You all run into each other in the middle of shopping
How do I RP standing there silently while thinking about killing myself over how much of a fucking useless piece of garbage I am?
I turn 360 degrees and spinkick everyone to the ground.
>>27643296
I act like you don't exist and just pass by you
Hoping you don't acknowledge my presence
>>27643344
Oh hey Sam, I haven't seen you in a while! Don't you notice me??
Slice every one of you to bits
>>27643344
How about you rp sucking my dick instead, you little cumhungry sissy-bitch?
>>27643296
H-h-hi anons!
*twirls hair*
>unfolds crumpled up blank paper
You guys know where the frozen food aisle is?
>>27643411
Anon, we're in public...Whip it out
UM, EXCUSE ME, YOU THOUSAND.
>>27643491
Aisle 5
Then I return to my wagecuckery
>>27643296
>I spill all the peanuts on the floor
>make elephant noises picking them up
>fool r9k into thinking I'm feeding the peanuts to elephants
>>27643491
Hmmm.. let. Me. Seeee...
*honks my clown nose*
>>27643544
O h-heh thanks chores am I right?
Push my cart full of honey mustard pretzels
>>27643296
>look down on my phone
>keep walking on without making eye contact
>go to toilet and take a sip from my whiskey bottle
>>27643551
ooooh~ an elephatn
Ho ho ho
I no no speak ehh any
Me get 1 pound of Black Forest Ham sliced thick please
>successfully fooled them into thinking I'm not from here again
>kukukukukuku
Hi, I'm looking to buy jump?
>>27643667
Thanks for the laugh anon. Who knew such a simple thing could make me laugh so hard
>>27644068
>About to burst into tears at the worker laughing at me
>see two girls laughing in the corner of my eye
>pat my zipper down and start combing my hair
*asks everyone in the store if they work here in hopes that I can strike up a nice conversation with someone*
>>27644145
>Is weirded out as he looks at the guy asking everyone the same question, sometimes as those persons stand a few feet apart from each other
This would never happen. I stay out of the process food and tendies aisles.
>>27643296
>walking around while having repeated thoughts of my grocery list
>>27644190
>Notices you and slowly shuffles my way over to you
"H-hi do you work here..... siiiirr????"
>>27644287
"Uh no, haven't you noticed I'm not wearing the uniform?"
>He says as he pretends he's looking at a product, avoiding eye contact and blushing at the boldness of what he's just said
>goes to chip aisle
>start punching bags
>push up my glasses
>walk away grinning
"just living in the..."
BANG BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANGBANG
BANG BANGBANG
BANG
BANG BANG
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
BANG
>>27644351
>Looks at your outfit and decides to ignore the enormous armpit stains
"Heh... I guess you're right"
>adjusts myself back into your field of view
"s-so you're here getting some groceries... huh"
>>27644403
>points the store manager in your direction
There he is!!! That's the guy fucking up my favorite chips!!
>>27644421
CONTACT FRONT
>>27644428
"Well, sure, though we're in the book aisle right now. That's the good thing about big markets ain't it, you can find everything here. I was just checking out this novel by Dekker, do you know him?"
>>27644468
>pull out random receipts from both pockets
"I bought them... sir"
>"DATABASE DATABASE"
*teleports into my parents bed*
>>27644524
>Pretends to read a really big novel but my sweaty palms are fucking up the pages
"Yeah I love the guy! Can't get enough... H-heh!"
>goes to pay
"Do you accept Obelisk the Tormentor cards here?"
>>27644571
"Right. Did you come here looking for one of his novels? You walked this way looking for books, right?"
>>27644621
>walks into book aisle
"Is this where they keep the jump?"
>>27644662
>Freezes still, panicking at not recognizing what 'jump' might mean, scared that it might be some literary term and fearing that his facade as a savvy book reader could be torn down
>>27644662
>>27644621
>Gets really nervous at the thought of having more than one person talking to me
>speed walks away
>I slip near a wet floor sign just outside the isle
>the manager calls an ambulance
>i'm taken out on a stretcher
>>27644703
"C'mon man, I don't have all the time in the world here"
>glances at my custom made K-ON watch
>>27644586
"Hold on, let me call my manager."
[keks internally]
>>27644714
>Sighs in relaxation, being able to overcome his paralysis as he sees one of the persons surrounding him leave, missing out on the following debacle by turning to the other guy
>>27644760
"U-Uh, are those girls on your watch?"
>Reaches for the 20 pack mac and cheese box
>I'm a manlet so I can't reach
>There are 2 Staceys watching me and laughing to themselves
>I angrily jump up to get the box knocking over all the isles in front of me
>>27644840
>"fuck he saw"
>stretch my left sleeve out
"No. They're mascots for this Brazilian golf team I follow"
>>27644935
"Oh, you're Brazilian? That's so interesting, I come from there too! Como voce esta amigo?"
>>27643360
idiot 360 degrees is a full circle
>>27643296
>this place is crowded as hell today
>fuck it. I want to try this soda. I don't care if I have to wait 15 minutes in the line
>>27645017
>look at him weird because I'm clearly Japanese
>"he's actually autistic"
>smile
>ignore him because I am the strongest one in this aisle
>>27645101
>points the store manager in your direction
There he is!!! That's the guy drinking all the soda!!
>>27645142
>ignores the noises because I think they're talking about someone else
>>27645041
that's what creates the whirling power in the spinkcick, poindexter
>>27645132
>Intimidated by your athletic body I attempt to throw a soda can at you
>it barely reaches you and explodes all over the ground
>turn around and pretend like I didn't notice
>>27645162
>a group of high school age chads starts closing in on you
http://steamcommunity.com/id/shittycuntie
skype: themordum
facebookcom/samxcass
>>27645221
>what's up with them? are they walking towards me?
>nah, I don't think so. I don't even know them
>"O-oh, hey, Anons."
>"Unironically shopping? Me too."
>>27645270
>"this wasnt op"
>put away my phone and continue shopping
EVERYONE GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION!
*notices random beta too scared to move*
*runs up to him and points gun at him*
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
hey bro want to get some shitty sushi and and use the change to play arcade games at the nearest laundromat ?
I pull out my phone and start a roleplay roleplay thread on replay /r9k/
also check em
>walk past free snack kiosk
>"Sir, would you like to try our free-"
>runs away before they finish because I got scared
"I'm looking to buy my daughter underwear"
>>27646348
"This is a supermarket sir, not a clothing store. I'm calling the cops."
>>27645041
turn 360 degrees and leave this thread anon
>pulls out phone to avoid eye contact with everyone
>get away from everyone before they start looking at me
>leave the store for fear of being judged
>>27646604
>Bumps into you on the way out
"Oh man!!! Anon! Anon! Remember me? 12th grade Advanced Calculus??? Haha! How you been man?"
>>27646632
Y-y you know me??
>looks back down at my phone because eye contact makes me freakout
I-I thought no one knew me since I never talked to anyone or had any friends in school...
-I DO TEN HANDSTANDS FOLLOWED BY SIGNALLING THAT I'M GOING TO THE TOP SHELF-
JR: BAH GAWD KING HE'S GONE UP TOP HE'S GONNA DO IT
-APPLIES GOLD PINE RESIN TO SELF-
"HENSHIN-A-GOGO-BABY!"
>frozen food aisle
>nodding my head pretending to read the back of the same box of cheese sticks that I always get every week
>look at crumpled up blank paper
"Ahh, I almost forgot the baby lotion"
>Quickly shuffle out of the toy aisle as soon as I notice other people
>Go to the frozen foods section to avoid anybody who might've seen me curiously browsing the bionicles
>drop my cheese sticks on the floor because some faggot runs into the frozen food aisle
>loads clip into luger
>aims at nearby qt assistant
>pulls trigger before anyone can react
>burstfire Mozambique drill her with all four torso shots
>tac reload with magazine velcrod on my wrist
>switch to full auto mode and kill the chads trying to charge me
heh.... nothign personell
>>27648118
*teleports behind you*
Nice try kid
Implausible. I'm vegan, I don't go to the shit aisle.
>"SKREEEE HOL' UP"
>"BUST A NUT ON THESE BITCHES LIKE DAMN
>"GET SO MUCH PUSSY LIKE MOVIES ON DEMAND"
>"SKIRT SKIRT"
"Hello good sir, which aisle is the peanut butter located at?"
>hood up
>surgeon mask
>sunglasses
>"ok ok deep breaths anon, deep fucking breaths"
>"I'm just gonna grab the lavash rolls and leave"
>"just gonna grab my fucking lavash rolls and leave"
