I need a job but my resume sucks. What do?
>>27651051
Start your own business
bloxx
Lie
Supremelly orginal
>>27651051
Lie, fool. Everyone does it. I'm not even sure which part of my resume is reality and which is fiction at this point.
>>27651051
Oh boy! Don't even worry about it, brother, because you got a real top-notch picture there! Just enjoy that picture and maybe post some more! Great job!!
>>27651081
>>27651082
What should i say? What if they check?
>>27651069
>Start your own business
What should i start?
>>27651094
Thanks man, im glad you like it
Originality
>>27651096
>What should i start?
Anything you're passionate about or good at?
>>27651162
So nothing. Awesome
>>27651179
Don't sell yourself short. The fact you're on 4chan suggests to me you're better with computers than 95% of the population.
>>27651224
>go on 4chan
>get mistaken for computer genius
>>27651096
>What should i say?
Chances are they're not going to go further back than your last two jobs. Seems most wageslavery needs two references and no more. Most of my lying comes from combining multiple jobs into one; also lying about how long I spent at particular jobs. I've been my own reference before, using a burner phone. I imagine google voice can be used for that too. In fact, I'm sure there's companies online that will do fake references for you. Don't forget to lie about what you actually did at work, you need to think about duties you've done and exaggerate them, and literally invent them out of thin air. Also, invent hobbies, sports and clubs you're involved in. Not too much, just a little to show you're not a housebound loser.
>What if they check?
You should be right, if you've covered your arse. Do a little research on your lies. it's the internet age, there's a fucking wealth of knowledge online. If you get caught? 25 years to life. lol. Who gives a fuck, that's what you do. Once you get your foot in the door, your resume will never be thought of again.
>>27651283
Don't need to be a genius. You know how to google shit and run a virus scan? You're now ahead of the game
OP, keep in mind that there are a fuckload of ways to dramatically improve your resume, no one talks about them because you have to stretch the truth slightly, but being a robot in this economy you're pretty much forced to.
>If you have no employment history, make up that you worked as an administrative assistant for your mom for two years (but obviously change her last name so it's not obvious she's related to you) and attach an excellent letter of recommendation from her to your resume describing how you were always punctual, professional, etc
>Download a quality resume template to make it look good as fuck, and use a quality recommendation letter template
>Those two things will help you dramatically for any entry-level job
>bonus tip: there are a ton of online courses for free, search "fema free courses", you can google search the quiz answers and get real certificates to print out, like "Emergency Management Preparedness Fundamentals" which would be good if you're applying for a medical job, there are also generic ones like "Leadership and Influence" etc
Also, if all this is too much for you, join the military and then after graduating tech school tell them you're an autistic severely depressed paranoid mess, they'll discharge you and you'll have that tech school certificate (along with veteran status) completely free.
>>27651286
That sounds like a lot of work, any chance they wouldnt check at all?
>>27651364
I dont want to be bullied by the 18 year olds in the military
>>27651573
>Do you have any friends who would reference for you?
>How old are you?
>Have you ever had a job of any sort in your life?
>What kind of jobs are you looking for?
bumping because I have lost control of my life.
Volunteer at a charity store or for some event.
Just give up senpai
