>I tell her that's racist
>Go to the stall
>Jerk off to the sounds of girls shiting and pissing
>Girl hears me and starts screaming.
>Cum all over
>Walk out the bathroom where a teacher starts asking me what I was doing
>Tell him what I identify as and if the school doesn't accept it I will sue for discrimination
I miss high school sometimes
>>27655238
You're mom sounds like a fucking normie roastie
>>27655079
well done m89
>>27654703
>customer asks for semi-skimmed milk
>give them full fat
>fully aware that I only have one life to live, but I have the freedom to make the best of it
>waste it playing video games anyway
M A D M A N
>customers ask for help
>tell them I'm on lunch
>go back to work in front of them
>>27654936
>go to pollo tropical
>very busy
>order a tropichop
>tell them I want a small
>when I get my order, tell the manager I said I wanted a large, not a regular
>they're rushing so I get my correction for free with no extra charge and leave
>they ask me if I want a cup for water
>say no thank you
>I was actually very thirsty
>>27655765
You can't call yourself a madman ffs
>>27656285
Stop trying to force your rules on him, you fucking square. This thread is for trouble-makers.
>>27656313
Not him but that's not how devilish works.
>"I'm b-being retarded!11"
>M I S C H I E F XDDD
Same retards that ruined hmm threads.
>mom giving me lift to college
>my birthday is on saturday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"ANON YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPHAEL MICH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
And baby needs changing!
>first day at community college
>forget to wear my rape shoes
>get raped repeatedly in bathroom
Who /CRIMINAL/ here?
>Make roll threads on /b/ promising $1000 for everyone who gets dubs
>Send -$1000 to all their Paypal accounts
>Free money
>wagecucking at deli
>customer asks for ranch dressing
>see that we've ran out of ranch
>"Just a minute sir, let me fetch some from the back!
>/mischief/ time
>make disgusting mixture of mayonaise and buttermilk, add some spices so it looks like ranch
>fill an empty bottle with my toxic creation
>give mystery mix of madness to the customer
Dumbass didn't even realize what he was eating lel
>go into micky d's for some mid-afternoon tendies
>order my chicky-chicky tendy-wendies and ask for just a water cup because "i'm trying to shrink this tubby tummy" with a wink at the cashier
>walk over to the soda fountain, pour out the icewater, and fill it up with my super secret soda formula (it's coke, dr pepper, and just a smidge of hi-c orange lavaburst teehee)
>prance out while cackling maniacally before the normies can call the cops on me for soda theft
>go home and enjoy the spoils of war
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.
>>27658148
McDonald's doesn't sell tendies though.
>take my gf on a nice date and tell her that I love her
>she doesn't know that she's just a practice gf
>be me
>38 years old
>literal manchild
>3 am
>lying in bed, have to take a shit
>don't want to get up, so shit in my bed
>its getting too stinky for my liking
>get out of bed, stomping on the floor, screaming at the top of my lungs: MOMMY MOMMY, POOPOO, POOPOO !!!!!!
>My mom comes upstairs and sees my shit covered bed
>sighs deeply and cleans up my mess
>ask her if she can take me to Mcdonalds
>''anon, its 3 in the morning and i have to get up early''
>throw a tantrum, take off my pants and start shitting and pissing on the floor
>''ok ok anon, p-please just stop''
>she cleans up and off we go
>make her buy me 3 happy meals
>want a balloon
>they tell my mom they're all out of baloons
>BALLOON, I WANT MY BALLOOOON!!!!!
>make her drive to the 24-hour Walgreens (30 minutes away) to buy me a balloon
>we get home
>go to my room to play with my happymeal toys and balloon
>hear my mom crying downstairs
>therapist asks if im suicidal
>say no
>kill myself later that day
>>27655201
>check 'em
>one off getting dubs
mischievous mate
>>27658460
>therapist asks if im suicidal
>say yes
>I just wanted attention
>and off to hell I go
>>27658021
>not using your jizz
>>27658460
kek maximum 100
fuck da robot blox
>see some 9/10 on okc
>ask her why she's there
>accuse her of being a catfish account
>get blocked
>>27656285
>Some autist tells me not to call myself a M A D M A N
>Call myself one anyway
M A D M A N
I know some stories here are for keks only but do manchildren really exist? Can someone post legit proofs and not some shitty copy pastas?
Who /shitpost/ on yik yak?
>>27658618
comments forged with originalite
>>27658878
>from Canada
EVERY TIME
>>27658878
>her husband
I weep for the future
>>27658545
>implying vaginas can produce semen
>>27654703
This image is truly a work of art
>The Empire of Trebizond or the Trapezuntine Empire was a monarchy that flourished during the 13th through 15th centuries, comprising the far northeastern corner of Anatolia and the southern Crimea.
>>27659047
>vagina
Hey babe. Want to be my devlish gf?
>>27659704
Ugh, no. Creep.
>someone asks for the time
>pull my phone out to checki already knew what time it was
>>27658990
this
>tfw
>>27659691
I have been muted because goot likes bbc up his ass
>captcha says to pick all the kayaks
>select a canoe
>>27654703
>parents try to raise me right
>waste my life instead
>>27660061
I like this fat girl's wallpaper.
>out on my evening stroll around midnight
>time to head home
>get urge to shit really bad
>feeling a bit horny too
>go into female toilets (public bathroom)
>enter cubicle
>put down both the seat and lid of the toilet
>do two huge steaming meatballs
>walk out
>the cleaners face when
>>27660181
>select all the food
>select some flowers and left a photo of food unchecked
>>27658613
ABSOLUTE Lewd i chris ma il
>be 15
>be genius
>tfw straight F's on report card
>fml
>>27658148
Wait, is having your own soda mix an autistic thing to do?
>I smoke Weed sometimes
>actually its illegal
>>27661072
You are now aware if the dunning Krueger effect
> TheDunning Kruger effectis acognitive biasin which relatively unskilled persons sufferillusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability to be much higher than it really is. Dunning and Kruger attributed this bias to ametacognitiveinability of the unskilled to recognize their own ineptitude and evaluate their own ability accurately.
>01:38am here
>have to get up at 7am
>dont thinking about going to sleep
>>27660066
>someone in a hurry asks for time
>wearing a watch
>make them wait for me to pull out phone
>boss blames me for her fish dying
>give out her cell phone number to a customer
>>27661253
Not that poster, but you can fail while being smart if you just don't try.
>>27654703
>tell my girlfriend I love her
>don't have a girlfriend
>>27654703
>homeless man pan handling by a trash can
>pull out change from pocket and approach him
>make eye contact with him and smile
>drop change into the trash and walk away
>>27660061
In the future, just let anon tell his joke without announcing your gender
>>27654703
>be female
>post on r9k anyway
>>27654703
>in a public restroom with one shitter
>hear someone try the door and hear their frustrated sigh that it's occupied
>loudly unravel toilet paper
>blow my nose
>loudly unravel toilet paper
>leave it on top of the dispenser
>loudly unravel toilet paper
>blow my nose again
badboy4lyf
>cap on soda says twist left to open
>keep twisting right until I burst a blood vessel and pass out
>>27654703
>self-sabotage myself at every possible moment because the possibility of being happy is alien to me and I don't like change
SOMEBODY STAHP MEEE
>>27654991
YOU FORGOT THE MORPHINE YOU FAT FUCK REEEEEEEEEEEE
>>27654703
>see we're low on milk
>wonder if mommy saw that before she left for work this morning
>don't text her saying we're low on milk
>she comes home after work and sees we're low on milk
>Damn it anon why didn't you tell me we were low on milk? Now I gotta go out again.
>Go to morsque and say I'm Muslim to get burqa bitches and hijab whores
>I'm not.
>drive past some normies having a bonfire in their front yard with lots of friends
>call the fire dept on them
>>27661934
Kek, thanks anon
Original message
>>27655765
some vidya is better than reality. I would rather play demon's souls then go clubbing with normies.
>>27657025
>see cute blonde lady walking in the park
>pull her into a bush and stab her to death
>>27654703
>tell my gf i love her
>don't
>>27662021That one hit too close to home, desu
>>27662128
>morsque
>roommates keep stealing my detergent after warning them multiple times
>pour bleach in the detergent late at night
>witness all of their clothes bleached out of the washer
>>27654703
>alpha male rapes me
>have an orgasm
DEVILISH
>>27661647
People who don't try aren't smart.
>>27662242
excellent mate.
>>27661647
>i can be fat while being skinny by just gaining a lot of weight
>>27662021
>>27662021
>>27662021
>>27662021
F
U
C
K
I
N
G
D
E
V
I
LI do this way too much
>>27662277
untrue af gt fug o
>>27662128
does this actually work?
>tfw wouldn't mind a qt hijab girl
>couple 4GiB stick with a 2GiB stick
>underclock my processor
>1TeB of reddit archives
>hate the world
>wont kill myself
take that world
who /devilishdriver/ here?
>make long posts about how much it sucks being a virgin
>had sex over 2k times
>>27657025
being a criminal sucks when it is your only source of income
>>27662396
based-sama
>>27655032
>I was just pretending to be retarded I promise
>le mischief...
>>27661110
Fuck noriginal comment
>>27661647
Smart is as smart does anon.
>>27662612
Okay.
You want to trade mixes, then?
>>27654936
>Working at chipotle
>neck beard is waiting in long line that stretches out the door
>he orders a Quesarito
> tells me to add all the extra free stuff
> too big to wrap and it rips
>I'm angry as hell
>neck beard files complaint.
>General Manager falls to the floor laughing
>>27661647
If you're actually a genius you'll know that the minute amount of effort a genius would have to do in school is worth the work that he won't have to do in the future.
>check engine oil
>no oil
>drive anyway
>>27663294
>i'm going in dry.exe
>with your car
savage bruh
>>27663294
>car tire flies off while driving 60
>almost headon collision
>almost dead
>able to vice grip steering wheel into pulling back into lane and then partially off of the road
>car is blocking traffic
>get out and lay in the grass
>people screaming about blocking traffic
>no fucks given
>>27662705
>>27662612
yes it is autistic
>people ask for me cigarette
>say no
>actually have cigarettes
>>27663621
>people seeing and not caring you almost fucking got into a collision and could've died, as well as hold up traffic even more
wtf
>>27663774
FUCK YOU DEVIL! I HATE THIS!
>>27662962
>implying complaints aren't grounds for pay reduction
Keep trying, wagie ;)
>>27663835
>smokes cost me 7.85 a pack
>nigger tier bums think they can bum a refreshing menthol off of me when its worth more than their life
>Get on Tinder
>Actually live in Provo, Utah, so the girls look like this
>Swipe right
>>27655032
Someone keeps correcting grammer and spelling on /pol/ and I have made it a personal issue to call them a reddit faggot every opportunity I het. I fucking hate that reddit style grammer nazi shit.
>>27664155
U have been muted
>>27663294
>gas light goes on
>keep driving
>run out of gas
>keep driving
>sneak into parents house with spare key at 2am
>turn all the stove burners on high
>take all the food out of the fridge and leave it on the porch
>rip all the flowers off of moms weird vagina flowers
>open the garage door
>leave
>>27664379
deeeeeeeeeeeeeyum anon
>planning on going right on an intersection
>approaching red light
>see car behind me with turn signal to the right
>change my mind and plan going straight
>get the green light
>make a right
>>27664691
This isn't okay. What you did isn't okay
>>27664691
This is some top level tom foolery right here Anon.
You done me proud.
>>27654703
>Would post in Devilish thread
>Haven't really done anything Devilish in life
>Have been on this earth for 19 years
>>27664503
hahahaha what the fuck original
>go to store
>spent $33.82 on pizza ingredients
>make papa murphys imitation recipe following online instructions
>it looks, smells, and tastes like shit
>>27655315
>>Tell her I identify as a black female
>>She tells me to leave
>>I tell her that's racist
I lost it
>>27654703
>finally get invited to a party at some kids house
>suspect it's a trap 'cause these kids make fun of me all the time
>I bring some Southern Comfort I stole from my whore mother
>Also bring some ghost pepper oil to be used in /devilish/ ways
>get to party
>start drinking
>get drunk
>finally work up the balls to talk to some girls
>they laugh at me
>I really have to piss
>walk really fast to the bathroom
>miss the toilet and piss all over my pants
>'oh god no'
>they are knocking on the door
>finally come out, with piss all over my pants
>laughing girls. jpeg
>run back into the bathroom
>pour ghost chili oil in the body wash
Heh, I bet they will never laugh at me again
>>27664155
Im not a reddit fag who corrects people, but it's not hard to spell words correctly and not seem like you're a dumb ass dropout. With auto-correct and google there is literally no excuse and it just makes you seem uneducated.
>>27658872
I used to do that got banned for 3 weeks the last time when I decided to stop. I was saying viciously racist things.
>>27666029
>>27664155
This isn't a Reddit thing. 4chan has always pushed for proper spelling grammar and punctuation. Take that boogeyman bullshit somewhere else.
>>27665011
that dog looks so done with entropy and the inevitable heat death of the universe
>be with a group of girls and a another guy
>guy says he's six foot one
>I'm six foot three
>step froward and say that can't be true because I'm six foot so he must be five foot ten or so
>the look of disappointment on the girls faces
>order pizza
>"that'll be $20"
>give him $100 instead
fucking idiot
>sneak into women's restroom
>lift all the toilet seats
>make universe absolutely immense
>99.9% is dead rocks or literallly nothing
>max speed is so slow you basically can't go anywhere
>procedurally generated shit all over the place, quality over quantity
>>27666270
Laughed audibly and originally
>at my wedding
>"Do you take this woman as your bride?"
>smile at her face for a few seconds
>"No thank you"
>>27658021
Nobody even called out that you just made ranch dressing
>lab partner in Biology asks if I want to schedule a study session for the upcoming practical
>"Yeah, I can do it Friday."
>don't show up
>>27666593
BETA
E
T
A
FAG
A
G
>>27661948
legitimately laughed out loud
>>27666393
i'm glad i accomplished something today
>>27662215
didn't expect a feels thread in here but now I'm honestly caught off guard
>>27663903
THIS times one thousand
holy shit I hate people who always ask for a line of coke too. it's fucking expensive buy your own goddammit
>>27664379
you cured my constipation
>>27660061
Post more pics if this is you
>>27665545
TurboDevil right here, folks
>>27667616
Creepy fuck.
